my story

[munchkin1982]

maybe i was a little harsh after the day i've had but sometimes certain things can be taken in the wrong way. i just wasn't overly keen on the generalistic comment on "obese" people... I didn't mean to offend anyone. xx

 

[Heulyn]

Munchkin, I fully agree with you on the obese comment!

I'm a size 18 as it is, and I'm no more likely to need a C Section than anyone else.
I think perhaps our man here needs to stop trawling the internet, and see someone for professional advice.
The only thing that can be done is wait and see, sorry. :shrug:

 

[Princess81]

I think that you need to go to the next scan and ask the sonographer for exact dates AND likely dates of conception.

I understand you feel like knowing the child is yours could tip you over the edge, however, surely it is best for you to know?? You can then try to work through whatever the outcome is?

If the sonographer tells you that conception date was before you slept with her then it puts your mind at rest, and well, if the sonographer confirms the dates as being likely for you being the dad then you have time to come to terms with it?

 

[FebMum2Be]

No hun you weren't harsh, but I'm sure he didn't mean to offend anyone I'm sure after he's seen that the way he put it wasn't appreciated he won't say it again, and tbh I think the word "obese" is thrown around too easily by doctors.. I personally don't think of a woman with a size 16-18 frame as obese I'm a 14, so am not that far off.. My SIL's LO was classed as morbidly obese and he was nothing more than a chubby baby, which babies are supposed to be lol xx

 

[Princess81]

obese is used far to loosely - my fella's classed as obese but its (mostly) muscle so you can't go on it really. You gotta feel sorry for the fella surrounded by all these women, I don't envy him.

 

[Sam's Mum]

I'm so sorry this is all causing you so much stress I agree I'd ask to go to the next scan - I don't think the weeks are printed on scan pictures, but estimated due dates (and therefore how far along she is) will be noted at the scan.

The last period doesn't mean much as some women do have very irregular cycles or months without periods, but if that is the case with her the chance of her prediction whenshemight ovulate, collecting sperm from a condom and successfully inseminating herself at the right time is incredibly unlikely. When you're actually trying to conceive you start to realise that it's not easy, and that many months of having sex every day at exactly the right time often isn't enough - so either she's lying to you or you've been very, very unlucky. If I had lots of money I'd be willing to bet most of it on the former.

 

[worried_guy]

I'm so sorry this is all causing you so much stress I agree I'd ask to go to the next scan - I don't think the weeks are printed on scan pictures, but estimated due dates (and therefore how far along she is) will be noted at the scan.

The last period doesn't mean much as some women do have very irregular cycles or months without periods, but if that is the case with her the chance of her prediction whenshemight ovulate, collecting sperm from a condom and successfully inseminating herself at the right time is incredibly unlikely. When you're actually trying to conceive you start to realise that it's not easy, and that many months of having sex every day at exactly the right time often isn't enough - so either she's lying to you or you've been very, very unlucky. If I had lots of money I'd be willing to bet most of it on the former.

Thanks for the replys everyone.

Please let me apologise for the obese comments, I am not very tactful at times and I honestly dont mean to offend anyone here that is the last thing I want. I read stuff on the internet as I am worried and I realise now some of it may not be true. I guess that this is not true? A few of you have said you are classed as obese at size 16-18 I think she is way bigger than that. I will stop going on about weight now though as it may not be that relevant and I will probably offend people.

I think I will ask her if I can attend her next scan, Im not sure she will reply as she ignored my last few texts. I havn't contaced her in a few days. However thinking positively and rationally, like you say with her irregular period and hence being hard to predict when she is ovulating I would be VERY unlucky for her to get pregnant by her self inseminating herself in this way. Also she has had ten miscarriages since 2003, that is OVER one a year. So she has had no problem getting pregnant in the past from other men and suggests she has had a lot of UNPROTECTED sex in the past and probably even around when I met her. I probablys made a good impressin on her when we met, im well spoken, decent looking have my own car etc so it is handy for her to claim it is mine.

Also when I first asked her who else she had slept with she mentioned one other guy (mentioned him by first name), but then said the dates dont add up to be his. Then went 'but it doesn't really matter as I will be bringing it up by myself'. Now to me, I am thinking why even mention this other guy if there is NO CHANCE he was the father? I think he could well be the father and could have well had unprotected sex with her, maybe on a few occasions. I remember something else as well that came back to me recently, she definately told me she could not get pregnant before we had sex. Someone may have bought this but I still decided to wear a condom for peace of mind. I fear she used the contents from this shortly afterwards but like I say chances would be lower than if I ejaculated into her, some say much lower.

 

[Emmamb]

I think u should speak to someone...ur parents perhaps? Or even a friend? U don't have to tell ppl all the info about her but u could give them all the pregnancy details etc. I just think that talkin face to face with someone will help lift the weight off ur shoulders a bit.

I don't think her baby is urs...the dates don't add upp,the chance of self insmination from a condom is slim,and she wouldn't b booked in for a c section already,regardless of size. I have a high bmi and ended up with csection last time due to breech baby but the consultant is still pushing for a natural delivery this time. I think she is further on than she's told u xx

 

[worried_guy]

I think u should speak to someone...ur parents perhaps? Or even a friend? U don't have to tell ppl all the info about her but u could give them all the pregnancy details etc. I just think that talkin face to face with someone will help lift the weight off ur shoulders a bit.

I don't think her baby is urs...the dates don't add upp,the chance of self insmination from a condom is slim,and she wouldn't b booked in for a c section already,regardless of size. I have a high bmi and ended up with csection last time due to breech baby but the consultant is still pushing for a natural delivery this time. I think she is further on than she's told u xx

Thanks for the reply Emmamb. I think she is also further on than she says. It may be that the doctor told her she may need a c-section but the way she said it to me was that 'I will be having a c-section in january'. I cant talk to my family about this I am so scared of their reaction, also my dad has ill health and I do not want to burdon him with this. My mother is a worrier like myself, I know if I put this on her she will have a hard time dealing with this as she cares for me a lot (I must sound like a right mummys boy). My parents are nice people, they would not be angry at me, well maybe a little, its just why make them suffer mentally like I am until I know for sure?

I suppose I want to confide in a doctor or a nurse or someone like that and get their opinions and thoughts. However I don't really think I would be able to in these circumstances. I admit I am probably driving myself crazy with this.

 

[cherelle]

Hi

Sorry to hear about your situation. I work in the social field and i dont know if many people are aware of this but drinking heavily/taking drugs etc is actually classed as neglect to an unborn child. I would say get in touch with social services maybe? I imagine she needs help and shouldnt be abusing her body while pregnant whether this is your baby or not x

 

[Sol]

Sorry to add to the confusion WG but I had my last period the end of April and am due 4th Feb that why asked about the dates hun. Doesn't seem to quite add up sorry xxx

Thanks Sol, yeah people pointing things out like this has been very helpful. Being a guy I guess I don't know about this stuff I just go off what I have read. It is useful hearing it from yourself and the others, because I find it very relevant and useful as you all know what you are talking about. I hope you do not find this question too personal SOL but what date did you conceive?

I hope the reply I give isn't to exact lol

Bank holiday weekend hun or certainly the first week of May

Also I am clinically obese and I ave been told by my consultant there is a slightly higher risk of needing a c section (basically bigger women are more likely to have bigger babies). This isn't always the case but it is something that is a possibility.
After speaking to some of the nurses ( I wanted to be prepared for a tongue lashing from a consultant) round the hospital there are a few other things associated with larger ladies and that's things to do with the amount of fat carried and where. For instance (sorry to be graphic) a lady with large thighs may have problems opening her legs wide enough to allow baby to be delivered in the normal way. Now I know this is extreme but I just wanted to give an idea of what can problems may occur that are maybe not thought of.

WG I do think at the moment your best off having a chat with someone and working it all through in your head. In all fairness although the internet can be a great way to get information it can also be a hinderence as there is so much conflicting information too. Good Luck hun xxxxxx

 

[misty]

i real feel for you worried guy! the chance thou are so slim its unreal, it honestly takes people years to concieve with lots of planning ect...either u are the unluckiest guy eva or she is telling porkies an was already in the first stages of prgenancy wen u slept togetha?

i am thou worried about your mental state, i really feel you should go to doc and talk to him he will also give u advice mayb some sleeping tablets which u cud take for a couple of days get sum rest and sort ur head out! then speak to the girl calmy befriend her an try to get to the bottom of this! also ask for a paternity test before birth!

i am however disgraced that this girl wud do this without ur permission i totally understand the desperation of many women, but surely if a guy has wrapped up, and said he doesnt want a relationship or kids? she should not be able to this legally??? it is against your human rights surely???this is wrong on every level, this what sperm donors are for?? good luk!!

 

[worried_guy]

i real feel for you worried guy! the chance thou are so slim its unreal, it honestly takes people years to concieve with lots of planning ect...either u are the unluckiest guy eva or she is telling porkies an was already in the first stages of prgenancy wen u slept togetha?

i am thou worried about your mental state, i really feel you should go to doc and talk to him he will also give u advice mayb some sleeping tablets which u cud take for a couple of days get sum rest and sort ur head out! then speak to the girl calmy befriend her an try to get to the bottom of this! also ask for a paternity test before birth!

i am however disgraced that this girl wud do this without ur permission i totally understand the desperation of many women, but surely if a guy has wrapped up, and said he doesnt want a relationship or kids? she should not be able to this legally??? it is against your human rights surely???this is wrong on every level, this what sperm donors are for?? good luk!!

Thanks Misty, I am thinking of making an appointment with a doctor to explain my anxiety problems, I could also get their medical opinion on the situation as well.

I agree I would have to have been very unlucky to get her pregnant as she could not have known her ovulation dates with her clearly irregular cycle.

 

[Toonlass]

OMG I have just read this entire thread and I am gob smacked that anyone would do this. I really feel for you chick! If someone had tricked me like this I would be calling them every name under the sun! She is clearly disturbed and I don't think there are ANY excuses for her actions, miscarrages or not!

And by the way ladies obese people (that includes me by NHS standards) ARE more likely to have sections, not because of their size as such but more to do with gestational diabetes and other conditions. Go easy on the dude, he has said nothing to deliberatly cause offence and to be fair if he wanted a good rant I think he deserves it xx

 

[beth1234]

I stumbled across this thread and i have to say i am deeply shocked! What gives this woman the right to force you into fatherhood!?

If you ask me, something is definently up with her story! Either, she was already pregnant.. Or this baby isnt yours.
Did you ask her how she could be pregnant if you used a condom and it didnt split?
This type of thing should absoloutly be illegal, shes clearly unstable!

I hope things get sorted for your sake.

 

[MrsR]

First I'm going to say something you won't want to hear but bear with it for now. Ok here goes:
Many gay couples who want to have children and obv don't want to participate in physical sex use condoms to collect the donors sperm to inject as huge amounts of sperm can be collected and injected. This is done in this circumstance with the donors permission.
Now for the big BUT-
BUT this technique is best done over the time of ovulation (think in terms of trying to conceive couples will usually try to have sex every day or every other day for about a week around the time the woman is ovulating) and unless she knew EXACTLY when she was ovulating and managed to find someone to have sex with (you) and injected the sperm at the right time then the chances of this working is very slim.

I would put my money on this not being your baby. I know someone has mentioned for you to request DNA testing before the baby arrives but due to the risks surrounding this procedure I would imagine that she would refuse and I don't know any nhs doctors that would do this. I know it's a long time to wait without knowing but I'm afraid you'll probably have to wait until the baby is born for DNA testing.

I would definately speak to your doctor about how this is affecting you. Also I don't know if it would help or make any difference but perhaps contact social services. I don't know if they can do anything to help you but if you give them all the information maybe they can get in contact with her and make sure that she is looking after herself and the baby?

If you don't feel you can talk to your doctor maybe you could contact the Samaritans?

Good luck.

 

[amyjayne77]

....And also, if this woman was absolutely sure this baby was yours, wouldn't she be on your back non stop. If you have a good job,car... etc she'd have already brought up maintenance wouldn't she? Chances are she doesn't know who the dad is by the sounds of it....?

This is an awful story and I can't believe this woman is so flippant regarding the parentage of her baby and subjecting you to months of torment!! Good luck!! x

 

[MrsR]

....And also, if this woman was absolutely sure this baby was yours, wouldn't she be on your back non stop. If you have a good job,car... etc she'd have already brought up maintenance wouldn't she? Chances are she doesn't know who the dad is by the sounds of it....?

This is an awful story and I can't believe this woman is so flippant regarding the parentage of her baby and subjecting you to months of torment!! Good luck!! x

Not necessarily if all she wanted was a baby she might not care about maintenance or the father being there etc? I never claimed maintenance for my DD as I wanted her biological dad to have nothing to do with us (I didn't get pg on purpose or anything or trick him into it, there is other reasons I didn't want him around) she sounds like a nutter so it might be that she's got what she wanted and wants nothing to do with the father whether she knows who it is or not.

 

[amyjayne77]

I didn't mean to generalise or anything, I just thought it was possible that a woman as twisted as to do this had the potential to be a total nut job regarding these issues. x

 

[MrsR]

I didn't mean to generalise or anything, I just thought it was possible that a woman as twisted as to do this had the potential to be a total nut job regarding these issues. x

Sorry chick I didn't mean to come across blunt! Sometimes I don't think about how blunt I can be x hugs x tbh I agree with you she is def twisted and 100% capable of anything! Sorry again hon x