****July 2018 Mummies - Tri 2****

[JemRose]

Oh Jem I’m so annoyed for you! I think it’s probably a good idea to keep your distance until you’ve both had a chance to calm down - it’ll be better for you mentally and it may give him a chance to reflect on his levels of douchebaggery.

I’m not having half the bad few days that you are but I’ve been thinking recently that, as everyone has said, pregnancy is no bed of roses and it can be hard when you are struggling with illness of pain because you can feel like you are letting people down by not being quite the person you were before. I know this is something I’ve struggled with recently, worrying I’m not pulling my weight at work and so on. But at those moments it’s your OH’s job to tell you that you are allowed to struggle and it is his job to back you up. It’s obviously going to be hard for them occasionally if you are both working hard and he feels he’s doing more than he usually does, but we’ve always tried to see ourselves as a team and sometimes there are times when one tram mate has to carry the other for a while and it’s tough but it’s worth it. I’d tell him that you appreciate that he’s doing more than his usual at the moment but that you need him to fill in for you for now, that being pregnant is tough on you both but that he shouldn’t fool himself into thinking that it’s anywhere near as tough for him as it is for you. And tell him how heartbroken you were to have him say what he said in front of friends.... that’s what I’d do anyway. Most importantly take care of yourself- I never realised how tough being pregnant was going to be and you need to put self care at the top of your priority list or you’ll exhaust yourself!

Thank you Fela, that's some really good advice. I will wait until things have calmed down and may use a few points from you.
xx

 

[Shanivy]

Just can't stop crying today. Everything is too much. I feel so ill with this infection. I argued with OH yesterday and I threw my phone across the room which is now broken and unusable, so I'm going to have to get a new phone which is another expense I don't need.

OH has really really upset me with how he was yesterday. I didn't get home from the doctors until 6pm. He had tidied when he came home from work, then had a go at me because he had to tidy when I'd been home and he's fed up of doing it all. I see his point, but with my SPD I'm really struggling to do much, also I was off ill yesterday. (De ja vu anyone? Distinctly remember this happening at the beginning of the pregnancy also when I was ill and he went crazy because I hadn't tidied up whilst off work ill. He said he's annoyed and fed up. Then I threw my phone across the room and cried for ages. He hasn't spoken to me since, but said whenever he brings it up I cry and I need to grow up.

He went to football and I was so upset, I messaged my friend (who is his best friend's wife) and she immediately knew something was up and came straight over. Was lovely, but I don't like to moan about him as I feel bad to give him a bad impression as he isn't bad usually he just has his moments.

He came home and we were very distant, but his friend (her husband) then came over and we were all talking. We were talking about moving houses and if we had bidded on any. We said no as waiting for the right house as it is where we will be for the foreseeable future. He then piped up "we won't be having anymore children after this. It's been the worst experience of my life. I haven't had one happy day since she got pregnant. I'm really unhappy and I never want to go through this again. She has been ill almost constantly since October and I'm fed up of it. I will love the baby, but it's not worth it and there won't be anymore".

He went to bed without saying goodnight, he woke up this morning without saying good morning. I dropped him to work and he just left. No nothing from him. I'm going to my mums after work as I don't want to face him at the moment. I'm an emotional wreck tbh.

Honestly, I'm heartbroken by what he said last night and I don't know what to do. I feel angry that he thinks it's him that is suffering. I feel like a failure for being ill and unable to do much and making him so unhappy. I feel devastated that things have gone this way. I don't even know what to say to him because he's so stubborn, and I can't be bothered to wait around until he decides to not be annoyed at me anymore.

Sorry to go on x

Excuse me ?! Is he for real?! I absolutely do NOT see his point. So he has to tidy up a bit for a few months. You're pregnant! What does he think will happen when you have the baby, are recovering from birth, trying to figure out breastfeeding, bonding with baby and generally being a new mother?. Will you also be doing all the housework? I'm so mad for you!

What he said is an absolute joke. And in front of other people too. He really does need a slap right down to earth. In no way do you've deserve that treatment at all. You are not a failure at all. You are the ONLY thing keeping your son alive and healthy and growing right now. You're the one bringing him into the world. That is a bigger thing than he will ever be able to do. You are not a failure! He's fucking lucky you chose to make a baby with him.

I'm really sorry your pregnancy has been so hard. Mine has this time and I completely sympathise with you. But it's not your fault you're so unlucky with it. Baby is doing great and that's all on you. Jem honest I'm sure he has his good moments but he absolutely does not deserve to treat you like shit when you've done nothing at all wrong.

Fuck dropping him anywhere I'd let him sort himself out. I know you love him but he doesn't deserve you at all. Im sorry for being so blunt but if you've were my friend this is exactly what I'd tell you. And it's not you making him unhappy, it's him making you unhappy. Because he's selfish. He better get on his knees and apologise to you for a start! I'm so sorry you're having such a shitty time hun xx

Edit Fela has a good point about being calm. But don't forget it's not you in the wrong. And we're always here to listen btw

 

[JemRose]

Thank you Shan. I'm not gonna give in this time and let him think it's okay. I won't be going home today after work - going to my mums. Hope that will shock him into seeing he's done wrong, doubt it though.

Thank you to everyone for your support. I really hate to paint a bad picture of him, but he does kinda do it to himself tbh. He is amazing in all other ways, but this has just been a fucking nightmare!

 

[Shanivy]

Thanks for the support ladies. I will update after my MRI next week!

Laura that is such a cute photo! As you say its like baby knows its being watched

I haven't had my belly measured yet.. Perhaps I should but no one has asked. Should I contact midwife? Having so many scans/MRI's though so not concerned about the growth of the baby.

Sorry TMI but have had an itch down there for a week or so. Went to GP and got some thrush cream but not sure its helping. No discharge though so not sure what it is. Anyone has had this happening?

Another TMI and question to you ladies who already has another baby. I find it hard not to accidently pee myself a little when coughing and sneezing!! Is this normal? lol

xx

Have you had your 24/25 week appointment yet? Some places start at 28 weeks. I wouldn't worry about it though hun in, they'll not forget to do it

I'd maybe get a swab from midwife incase it's BV or if it's thrush you may need to treat thrush with more than just the cream. Nothing to worry about, just very annoying. I'd had thrush on and off throughout DDs pregnancy, flipping nightmare.

Also yes peeing after sneezing is common. Get on your pelvic floor exercises once baby is out lol xx

 

[Shanivy]

Thank you Shan. I'm not gonna give in this time and let him think it's okay. I won't be going home today after work - going to my mums. Hope that will shock him into seeing he's done wrong, doubt it though.

Thank you to everyone for your support. I really hate to paint a bad picture of him, but he does kinda do it to himself tbh. He is amazing in all other ways, but this has just been a fucking nightmare!

You're welcome that's what we're all here for, to support each other through. Also he's definitely painting his own picture! Good luck hun xxx

 

[Fela]

Ive been having crippling upper/middle back pain for the last couple of days and it’s really effected my sleep to the point where I only got two hours last night and I think I was hysterical with exhaustion! Was supposed to be going to another company’s office today for a long day of project meetings - it’s miles away and was going to be an 8am pick up and not getting home until 9pm - also yesterday at work I was asked to put together a presentation last minute. I pu together the presentation but when I dragged myself out of bed this morning I wanted to cry I was so tired. So I called my colleagues and told them I wasn’t coming and I’m taking the day to try and catch up on some sleep or I’m going to be no use to anyone... it does make me feel bad because I did feel I was letting them down, but I’m so exhausted I’m not sure I would have been a good representative for our group. It’s no huge deal the presentation can be delivered by someone else but I’ve had such a full on year at work that it feels hard to feel like I’m not pulling my weight...or that I’m not keeping up with my usual pace, however having had a good couple of hours sleep this morning I’m getting over feeling that way. As I said earlier to Jem - I think it’s important to realise as we get more pregnant that this is the final stretch and it’s going to get tough and we all need to look after ourselves. Anyway my issue has been that sleeping on my side has become hugely painful, and I started wondering about this whole sleeping position thing... I found some good articles on various pregnancy related advice bits here and thought I’d share:

https://expectingscience.com/the-best-of-expecting-science/

I’ve concluded that although I’m still going to try to get to sleep on my side, if I take a shorter daytime nap I’m not going to worry overly about it. Baby is going to suffer more from a mum who is only sleeping 2 hours a night than from me occasionally sleeping on my back!

 

[malagueta]

Aww Jem, he is a right dick. He's been an arse to you several times throughout your pregnancy and seems to show a complete lack of empathy or understanding. He's making you feel like the guilty one for not being able to work, being ill etc. and he's having a gigantic moan over having to tidy up once in a while. He's being an immature, spoilt brat and I'm really sorry you're having to put up with this on top of everything else.

You have to think long and hard about what he's going to be like once the baby arrives. You said you hate to paint him in a bad light but he's done things like this several times now and is his attitude really going to change when a new life comes into the world and you have all the challenges associated with raising a newborn? (lack of sleep, recovery from birth, etc.)

I'm glad you're going to your mum's after work and I think you should stay there for as long as you need until you work out your feelings and what you want from this. Time away from him will help you work things out yourself. You deserve so much better than this. You're his partner and bringing his son into the world! He can't even show you some respect and support in front of friends while you're at your lowest with all the hormones and illness that have come with a tough pregnancy.

Take all the time you need, take time for yourself and put you and your baby first. We're always here if you need a rant and/or advice.

 

[MariaIsabella]

Hi Ladies,

I forget every time but how do I add a ticker to my signature? I had to update it since my due date has changed since I first added it and now I cant remember! I have created the ticker on lilypie website and I know how to access my signature but I don't know how to add the ticker lol xx

 

[MariaIsabella]

ignore my last post, figured it out!

 

[MariaIsabella]

Ive been having crippling upper/middle back pain for the last couple of days and it’s really effected my sleep to the point where I only got two hours last night and I think I was hysterical with exhaustion! Was supposed to be going to another company’s office today for a long day of project meetings - it’s miles away and was going to be an 8am pick up and not getting home until 9pm - also yesterday at work I was asked to put together a presentation last minute. I pu together the presentation but when I dragged myself out of bed this morning I wanted to cry I was so tired. So I called my colleagues and told them I wasn’t coming and I’m taking the day to try and catch up on some sleep or I’m going to be no use to anyone... it does make me feel bad because I did feel I was letting them down, but I’m so exhausted I’m not sure I would have been a good representative for our group. It’s no huge deal the presentation can be delivered by someone else but I’ve had such a full on year at work that it feels hard to feel like I’m not pulling my weight...or that I’m not keeping up with my usual pace, however having had a good couple of hours sleep this morning I’m getting over feeling that way. As I said earlier to Jem - I think it’s important to realise as we get more pregnant that this is the final stretch and it’s going to get tough and we all need to look after ourselves. Anyway my issue has been that sleeping on my side has become hugely painful, and I started wondering about this whole sleeping position thing... I found some good articles on various pregnancy related advice bits here and thought I’d share:

https://expectingscience.com/the-best-of-expecting-science/

I’ve concluded that although I’m still going to try to get to sleep on my side, if I take a shorter daytime nap I’m not going to worry overly about it. Baby is going to suffer more from a mum who is only sleeping 2 hours a night than from me occasionally sleeping on my back!

I know how it feels with work and letting people down. I have been off a lot since I had some complications after 20 week scan and couldn't face going in to the office. I think the most important thing is to take care of yourself, work is only work in the end of the day.

I wake up on my back ALL the time since that's the position I am most comfortable in. I try to sleep on my left side as recommended but I just don't feel comfortable like that all night so wake up either on my right side, on back or sometimes on my front! I read a lot about it and I think if something was wrong you would be too uncomfortable and automatically wake up and turn around. Don't think any harm will be done sleeping on back etc. as long as you are comfortable. Like you said, the most important thing is to get some sleep xx

 

[JemRose]

Just rang the Maternity Unit that I went to yesterday, to find out results of my blood test. They're not back yet, but the midwife there (not my usual midwife) said she had been calling me and left messages on my phone (told her it was broken) and that she had even been out to my house (30 min drive from the midwife centre).

She said that they were concerned about me yesterday, wanted to check up on how I was feeling and also wanted to do further tests to my urine and blood as concerned about me from yesterday. She mentioned further testing for pre-eclampsia. Brilliant

Must be worried if they've even done a house call from 30 mins away!

Got to ring back tomorrow at 8.30 as they can't get hold of me due to phone being broken and see from there what happens. She told me off for being at work and said I should be home resting x

 

[MariaIsabella]

Just rang the Maternity Unit that I went to yesterday, to find out results of my blood test. They're not back yet, but the midwife there (not my usual midwife) said she had been calling me and left messages on my phone (told her it was broken) and that she had even been out to my house (30 min drive from the midwife centre).

She said that they were concerned about me yesterday, wanted to check up on how I was feeling and also wanted to do further tests to my urine and blood as concerned about me from yesterday. She mentioned further testing for pre-eclampsia. Brilliant

Must be worried if they've even done a house call from 30 mins away!

Got to ring back tomorrow at 8.30 as they can't get hold of me due to phone being broken and see from there what happens. She told me off for being at work and said I should be home resting x

Please don't go to work and stay home and rest! Perhaps your partner can speak to the midwives so he understands what you are going through. Like everyone else say it wont be relaxing and easy when the baby comes so your DH needs to be ready for this. Having a baby is so wonderful but the first couple of weeks/months also the most stressful thing I have gone through ( not sleeping, after labor pains, worrying about every little thing that can happen to baby, hormones and emotions etc. ) so if he is acting like this now how will he cope later?

I really hope he realizes very soon what a prick he has been to you. Take care and nothing else matters now than your health and the baby's xx

 

[JemRose]

Just rang the Maternity Unit that I went to yesterday, to find out results of my blood test. They're not back yet, but the midwife there (not my usual midwife) said she had been calling me and left messages on my phone (told her it was broken) and that she had even been out to my house (30 min drive from the midwife centre).

She said that they were concerned about me yesterday, wanted to check up on how I was feeling and also wanted to do further tests to my urine and blood as concerned about me from yesterday. She mentioned further testing for pre-eclampsia. Brilliant

Must be worried if they've even done a house call from 30 mins away!

Got to ring back tomorrow at 8.30 as they can't get hold of me due to phone being broken and see from there what happens. She told me off for being at work and said I should be home resting x

Please don't go to work and stay home and rest! Perhaps your partner can speak to the midwives so he understands what you are going through. Like everyone else say it wont be relaxing and easy when the baby comes so your DH needs to be ready for this. Having a baby is so wonderful but the first couple of weeks/months also the most stressful thing I have gone through ( not sleeping, after labor pains, worrying about every little thing that can happen to baby, hormones and emotions etc. ) so if he is acting like this now how will he cope later?

I really hope he realizes very soon what a prick he has been to you. Take care and nothing else matters now than your health and the baby's xx

Thank you Maria, I am at work now and have been all day. Finish at 4.30 so will stay till then and not go in tomorrow, as need to ring and speak to midwife at 8.30 anyway xx

 

[KHTW]

Just rang the Maternity Unit that I went to yesterday, to find out results of my blood test. They're not back yet, but the midwife there (not my usual midwife) said she had been calling me and left messages on my phone (told her it was broken) and that she had even been out to my house (30 min drive from the midwife centre).

She said that they were concerned about me yesterday, wanted to check up on how I was feeling and also wanted to do further tests to my urine and blood as concerned about me from yesterday. She mentioned further testing for pre-eclampsia. Brilliant

Must be worried if they've even done a house call from 30 mins away!

Got to ring back tomorrow at 8.30 as they can't get hold of me due to phone being broken and see from there what happens. She told me off for being at work and said I should be home resting x

Jem try not to worry, it could be nothing but I am glad they are keeping an eye on you! Defo stay at home tomorrow if you are not feeling well x

 

[Shanivy]

Just rang the Maternity Unit that I went to yesterday, to find out results of my blood test. They're not back yet, but the midwife there (not my usual midwife) said she had been calling me and left messages on my phone (told her it was broken) and that she had even been out to my house (30 min drive from the midwife centre).

She said that they were concerned about me yesterday, wanted to check up on how I was feeling and also wanted to do further tests to my urine and blood as concerned about me from yesterday. She mentioned further testing for pre-eclampsia. Brilliant

Must be worried if they've even done a house call from 30 mins away!

Got to ring back tomorrow at 8.30 as they can't get hold of me due to phone being broken and see from there what happens. She told me off for being at work and said I should be home resting x

Did they say if there was protein or not? Try not to stress about it. Fx for you that if there is protein it's just from your infection. Just take it easy, screw OH (not literally, the dick) and take some time for yourself. You definitely need to start resting and relaxing just in case. I'm sure all will be fine though hun and it's great she made the effort to come out. If anything does come up at least you can be confident they'll look after you xx

 

[LuckyLaura]

27 weeks today! Off to 3rd trimester I go

Yay congrats! Xx

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[LuckyLaura]

Just got caught up and JemRose I'm so so sorry this is happening AGAIN. Like seriously why is he getting so butt hurt over a bit of tidying... You aren't the staff. You aren't the hired cleaner! If you're ill enough to be off work why would you be okay to be cleaning and doing housework? If you were feeling well, you'd be at work! Pretty simple to understand!

I actually want to slap sense into him. Maybe with a brick. He thinks HE has had a tough time? Is he fucking serious? He's not the one dealing with the constant pain, the never ending ear infections, the grief from your work treating you terribly and then at the end of it all going home to his grumpy-ass face! He doesn't know he's living..and to say that to a friend out of the blue. Id have ended up making a huge row, forget that the friend is there. He's asking for it by saying that out loud in front of the friend in the first place.

I actually am so mad that he's treating you like this and making you feel bad about being ill. That's disgusting and you aren't painting him anyway at all. He's showing himself up! Xx



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[LuckyLaura]

To put this in perspective too, how a real man should be reacting. Since I've been having the intense pain from my fibroid and off work my husband has tied shoelaces for me to save bending.. He did laundry and cleaning.. He walks the dog each day and won't let me go too. We can't afford it at all but he told me I could resign if I wanted to in order to focus on my health cuz being off work so much was stressing me. Like we REALLY can't afford it. Your partner should be looking after you when you need the support and are not well! Otherwise what the hell is he there for?

So mad hahah xx

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[_GG_]

Oh my goodness, just had a quick catch up and like Laura, just going to concentrate on you Jem as I can't remember anything else after reading your post.

I could write a long reply again like I did the last time he was a dick, but I'm not going to. He's a dick. You know he's a dick. You know that no matter how lovely he is the rest of the time, he still has the capacity to be a dick. More than a dick in fact, a controlling mother fucking dick that knows exactly how to appease you and keep you around and exactly how to hurt you most when he feels he needs to. He felt he needed to yesterday, so he did, humiliating you in front of friends in the process.

You know this Jem. I've lost count of how many times you've made excuses for him and his behaviour, but here we are again. You are ILL. You are not putting it on or making it up. You are pregnant and ill and dog help him if he said any of the things he did to you around me, I would verbally fucking floor him and tell him the mark of a man is the ability to step up and support his pregnant missus, not make her life ten times worse like a sackless, dickless little toad.

I'm beyond angry on your behalf, but I'm also hopeful that you really mean you won't let him get away with this now. I've said before and so have others, if he can be like this now, it will be 10 times worse with a baby and what that might mean for you and baby is a very scary thing to think about.

Put yourself first. I know you have low self esteem, but I would put money on him being part, if not all of the reason for that. You DESERVE better than this. Listen to Laura and how her husband has been. Look at my Dan last night out last night as he feared he's not dong enough to provide. Real men care, nurture, protect and defend. The one person you should be able to trust and turn to more than anyone else in the world right now, is the person that is actively hurting you. Stop allowing it.

Just stop allowing it. It's not just about you anymore, you risk your mental health if you let this continue into having a baby in the house with him and you need to put you and your lovely baby boy first.

I can't and won't tell you to leave him...that is your call. But you can't keep doing what you've always done....as you'll just keep getting what you've always got and he's just proven, AGAIN, that nothing has changed.

You CAN be strong.
You DO deserve better.
You ARE allowed to be ill and do fuck all.
You DO deserve better.
You CAN be strong.
.......over and over again repeat that to yourself until you start to believe it.

 

[Shanivy]

Jem hope you're feeling a bit better lovely xx