yep im hooked [updated with pics iv put on weight!]

[Jade&Evie]

gooooo trix!

 

[trixipaws]

thanku

the doc said i look fine (i'm TRYING to take it as compliment) and gave me some techniques to try. i'm seeing him again next week

 

[Jade&Evie]

I wish a man would tell me I look fine!

 

[trixipaws]

i know i'm not a man, but i think u look damn fine

 

[trixipaws]

feel fat today wanted to take some diet pills, so as i'v risked pregnancy this month (kinda passively ttc actually) i took a test first, and it was BFN

that made me feel even more poop tbh so i took the pills

sorry i know its naughty

 

[trixipaws]

boyf commented on my looks last nite he said he could see my ribs, and asked if i was eating properly. i think it was the top i was wearing tho, it wasnt very flattering. i havent weighed myself for ages so idk why he thinks i look thin

 

[Lou]

Trix when I was 6 1/2 stone my boyfriend used to say I was just right, now I'm 10 stone he say's I'm just right Truth is I was miserable skinny and I'm miserable fatter, the size you are really doesn't change how you feel inside, well it didn't for me anyway.

 

[trixipaws]

my boyf said i was beautiful when i was very pregnant and a bit fat too and weighed 11 and a half st- at the time he did- but now he admits i was "a bit massive" and used to cut off his blood supply when i sat on his knee

its sweet of him to lie for me like that, but he doesnt do the same when i'm underweight. he openly says i look "too thin" and when i was under 7 st even "hideous". its not enough for me tho no matter how cutting his remarks it wont make me gain weight in response- in fact i use comments about how "bad/ill" i look as markers that i am THIN which IMO is a GOOD thing- i take them as compliments

he thinks i am most beautiful around 8 st. but i think thats chunky on me anyway

i am miserable (about my weight) when i'm skinny- but a lot less miserable than i am when i'm not skinny. i cant bear it. but hopefully this weill change soon, when i am fixed

 

[debecca]

my boyf said i was beautiful when i was very pregnant and a bit fat too and weighed 11 and a half st- at the time he did- but now he admits i was "a bit massive" and used to cut off his blood supply when i sat on his knee

its sweet of him to lie for me like that, but he doesnt do the same when i'm underweight. he openly says i look "too thin" and when i was under 7 st even "hideous". its not enough for me tho no matter how cutting his remarks it wont make me gain weight in response- in fact i use comments about how "bad/ill" i look as markers that i am THIN which IMO is a GOOD thing- i take them as compliments

he thinks i am most beautiful around 8 st. but i think thats chunky on me anyway

i am miserable (about my weight) when i'm skinny- but a lot less miserable than i am when i'm not skinny. i cant bear it. but hopefully this weill change soon, when i am fixed

Trixi

OHs are so useless when it comes to comments about weight. Just tonight mine was going through the pics on the camera and he said "Ooh this is a really nice one of you"... when I looked I was grimacing so I asked him why, and he said I looked really thin!!!!!!!!! I pointed out it was when I was on the Sertraline and went totally anorexic and lost nearly a stone in 2 weeks (about the time I emailed you for help)...

He then asked, "Do your new pills make you put on weight then?"

CHEEKY %!@"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's no wonder some of us end up with weight problems.

Anyway I have been following your thread and I think you're doing really well but Lou does have a point - miserable think usually equates to miserable fat too and vice versa. I have to say I'm happier now I weigh more.

Actually you'll think I'm hideously overweight I've gone from 7st 13lb to 9st 2lb in 2 months

 

[trixipaws]

well done debecca glad ur feeling happier

 

[Krystal]

Trix - sorry I aint PM'd you in a while but wanted to say keep trying to get better, you can do it merry xmas xxx

 

[trixipaws]

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

just shared a choccie orange with my boyf- it was yummy, but just read that 3 segments has one hundred and twentysomething cals! ARGH! effing 3 segments! i just had half an effing orange, fuck knows how many segments

panicking now

weighed 101 pounds this morning, i dread what my next reading might be

grr why does this bother me anyway

pissed off now going to bed! sorry for my negative post this is my rant thread, it helps me a bit thanx for putting up with it

 

[Slinky Sarah]

If it makes you feel any better chick the past 2 nights iv had a whole one to myself each night lol.



im 9 stone 8/9 hun, dont fret

 

[Lou]

Hope fully one day you'll just eat and not think about calories or weighing yourself or being too fat or too thin. Its going to take time though so don't beat yourself up about it

 

[trixipaws]

i would LOVE that, lou. its my dream

iv gone a bit bad this week, which makes no sense because i am really happy- i'm over the moon to be recently engaged

altho i do remember my CBT therapist saying positive events can be triggers too- and as the birth of millie triggered my drop to 6st.13 this year was of course a positive event, it does seem true, bizarrely! why do i have to have such an unpredictable and mysterious illness

i think part of why i'm struggling lately is the pressure of impending TTC. i have never TTC before, and i am SOOOOOOOOOOO worried about not being able to get pregnant! my mum and my boyf both think i'm miss fertility goddess because i conceived twice on the pill- but i am dogged by thoughts of "what if those 2 conceptions just happened to be two, against-the-odds, miracles?!" it might be an unlikely explanation, but a possibility nonetheless. i dont think i could cope with trying and not succeeding, feeling out of control, it has huge potential to make me worse. but i cant bear the thought of not going ahead with it coz i want to so much, the thought of not doing makes me feel bad too

and also i know that i'm below the ideal weight to conceive too so already i am impeding my chances i should gain some weight to make my chances of conceiving (and not m/c-ing again) higher- but i cant its so hard! i am in a vicious circle here!

in a way i'm kind of "relieved" we've put off TTC (i dithered and thought we were at first last month but since had a chat and we're not yet) because i kind of dont want to coz i'm frightened of the possible disappointment. gah. i always thought TTC would be a huge load of fun (woop, tons of sex!) but its not its really stressful, and i havent even started it yet!

 

[debecca]

f**k.

just shared a choccie orange with my boyf- it was yummy, but just read that 3 segments has one hundred and twentysomething cals! ARGH! effing 3 segments! i just had half an effing orange, f**k knows how many segments

panicking now

weighed 101 pounds this morning, i dread what my next reading might be

grr why does this bother me anyway

p*ssed off now going to bed! sorry for my negative post this is my rant thread, it helps me a bit thanx for putting up with it

I ate a whole chocolate orange yesterday

 

[trixipaws]

well i havent weighed myself this week so big up myself

cant get an app with my special doc for at least 2 weeks tho

 

[trixipaws]

grrr away with you voices, i stamp on you!

little voices in my head when i'm eating, go:
"mustn't eat too much, remember u should still be hungry when u finish.
oh yes but ur pregnant now arent u, so actually never mind what i just said u eat until ur satisfied and u can stop worrying about weight gain.
oh no, hang on a minute! that's what we said last time isnt it! and look what happened then!
ohhhhhhhh no, cant have that again, pregnancy is no excuse to be a pig.
mustn't eat too much..."

GRRRR GO AWAY.

i'm just about managing to cope with them at the moment and am eating enough (nearly) and healthily, but its very hard! i havent seen my doc for over a month now i think that may have something to do with it! i'm gonna make an app with him asap coz finding it very hard on my own! not confident i can keep it up for long but for now i am doing ok will tell my doc before they take over

 

[1sttimemum]

Awww trix. your doing fab with not weighing yourself and eating more as you know you have your baby to look after



well done

 

[trixipaws]

yyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy iv finally got an appointment with my special doc

friday nite at 6.30pm woop!

(i really need him im so struggling on my own!)