yep im hooked [updated with pics iv put on weight!]

[Eveadel]

I agree, throw the scales away, weighing daily is pointless.

Hope your appointment is soon

 

[trixipaws]

got a letter today, got an appointment on 15 august!

i so need it, coz im just the same- i cant help it, its like i physically am incapable of taking steps to gain weight and eat normally

my boyf and i had a huge row about it on tuesday too, so im really pleased somethings gonna happen soon! i hope something good comes from it

 

[Krystal]

got a letter today, got an appointment on 15 august!

i so need it, coz im just the same- i cant help it, its like i physically am incapable of taking steps to gain weight and eat normally

my boyf and i had a huge row about it on tuesday too, so im really pleased somethings gonna happen soon! i hope something good comes from it

good luck with the appointment hun you've made a massive step already just by seeking help so don't be so down on yourself, even if you can't see it you are obviously changing otherwise you would be ignoring the problem

 

[valentine]

Aw trixi, I'm so glad you are on the way to getting some help, I am really proud of you, small steps remember.

Keep us updated, I'm thinking of you.

Valentine Xxx

 

[Tadpole]

Good luck with it. TBH you've kinda done the hardest part - which is recognising that you need to deal with it and asking for help. Go with an open mnd and it will all come together. Big hugs.

 

[trixipaws]

im havin a bad time re. this atm tbh

i dont hear from my sister any more- she works nights now to keep out my dad's hair (she still lives at home and he is retired, and he had a mini-stroke a few weeks ago due to the stress) so i guess shes asleep all the time im awake but also i think she's probably scared of my boyf so she wont contact me. similarly i dont wanna piss him off by appearing to defy him or whatever.

im not being very good im doing some stuff i shouldnt be. dont wanna go into detail but im just feeling rather alone with all this and feeling im gonna be stuck all wrong for ever

i dont like to whinge, been keeping quiet bout this for days but just had to get it off my chest today sorry.

 

[x-kirsty-x]

im havin a bad time re. this atm tbh

i dont hear from my sister any more- she works nights now to keep out my dad's hair (she still lives at home and he is retired, and he had a mini-stroke a few weeks ago due to the stress) so i guess shes asleep all the time im awake but also i think she's probably scared of my boyf so she wont contact me. similarly i dont wanna p*ss him off by appearing to defy him or whatever.

im not being very good im doing some stuff i shouldnt be. dont wanna go into detail but im just feeling rather alone with all this and feeling im gonna be stuck all wrong for ever

i dont like to whinge, been keeping quiet bout this for days but just had to get it off my chest today sorry.

Trix, please whatever it is you're doing, STOP before it makes things even worse

I know you can overcome all of this. Nobody said it would be easy, and it isn't going to happen overnight, but I really don't want to see you throwing your life away when you have a beautiful little girl who thinks the world of you

You know I'm only a PM away if you need to talk

 

[purple13]

kirsty's right hon

we're all here for you. please at least talk to us? we're all really worried about you.

you need to think of your beautiful little girl and try to get better. can they bring your appointment forward at all??

 

[trixipaws]

ok i submitted today i weighed myself im sorry i kno y'all told me not to and i did it anyway, i dont mean to be defiant i just couldnt help it

the good news i thought was altho i cant honestly say i was HAPPY to see iv put on weight (im 106 pounds now, so gained quite a bit over last couple months) i took it quite well i suprised myself that i wasnt overcome with panic and disgust, i felt rather proud of myself for "being able to handle it" being a more healthy weight.

but maybe i only reacted so mildly because i had bigger things on my mind (posted in adult section) and now that is no longer a concern i think iv now found space in my head to worry about this instead.

im keeping my head above water so far tho, im fighting against that irrational terror thats tryna overcome me and brainwash me into sickness! hopefully i stay this way until i get rid of it completely

 

[mrs_tommo22]

Seeing your new avatar photo i thought you were looking alot more beautiful trix, you were postively glowing with health. It certainly suits you and im not just saying that either.

 

[Babylicious]

Way to go hun, lives a bitch sometimes isn't it?

BTW Millie is gorgeous as ever

 

[dina.marie]

i used to have an eating disorder hun so i know how you feel. but you need to realise its not heathly and get some help x

 

[Eveadel]

Congratulations you are doing so well, I also think you look alot healthier, gaunt is not a good look. Well done you

 

[trixipaws]

thanku everyone

i cant wait for my appointment the time seems to really be dragging coz in the meantime i am so struggling on my own. its so hard when i feel panicky coz i feel like im getting fat. when i stand up naked infront of the mirror with my knees together my thighs are almost touching each other just below that upside-down triangular gap iv had since giving birth; the fattest bit of them they almost meet and some days if im hot and bloated they actually do touch i hate it i feel really frumpy! and dont even get me started on my tummy, i look about 20 weeks pregnant

on the bright side tho, my ribs dont show and my face looks better i look less like a crack ho now.

im on 3 meals a day (sometimes i skip lunch tho but always have breakfast & dinner) but i tell u its SOOOOOOOO tempting to drop breakfast and lunch permanently it takes such huge effort not to i cant keep this up myself! roll on 16th august!

 

[trixipaws]

just realised iv been telling people my appointment is "friday 16th" lol when its actually friday 15th the 16th is saturday

not long now tho which is good coz im rubbish on my own! im supposed to be gaining weight (which i had done) but iv managed to lose a couple of pounds again, i cant help it

iv been good today tho, had loadsa fruit, a hearty breakfast and a massive dinner. well its probably a normal sized portion to most people but to me huuuuuuuuuuuuge lol it was a big dish of my mums veggie shepherds pie and i finished it all. i ate it nearly 3 hours ago and i still feel stuffed!

i wish i could eat normally without having to TRY! its such hard work

 

[Squiglet]

 

[debecca]

Good luck on the 15th trixi!

 

[trixipaws]

iv lost another pound

but, im still half a stone heavier than i was when i started this thread, so i should say even tho i cant help myself feeling gross for going over 7st. never mind im hoping ill sort my head out soon, its only a day and a half until my appointment now...

 

[Krystal]

really glad to hear your doing so well trix.. good luck with the appointment

 

[mamichuli]

Trixi, just wanted to wish you lots and lots and lots of good luck for tomorrow...you know everyone on here is thinking of ya and we are all proud of the effort you are making. Go Girl!!!

Let us know how it goes, eh?

Lisa