my story

[sexyamy2005]

I have decided to see a doctor about my stress levels.

Also, doing some research about sperm collection etc (guess this shows how paranoid I am) It recomemnds people do not use normal latex condoms to collect samples as latex is TOXIC to sperm. It says people should use a special condom to collect a sample. I used a latex condom when we had sex.

Also, I read that lubricants can also damage sperm, the extra-safe brand I used contained 'extra lube' both on inside and out. I guess this would further minimize the chances of her getting pregnant in this way.

It also says people should not have sex to collect the sample, but to masterbate sorry if that is tmi but I found it interesting.

"This sample is collected through masturbation, and must be collected into a container that is not toxic to sperm, or by using a special condom designed for semen collection (latex condoms alter sperm viability, especially if they are lubricated). Patients should be discouraged from attempting to collect a sample through intercourse as coitus interruptus is not a recommended, or reliable, means for sample collection"

sounds like she was either really lucky with ur super sperm.... or she is taking you for a ride and maybe a lot better daddy to be than the real guy.

Thanks, yeah I think so. When we met we only talked briefly before we done the deed, but she did ask me about my job, if I had my own place etc. She also has a history of mental problems and has tried to take her life in the past she has since informed me. I mean I guess I really did pick one, and this is a reason never to have a one night stand as you just dont really know what the person is like.

Also it could be that she is not even in contact with the real father anymore, I mean if she met him offline he could have just deleted her etc and never spoke to her again. The fact I actually replied to her and kept in contact and even believed her probable lies means she has just kept up with it.

yup sounds like ur right on track with picking a "bad" one, i guess if she wanted a baby that badly, she wouldnt of stayed in touch and because u seam like a nice guy she thought "oh hang on a minuite, good job, etc il tell him its his"

i really feel for ya hun,

how did it go at the docs?

xxx

 

[worried_guy]

I think her living arrangement aren't really that bad. If you are waiting for council housing after the baby is born you are normally moved to a hostel till somewhere is available. So her being in a hostel isn't that uncommon.

However her drug use etc is. If this baby turns out to be yours and you have done nothing to help her during the pregnancy the baby could have loads of problems. And if i was in that situation even the smallest chance this baby was mine minimal to none... I wouldn't want the baby to suffer in anyway!

I really think you should consider trying to at least be there for her and the baby. Say to her if she thinks the baby is yours then you want a part in its life. and therefore you have a say in what she does whilst she is pregnant. In theory if she has had so many miscarries so close together and she was sooo desperate for another... she should be willing to do everything to make this a sticky baby and make it through to full term.

Obviously the overall choice is yours on how much involvement but i'd wanna know i was doing everything i can to make sure the baby is healthy whether or not it was mine.... but that might just be my mother instincts...

Either way, its not a decision to take lightly. Every move will have a consequence! It's just finding out which ones are worth taking.

Good Luck.

I never noticed this, I find that very interesting. The reason being that when I spoke to her about 1-2 weeks after we had sex on the social networking site she mentioned she was now in a hostel. This would have been before she found out she was pregnant if it was mine.

 

[worried_guy]

I have decided to see a doctor about my stress levels.

Also, doing some research about sperm collection etc (guess this shows how paranoid I am) It recomemnds people do not use normal latex condoms to collect samples as latex is TOXIC to sperm. It says people should use a special condom to collect a sample. I used a latex condom when we had sex.

Also, I read that lubricants can also damage sperm, the extra-safe brand I used contained 'extra lube' both on inside and out. I guess this would further minimize the chances of her getting pregnant in this way.

It also says people should not have sex to collect the sample, but to masterbate sorry if that is tmi but I found it interesting.

"This sample is collected through masturbation, and must be collected into a container that is not toxic to sperm, or by using a special condom designed for semen collection (latex condoms alter sperm viability, especially if they are lubricated). Patients should be discouraged from attempting to collect a sample through intercourse as coitus interruptus is not a recommended, or reliable, means for sample collection"

sounds like she was either really lucky with ur super sperm.... or she is taking you for a ride and maybe a lot better daddy to be than the real guy.

Thanks, yeah I think so. When we met we only talked briefly before we done the deed, but she did ask me about my job, if I had my own place etc. She also has a history of mental problems and has tried to take her life in the past she has since informed me. I mean I guess I really did pick one, and this is a reason never to have a one night stand as you just dont really know what the person is like.

Also it could be that she is not even in contact with the real father anymore, I mean if she met him offline he could have just deleted her etc and never spoke to her again. The fact I actually replied to her and kept in contact and even believed her probable lies means she has just kept up with it.

yup sounds like ur right on track with picking a "bad" one, i guess if she wanted a baby that badly, she wouldnt of stayed in touch and because u seam like a nice guy she thought "oh hang on a minuite, good job, etc il tell him its his"

i really feel for ya hun,

how did it go at the docs?

xxx

Thanks amy, I never went to the docs in the end, I guess I am just coping by myself. The nature of the questions she asked me when we met seem very interesting now although I did think twice about it at the time. Asking about my job, money etc if I wanted kids, telling me she cant get pregnant etc.

 

[FebMum2Be]

Are you feeling better within yourself now? It's so important that you talk about things and not bottle them up... Esp when you're so stressed

 

[worried_guy]

Are you feeling better within yourself now? It's so important that you talk about things and not bottle them up... Esp when you're so stressed

Hi FebMum2Be

I am feeling better thankyou, I honestly think the child is very unlikely to be mine and I am so grateful to everyone on the forum helping me through this. I do tend to bottle things up and it is good to talk about things as I have found this whole thing so stressfull.

I think the women involved is very mentally unstable and I have cut all ties with her, I just want to get on with my life again and use this has a huge turning point and learning curve x

 

[Sol]

glad to see your feeling a bit better WG xxx

 

[FebMum2Be]

I'm glad to hear that you are coping a bit better, if I'm being honest.. I don't think you will be able to have a clean slate unless you know for sure, are you still thinking of getting a DNA? I mill over everything, maybe it's just me but I would definitely want confirmation.. The chances are about 0.01% in my opinion.. You sound very positive about everything which is good

 

[worried_guy]

I'm glad to hear that you are coping a bit better, if I'm being honest.. I don't think you will be able to have a clean slate unless you know for sure, are you still thinking of getting a DNA? I mill over everything, maybe it's just me but I would definitely want confirmation.. The chances are about 0.01% in my opinion.. You sound very positive about everything which is good

I will get DNA if she contacts me again and still claims I am the father, I will always wonder about this but I have to think of the probabilites rather than the possiblities. I also mill over everything, I am a worrier. So much stress is not good for my well being so I try to think positive. Thankyou for your support, I certainly will not sleep with anyone again unless it is someone I truley love and can trust after getting to know them over a long time x

 

[Sam's Mum]

I'd contact her again when you think she'll have had the baby anyway and ask for a DNA test or you'll always have doubts, even though it seems so unlikely that the baby could possibly be yours - I think if you do contact her then when she's had months to think about what she's done she might admit that someone else is the father, knowing that you'll find out for certain anyway with a test. Glad you're feeling a bit better about it all x

 

[worried_guy]

I'd contact her again when you think she'll have had the baby anyway and ask for a DNA test or you'll always have doubts, even though it seems so unlikely that the baby could possibly be yours - I think if you do contact her then when she's had months to think about what she's done she might admit that someone else is the father, knowing that you'll find out for certain anyway with a test. Glad you're feeling a bit better about it all x

Yeah I guess I might do, it does still play on my mind a lot. I guess the fact I left the condom at her place will always haunt me (what cuts me up inside is that I actually did think about taking it with me but I did not want to put it in my pocket as I thought it was a bit disgusting), she saw me looking about with it as if I didnt know what to do, then offered to dispose of it, I left shortly afterwards. if only I had took it with me my stress levels would be hugely decreased.

What also annoys me is that I think she was already pregnant in my opinion, and is getting a kick out of saying the child is mine and loving the attention. It is like a game to her, but she is playing with my life. I don't know how anyone can be so evil to do this to someone. The chances it is mine have to be very slim and that is the only thing keeping me going.

 

[worried_guy]

Hi Guys thanks again for all your support it has helped me cope mentally with the stress this has caused me.

I have began thinking about something a lot, I think it is very interesting. It very much supports the idea that this woman was already pregnant. I have been reading and researching up on how if a woman is pregnant (in the uk) and has nowehere to stay she can get put into a hostel almost straight away.

When I met the woman in question she was in a rundown house, maybe she was renting, maybe it was not even her place. Anyway it could not have been more than two weeks later when she told me she was now staying in a hostel. (I asked her how she was as I thought it strange that I had not heard from her again after our encounter) I remember thinking it was odd she was now living there but did not question her further on it.

Now it is my theory that she got put into the hostal because she was pregnant. If that was the case, the fact I remember it being shortly afterwards she told me this from when we had sex makes me think a lot. It makes me think she is further along than she says. It makes me think that if she was put in this hostel due to being pregnant it cannot possably mean I am the father becuase she was in it less than two weeks after we had sex. She also did not tell me she was pregnant until 7 weeks after when we had sex.

Now I may just be clinging at straws now but does anyone else think there is anything in this?

 

[Heulyn]

Now I may just be clinging at straws now but does anyone else think there is anything in this?

There may well be hun, but at the end of the day, you're not going to get a definitive answer until the baby is born and a DNA/Paternity test is done....
All this is only making you fret more, surely?

 

[isobel84]

"I will get DNA if she contacts me again and still claims I am the father"

"Originally Posted by Sam's Mum
I'd contact her again when you think she'll have had the baby anyway and ask for a DNA test or you'll always have doubts"

"Yeah I guess I might do, it does still play on my mind a lot"

surely if there is any chance you are the father (which it is) you HAVE to do a DNA?
Im sorry but if she dont contact you again you only "might" do a DNA?

It really annoyes me that this child might grow up not knowing you as a dad becouse none of you or the mother could be arsed to sort things out.
i know there is a small chance but if any chance atall - it needs to be sorted out. It might be a part of you and i dont care how you feel about it, when it comes to an innocent child that never asked to be born in to this world.

 

[worried_guy]

"I will get DNA if she contacts me again and still claims I am the father"

"Originally Posted by Sam's Mum
I'd contact her again when you think she'll have had the baby anyway and ask for a DNA test or you'll always have doubts"

"Yeah I guess I might do, it does still play on my mind a lot"

surely if there is any chance you are the father (which it is) you HAVE to do a DNA?
Im sorry but if she dont contact you again you only "might" do a DNA?

It really annoyes me that this child might grow up not knowing you as a dad becouse none of you or the mother could be arsed to sort things out.
i know there is a small chance but if any chance atall - it needs to be sorted out. It might be a part of you and i dont care how you feel about it, when it comes to an innocent child that never asked to be born in to this world.

Thanks for the responses

If she contacts me again and maintains it is mine I will definately request a paternity test, the thing is she may not contact me again because I said when the child is born I would definately want one if she expects any financial support from me.

I did ask to meet her again so we could talk (so I could study the scan pics better although I did not tell her this) she said there is no point as I am keeping the baby and I will only try and persuade her not too etc, she was saying similar before I met her the first time.

I think the hostel thing is very interesting, When I met up with her that time she was with a friend (a single mum with three young kids). I think she must have met her at the hostel and I believe it offered assistance to young mothers/pregnant women. I have emailed the hostel itself asking this and am currently waiting for a reply (i think it must be the one as it is a small town and I found it on google).

Anyway, the reason I am banging on about this is because she moved in here about 1 week after we had sex. certainly no more than 2 weeks afterwards. I remember because i spoke to her on the social network site about a week after this and she mentioned she was now living in a hostel (I think I may have asked her if she wanted to do it again sometime and that was her response saying she couldnt because she was in a hostel now-yes I know what the hell is wrong with me but that is how she mentioned it) When I met her she was in a run down council type house, it may not have even been hers. I researched and found this on the net- written by a hostel service officer.

"The council will have a duty towards you if you are pregnant and will place you into an hostel straight away if you are homeless they won't make you wait until the baby is born!

You will need to present as homeless at your local office where they will interview you and discuss the reason for you being homeless - in your case due to a relationship breakdown with your Mum. After that you will be in the hostel for probably around 3 months although possibly longer if you have high support needs and depending what housing is available in your area.

You will have a keyworker at your hostel who will help you with the move-on process and give you any help you need with regards to benefits/parenting skills/budgeting etc and you will also have access to midwifes health workers etc through the hostel. You can also get continued support after you have been rehoused if you still feel you need it"

I think this points to her already being pregnant, along with other things such as 'c-section in january' when her due date should be feb 12th (saying this at 16 weeks) and having 3 different scan pics at different dates at 16 weeks.

 

[isobel84]

or shes maybe just not intrested to see you as you keept on about her getting rid of it. Maybe she dont want the stress from you and maybe she dont care about your money and think that she have told you you are the father and leaves it up to you to be involved when baby is here or not.

As i said before, i know its a small chance but perhaps you are the dad, perhaps shes not lying atall and maybe you are just trying to convince yourself that your not so you wont have to take any responsebileties.

if everything you are saying about her is true, that she tricked you or that shes just trying to get money of you, then yeah, its out of order and i cant belive someone would do that to someone else.
But i dont think any better about you when you ACCUALLY slept with her, have been told your the dad and you still trying to get out of it and might not even do a test.

i think its disguasting. I know you have all these girls supporting you, but that child deserve to know and i think your way of thinking is so wrong. Too easy for dads to get out of it.

 

[LouiseB]

You know... i think i have read about this situation before somewhere else.

I was just wondering what your angle is.

Sure you're upset, but what element of the whole situation is it that upsets you the most?

I am kind of getting the feeling that it is all about you not wanting to pay child support, which is really unfortunate.

I mean, if you was worried about her being obese and taking drugs etc and the lifestyle that potentially your own child would be exposed to - well, you could always get full custody...

I know there are plenty of women that would be deemed unsuitable mothers by society, but the reason they still have the children is normally because the father abandoned them in that situation.

You sound like you would be happy to leave a child that is possibly your own to live in a hostel with a women that you have nothing but contemp for as long as you aren't held financially accountable.

Also, i am wondering just how sure you are that the only way she got pregnant was self insemination. Maybe the condom had a puncture otherwise invisible to the eye? Maybe semen overflowed? Maybe you made a rookie error and had precum on your hands, her hands or inside her?

Any man who got a women pregnant from inproper use or a fault in the condom would still be 100% responsible for the child, just because he didn't want a baby and tried to avoid it happening doesn't make him unaccountable for his actions.

I think you should definately pursue it and find out if there is a child that you should take responsibly for and rescue from a seemingly unstable mother.

 

[isobel84]

You know... i think i have read about this situation before somewhere else.

I was just wondering what your angle is.

Sure you're upset, but what element of the whole situation is it that upsets you the most?

I am kind of getting the feeling that it is all about you not wanting to pay child support, which is really unfortunate.

I mean, if you was worried about her being obese and taking drugs etc and the lifestyle that potentially your own child would be exposed to - well, you could always get full custody...

I know there are plenty of women that would be deemed unsuitable mothers by society, but the reason they still have the children is normally because the father abandoned them in that situation.

You sound like you would be happy to leave a child that is possibly your own to live in a hostel with a women that you have nothing but contemp for as long as you aren't held financially accountable.

Also, i am wondering just how sure you are that the only way she got pregnant was self insemination. Maybe the condom had a puncture otherwise invisible to the eye? Maybe semen overflowed? Maybe you made a rookie error and had precum on your hands, her hands or inside her?

Any man who got a women pregnant from inproper use or a fault in the condom would still be 100% responsible for the child, just because he didn't want a baby and tried to avoid it happening doesn't make him unaccountable for his actions.

I think you should definately pursue it and find out if there is a child that you should take responsibly for and rescue from a seemingly unstable mother.

THANK YOU for that.
Im not so good with words but this is sort of what my point was.

 

[worried_guy]

I think you are missing the point, this is not about child support. This is about me thinking this woman is taking me for a ride and wanting to know if she is having my child as I have no one else to turn to. If I really was the type of person you clearly think I am I would not give a shit and not lose any sleep over this but this has caused me so much anguish. I had sex with a woman one time and used a condom properley, I know a baby is still possable but I just wanted second opinions on this.

I am not trying to be a victim, I am just telling things from my point of view I know a lot of woman would maybe quickly judge me as a typical man in this situation though.

I am very careful when using condoms, probablys more so than the average guy as I am the nervous type. I did not finger her or have any on my fingers etc, I never put it on inside out first etc,not leaked at the base as I grip the bottom when I withdraw. I checked there were no breaks etc, Yeah I know there is a chance something could have happened like a microscopic hole or something just I am trying to be rational.

Anyway, what has happened has happened so I will just have to deal with it

 

[worried_guy]

You know... i think i have read about this situation before somewhere else.

I was just wondering what your angle is.

Sure you're upset, but what element of the whole situation is it that upsets you the most?

I am kind of getting the feeling that it is all about you not wanting to pay child support, which is really unfortunate.

I mean, if you was worried about her being obese and taking drugs etc and the lifestyle that potentially your own child would be exposed to - well, you could always get full custody...

I know there are plenty of women that would be deemed unsuitable mothers by society, but the reason they still have the children is normally because the father abandoned them in that situation.

You sound like you would be happy to leave a child that is possibly your own to live in a hostel with a women that you have nothing but contemp for as long as you aren't held financially accountable.

Also, i am wondering just how sure you are that the only way she got pregnant was self insemination. Maybe the condom had a puncture otherwise invisible to the eye? Maybe semen overflowed? Maybe you made a rookie error and had precum on your hands, her hands or inside her?

Any man who got a women pregnant from inproper use or a fault in the condom would still be 100% responsible for the child, just because he didn't want a baby and tried to avoid it happening doesn't make him unaccountable for his actions.

I think you should definately pursue it and find out if there is a child that you should take responsibly for and rescue from a seemingly unstable mother.

That hurt me a lot, If it is my child I would hate this to happen. Like I say that is why I am so worried. This woman is the last person in the world I would want to have a child with. Yes, I should not have slept with her but I had no idea this would happen, I have learned a serious lesson. Anyway I think I will stop posting and try and resolve this with the dna test.

thanks for the replies

 

[Cantstop]

What strikes me as most fishy about this whole saga is why a, and I'm paraphrasing from what you've said, handsome, caring, affluent catch is doing trawling the internet to hook up with obese scumbags for sex :S

But yeah as you and everyone else has said, although it sounds highly unlikely you are the pappy, all you can do is wait until it's born and have the test, no point torturing yourself with the whats and hows.