my story

[worried_guy]

I think you need to just befriend her. If it turns out this baby is yours (i don't think it is) and you have stayed away and not helped during the pregnancy you might end up regretting you didn't help her a lot.


Don't be fake about it. I know thats easy to say but think about it.... if it is your's do you want to be a part of this babies life?

If you do then tell her you want to help. She might start to let you in... and there for giving you a better chance of finding out the truth.

I really do feel for you.

Thanks setdse, If it was mine I would want to be part of the childs life, it is a part of me afterall. I find it quite difficult to think a child that is half me could be brought up by this woman and have such a life, I would feel so responsible. I just pray that the child is not mine, a lot of people have said they don't think it would be and the odds are against it which makes me feel slightly better. I can just imagine the life this child would have, I have seen how the woman lives and it makes me shudder. Yes I am an idiot and should not have slept with her etc but I felt I was responsible enough to wear a condom. (I am never meeting anyone off the internet again for casual sex, I have deleted my profile and it is not coming back trust me I want to find a genuine girl to have a relationship with who I can love)

This will probably make me look like I have lost the plot, but I did an experiment with one of the durex extra safe condoms to see if I could rip or tear it just in case that is what happened and I never realised. They are TOUGH I could not do it even when I was deliberately trying to, I eventually managed it but it took some doing. I could not do it with just my nails I had to really stretch it ridiculousley hard. There is no way any sperm was getting through there so she would have had to self inseminate if it is mine. Thing is I remember checking the condom when I withdrew and it was fine so I knew this anyway.

I am going round in circles and most people are probablys bored with this now! Thanks for listening though everyone as getting this all out instead of bottling it up has helped me and has been a kind of therapy in a way. Thanks for being so supportive, I feared everyone would think I am a typical scummy man who gets someone pregnant and flees but I am glad you can see my viewpoint as it is not like that at all. It is a traumatic time but time will tell if I am going to be a father I guess, All I can do is pray that I am not. I do want to settle down and have kids eventually, but with a woman i love, and when I feel ready and can raise a family with. This is not for a LONG time yet trust me.

thanks everyone for being supportive x

 

[Toonlass]

You seem to have really good family values hub and I agree that you are responsible for using protection

she really must have a screw loose to want to have a baby under these circumstances, especially when she lives in a hostel! It's really not the best set up to go and deliberatley get pregnant. I would honestly keep well away from her hunny, at least until you can find out if the child is yours. Why should you help her in any way after the way she has behaved. You could end up supporting her throughout her pregnancy and the baby not being yours.

Honestly, people like her make my blood boil!! Xx

 

[worried_guy]

You seem to have really good family values hub and I agree that you are responsible for using protection

she really must have a screw loose to want to have a baby under these circumstances, especially when she lives in a hostel! It's really not the best set up to go and deliberatley get pregnant. I would honestly keep well away from her hunny, at least until you can find out if the child is yours. Why should you help her in any way after the way she has behaved. You could end up supporting her throughout her pregnancy and the baby not being yours.

Honestly, people like her make my blood boil!! Xx

Thanks toonlass

Yeah I have decided to stay away from her until the child is born, if just for my state of mind than anything else. I guess I have a fear of one day a child support letter coming through the door or something like that, if it does I will get a paternity test done. The woman has a major major screw loose, so just like I would not question she would have done that with the condom, I would not question that she could well know the child is not mine and is lieing to me either.

Also before we had sex, she did ask about what I thought about kids etc (alarm bells should really have rang for me at this point I guess) and I said I did not want any till I was much older, she agreed with me on this. She also said she could not get pregnant. Anyway after this we had sex and I used a condom.

Now that conversation could mean one of two things, It could mean that she saw me as a potential father to her child and wanted to see if I would want it (from my answer she could see that I clearly didnt). Then decided she would self impregnate herself anyway. Or it could mean she was already pregnant, and by having sex with me she realised she could trick me into thinking it is mine, and then asking me this to see how I would feel about this/support her through the pregnancy.

 

[Heulyn]

she really must have a screw loose to want to have a baby under these circumstances, especially when she lives in a hostel! It's really not the best set up to go and deliberatley get pregnant.

Aha.... Will she get re-housed to a better place if she's preggers?
That could be the idea behind all this.

 

[beth1234]

she really must have a screw loose to want to have a baby under these circumstances, especially when she lives in a hostel! It's really not the best set up to go and deliberatley get pregnant.

Aha.... Will she get re-housed to a better place if she's preggers?
That could be the idea behind all this.

Your right!!! Eugh, what a pathetic excuse to bring an innocent child into the world hey!

 

[setdse]

she really must have a screw loose to want to have a baby under these circumstances, especially when she lives in a hostel! It's really not the best set up to go and deliberatley get pregnant.

Aha.... Will she get re-housed to a better place if she's preggers?
That could be the idea behind all this.

That was my thought..... There are a lot of help out there for pregnant people who need it...

WG can i ask how old you are??

 

[setdse]

oh wait i ahve just seen it... 23

 

[worried_guy]

oh wait i ahve just seen it... 23

yeah I am 23, I feel like never having sex ever again after this, my trust is completely gone and it is not worth the sheer amount of stress this has caused me. I will probablys end up going grey or bald over this the stress is unreal.

Oh and when I had sex with her, she had a house, well that is what she said it could have been a friends house I guess. The house was very delapadated though and in a rough area.

 

[setdse]

I think her living arrangement aren't really that bad. If you are waiting for council housing after the baby is born you are normally moved to a hostel till somewhere is available. So her being in a hostel isn't that uncommon.

However her drug use etc is. If this baby turns out to be yours and you have done nothing to help her during the pregnancy the baby could have loads of problems. And if i was in that situation even the smallest chance this baby was mine minimal to none... I wouldn't want the baby to suffer in anyway!

I really think you should consider trying to at least be there for her and the baby. Say to her if she thinks the baby is yours then you want a part in its life. and therefore you have a say in what she does whilst she is pregnant. In theory if she has had so many miscarries so close together and she was sooo desperate for another... she should be willing to do everything to make this a sticky baby and make it through to full term.

Obviously the overall choice is yours on how much involvement but i'd wanna know i was doing everything i can to make sure the baby is healthy whether or not it was mine.... but that might just be my mother instincts...

Either way, its not a decision to take lightly. Every move will have a consequence! It's just finding out which ones are worth taking.

Good Luck.

 

[FebMum2Be]

If I were you I would ask for a DNA test as soon as the baby is born.. If you wait around for a CSA letter possibly coming through, it will still be on your mind everyday til then and possibly way into the future wondering "was that baby mine" (even though the possibility is ridiculously low!).. Once you get that result, you can move on with your life (bringing all future condoms home with you lol) I'm glad to hear you are sleeping better, but I do think you should have a chat with someone, like your doctor.. If a few of us on here can help you, think of what a professional can do good luck xx

 

[worried_guy]

If I were you I would ask for a DNA test as soon as the baby is born.. If you wait around for a CSA letter possibly coming through, it will still be on your mind everyday til then and possibly way into the future wondering "was that baby mine" (even though the possibility is ridiculously low!).. Once you get that result, you can move on with your life (bringing all future condoms home with you lol) I'm glad to hear you are sleeping better, but I do think you should have a chat with someone, like your doctor.. If a few of us on here can help you, think of what a professional can do good luck xx

Thanks febmumtobe, yeah I will get a paternity test when the child is born. Its amazing how little things keep coming back to me though and I am becoming more convinced the child is not mine. I have detected an inconsistency in her story. When she first told me she was pregnant (on a social networking site), she said she was 7 weeks pregnant. Now it just happened to be EXACTLY seven weeks after we had sex she told me this. Now later on she is saying she is 16 weeks pregnant etc taking into account the extra 2 weeks when it is counted from (eg 14 weeks from when we had sex). So she has certainly changed the details slightly.

It does still play on my mind a lot, although I am getting a little better day by day. I honestly think she is just the type of person who craves attention and I believe that is the motive for her lieing about me being the father. She wants me to take an interest so badly I think she is desperate to make it look like I am the father. Also she did not show me her due date when we met up, if she was trying to prove I am the father why would she not have done this if the dates all added up? She said she is having a c-section in January, I mean this could have been early january for all I know when her due date if it is mine should be february 12th.

Also febmumtobe may I ask when you conceived and when you are due? hope that is not too personal.

 

[worried_guy]

I think her living arrangement aren't really that bad. If you are waiting for council housing after the baby is born you are normally moved to a hostel till somewhere is available. So her being in a hostel isn't that uncommon.

However her drug use etc is. If this baby turns out to be yours and you have done nothing to help her during the pregnancy the baby could have loads of problems. And if i was in that situation even the smallest chance this baby was mine minimal to none... I wouldn't want the baby to suffer in anyway!

I really think you should consider trying to at least be there for her and the baby. Say to her if she thinks the baby is yours then you want a part in its life. and therefore you have a say in what she does whilst she is pregnant. In theory if she has had so many miscarries so close together and she was sooo desperate for another... she should be willing to do everything to make this a sticky baby and make it through to full term.

Obviously the overall choice is yours on how much involvement but i'd wanna know i was doing everything i can to make sure the baby is healthy whether or not it was mine.... but that might just be my mother instincts...

Either way, its not a decision to take lightly. Every move will have a consequence! It's just finding out which ones are worth taking.

Good Luck.

thanks setdse, I did tell her friend that I thought her smoking was wrong and she said 'she has cut down' or some crap like that. I know what you are saying setdse but I detest this woman so much and want absolutely nothing to do with her so I cant be all nice and supportive I just cant. Obviousley if the child turned out to be mine I would be distraught but I would want the best for it.

 

[MrsR]

Even if you were to be there during the pregnancy you couldn't stop her smoking/drinking etc if she wanted to do it. I think that what matters is the truth about paternity and if you are the father you being there for the baby from day one. If you are the father I would go to court and fight for access so it's all legal and she can't change her mind on you seeing baby.

I am absolutely disgusted that a woman could do this! I hope that you understand not all women are like this freaky nutter x

 

[worried_guy]

Even if you were to be there during the pregnancy you couldn't stop her smoking/drinking etc if she wanted to do it. I think that what matters is the truth about paternity and if you are the father you being there for the baby from day one. If you are the father I would go to court and fight for access so it's all legal and she can't change her mind on you seeing baby.

I am absolutely disgusted that a woman could do this! I hope that you understand not all women are like this freaky nutter x

Thanks Helen

yeah I believe she is so set in her ways there is no changing her. I do not believe all women are like her no, thank god they arn't. I honestley believe what she is doing should be illegal, doing that with the condom if that is what she has done should be a crime although it would be hard to prove. Also if she is lieing to me, the emotional stress she has caused me is unbelievable.

 

[worried_guy]

I have decided to see a doctor about my stress levels.

Also, doing some research about sperm collection etc (guess this shows how paranoid I am) It recomemnds people do not use normal latex condoms to collect samples as latex is TOXIC to sperm. It says people should use a special condom to collect a sample. I used a latex condom when we had sex.

Also, I read that lubricants can also damage sperm, the extra-safe brand I used contained 'extra lube' both on inside and out. I guess this would further minimize the chances of her getting pregnant in this way.

It also says people should not have sex to collect the sample, but to masterbate sorry if that is tmi but I found it interesting.

"This sample is collected through masturbation, and must be collected into a container that is not toxic to sperm, or by using a special condom designed for semen collection (latex condoms alter sperm viability, especially if they are lubricated). Patients should be discouraged from attempting to collect a sample through intercourse as coitus interruptus is not a recommended, or reliable, means for sample collection"

 

[FebMum2Be]

Of course not, I was due in February last year but had my son naturally on the 26th of January, my last period before I fell pregnant was the 26th of April 2009, I conceived around day 16 of my next cycle according to various dating scans.. Which meant I conceived in the first half of May.. Which resulted my due date to be what it was.. The earliest due date I ever got was the 31st of January..

 

[sexyamy2005]

I have decided to see a doctor about my stress levels.

Also, doing some research about sperm collection etc (guess this shows how paranoid I am) It recomemnds people do not use normal latex condoms to collect samples as latex is TOXIC to sperm. It says people should use a special condom to collect a sample. I used a latex condom when we had sex.

Also, I read that lubricants can also damage sperm, the extra-safe brand I used contained 'extra lube' both on inside and out. I guess this would further minimize the chances of her getting pregnant in this way.

It also says people should not have sex to collect the sample, but to masterbate sorry if that is tmi but I found it interesting.

"This sample is collected through masturbation, and must be collected into a container that is not toxic to sperm, or by using a special condom designed for semen collection (latex condoms alter sperm viability, especially if they are lubricated). Patients should be discouraged from attempting to collect a sample through intercourse as coitus interruptus is not a recommended, or reliable, means for sample collection"

sounds like she was either really lucky with ur super sperm.... or she is taking you for a ride and maybe a lot better daddy to be than the real guy.

 

[lillie]

Christ what a story!

I think its far more likely that she was having sex with other men she had picked up on the internet, and got pregnant that way, rather than the sperm sample in a condom scenario. If you say she was talking about being on the pill and not needing a condom to you, then I'm sure she was saying that to others as well, and Im also sure that not all of them would have been so firm in using a condom as you were!

Glad to see you are getting some help with stress levels, but I'd bet my house you aren't the father.

Nothing so far is definite, from information picked up in chat rooms to her friend's gossip about miscarriages. You wont know anything for sure until you get that paternity test (if she will even have one done) It doesn't seem to me as if she cares who the father is, as long as she gets her baby.

What a position to be in, I feel for you. There are some odd people out there, and unfortuntely you've got tangled up with one! Take care of yourself.

 

[worried_guy]

Christ what a story!

I think its far more likely that she was having sex with other men she had picked up on the internet, and got pregnant that way, rather than the sperm sample in a condom scenario. If you say she was talking about being on the pill and not needing a condom to you, then I'm sure she was saying that to others as well, and Im also sure that not all of them would have been so firm in using a condom as you were!

Glad to see you are getting some help with stress levels, but I'd bet my house you aren't the father.

Nothing so far is definite, from information picked up in chat rooms to her friend's gossip about miscarriages. You wont know anything for sure until you get that paternity test (if she will even have one done) It doesn't seem to me as if she cares who the father is, as long as she gets her baby.

What a position to be in, I feel for you. There are some odd people out there, and unfortuntely you've got tangled up with one! Take care of yourself.

Thanks for the replys guys, I remember what she said to me now, she asked me about how I felt about kids (which makes me think she may have already been pregnant at the time) and I remember saying I wasnt interested til I was much older. She then said she 'could not get pregnant' for whatever reason but I distinctly remember her saying this. I reckon that was to try and get me to abandan the condom, she may have even said it when she seen I had them. However I am not a complete idiot and insisted on wearing one.

I agree I am a lot calmer now with the idea the kid is probably not even mine, I mean I am a really good catch for a woman like that (dont mean that to sound arrogant)and I have had some very bad experiences with women offline now so I am never meeting another one off their ever again. I am only interested in a relationship, it is not worth the stress and I wont let my hormones get the better off me. She would love me to be the father but I think she has been having sex with anyone and everyone and at least one would have not used a condom. Ten miscarriages suggests she has convinced people to have unprotected sex with her in the past, I think this is far more likeley than her getting pregnant from our one time encounter where I used a condom.

 

[worried_guy]

I have decided to see a doctor about my stress levels.

Also, doing some research about sperm collection etc (guess this shows how paranoid I am) It recomemnds people do not use normal latex condoms to collect samples as latex is TOXIC to sperm. It says people should use a special condom to collect a sample. I used a latex condom when we had sex.

Also, I read that lubricants can also damage sperm, the extra-safe brand I used contained 'extra lube' both on inside and out. I guess this would further minimize the chances of her getting pregnant in this way.

It also says people should not have sex to collect the sample, but to masterbate sorry if that is tmi but I found it interesting.

"This sample is collected through masturbation, and must be collected into a container that is not toxic to sperm, or by using a special condom designed for semen collection (latex condoms alter sperm viability, especially if they are lubricated). Patients should be discouraged from attempting to collect a sample through intercourse as coitus interruptus is not a recommended, or reliable, means for sample collection"

sounds like she was either really lucky with ur super sperm.... or she is taking you for a ride and maybe a lot better daddy to be than the real guy.

Thanks, yeah I think so. When we met we only talked briefly before we done the deed, but she did ask me about my job, if I had my own place etc. She also has a history of mental problems and has tried to take her life in the past she has since informed me. I mean I guess I really did pick one, and this is a reason never to have a one night stand as you just dont really know what the person is like.

Also it could be that she is not even in contact with the real father anymore, I mean if she met him offline he could have just deleted her etc and never spoke to her again. The fact I actually replied to her and kept in contact and even believed her probable lies means she has just kept up with it.