Once again, I need to catch up on everything on here. But first I'll write an update as it's all fresh in my mind. I'm thinking of starting to journal as well, just for me, my dw and my son. I want to share my thoughts and feelings on this journey and wish I would've started one right after the bfp.
We came home Thursday evening and it's been so much better, although it was like starting again. I hated that we couldn't come home sooner and spend some time with his grandparents, who were amazing throughout. They sorted out some house issues, made delicious meals and froze them and came to the hospital to be support and see their grandson. But it was all a rotation so very little complete family time.
I can't believe he's a week old already and that it's been 11 days since I went in to be induced. It's crazy how quickly that time has gone already. My hormones being all over the place aren't helping. The tears just come as I sit there and watch him move in his sleep. It makes be think back to him being inside and trying to figure out just what he was doing in there. The end of the pregnancy was tiring, but now I miss being pregnant, miss that special bond that only you have with the little baby growing inside you. I'm so happy to have him here and love every single cuddle, but I find myself getting nostalgic and balling my eyes out. And when those thoughts stop, my mind drifts the other way, crying because I know just how fast this year will go and the years to come and at some point, he won't be my little baby anymore. God I hate hormones.
My dw has been amazing, but I think she's taking too much pleasure in what these crazy hormones are making me do. I feel deeply, but I don't usually show it through tears, that's her. So she's enjoying this a bit- always ready to hand me a tissue and give me cuddles. Even though she is right here, I find myself missing her as well as we have to take shifts for part of the day to get sleep, but we are trying to take one of his naps as out cuddle time- whether to talk or just cuddle up to a film or just for company with a book each.
Feeding has been a little difficult too. After latching without a problem for the first few days, he started to become distressed and stopped latching. I was expressing whilst at the hospital and topping up with formula. When I got home I found the nipple shield, and he will take the breast with that, so that's good. I'm really enjoying breastfeeding, even though my nipples are starting to feel a bit sore (any tips on how to help with this?). However, we are still topping up with formula. He feeds for 40-60 mins every time, but it never seems to be enough. During one feed yesterday, I thought I'd try and put him back on the breast when he started fussing, but even though it took it and stayed on for about another 30-40 mins, he was still hungry after. Initially, all the signs of satisfaction they tell you to look for are there, but then when I go to move him, he gets so fussy and starts searching again. It's like I would have to keep him attached all day to keep him satisfied and quiet. He does tend to fall asleep towards the end of his feeding. If I didn't move him, I wonder if he would sleep? Not sure how much he gets from the breast, but we've had to increase our formula top ups from 40ml to 60ml.
He is so precious and I really could sit here and watch him all day. We've had to go through his close again as he is too big and long for anything newborn. The up to 1 month fits though, so that's good.
I finally have my feet, ankles and legs back. Swelling is finally gone! I'm recovering nicely. Still need to take some pain killers, but generally, getting around much better. However, I'm still sleeping on the couch as getting in and out of bed is still too painful- it's the rolling on my sides and then trying to sit up from flat position. Hopefully by the end of week 2 I'll be abel to move back in to the bedroom. For now it also works as it give my dw quiet to sleep whilst I manage feeds in the night.
Some nice weather out, so we just may take our first walk today and stop at a cafe. I do need to get out.
Attached a couple of pics: 1st night home, 1 week old and one of the onesies my sister sent. I can't wait until he fits those.
xx
