my story

[Lovisa]

I do feel sorry for you that you are in this situation and I am glad you have decided to take responsibility if the child is yours.
But like others have said people have changed once finding out that they are pregnant, so try not to be so judgemental. I know you are angry and hurting, and that this is effecting you as much as it is effecting the mother to be but try to calm down and take every day as it happens.
This has happened now and there is no way to change that. Everyone learns by their mistakes and it only makes you stronger.
I do find what she has done very wrong and unacceptable but I have heard/known women to be so desperate to do this so that they could have a child. Not considering the outcome or who they might hurt/damage in the process.

I have a friend who has been in a similar situation, his girlfriend dileberately didnt take her pill so that she could get pregnant, even though they had discussed about not being ready/waiting for a while. It was a very rocky road for him but he got there in the end.
I wish you and the mother to be all the best (obviously in different contexts)

 

[rakrak]

Hi, I'm just so shocked by this I don't really know what to say! If what you say is totally true then this girl is despicable and I understand why you feel so frustrated and cheated. And to be honest I think I'd be calling her every name under the sun if I was in your position so I don't think people slating you for slagging her off is justified!

I haven't really got any valuable advice to be honest as all you can do is wait for DNA results. At the end of the day if this child turns out to be yours then he or she will need a daddy and they are not to be blamed for this situation. It does sound suspect though, I mean most people take a while to conceive so this does sound dodgy but just hold out and be the bigger person til you know for sure.

Good luck with everything and I hope for your sake it's not yours so you can get on with your life and she can get on with hers. Maybe then you can both find partners that truely love each other and can support each othere. She sounds like shes had quite a troubled past with all the MC's so some symapthy should be held towards her for that and she could prove to be the best mum in the world at the end of the day...

 

[JJ Mum]

It's not something I would ever have done, but after 10 MC's maybee she was in a desperate mindset., no excuse , just a reason.

Well done for braving a mostly ladies website

Good luck with the test, hope you get the answer you want

 

[setdse]

aww i really felt for you when i read this.
I cant imagine anyone doing this as is very unlikely to fall pregnant.
I would say to ask her for a test... i found this on the internet....http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090819064053AATB33S dont know if it helps or not.

I really do feel for you. This must be really hard to proses. Take things slowly with her and try helping her to get back on track. If she has had 10 miscarriages and has taken sperm from a condom to make herself pregnant she must really want this baby so in theory would want it to be heathy. Offer to go to appointment with her so you stay in the loop with everything....



Can i ask how old you are???

 

[setdse]

Hi, I'm just so shocked by this I don't really know what to say! If what you say is totally true then this girl is despicable and I understand why you feel so frustrated and cheated. And to be honest I think I'd be calling her every name under the sun if I was in your position so I don't think people slating you for slagging her off is justified!
.

Well agreed here! Everyone has pointed this out so i think he understands! He needs advice and thats why he has come to us! Not to be told off!

 

[worried_guy]

Thanks guys, the support offered here truley means a lot as I still cant bring myself to talk to my friends or family about this yet. It has helped me feel better to talk about this and I have started to sleep better and feel more relaxed. I guess I am over the worst now.

I agree all I can do now is get on with my life until the baby is born, then I will get a paternity test. She said the baby is due in January by c-section when we met up, the date we had sex was 22 May. I know 9 months is the normal but due to her past this may add up if she has to have a c-section.
Does this sound right? Also when I said I thought she had planned/timed the whole thing to get pregnant she claimed she hadnt and said her last period beforehand was in february. I am not sure if these things add up so if anyone can help me here?

These are just little things I noted, just to see if I can shed any more light on possabilities.

Thanks again for the kind responses

 

[worried_guy]

Also something I did not mention that I think is relevant, when she first said I was the father it was on a social networking site in a private message. I deleted my profile in shock and laid low as I said originally in my initial post.

Then after monitering her updates etc and realised she really was preganant i got back in touch with her. I texted her as I still had her number, her reply at first was 'who is this?'. So either she never even stored my name/number in her phone (which I find doubtful) as we texted a bit in the lead up to meeting. or she deleted my number. Would you delete the number of the possable father of your child?

My theory is that due to my initail response (along the line of bullshit there is no way in hell I believe I could be the father or that u r pregnant etc) she just thought ah well he didnt buy it then deleted my number. Then went on to accuse other people.

I think I am probably looking too much into it now though.

 

[Emmamb]

C-sections r normally booked for 38 weeks ish (I think) if this is the case then she'd have to b booked in for late January (not sure if that helps u or not?)

 

[inky]

It all sounds totally suss to me! There are just too many variables that need to be in place to get pregnant, so either she's lying or you're very, very unlucky!

Did she say why she would need a section?

 

[worried_guy]

Thanks for your replys, I cannot remember the exact date she said she was due for the c-section, but it was in January and im pretty sure it wasn't the end of Jan more like in the middle.

It all sounds totally suss to me! There are just too many variables that need to be in place to get pregnant, so either she's lying or you're very, very unlucky!

Did she say why she would need a section?

Well that is my thoughts as well inky, I have spent a long time cursing my luck thinking why do I have to have good swimmers (I live a very healthy lifestyle). Thing is though she does not for the resons she has mentioned, she also said doctors told her it would be unlikely she would ever become pregnant again. So how can I be so unlucky.


However, on the other hand I have periods where I think the chances she has got pregnant in this way by me are so low she must be lying.

I mean we had sex one time (i know that is all it takes but it must reduce the odds) I used a condom that did not break or leak etc and had not been tampered with as it was mine, If she used the used condom to impregnante herself she would have to have used a lot of skill to inject the sperm correctly, and I guess some would have died/lost there motility at this point.

There is a chance though and that is what is killing me inside.

She did not say why she need the c-section, but im guessing its because of her past-the 10 miscarriages and I imagine she would have a few health problems due to her lifestyle.

 

[Emmamb]

I can't think of any reason she'd have a c-section in a 1st (healthy) pregnancy unless she has a low lying placenta (sorry if I'm wrong on this girls).
If I were u I would just try and get on with ur life until baby is born and then get a paternity test done...she hasn't wanted ur support yet in the pregnancy so havon little to do with her isn't soundin too harsh.

My ex has a child thru a 1 night stand,she told him she was pg and havin an abortion,next he heard she'd had a baby boy,he had a paternity test done and he's the paternal father and has a good relationship with his son and he has weekly contact with his brothers (my sons).

To have done what she did means she must have been pretty desperate 4 a baby but u can't turn back time. Xxxx

 

[Sol]

That would make her about 14 weeks at the moment then?

 

[worried_guy]

I can't think of any reason she'd have a c-section in a 1st (healthy) pregnancy unless she has a low lying placenta (sorry if I'm wrong on this girls).
If I were u I would just try and get on with ur life until baby is born and then get a paternity test done...she hasn't wanted ur support yet in the pregnancy so havon little to do with her isn't soundin too harsh.

My ex has a child thru a 1 night stand,she told him she was pg and havin an abortion,next he heard she'd had a baby boy,he had a paternity test done and he's the paternal father and has a good relationship with his son and he has weekly contact with his brothers (my sons).

To have done what she did means she must have been pretty desperate 4 a baby but u can't turn back time. Xxxx

Thanks EmmaB, yeah I am trying to resume my life as normal as possable but it is so hard not to constantly think about this.


Sol- it would from the date of conception. However,I have been told they count from two weeks beforehand though date of last menstration so it is plus 2 weeks making it 16 weeks) I wish I had paid more attention when i looked at the scan pics, she showed me one for 16 weeks, but i forgot to look at the date it was taken(like a complete idiot although I think it did say August)- that would mean it had literally just been done though-as it must have been bang on 16 weeks when i met up with her (a couple of days back) The dates of scans I have been going from are ones she posted online so she may have just made them up to dupe me (altho she wasnt to know I could see them as I had deleted my profile and made a fake profile to check)

Also when I deleted my profile I also deleted key information she had sent me and i never wrote it down. Basically she told me she was pregnant on 10 July. She said she had already had a scan at this point and it was confirmed. Is it normal to have a scan at this stage? i read normally its not til after 10 weeks but due to her past they may have got her one earlier. I also noticed amongst the scan pics one was dated as June. Considering we had sex on 22 May is this likely?

 

[setdse]

Also when I deleted my profile I also deleted key information she had sent me and i never wrote it down. Basically she told me she was pregnant on 10 July. She said she had already had a scan at this point and it was confirmed. Is it normal to have a scan at this stage? i read normally its not til after 10 weeks but due to her past they may have got her one earlier. I also noticed amongst the scan pics one was dated as June. Considering we had sex on 22 May is this likely?

I had a scan at 4 weeks (2 weeks from conception) and another 2 weeks later so in some circumstances they can give you early scans. my 4 weeks scan however showed very little (no heartbeat as hasn't developed yet) and very little sign of anything other that a small sack.

end of June would have been the earliest they could have done a scan to confirm it. as at my 4 week they had to go by blood tests etc to say it was a viable pregnancy.

Hope this helps a little

 

[worried_guy]

Also when I deleted my profile I also deleted key information she had sent me and i never wrote it down. Basically she told me she was pregnant on 10 July. She said she had already had a scan at this point and it was confirmed. Is it normal to have a scan at this stage? i read normally its not til after 10 weeks but due to her past they may have got her one earlier. I also noticed amongst the scan pics one was dated as June. Considering we had sex on 22 May is this likely?

I had a scan at 4 weeks (2 weeks from conception) and another 2 weeks later so in some circumstances they can give you early scans. my 4 weeks scan however showed very little (no heartbeat as hasn't developed yet) and very little sign of anything other that a small sack.

end of June would have been the earliest they could have done a scan to confirm it. as at my 4 week they had to go by blood tests etc to say it was a viable pregnancy.

Hope this helps a little

Ah right yeah it has helped shed some more light on this thanks, means she was probablys telling the truth about this then. I guess the truth is I am truly not going to know if it is mine until I get a paternity test, I guess I am desperatly searching for cracks in her story etc for my state of mind if anything so I am not so worried as this could be life changing for me.

 

[setdse]

hey i just had a thought.... You said the condom was yours....riight??
and only certain condoms dont have spermicide... right...?

Well doesnt that narrow down the cances of her finding a guy with the right condom.....at the right time....and then had time to put in to herself! :/

I think there is a high chance it isn't yours...

 

[Laura_C]

Sorry to hear your story, I think if this is what this woman has done then I think she is totally dispicable. From your conception date of 22nd May, give or take dependent on ovulation I would say she is due on 12th February with a standard cycle - which probably isn't the case if she hasn't had a period since Feb. It sounds to me like she could have been pregnant prior to you having sex, quite possibly. I am 18+3 due on 27/01/11 and my last period was 14th April with a 31 day cycle. I would certainly be suspicious if she had not had a period for 3 month before you slept together. Also the fact she is having a section possibly in the middle of January makes me think she is possibly a couple of weeks further along than she is letting on. Just a thought..

 

[Laura_C]

I would also be surprised if they have already booked her in for an elective section when she is still only around 16 weeks? I have previously had a baby with a complicated labour which ended in an emergency section and have other gynae complications and I won't even see a consultant until my 21st week of pregnancy. I could be wrong about this due to her past pregnancy problems but I would be surprised with a first baby to book her in so soon?! Anyone else shed any light on this?! Am I totally wrong?

 

[setdse]

to tell how far she is ask to see scan pics and look at the date it was taken and how far she is....that will tell you exact dates. xx

 

[worried_guy]

Sorry to hear your story, I think if this is what this woman has done then I think she is totally dispicable. From your conception date of 22nd May, give or take dependent on ovulation I would say she is due on 12th February with a standard cycle - which probably isn't the case if she hasn't had a period since Feb. It sounds to me like she could have been pregnant prior to you having sex, quite possibly. I am 18+3 due on 27/01/11 and my last period was 14th April with a 31 day cycle. I would certainly be suspicious if she had not had a period for 3 month before you slept together. Also the fact she is having a section possibly in the middle of January makes me think she is possibly a couple of weeks further along than she is letting on. Just a thought..

Thanks Laura, I am beginning to think more and more that she was already pregnant. Although when I met up with her and had a chance to prove this by gathering evidence viewing her scan pics I blew my chance by not looking at the dates properley etc. I wish I had talked to you guys for advice before I went. Basically when I went it was more that I didnt believe she was pregnant so I was focussing more on that than checking for if it was not mine. I was in such an emotional state I didnt take in all the information that I should have.

However I have gathered a little evidence for it not being mine. For instance she showed me a scan pic that she said was 16 weeks (although I did not check) on August 27th (That is when I met up with her on friday). Now if the conception date was May 22nd, adding on the 2 weeks for when the scan dates are counted from-that still would mean it would not be 16 weeks until the day after (aug 28TH). Also she couldn't have had it done that same day as well as I met her early in the morning. So that is at least 2 days before the 16 weeks. Now I remember glancing at the date of the scan and it did say August, although I cant be sure I think it was something like August 13th.

Also the fact she said she needs a c-section in January is another thing, this could be to cover the fact she was already pregnant and to stop me being suspicous about an early birth. A couple have users have pointed out they would not be told they were having a c-section till much later in the pregnancy if it was for a first baby (even if she had 10 miscarriages before 10 weeks).

Also when I was feeling devastated/angry I said that she has planned the whole thing and guess I was feeling sorry for myself. I said you arranged to meet on a day you were ovulating etc and she said 'no i didn't' then angrily showed me her maternity record and pointed at something that said her last period was in february. Again that seems suspect last period in february?

Also this last thing is probably irrelevant but checking her status update history on msn, one on May 20th says 'need to tell somebody something but do not want to hurt their feelings'. Maybe this is referring to being pregnant but I don't know.

Also I worried because she is not an attractive woman that she would not have slept with many other men. However thinking about it, she has had ten miscarriages in the past (i thought that would be bullshit but it is true as her friend confirmed it and I saw on her maternity record, and due to her irresponsible lifestyle I can also believe it) it means that she has not had trouble at all in the past getting men to sleep with her unprotected.

In fact thinking back now I am sure she told me some bullshit about being on the pill/cant get pregnant although I cant remember for definate, I remember just saying id rather use a condom for peace of mind.