yep im hooked [updated with pics iv put on weight!]

[purple13]

really hope it goes well trix - let us know how you get on

 

[valentine]

I just wanted to say I'll be thinking of you tomorrow trixi - this is your chance to get help so make sure they listen to you and you tell them the FULL story.

Please post if you can over the weekend, to let us know how you get on and what the next steps are.

Good luck lovely

Valentine Xxx

 

[trixipaws]

i am so nervous its my appointment 2mro!

i hope melissa is well behaved she's progressed so much as a little person since i made the appointment, at the time leaving her in the pushchair beside me while i talked to the counsellor seemed reasonable but she's so much more demanding now! i must remember to take a few toys- and i was thinking some biscuits but i dont want them to think im passing on bad eating habits to my daughter (altho i probably am, without meaning to or realising it!) i do hope it goes well, im so apprehensive i dont kno what will become of my little family if it doesnt go well

thanx u guys!

 

[zebrastripes]

Aw trix, good luck for tomorrow
if your worried about snacks, why not just take a few boxes of those little dried raisins for melissa? Willow loves them. Or some chopped fruit or something

really hope tomorrow goes well for you best of luck

 

[mum&2girls]

good luck hun hope it all goes well

 

[trixipaws]

thanks ZS i think i will take raisins, i tried her on them yesterday and she did seem to like them a lot! hopefully if needed they will keep her quiet without making me look bad! not long now eek!

 

[mamichuli]

How'd it go, hun? We are all thinkin of ya...



Lisa

 

[trixipaws]

well i went, it was painfully embarrassing at first, as i expected, plus the nurse was male which i thought made it a bit harder (dont mean to be sexist but most males dont seem to understand the self-esteem side to it and think if men tell u big boobs and booties are beautiful that should be enough they dont understand that u dont care whether men find skinny attractive or not!)

and tbh i didnt get anything out of it, it was more him taking notes of my background etc so he can assess me with the rest of the primary care team.

millie was fairly well behaved, she threw everything out of her pram so i took her out and she went crawling around the room, yelling "aa-aa-aaa!" bless.

anyway he said he would go thru it all with the rest of his team and they would decide whether i need either cognitive behavioural therapy or psychiatrisc treatment (which would take a month or two to wait for) or psychological therapy (which is a longer waiting list of one year) so its a slow process either way it seems but hey this isnt going away and theres no faster alternative, so ill stick with it!

feel better now the ball is rolling

 

[Eveadel]

Hi

Hang in there.

My old job was working with children & adolescents with mental health issues so I understand the systems and ways things have to be done. He will discuss you within the multi disciplinary team and they will assess what is the best route for you. Often the 1st appt does seem like a waste of time but as you say it gets the ball rolling.

Did your GP refer you?

 

[trixipaws]

the nurse called today, he's discussed it with his colleagues and theyve decided they think im best suited for clinical psychology- thats the one with the 12-month waiting list

feel a bit deflated tbh. and a bit worried as it only took me from last christmas to april when i started this thread (thats only 4 months) to go from being well over 8st eating 3 meals a day and a really balanced family life to being under 7st not eating properly and a very turbulent relarionship which at one point was hanging on the line

imagine what might happen in 12 months, i just hope my boyf can put up with it.

iv managed to resist weighing myself since last time i posted it so far

grr- blimmin' 12 months! eveadel, yes my GP referred me (i think!) it was done via my HV. i think i remember her asking my permission to go to my GP for the referral. im tryna remember now if i actually had to see the GP in person myself, and i honestly cant remember! im sure if i did i wouldve posted about it in this thread tho, if u can be arsed trawling thru it!

 

[Squiglet]

Ask your OH to get rid of the scales hun... If they are not in your house you will be less tempted to weigh yourself.. Only my parents have scales which I always use to weigh myself when I am round theirs... But I know that if I had a set in my house, I'd be on them everyday and would end up making myself ill again. .. It speaks a lot of your strength to resist them... I know I couldn't.. Get rid of em..

I'm so sorry that you have to wait so long to see someone...its truly appaling and unfair... but you need to believe in yourself and keep thinking of your little girl to get through this.

 

[trixipaws]

back down to 101 pounds (from nearly 104) sorry guys

iv been eating a bit less than usual lately and idk since i got told treatment is 12 months away i feel like just ignoring the problem again, after all iv no hope of tackling it on my own anyway, i'm not gonna start getting better until nearly 2010 anyway (that sounds so far in the future like ages to wait!) so might as well just get on with it and not think about changing.

well its not as black and white as those words are my logic type thing iykwim, but that's the kind of atmosphere i got bout it at the moment and iv gone back to finding it easy to lose weight and like it (like i was at start of this thread) again whereas just in july i was finding it easy to gain weight and feeling ok about it.

we'll see tho. i might just be having a blip, i feel like iv got a lot on lately and maybe its just that making me feel pessimistic and also might be contributing to the weight loss too. i shall update soon, it might not be all doom and gloom

 

[mummykay]

hugs for u trix

 

[monster_munch]

**monster munch gets tough**

GET RID OF YOUR SCALES

If they are an expensive set give them to a friend or your parents to keep at their house but get the bloody things out of your house.
Even when you think you are weighing yourself because you have done well and you want to see the effect it has a negative effect.
Forget them - stick to how you were before - eat breakfast, I know it's hard - I have to force myself too, even now, but I know if I don't eat breakfast I won't have lunch and then I won't eat a proper tea because I'll feel like I would be ruining the day and snack healthily.

It must be such a bummer knowing you have to wait 12 months but you need to take a deep breath, stand tall and tell yourself that you are going to do what YOU can untill you get this appointment.

You CAN do it (and you bloody well will if I have anyhting to do with it ) you just need to stop focussing on your weight and go by your health.

Your scales own you at the moment - sounds daft but they do.
They're an inanimate object and they bloody well own you - are you going to stand for that?? Tell them to fuck off and ditch them - stupid scales.
Seriously though - it will be worth it - all of us that have been where you are are all saying it so it must be true

luv ya chick
xx

 

[trixipaws]

im sorry MM, i cant part with the scale, and i weighed myself today iv lost another pound

i think thats coz of all the bollox last weekend, i cant eat when im stressed

i DEFINATELY wont hav lost ANY more today tho i wouldnt be suprised if i gain that pound back iv eaten sooooooooooooo much today! we been to my boyf's stepmoms and it was like buffet food and ate lots of crisps, fairy cakes, chocolates and icecream and sugary fizzy pop (altho i did have salad, quorn chicken and rice so not completely unhealthy!) and this evening had more icecream and sherbet dips!

i WISH, i WISH i felt happy about eating a lot and about the prospect of gaining some weight and being a normal healthy weight tho! instead of feeling a bit panicky and seriously considering going to work 2mro without any money or debit cards so im forced to starve all day. i can do the normal behaviour, i just cant feel normal about it i find being normal traumatic! i so wish i didnt it really sucks!

 

[Krystal]

sorry your having such a tough time again, seems such a shame you've taken a step in seeking help yet have to wait such a long time. Is there any charity type help line things out there that could support you in the meantime? stay strong

 

[trixipaws]

i went to docs today to get prozac again as it kept my behaviour in check somewhat last time i was on it. i kno medication wont really fix the problem only mask it but it'll tide me over hopefully for the 12 months while i'm waiting for the psych treatment. start the pills tomorrow- wish me luck!

 

[Krystal]

Good luck.. I hope they help you get through next few months

 

[trixipaws]

thought i'd just update. been on prozac for a month almost now. initially it helped, but behaviours gradually coming back in sync with the initial side-effects wearing off (i spose as my body gets used to the pills).

i got up to 8st two weeks ago, would u believe! but i was on my period so maybe some was water, idk but however i am 7st 6 now. i must admit iv been eating less since then. i just cant seem to help myself! its like i got tourette's or something, i cant stop myself losing weight its like im programmed that way!

i am at the doc's on wednesday, seeing the one who first put me on prozac who apparently specialises in psychiatry, see if theres anything else he can do and im feeling quite optimistic about it. think i'll ask if i can come off prozac coz it isnt working! lol maybe i was naive to think it would work

 

[Lindsay]

I hope you get the answers you want on wedensday hun

Xxx