yep im hooked [updated with pics iv put on weight!]

[xxsammyxx]

You go girl!!! You look really good and better for putting a bit of weight on (you can gladly have some of mine if you wish! lol) Let yourself get used to that weight before you try to pile on more. When your comfortable with that then maybe an extra couple of pounds more. Ease yourself in gently. You will get there... i know you can do it!

 

[MagicMarkers]

You look bleeding hot stuff sweetie ! Youve got a gorgeous figure, well done on the weight gain hun it really suits you and youve done great to get this far, dont rush anything, youve done wicked in your own time

 

[M&Ms]

Wow! You look fantastic hun!

 

[mrs_tommo22]

I think you are looking very sexy rachel. And im glad your oh sees it as well!

Curves defintely maketh the woman!

 

[trixipaws]

oops im sorry iv lost a little bit again i was 103 pounds on thursday

i cant stop weighing myself

altho its probably coz i was so busy on wednesday i kind of forgot to eat! and i had a poop on thursday (sorry tmi!) so maybe the 2lb difference is just what the contents of my tummy usually weigh (sorry! thats really gross! )

got docs app next wednesday cant wait.

 

[mrs_tommo22]

Dont panic, its just a little set back, you can do this babes. What you having for tea today?

 

[trixipaws]

i actually ate a big hearty healthy dinner today- one of my mum's frozen homemade potato-hash and it was yummy. of course iv got even more reasons to be healthy now (as some of u may have seen in members area) and looks like im gonna be putting on a lot of weight next year no matter what i do!

 

[trixipaws]

i hope they fast track my therapy because im pregnant


i so need to fix this, iv got TWO precious little reasons to get myself well

im panicking about weight gain already and coming off prozac is bringing back cravings big time. they really helped curb the c/s

 

[Melly+2]

hun dont worry about the weight gain, worry about that little person you are feeding inside of you, thats the most important thing, your doing so well

 

[purple13]

hope it goes ok today honey xx

 

[mrs_tommo22]

Hey trix just remeber that you need to eat now more then ever as your little one relies on good nutrition babes!

If i remeber rightly you looked amazing pregnant! enjoy it hun and dont let food issues take over your life. Hope they fast track that appointment for you as well.xxxxxx

 

[trixipaws]

i'm sat here my tummy is rumbling and tbh its exhilarating, and calming. iv had a terrible day (found out im losing the baby and some twats just damaged our house for no reason) and iv had a pretty harsh week and quite a difficult month actually! i feel i can draw power and energy from starving myself. its my answer to everything stressful. HELP! i was doing so well, but the old thoughts are back

 

[beanie]

(((hugs))) I have said before but i've done that when I feel out of control and upset, I won't eat as I feel that I can control that and feeling hungry made me feel like I was punishing myself for being worthless but it felt good to do it IKWIM. Been a long time since I did it but the urge is still there sometimes.

You are going through a lot and this is a "danger" time in terms of relapse. What other strategies have you been using to control these urges?

 

[trixipaws]

i havent got any strategies, i'm rubbish

since i found out about the miscarriage all iv eaten is a few raw carrots, some codeine (for my headache) and some valium (for my nerves). i just feel i can cope with it by not eating, feel like food would scramble my concentration, and cloud my mind over- if that makes sense? (probably doesnt!)

 

[beanie]

i havent got any strategies, i'm rubbish

since i found out about the miscarriage all iv eaten is a few raw carrots, some codeine (for my headache) and some valium (for my nerves). i just feel i can cope with it by not eating, feel like food would scramble my concentration, and cloud my mind over- if that makes sense? (probably doesnt!)

I think you are just going to have to take this slowly, you have a lot to work through. Feeling out of control is horrible hun and you need to feel you are controlling something - food isn't a good one to control but you already know that.

I would call on monday for an urgent appointment and just get through this weekend the best you can

 

[trixipaws]

there are 2 posts (original and another one on page 2) CLICK HERE in the members area coz i felt a bit uneasy posting those things on the public forum.

feeling up and down and mixed around and all over the place at the moment. i'm sure its just the hormones and the prozac withdrawal. both these things will inevitably settle down and i shall pull myself together!

 

[trixipaws]

*positive update*

feeling a little better now, eating a bit more again. looking back i was a MESS last week the mc hit me harder than i realised. but feeling much more like old chirpy trixipaws now hehe still feel poop when i think about things but try not to dwell and focus on my little princess and getting better for her and for ttc next year

not weighed myself coz if iv lost weight i'll get excited and addicted and wanna lose more, and if iv gained it'll depress me and i wont eat to lose it back again. so not a good idea not in my present fragile state!

see my psychologist on wednesday evening. will update then

 

[mrs_tommo22]

Just think logically gaining a few pounds will help you with your future pregnancy.

And if you need to be controlling do it on a different aspect of your life, sorry i know that sounds a bit crap. But i have no experience of what you are going through mate, im the other end of the spectrum to you.

 

[trixipaws]

gah, probably shouldnt be making this post- i am bit drunk (only had one sambuca- but i'm such a lightweight! gone RIGHT to my head! oh and took a valium too, makes me sleep better) i dont know how people can get drunk on a nite out coz all it makes me wanna do is fall asleep! lol i'm so tired here...

anyway i cant help it oh i was so happy i weighed this morning back down to 7st. 2

can only describe it as COMFORT & RELIEF. like when ur freezing cold but then u get all snuggled up in a duvet with the fire on and get nice and warm- m/c made me feel destressed like cold but the weight loss makes me feel better, its like geeting a huge warm cuddle. calms me right down.

ah cant keep eyes open now. boyf went to bed at 12 i was doing my hair then popped on here (well intended to just "pop" on, look what happend lol) enough now trix enough i say! go to bed.

ok goodnite! x

 

[trixipaws]

i'm at docs tonite i am looking forward to it

i missed my app last week due to a motorway death on the M6 it was closed so the roads were hammered i couldnt get there

anyway i was SUCH a good girl last nite i had a proper normally meal- a full plate of beans with veggie hot dogs!