PLEASE HELP: Does this sound likely?

[piglets]

LOL thanks Piglet10 i really dont know what came over me lol im not like that usually!!! x

 

[R2D2]

Just re-read what i wrote and i didnt mean to be quite so harsh but meant what i said if you know what i mean?! I just meant its a bit unfair that you are looking for any excuse to let you off the hook it seems i.e she meant to get preg and trapped you, she didnt take the map, she was preg even before you had sex with her......end of the day you did have unprotected sex and you MAY have made a baby. Sorry but once youve made a baby i believe its no longer your choice if the pregnancy continues or not- its her body and her decision. Sorry for being a bit harsh in last post- im not really a bitch!! Lets hope its some new hormones making me like it eh?!!

I don't think you're harsh. I suppose I have chosen a, let's say, sensitive place to ask for your views. Probably would get a similar response if I was a vegetarian joining a pig farmers' forum.

I get what you mean - I am looking for an excuse as I feel that otherwise I have no control over the situation. But I guess that's my fault and I got myself into this situation.

I don't think you're a bitch, at all. I'm grateful for any thoughts, even if a lynch mob do decide to have me hanged before the evening's out!

I hope you know that I am not some womaniser either who does this sort of thing regulary. I did something stupid and just wish that I could put the clock back, that's all.

Good luck with everything

 

[nik106]

Sorry if i end up repeating what other's have already said but baby brain is not allowing me to work out whether i have additional info/advice etc. I used to be smart(ish)

I have taken the MAP, but i wasn't asked to take it there and then, i was given the free choice to do so as and when i was ready. It is more effective the closer you take it to unprotected sex but can be taken within either 3 or 5 days. Like all forms of contraception, other than abstinence, its not 100% effective at any time, so it is still possible that you can get pregnant even if it has been taken.

In terms of dates (this is assuming that she has a 28 day cycle with ovulation approx 14 days before the next period), with a last period of 22nd June, she would currently be 8 weeks pregnant with a due date of around 28th March 2012. But, this is assuming she has what is considered a normal cycle. Using these dates, a reverse conception calculator says that she would have conceived on approximately 6th July. (I used http://www.mymonthlycycles.com to calculate these)

BUT, she might have a much much longer cycle, i had a 6 week cycle for several months when i fell pregnant. If she has a 6 week cycle, she would only be 6 weeks pregnant, with a due date of around 11th April 2012. The reverse calculator then says conception is approx 20th July. But these are just guidelines, not all women WILL ovulate exactly 14 days before their next period, it may be shorter or longer which will change how far into the pregnancy she is.

There's no sure way of finding out exactly when she conceived but a dating scan at the hospital will be able to work out how far into the pregnancy she is. Only a DNA test will be able to show whether or not you are definitely the father. If you can go, go to the scan with her, you will then hear from them how old they consider the baby to be. If you can't go, it usually says at the top of the scan pics in the details, so at the very least look at them for guidance.

From what i understand, a heartbeat is detectable around 5-6 weeks into pregnancy via an ultrasound scan, which most doctors will not be able to perform in their surgery, they would have to send you to an Early Pregnancy Unit, which is possible if she has already had a miscarriage, particularly if she's complained of any pain or bleeding. An external doppler is highly unlikely to pick up a heartbeat at this stage, the baby is tiny. We had an early scan at nearly 7 weeks, we saw the heartbeat, mostly what we saw on screen was a blacked out patch for the sac and a black and white flicker that was the heartbeat - it is seriously tiny, too tiny for a doppler to pick up.

Most women do see their doctors fairly quickly once they have established that they are pregnant, it is possible she had a next day appointment, and by the sounds of it she tried to get you to meet up before you actually did, so may have made the appointment earlier. We found out i was pregnant on a Sunday and phoned my GP on the Tuesday as Monday was a bank holiday who made an appointment for the Friday, i saw an emergency GP Tuesday night as i was in lots of pain who booked me in for an early scan on the Thursday. I had this scan before i'd even seen my GP. I saw the midwife for the first time the following Wednesday. Things can be actioned really fast, they don't hang around with appointments etc, if you are to continue the pregnancy, they have things that should be done at certain times within the pregnancy for example, a booking in appointment with the midwife at 10 weeks, a scan at around 12 weeks, another scan around 20 weeks and various blood tests.

I'm not going to give advice on whether i think she should have an abortion or not, that isn't my call, only you and she can make that decision, and unfortunately for you, she has the ultimate decision on this one. Its not that i'm against it, and being pregnant does not for one second change my opinion on it, i just think that everything should be weighed up and thought through thoroughly and it has to be right for the parents to be. No-one can make that decision for either of you by telling you what's right or wrong. A few months before i fell pregnant, my fiance and i decided that we weren't ready for children and that we wanted to be married first (ok, so i decided that i wanted to be married) but should i fall pregnant, we would terminate because it wasn't the right time for us. But, for some reason, when i actually did, neither of us even thought of it as a way forward, the moment we knew, our baby was for keeps. We did consider, however, what would happen if our test results came back to say that our baby was high risk for Downs or Spina Bifida and we would have terminated in those circumstances.

I will stick my nose in and offer an opinion on what you should do if she decides to keep it whilst you clearly don't - please please, if you decide you don't want anything to do with the baby, stick with that decision! Don't dip in and out of its life, i've been on the receiving end of this and quite frankly its not something i would wish on my worst enemy. You either have to be there, or not be there. My parents split up when i was 6 and my brother a young baby. My brother has had little to no contact with my dad whilst i saw him when he could be bothered to turn up. Quite often he didn't when he said he would, and he used to disappear for months, even years at a time. My brother has a close relationship with my stepdad, for all intents and purposes he is his dad, whilst i do not. My brother is secure in the knowledge that people love him, and in all honesty, its something i question daily. Probably stupid, as my mum and her family have been there every step of the way regardless of the things i've said and done, but i always have an underlying feeling that my dad doesn't love me enough and consequently other people shouldn't either.

Obviously, if at any point you changed your mind and wanted to be part of the child's life, don't ignore that want because of what i've said, but at the same time, make that step and stick with that. I guess what i'm saying is don't be an arse about it, if you don't want it fine, if you do, again fine, but don't mess them around continually. I hope i haven't offended you and that this helps you with some of the questions you have.

 

[R2D2]

Sorry if i end up repeating what other's have already said but baby brain is not allowing me to work out whether i have additional info/advice etc. I used to be smart(ish)

I have taken the MAP, but i wasn't asked to take it there and then, i was given the free choice to do so as and when i was ready. It is more effective the closer you take it to unprotected sex but can be taken within either 3 or 5 days. Like all forms of contraception, other than abstinence, its not 100% effective at any time, so it is still possible that you can get pregnant even if it has been taken.

In terms of dates (this is assuming that she has a 28 day cycle with ovulation approx 14 days before the next period), with a last period of 22nd June, she would currently be 8 weeks pregnant with a due date of around 28th March 2012. But, this is assuming she has what is considered a normal cycle. Using these dates, a reverse conception calculator says that she would have conceived on approximately 6th July. (I used http://www.mymonthlycycles.com to calculate these)

BUT, she might have a much much longer cycle, i had a 6 week cycle for several months when i fell pregnant. If she has a 6 week cycle, she would only be 6 weeks pregnant, with a due date of around 11th April 2012. The reverse calculator then says conception is approx 20th July. But these are just guidelines, not all women WILL ovulate exactly 14 days before their next period, it may be shorter or longer which will change how far into the pregnancy she is.

There's no sure way of finding out exactly when she conceived but a dating scan at the hospital will be able to work out how far into the pregnancy she is. Only a DNA test will be able to show whether or not you are definitely the father. If you can go, go to the scan with her, you will then hear from them how old they consider the baby to be. If you can't go, it usually says at the top of the scan pics in the details, so at the very least look at them for guidance.

From what i understand, a heartbeat is detectable around 5-6 weeks into pregnancy via an ultrasound scan, which most doctors will not be able to perform in their surgery, they would have to send you to an Early Pregnancy Unit, which is possible if she has already had a miscarriage, particularly if she's complained of any pain or bleeding. An external doppler is highly unlikely to pick up a heartbeat at this stage, the baby is tiny. We had an early scan at nearly 7 weeks, we saw the heartbeat, mostly what we saw on screen was a blacked out patch for the sac and a black and white flicker that was the heartbeat - it is seriously tiny, too tiny for a doppler to pick up.

Most women do see their doctors fairly quickly once they have established that they are pregnant, it is possible she had a next day appointment, and by the sounds of it she tried to get you to meet up before you actually did, so may have made the appointment earlier. We found out i was pregnant on a Sunday and phoned my GP on the Tuesday as Monday was a bank holiday who made an appointment for the Friday, i saw an emergency GP Tuesday night as i was in lots of pain who booked me in for an early scan on the Thursday. I had this scan before i'd even seen my GP. I saw the midwife for the first time the following Wednesday. Things can be actioned really fast, they don't hang around with appointments etc, if you are to continue the pregnancy, they have things that should be done at certain times within the pregnancy for example, a booking in appointment with the midwife at 10 weeks, a scan at around 12 weeks, another scan around 20 weeks and various blood tests.

I'm not going to give advice on whether i think she should have an abortion or not, that isn't my call, only you and she can make that decision, and unfortunately for you, she has the ultimate decision on this one. Its not that i'm against it, and being pregnant does not for one second change my opinion on it, i just think that everything should be weighed up and thought through thoroughly and it has to be right for the parents to be. No-one can make that decision for either of you by telling you what's right or wrong. A few months before i fell pregnant, my fiance and i decided that we weren't ready for children and that we wanted to be married first (ok, so i decided that i wanted to be married) but should i fall pregnant, we would terminate because it wasn't the right time for us. But, for some reason, when i actually did, neither of us even thought of it as a way forward, the moment we knew, our baby was for keeps. We did consider, however, what would happen if our test results came back to say that our baby was high risk for Downs or Spina Bifida and we would have terminated in those circumstances.

I will stick my nose in and offer an opinion on what you should do if she decides to keep it whilst you clearly don't - please please, if you decide you don't want anything to do with the baby, stick with that decision! Don't dip in and out of its life, i've been on the receiving end of this and quite frankly its not something i would wish on my worst enemy. You either have to be there, or not be there. My parents split up when i was 6 and my brother a young baby. My brother has had little to no contact with my dad whilst i saw him when he could be bothered to turn up. Quite often he didn't when he said he would, and he used to disappear for months, even years at a time. My brother has a close relationship with my stepdad, for all intents and purposes he is his dad, whilst i do not. My brother is secure in the knowledge that people love him, and in all honesty, its something i question daily. Probably stupid, as my mum and her family have been there every step of the way regardless of the things i've said and done, but i always have an underlying feeling that my dad doesn't love me enough and consequently other people shouldn't either.

Obviously, if at any point you changed your mind and wanted to be part of the child's life, don't ignore that want because of what i've said, but at the same time, make that step and stick with that. I guess what i'm saying is don't be an arse about it, if you don't want it fine, if you do, again fine, but don't mess them around continually. I hope i haven't offended you and that this helps you with some of the questions you have.

Thanks for such a detailed response. In no way am I offended by the comments you offer.

The heartbeat thing does play on my mind. The doctor would have told her that before 3 weeks, as she had been to the doctor before that point, which is when she met our mutual friend. That doesn't seem to add up, in my mind.

As far as involvement, I am 100% with you. Ideally, I think a child should have two loving adults in its life; however, I know of single parents who do a great job. The most disruptive thing for any child is instability. As I have plans to go off and do things (selfish but hence the reason having children isn't best time for me now), I don't feel that I would want to have a part-time commitment. Also, it worries me to think that a child would be brought up in an environment where my values were not theirs - I do think the mother of this child has very different expectations, from what I know of her and from what she's said so far.

I think you'll be a great mum, just because you seem to understand things based on your personal experiences. I really hope it all goes well for you.

 

[nik106]

Thanks for such a detailed response. In no way am I offended by the comments you offer.

The heartbeat thing does play on my mind. The doctor would have told her that before 3 weeks, as she had been to the doctor before that point, which is when she met our mutual friend. That doesn't seem to add up, in my mind.

As far as involvement, I am 100% with you. Ideally, I think a child should have two loving adults in its life; however, I know of single parents who do a great job. The most disruptive thing for any child is instability. As I have plans to go off and do things (selfish but hence the reason having children isn't best time for me now), I don't feel that I would want to have a part-time commitment. Also, it worries me to think that a child would be brought up in an environment where my values were not theirs - I do think the mother of this child has very different expectations, from what I know of her and from what she's said so far.

I think you'll be a great mum, just because you seem to understand things based on your personal experiences. I really hope it all goes well for you.

Thanks, i hope i can live upto it and actually be a good mum!

Good luck with things, seeing/hearing a heartbeat at 3 weeks does seem really early, most women don't even find out they are pregnant until they are 4 weeks as the hormone levels are not always detectable before then. There are some early tests, but they aren't always accurate and can miss a very early pregnancy. If you need to chat, you know where i am

 

[R2D2]

Thanks, i hope i can live upto it and actually be a good mum!

Good luck with things, seeing/hearing a heartbeat at 3 weeks does seem really early, most women don't even find out they are pregnant until they are 4 weeks as the hormone levels are not always detectable before then. There are some early tests, but they aren't always accurate and can miss a very early pregnancy. If you need to chat, you know where i am

I am sure you will be.

It should always be a time of joy and celebration, having a baby. I suppose part of my issue is that I feel bad to bring a baby into the world that isn't wanted and won't have the best possible chances in life. Had I have been in a relationship and this would have happened now, I would probably be feeling the excitment.

Thanks for your support

 

[piglets]

A lot of babies dont happen at the "right" time but you can make it right. What i mean is there really isnt a right time i dont -think we could all do with more money or bigger houses etc etc but when it happens it happens and you make the most of it and you give the baby the life you want for him/her. If you really cant see yourself doing that then yes it would be better to walk away. But its sooooooo early for you to know how you will feel yet, your probably still in shock.

 

[titch]

did she actually say she'd heard a heart beat? Cos its a fact that the heart does start to beat very early on but its so tiny its not detectable. Perhaps shes just been googling about the development of a foetus and that fact stood out to her?

 

[R2D2]

did she actually say she'd heard a heart beat? Cos its a fact that the heart does start to beat very early on but its so tiny its not detectable. Perhaps shes just been googling about the development of a foetus and that fact stood out to her?

She mentioned that the doctor had told her. That's why I wondered as she saw the doctor before it was 3 weeks. Hence, you'd presume that the baby was older than 3 weeks.

 

[hellywelly]

I sympathise and don't think you should be ashamed - you seem to be taking a level headed view about the situation and are tackling it in the best way you see possible.

Whether or not she took the MAP or whether or not it worked is irrelevant now. The plan of action should be to check first of all if she is pregnant (which seems likely if she has had a doctors visit.) Secondly is it yours, which may have to wait until the 12 week scan or worst case scenario the birth when you can do a DNA test.

After this you can do nothing but outline your views and make sure she knows how you feel. You must remember she has lots of hormones rushing around her head at the moment, and if she was desperate to become a mum this may over ride the hard work she has done to further herself and her career. Hormones are crazy things!! I totally agree though that this isn't fair on you if you have just become the sperm donor in all of this. You may want to write her a letter clearly stating all your feelings and your expectations if she has the baby (e.g. limited financial but not emotional support in the form of a relationship.) Seeing it in black and white may be a wake up call.

Other than that the decisions are up to her I'm afraid. I very much believe in a woman's right to choose, but unfortunately this does sometimes seem to be to the detriment of the men involved. As long as she knows your position on the whole thing from the start she is free to make the decision she feels suits her best.

Good luck and I hope however it turns out, the current negatives will turn into positives.

 

[lesleyann23]

Just read the post got no advice that's not already been said but I didnt want to read and run. Men are more than welcome and your honesty is refreshing. Good luck and I hope you get the answers that helps you move forward.

 

[R2D2]

I sympathise and don't think you should be ashamed - you seem to be taking a level headed view about the situation and are tackling it in the best way you see possible.

Whether or not she took the MAP or whether or not it worked is irrelevant now. The plan of action should be to check first of all if she is pregnant (which seems likely if she has had a doctors visit.) Secondly is it yours, which may have to wait until the 12 week scan or worst case scenario the birth when you can do a DNA test.

After this you can do nothing but outline your views and make sure she knows how you feel. You must remember she has lots of hormones rushing around her head at the moment, and if she was desperate to become a mum this may over ride the hard work she has done to further herself and her career. Hormones are crazy things!! I totally agree though that this isn't fair on you if you have just become the sperm donor in all of this. You may want to write her a letter clearly stating all your feelings and your expectations if she has the baby (e.g. limited financial but not emotional support in the form of a relationship.) Seeing it in black and white may be a wake up call.

Other than that the decisions are up to her I'm afraid. I very much believe in a woman's right to choose, but unfortunately this does sometimes seem to be to the detriment of the men involved. As long as she knows your position on the whole thing from the start she is free to make the decision she feels suits her best.

Good luck and I hope however it turns out, the current negatives will turn into positives.

Thanks for your post.

Thanks for your understanding. It is complicated and I suppose I can empathise with the fact that thoughts aren't clear right now. I can even relate to that!

A letter sounds like a terrific idea. You are a genious. Cheers.

 

[Franna75]

Its a difficult one - i don't want anyone to get offended by what i'm going to write, but lets say you were my brother and you told me the story I would say....nope not yours, I smell a rat, dates don't add up she's probably lying....which i'm guessing is what you are thinking. However, there is a possibility that it could be yours, afterall you did have sex on more than one occassion - she could have irregular cycle etc as above.

I know several people where the MAP hasn't worked that has been taken in and out of the chemist, I also know many people that have lied because they feel like pay back for being rejected - I also know people that have got pregnant without even realising they've had sex (as they were too drunk to remember on a one night stand!!!).

My advice would be to relax (know it's hard) and if it is a lie, she won't be able to keep it up forever. If she is pregnant defo get yourself along to the dating scan. Its going to be a long wait until the baby is here and i'm sure you are going to feel all the emotions under the sun (as is she). Unfortunately you've made your bed and as you've had unprotected/even protected sex will have to lie in it until you can get a DNA test. Try and keep as normal as possible, if it is an attention seeking ploy it could get a lot more intense!

Whatever happens - it will all work out in the end...baby or no baby, but you will have a better idea with time. Stay cool. Dont want to mention the A word, as its not allowed on here.

p.s. The father of my baby was fully aware of what we were doing = he changed his mind about wanting a baby as soon as he knew I was pregnant. It's been a hard slog, but in the next couple of days I will have my baby. Who knows if he will stick around...only time will tell.

 

[R2D2]

Its a difficult one - i don't want anyone to get offended by what i'm going to write, but lets say you were my brother and you told me the story I would say....nope not yours, I smell a rat, dates don't add up she's probably lying....which i'm guessing is what you are thinking. However, there is a possibility that it could be yours, afterall you did have sex on more than one occassion - she could have irregular cycle etc as above.

I know several people where the MAP hasn't worked that has been taken in and out of the chemist, I also know many people that have lied because they feel like pay back for being rejected - I also know people that have got pregnant without even realising they've had sex (as they were too drunk to remember on a one night stand!!!).

My advice would be to relax (know it's hard) and if it is a lie, she won't be able to keep it up forever. If she is pregnant defo get yourself along to the dating scan. Its going to be a long wait until the baby is here and i'm sure you are going to feel all the emotions under the sun (as is she). Unfortunately you've made your bed and as you've had unprotected/even protected sex will have to lie in it until you can get a DNA test. Try and keep as normal as possible, if it is an attention seeking ploy it could get a lot more intense!

Whatever happens - it will all work out in the end...baby or no baby, but you will have a better idea with time. Stay cool. Dont want to mention the A word, as its not allowed on here.

p.s. The father of my baby was fully aware of what we were doing = he changed his mind about wanting a baby as soon as he knew I was pregnant. It's been a hard slog, but in the next couple of days I will have my baby. Who knows if he will stick around...only time will tell.

Good advice, thanks. I do feel that it doesn't quite add up, but will take responsibility for my actions.

All the best wishes to you. I really hope all goes well. In his case, he should stick around as he was in a relationship with you. It's a different kettle of fish to a one/two night stand. Made me realise that such relationships are not constructive.

 

[l_maclean]

I definitely agree with Franna - it does sound like there is something a bit fishy going on - but as a lot of the other ladies pointed out there are a lot of variables - length of cycle, date of ovulation, contraception thats not 100%. Hate to say it but you'll probably have to wait till the scan to check with dates - and later if you want DNA.

The one thing i did want to add ( i dont think anyone else has said it but i may be wrong) - is if she decides to keep the baby, and it does turn out to be yours - think VERY VERY carefully about not wanting to be involved.

I realise you're not interested in a relationship with this girl, but you've mentioned wanting to ideally have kids when you can give them a better start in life - while this might not be an ideal time for you surely having a dad who wants to know you is a FAR better start than one who simply puts a check in the post. I have friends who's Dads walked out, or didnt stick around - and they all feel cheated out of something, far more than any of us who didnt have parents who were financially stable all the time.

At the end of the day its totally your choice - the only thing is in 16 years time you might look back and regret not having contact etc.

Sorry if thats just giving you something else to think about, hope you get things sorted.

xxx

 

[charlie26]

Hi, firstly i think by what i have read she could be lying (not the fact that shes pregnant, just the fact it could be yours). I am 6-7 weeks pregnant and only yesterday could a scan detect my baby and its heartbeat. What i would do if i were you....... dont be too nasty towards her, you need to get an invite to the 12 week dating scan. By this you will have a clear picture of when she became pregnant.My so called dad walked out on me and my sis, bro when we were very young and has never contacted us since. What a tit!! His loss if you ask me, we have beautiful grand children he doesnt know about and doesnt have the right to know about, saying that i have had a good life, i have made my life what it is today. Got a lovely husband, children and a nice home. I agree with what has been said dont make any choices about being involved in 'your' childs life until you know the facts. I feel sorry for her, by the sounds of it she longs for a baby to love, you have just been caught up in it all. Also dont push her into doing anything, if you do decide you want a relationship with this child (if it turns out to be yours) she could make things difficult for you. Hope this helps!!

 

[littlemiss83]

I dont really have much in way of advice but I just wanted to add, that i've taken the MAP twice, once was at a family planning clinic & the other was at Boots, and I was told to take the pill there and then, at both places, mind you this was over 4 years ago. Seems to be different at different places, and possibly even different pharmacists.

To me it sounds a bit suspicious that she knew she was pregnant 3 weeks after having sex, its not impossible, but i'd say the average person who wasn't planning a pregnancy would find out later than 3 weeks, for example, most women if they miss a period would wait maybe 2/3 weeks before testing.

I say good on you for hanging about so far, alot of guys would have ran a mile given the circumstances. I agree with the other ladies - go to the scan, and see what they say about dates - even if it means coming back on here and getting advice about official dates.

Good luck with your choice anyway

 

[R2D2]

Hi, firstly i think by what i have read she could be lying (not the fact that shes pregnant, just the fact it could be yours). I am 6-7 weeks pregnant and only yesterday could a scan detect my baby and its heartbeat. What i would do if i were you....... dont be too nasty towards her, you need to get an invite to the 12 week dating scan. By this you will have a clear picture of when she became pregnant.My so called dad walked out on me and my sis, bro when we were very young and has never contacted us since. What a tit!! His loss if you ask me, we have beautiful grand children he doesnt know about and doesnt have the right to know about, saying that i have had a good life, i have made my life what it is today. Got a lovely husband, children and a nice home. I agree with what has been said dont make any choices about being involved in 'your' childs life until you know the facts. I feel sorry for her, by the sounds of it she longs for a baby to love, you have just been caught up in it all. Also dont push her into doing anything, if you do decide you want a relationship with this child (if it turns out to be yours) she could make things difficult for you. Hope this helps!!

I think I am now clear that the 12 week scan is going to be a turning point.

I can establish the likelihood of the dates from that.

I see both sides of the coin with involvement: involved means the whole frustration of looking (and probably constantly critisising) the way the child would be brought up. That is unfair for her too. I know that we would not have the same values on this, at all. It means complication when a step father becomes involved. It means complication for a family for me. As riddiculous as this sounds, I think it is worse situation to be in than being a step parent. After all, if you enter into a relationship with someone who has a child, you enter it knowing that you are taking on the responsibilty of the child - you would need to want to do this.

On the contrary to this, I know that 18 years down the line, I may well wonder what it is doing, what is is like etc.

I know how clinical I sound with all of this - I suppose for a bloke, it's a different perspective. I would also look at this so differently if it were with someone that I love or even had ever loved. One night stands are a mistake. I realised that we both used each other to 'have a bit of fun'. I am so amashed of myself. My ex-girlfriend, really always wanted children. We were together for over 2 years and looking back now (we broke up earlier this year), I know that if it were us in this position, I would want it. I still think it would have been more ideal to be married, but this is the 21st century and what's more important: weddings or having money to buy stuff for the baby.

Thanks to everyone for their support. I know I probably sound like I have a heart of stone.

 

[nik106]

I don't think you sound like you have a heart of stone, you are in a very difficult situation, and men do see things from a different perspective. My OH could not have been more excited about our pregnancy, he gets tears in his eyes at scans, and now, he loves feeling her moved around, but to start with he seemed really disinterested and sometimes really unsupportive at times. I was over 30 weeks before he actually felt our little one move properly, and its changed his perspective so much. My stepdad was the same, he had 3 kids of his own before he met my mum and he will admit that to him, it didn't feel like a real baby until it arrived. Then he and my mum lost their own at about 5 1/2 months due to major complications and the hospital dressed her in dolls clothes and took photos for them so they could see their baby - she didn't look like the alien that they thought she would, she looked like a seriously tiny real baby!

Women are connected emotionally to their babies from day one, especially if they are much loved and wanted but it takes a lot longer for a man. Then add to that, not being ready, it not being with the right person etc and you're bound to feel pressured and like you want to run away and forget about it all

 

[piglets]

I dont think you have a heart of stone, you wouldnt be worrying so much otherwise. It sounds like you would be a fantastic dad if you chose to be involved which is why it would be such a shame if you did choose to walk away. That is of course assuming it does turn out to be yours.