****July 2018 Mummies - Tri 2****
- Thread starter Shanivy
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Shan, hope you're okay...sounds like a shan pamper day is in order for you and DD.
Amy, I could imagine a situation of compromise where one of the parents knew and the other didn't but for one to know and tell the gramparents, HELL NO. This is YOUR baby. I can't even fathom how it would feel to know that other people knew what I was having and I didn't. God, if that was my MIL, she'd never bloody shut up about it and I'd end up wanting to punch her.
Others are right though, I find it impossible to believe that it won't be let slip. It's too hard not to. Not even consciously. I spent so long thinking I was having a boy, I started referring to the baby as "him" and "he". It just came out of my mouth, I had no control and I'm normally really good with things like that. How will you feel if you find out what your're having because one of them slips up during a normal conversation? What about worse...you hear it from someone completely different? People cannot keep secrets like this, especially grandparents. That may sound harsh, but its' not malicious, it's excitement and not thinking that you'll ever find out but the truth ALWAYS comes out one way or another.
Honestly, really have a good long think about this and have a good long chat to your hubby about it as well because I tell you now, if Dan ignored my wishes and insisted on knowing and telling others when I didn't want that, I'd tell him in no uncertain terms that such a blatant lack of respect for my wishes would mean I'd need to have a serious think about how things will work in the future as I will not entertain a life with someone so easily able to disregard my wishes.
Compromise is key as the baby is both of yours, but you are the one doing absolutely everything at the moment and he has a duty to look after you through this period...that includes not upsetting you.
As for the grandparents, tough shit if they don't like it. They weren't in the room when you made the baby so they remind them of that if they or anyone else thinks they have a right to know anything.
You might be able to tell that I am already extremely defensive of our little bump and I think it's because my MIL is a fucking royal pain in the arse, so Dan and I have already had to lay the law down with her a few times. A few people have asked why we've bothered as baby isn't here yet, but honestly, if we give her her way now, it will be so much harder not to when baby is here. YOU ARE IN CHARGE...remember that.
Amy, I could imagine a situation of compromise where one of the parents knew and the other didn't but for one to know and tell the gramparents, HELL NO. This is YOUR baby. I can't even fathom how it would feel to know that other people knew what I was having and I didn't. God, if that was my MIL, she'd never bloody shut up about it and I'd end up wanting to punch her.
Others are right though, I find it impossible to believe that it won't be let slip. It's too hard not to. Not even consciously. I spent so long thinking I was having a boy, I started referring to the baby as "him" and "he". It just came out of my mouth, I had no control and I'm normally really good with things like that. How will you feel if you find out what your're having because one of them slips up during a normal conversation? What about worse...you hear it from someone completely different? People cannot keep secrets like this, especially grandparents. That may sound harsh, but its' not malicious, it's excitement and not thinking that you'll ever find out but the truth ALWAYS comes out one way or another.
Honestly, really have a good long think about this and have a good long chat to your hubby about it as well because I tell you now, if Dan ignored my wishes and insisted on knowing and telling others when I didn't want that, I'd tell him in no uncertain terms that such a blatant lack of respect for my wishes would mean I'd need to have a serious think about how things will work in the future as I will not entertain a life with someone so easily able to disregard my wishes.
Compromise is key as the baby is both of yours, but you are the one doing absolutely everything at the moment and he has a duty to look after you through this period...that includes not upsetting you.
As for the grandparents, tough shit if they don't like it. They weren't in the room when you made the baby so they remind them of that if they or anyone else thinks they have a right to know anything.
You might be able to tell that I am already extremely defensive of our little bump and I think it's because my MIL is a fucking royal pain in the arse, so Dan and I have already had to lay the law down with her a few times. A few people have asked why we've bothered as baby isn't here yet, but honestly, if we give her her way now, it will be so much harder not to when baby is here. YOU ARE IN CHARGE...remember that.
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I agree with GG.
When dd was born in laws came over and me and mil had 'words' but in a 'joking' way but made everyone uncomtable. She was talking to the baby saying and i dont care if mom doesnt like it, because im granny and can do it, and i was like well if mom says no its not happening and she said she doesnt care granny woll do it anywayz then i said well mom will have to take you away from granny beacuse yoir my baby. Ughhhhh. Annoys me so much
She also keeps telling people shes having anothrr baby. Im just the womb.
When dd was born in laws came over and me and mil had 'words' but in a 'joking' way but made everyone uncomtable. She was talking to the baby saying and i dont care if mom doesnt like it, because im granny and can do it, and i was like well if mom says no its not happening and she said she doesnt care granny woll do it anywayz then i said well mom will have to take you away from granny beacuse yoir my baby. Ughhhhh. Annoys me so much
She also keeps telling people shes having anothrr baby. Im just the womb.
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Oh my goodness. I don't know if Jem or Laura saw it on my facebook, but Dan and I have literally had to tell his mum to stop calling our bump Peanut because that's not what we're calling it. She kept insisting, so Dan dug his heels in. She constantly refers to the baby as hers or ours and when she last referred to it as "ours", I did say that I dont' remember her taking my place in the bedroom that night and she said something along the lines of, "well it's mine to me" to which I did a laugh emoji and a simple "no".
Absolutely right to put your feet down. As Dan always says, why can't everyone be like my mum and dad. They just support, end of. No judgement, no silliness, no drama. Listen and respect our wishes and opinions, tell us to do it however the fuck we want to do it but remember they are always a phone call away for any help. Then his family are all questions, accusations, judgement, ignorance etc.
For 10 years, I have been saying that it will be a baby that makes me lose the plot with them and it will. I can already see it happening. She just blatantly ignores and I lose it and tell them all to get the fuck out of our house and only come back when they can show some fucking respect for their own son and the mother of their grandchild.
I get angry just thinking about the first visit because I know the things that she'll come out with. Dan actually comes out in a rash on the M6 when we go to visit them as it's a physical manifestation of stress before we get there, lol.
All hail us strong mums who will be the warriors for our little babies
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GG, my mil is abit to full on aswell, but hubby doesnt say anything and if i do im the bad one and will cause massive argument with me and hubby.
She doesnt like me since i had dd and basically wants just hubby and dd to be there. Im waiting for her to say something really horrible and way out of line tbh. Which she does.... Hubbys aunt had brain tumor and his mom broke her leg 15 years ago and took 10 years to foanlly gey fixed propely and she told his aunt that her leg was worse than a brain tumor. Omgg
She doesnt like me since i had dd and basically wants just hubby and dd to be there. Im waiting for her to say something really horrible and way out of line tbh. Which she does.... Hubbys aunt had brain tumor and his mom broke her leg 15 years ago and took 10 years to foanlly gey fixed propely and she told his aunt that her leg was worse than a brain tumor. Omgg
KHTW
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I would kill OH if he wasn't supportive when we both knew his mum was being a pain and nasty towards me!
Luckily my MIL is nice but when she has her moments and needs to be spoken to I tell OH 'she is your mum, you deal with her', just like I would deal with mine if she was causing my husband grief.
I mean nobody is perfect and I probably say a lot of stupid shit at times but there are boundaries that should not be crossed x
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Oh my god...are they related, lol. I'm quite lucky that MIL is always bloody saying things. She kind f says things under her breath but obviously loud enough for us to hear. I'm also incredibly lucky that Dan and I are a very tight team when it comes to his family. I don't have to ask him to say anything because he does anyway and gone are the days when I've said something and then apologised to Dan because every time I've stood up to her or his sister or Dad, all I've had off Dan is a huge thank you and a big cuddle, lol. He's just eternally grateful that after all his life dealing with it alone, someone else knows exactly what they're like.
If he ever didn't back me up in an obviously bad situation though, I'd have his balls on a spike and he knows it...and I'd expect the same back if I failed him in the same way.
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Hubby would say somesthing if he herd her i think well he says he would but she only says nasty shit when hes not in the room. Like when i was on about havubg to stay in hospital if i bleed out again she said dd will probably forget me because ill be away from her... So now my moms havibg her and waiting at the hospital so when i go for walks to help labour i can go see her for 10 mins. Originally mil was taking her home lol and she was so excited. But karma. And after birth hubby will have her cos theyll come and visit me evsryday on the ward
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Shepherdess
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I'm lucky and generally my mil is great, she's never judgemental or tells me what to do. although I do wish she'd put a bit more effort in, DD doesn't see her as much as I'd like her to. unfortunately my SIL is very spoilt and hates me with a passion. she's always at MIL's so I try to avoid going there without oh although I have to most of the time. MIL knows she can come to ours whenever she likes but doesn't then complains to aunties that we don't visit. I love her to bits though but as long as SIL behaves like a "see you next Tuesday" and gets away with it I'll never feel comfortable there. husband knows this and cannot stand to be around his sister so just keeps telling me not to force myself to go there and eventually she'll come to us. I hate that though as my mum sees DD twice every week and I'd want her to see MIL weekly to
family politics
well it's a lovely day up north today, DD is having a nap and then we'll take the puppy out for a stroll
family politics
well it's a lovely day up north today, DD is having a nap and then we'll take the puppy out for a stroll
KHTW
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WTF?!! I really want to use the B word here!!! x
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You are very lucky Jem. I can't wait for news of your scan 
PB - I feel your pain. What an awful and ridiculous thing to say. Reminds me of MIL offering to buy a sofa bed for the nursery so that she has somewhere to stay and me and Dan instantly saying, "Yes, no problem if it's just you and no dogs, easy enough to bring the cot into our room while you're here, lol. She was not amused that he plan to sleep with the baby was foiled hahaha!
I can't believe we'll be 21 weeks tomorrow Shan. Where is this time going? I've just finished the new menu for the pub and about to go off shopping now to get the last of the bits I need for it. Feels good and I can properly advertise the place now that everything is running more smoothly.
Did absolutely bugger all yesterday and I feel so full of energy again today, it's fab. No idea how though, ended up having jumbo cod and chips last night at 9pm and I finished all fish and all chips, which is a lifetime first for me. I'm clearly taking nutrition really seriously! Haha.
Anyway...I have to say this as I hope I can be a fair and just person...MIL did call last night for the first time since we told them about the baby at Christmas. They all did sound very excited (about time) and were asking what they could buy to help us. In 10 years, it was the first conversation Dan has had with them in which nothing snidey, sarcastic or mean was said and when Dan put the phone down, he was in utter shock at having just had the first ever civil and even pleasant conversation with his family. Fingers crossed it becomes more regular...It was such a nice change seeing Dan happy after talking to them, not on the verge of tears.
PB - I feel your pain. What an awful and ridiculous thing to say. Reminds me of MIL offering to buy a sofa bed for the nursery so that she has somewhere to stay and me and Dan instantly saying, "Yes, no problem if it's just you and no dogs, easy enough to bring the cot into our room while you're here, lol. She was not amused that he plan to sleep with the baby was foiled hahaha!
I can't believe we'll be 21 weeks tomorrow Shan. Where is this time going? I've just finished the new menu for the pub and about to go off shopping now to get the last of the bits I need for it. Feels good and I can properly advertise the place now that everything is running more smoothly.
Did absolutely bugger all yesterday and I feel so full of energy again today, it's fab. No idea how though, ended up having jumbo cod and chips last night at 9pm and I finished all fish and all chips, which is a lifetime first for me. I'm clearly taking nutrition really seriously! Haha.
Anyway...I have to say this as I hope I can be a fair and just person...MIL did call last night for the first time since we told them about the baby at Christmas. They all did sound very excited (about time) and were asking what they could buy to help us. In 10 years, it was the first conversation Dan has had with them in which nothing snidey, sarcastic or mean was said and when Dan put the phone down, he was in utter shock at having just had the first ever civil and even pleasant conversation with his family. Fingers crossed it becomes more regular...It was such a nice change seeing Dan happy after talking to them, not on the verge of tears.
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Tbh she just ruined it for herself by saying that. Because now i dont want her to go far, let alone 1 hour drive away from me. And this jame bulger stuff keeps coming up i dont want to ever let anyone look after her cos if theyre not paying attention anything can happen. People think im over protective but thats what mothers are! Mil thinks im silly when i talk like that but i think things have changed so much since 25 years ago.
Glad things are looking better with your in laws gg. And great youve got the menu done. I want a pub meal now lol. Harvester!
Glad things are looking better with your in laws gg. And great youve got the menu done. I want a pub meal now lol. Harvester!
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JemRose
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Sorry to change the subject, but I am petrified about my scan tomorrow. I keep getting horrible thoughts in my head where they tell me there is no heartbeat and the baby has passed away. I get all sweaty palms when I think about, overwhelmingly feel sick and just want to cry. I am so scared and hate having these thoughts.
Has anyone else felt like this? I think it's because I'm not really feeling any movements (only rarely a few weeks ago) and now I feel like I don't feel anything and is that because there is no heartbeat and no baby.
I don't know why I'm feeling like this
Has anyone else felt like this? I think it's because I'm not really feeling any movements (only rarely a few weeks ago) and now I feel like I don't feel anything and is that because there is no heartbeat and no baby.
I don't know why I'm feeling like this
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Sorry to change the subject, but I am petrified about my scan tomorrow. I keep getting horrible thoughts in my head where they tell me there is no heartbeat and the baby has passed away. I get all sweaty palms when I think about, overwhelmingly feel sick and just want to cry. I am so scared and hate having these thoughts.
Has anyone else felt like this? I think it's because I'm not really feeling any movements (only rarely a few weeks ago) and now I feel like I don't feel anything and is that because there is no heartbeat and no baby.
I don't know why I'm feeling like this
Jem, you are not alone. I was almost sick in the car on my way there last week and as you know...have had a wobble since as well. It's perfectly understandable. The lack of feeling is not something you need to be worried about yet. You could even have an anterior placenta like me. Honestly, be kind to yourself...your feelings are natural and I'm sure everything is absolutely perfect. Xxx
Shanivy
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Sorry to change the subject, but I am petrified about my scan tomorrow. I keep getting horrible thoughts in my head where they tell me there is no heartbeat and the baby has passed away. I get all sweaty palms when I think about, overwhelmingly feel sick and just want to cry. I am so scared and hate having these thoughts.
Has anyone else felt like this? I think it's because I'm not really feeling any movements (only rarely a few weeks ago) and now I feel like I don't feel anything and is that because there is no heartbeat and no baby.
I don't know why I'm feeling like this
Normal hun. I went without OH this time and I was worried too. There's always that moment for me at a scan before the image comes up of "oh fuck what if" Its perfectly normal to not feel baby much, if at all for a first timer at this stage.
And nothing is wrong with baby. Don't drive yourself crazy over that. This time tomorrow you'll know if you're having a son or daughter! xx
