my story

[amyjayne77]

Lol, don't apologise, I was just thinking out loud. My hubby's ex got preg on purpose (on a one nite stand also) with the sole intention of being kept. He stood by her, bought a house for them and she later told him she only had the 2nd to keep the 1's company when she dumped him!! (lol and don't worry, i did tell him he could have prevented things iykwim!!)

I'm just speaking from vague experience which I know is a completely different scenario to worried guys but just throwing the idea out there x

 

[MrsR]

You do make a good point x I def think there's gotta be more men involved in this and she doesn't know who's it is x

 

[worried_guy]

Thanks for the replys everyone, If it was not for me leaving the condom at hers I would be resting a lot easier, however I cannot help think that is what she may have done given her circumstances.

I just do not know what to think anymore, I feel so alone in this. I just did not think anybody would be capable of this. I have had sex many times and just used a condom and never got anyone pregnant, I had sex with this woman ONE time and use a condom she claims she is pregnant and I am the father. In my opinion as the condom did not split and it was a standard scenario she would HAVE to have self inseminated to have got pregnant form this incident.

The fact I left the condom at hers is haunting me it really is. She had access to it moments afterwards as I soon left. If it was not for this fact I would not be worried at all.

 

[worried_guy]

....And also, if this woman was absolutely sure this baby was yours, wouldn't she be on your back non stop. If you have a good job,car... etc she'd have already brought up maintenance wouldn't she? Chances are she doesn't know who the dad is by the sounds of it....?

This is an awful story and I can't believe this woman is so flippant regarding the parentage of her baby and subjecting you to months of torment!! Good luck!! x

She hasn't brought up maintenance no, it doesn't mean she won't once it is born though I guess. That is also an interesting point though. She told me initially that it was mine, then never bothered with me again (in fact I think she deleted my number due to her reply of 'who is this' to my text) until I got back in touch with her about a month later. She was still maintaining it was mine though.

I think there has to be more to the story though, I think she must have had unprotected sex with at least one other guy and I agree she is unsure of who the father really is.

 

[Heulyn]

Have you actually said to her, "it can't be mine, I used protection" ?
I'd love to see her answer that one, to be honest.

 

[Princess81]

You are not alone, you have us here. I do think you need someone in the "real world" to speak to though.
The chances of her getting pregnant by that are so, so slim. Yes it's not impossible but highly improbable. Plus the C sec thing in January, plus no period since February??
Look at it this way, if it wasn't your problem and you were an outsider looking in, what would you say to the person who is stressing out about it once you can assess all of the information level headedly? I'm sure you'd tell them the chances were slim, but cause it's your own problem you are just thinking on the worst case sceanario (which is natural and we woudl probably all do the same).

 

[beth1234]

I think you need to ask her the ''how can you be pregnant?'' question. See if you can get her to admit it. Women like this make me sick, id understand (NOT JUSTIFY) but understand more if you two had been together and she was trying to 'keep' you, but the fact that she barely knows you arises questions to her motive!

 

[MrsR]

If she does claim after baby is born and you tell the csa that you have serious doubts that it's yours they will arrange a DNA test to be done.

I agree with heulyn about have you told her it can't be yours since condom was in tact etc?

 

[worried_guy]

Thanks everyone

I did ask her the question of how can it be mine when I used protection, she came out with the stock reply of condoms do not work 100% of the time etc. I also said what I thought she had done online at first and she denied it, but when I suggested it in person she just quipped 'well i told you to get rid of it' (even though she did NOT say this, in fact she offered to dispose of it). She even had a smile on her face when she said this as if she wanted me to beleive that is what she had done.

I agree if I was looking in from the outside I would think that this guy is being taken for a mug and would really doubt it was his, but when you are that guy you cant help but fear the worst. Knowing there is a chance is enough to worry me a lot.

In fact when I read back through this topic, in my initial post I seemed CONVINCED it was mine, and perhaps that shows how she has manipulated me and I have been a bit naive.

Thanks for the replys again everyone I really appreciate it x

 

[Sam's Mum]

Saying that just makes it sound as if she's looking for excuses to convince you that you are the father, as you've shown her that you doubt it as you used protection. If that's what she wants I'm sure she'll come up with anything to make it seem more likely to you x

 

[beth1234]

I would put alot of money on this child not being yours. I know its hard - but try and forget about it until you have definitive proof that its yours. AND under NO circumstance should you give this woman any money, or anything infact! Although i would try and push for her to let you go to the next scan as you can ask about conception dates and such, dont tell her thats why you want to go though! You dont owe this woman anything! If you hadnt used anything then it would be a different story but you did! Keep us updated!!

 

[worried_guy]

Thanks for your replys guys, I have taken on board that the chances are the child is not mine and tried to get on with my life until the child is born. I am still worried about this but am at least starting to get back to normal a little bit. I have started sleeping a little better but my apetite is still nowhere near what it was, I have lost about a stone in weight which isnt good.

She has not been in contact with me at all, It is knid of like when she first told me. She never bothered getting back in touch with me at all until I contacted her. Then she has stopped again. It makes me question her motives for saying it is mine though.

I think she has mental problems, and needs professional help.

I am going to focus on the positives and stop focussing on the negatives.

It makes me think though, I did say I would want a paternity test if it came to that and she has never got back to me. If she does not contact me once the baby is born it could mean a) I am not the father and she knows this or b) I may be the father she just does not want anything to do with me and wants no child support. Now I hope it would be option a, but I honestly believe she is desperate for a kid so anything is possable.

Just because she is not contacting me now does not mean she will not in the future though. I decided not to text her about attending the scan, I know a lot of people suggested I try and go to it but she ignored my last couple of texts and I feel strongly that she would refuse me to go, she was really reluctant to meet up with me in the first place to prove she was pregnant. Also I think it would show her just by asking that she has me beleiving it is mine and allow her to manipulate me further (after refusing me to go to the scan).

 

[worried_guy]

Saying that just makes it sound as if she's looking for excuses to convince you that you are the father, as you've shown her that you doubt it as you used protection. If that's what she wants I'm sure she'll come up with anything to make it seem more likely to you x

Thanks for your reply, yes that is what I was thinking she seemed to be trying a bit too hard to convince me it was mine. At one point she randomly insisted it was definately mine even though I hadn't even said it wasn't during the conversion.

Someone came up with an idea which I am thinking about. I am going to create a fake profile on the social website she is on, then contact her and try and subtely weedle out some information about the pregnancy from her. Like say what she says for the due date. Anyone think this is a good idea?

 

[Princess81]

You could try it, but I think you stand a chance of fouling things up and her figuring it out.

 

[Princess81]

^^^^^ not by you getting it wrong, just by her twiggin on btw.

 

[worried_guy]

^^^^^ not by you getting it wrong, just by her twiggin on btw.

yeah I guess so, if I did that I would have to be really subtle so she would not realise.

 

[Princess81]

I think it would be a fairly difficult thing to achieve. Unless you are indending on creating a profile for someone she already knows? I doubt she'd divulge much to a stranger.

 

[isobel84]

i think it sounds abit weird to be honest.
Sounds like this woman wanted desperetly to become pregnant, did this with the condom (?) and then told you that you are the father. She dont seem to want anything from you atall so why would she lie about the baby being yours?
If its not yours and shes "after money" or something, then surely she would push it more?

its just not adding up.
if she is telling the truth and its yours, then maybe she just told you to give you the chance to be involved but when you then where quite rude to her back (telling a woman that had alot of MC to abort their child would upset anyone) she prob just thought, fuck you then i got my baby. (i do understand why you reacted the way you did tho)
i just cant see any reason for her to lie. And to behonest, cant see that that condom thing as something that would work either, it must be a 1 in a million chance to concive like that.
so for me its not adding up atall.

 

[worried_guy]

i think it sounds abit weird to be honest.
Sounds like this woman wanted desperetly to become pregnant, did this with the condom (?) and then told you that you are the father. She dont seem to want anything from you atall so why would she lie about the baby being yours?
If its not yours and shes "after money" or something, then surely she would push it more?

its just not adding up.
if she is telling the truth and its yours, then maybe she just told you to give you the chance to be involved but when you then where quite rude to her back (telling a woman that had alot of MC to abort their child would upset anyone) she prob just thought, fuck you then i got my baby. (i do understand why you reacted the way you did tho)
i just cant see any reason for her to lie. And to behonest, cant see that that condom thing as something that would work either, it must be a 1 in a million chance to concive like that.
so for me its not adding up atall.

Thanks for the reply, thats what is confusing me her motive, it could become clear later on if she asks for money but she hasn't been pestering me so far at all. Maybe the real father wanted nothing to do with her so she is saying I am the father so I will support her through it? I think the condom thing, although unlikeley is still possable which I find a worry. Maybe she just likes the attention? I honestly feel she is a bit mentally unstable and gets off on telling lies. I don't think I will do the fake profile thing anymore as it is a bit wierd although I think it could maybe work.

 

[setdse]

I think you need to just befriend her. If it turns out this baby is yours (i don't think it is) and you have stayed away and not helped during the pregnancy you might end up regretting you didn't help her a lot.


Don't be fake about it. I know thats easy to say but think about it.... if it is your's do you want to be a part of this babies life?

If you do then tell her you want to help. She might start to let you in... and there for giving you a better chance of finding out the truth.

I really do feel for you.