*~*~* September 2015 Mummies *~*~*

[summer15]

Don't apologise Gilly! You have more babies than hands now! glad you have settled and Otto us enjoying family life despite ear infection - 'Biggy and littley' so cute

Thanks all for reassurance re: lack of boob leakage.

I've been quite busy and active the past week or so which is great - but now the weathers got rainy and I'm only 9 days from due date I'm thinking I need to just relax/put feet up etc. but it's dangerous ... Because then I start thinking so I have another question:

Visitors!]
We are very close (emotionally) to my family but very far geographically (except my brother now moved down near us woohoo!)
My mum and dad are going to come down as soon as possible after he's born - just for a few hrs at the hospital / or at home depending how soon I'm discharged then they won't be down again until the middle of October (he'll be 4-6wks depending when he arrives!) my dear nana and extended family are unlikely to see him until he's about 8 weeks old. I love my family to the moon and back but this suits me perfectly as I'm already feeling quite protective and introverted and am perfectly happy for it to just be me hubby and baby for a few weeks.

The issue is hubby's family. Neither of us are close to them emotionally but unfortunately we are close geographically. I won't go on a rant but some of you may be familiar from previous rants with why we are not close (particularly with my FIL). I struggle to bite my tongue and cope with visits at the best of times let alone in the aftermath of giving birth / being a first time mum. Of course, as my parents are making a visit straight after birth I can hardly deny my inlaws a visit to their newborn grandson - however after that I really want to put a blanket ban on visitors for a while. I DO NOT want MIL/FIL brothers/sisters grandma cousins etc thinking it's ok to just 'pop over' uninvited and play pass the parcel with my baby (sorry probably makes me seem like a real cow - but you kind of have to know these people to understand). Looking online at other people who feel the same way the no visitor ban can range from days to weeks.
- How long realistically do you think we can enforce this? (I'd love minimum of 2 weeks ... Preferably longer ... Preferably we'd move to Canada )
- What is a 'nice' way to pre-warn them that these are our wishes? (These are the sort of people that need to be told the boundaries directly!!)

Sorry this makes me seem really horrible - they are not 'bad' people we are just extremely different - but they have no respect for difference and I know that's only going to be magnified a million times once baby's involved - I've suffered a lot of anxiety throughout my pregnancy and obviously due to hormones/baby blues excessive bleeding / exhaustion etc I really don't want them around until I'm less fragile and Back to my usual strong willed self. Hubby and I have discussed this as he knew I was worried - he's wonderful and perfectly happy to support whatever I want but I need to find a balance between my own comfort and rationality ... Any advice? Xxx

 

[violet13]

Summer you are so not alone here, I care about my mil but I dread her visiting as she hates our dogs or more the fact that I refuse to lock them outside while she's here. I just don't think I'll be very happy when they visit tbh :/ that's sounds awful doesn't it? I'm having a bit of a pissed off day today I've noticed a friend has really upset me, she came for a visit last week and brought her dog which kept attacking ours (has a history of it) and treated my home like a hotel I had to keep cleaning up after her as she is rather lazy and now she just keeps ignoring me which isn't fair if she doesn't want to talk to me she should say so. Xxx

 

[katherine6476]

It's entirely up to you when you have visitors. It didn't bother me and I enjoyed showing Amelia off. One of my brothers came when we were in hospital and the other came as soon as we got home. For the first couple of weeks, cousins and aunties were dropping in all the time but didn't outstay their welcome. I've got quite a large extended family and we are close whereas hubby doesn't have much family locally apart from his parents. I think if you don't want visitors then my only advice would be to be consistent. Don't let some people visit and not others.

 

[hayes]

My advice for visitors would b exactly the same as Katherine's. We had mil,fil,my mum n Dad n sis to the hospital n then everyone else came after n I didn't mind as they would stay for a bit n then leave us alone when we obviously tired. I'm very sociable tho n wanted as above to show him off!!!

I'm so tired after my cleaning spree, really hoping this nesting passes soon as I'm sure the baby's really not bothered how clean my ensuite or conservatory Windows r!!!

Decided to paint my nails instead now n write a lost of snacks to pick up tomoz when we go tescos!!

Michelle.x

 

[doll_eyes]

Summer I feel the same I really want some alone time to bond with baby. Hubbys brothers and his father are all full on and they've not been the slightest bit interested in baby with us having the first grandchild, really ruffled sil feathers as she's older than me but bil is younger and he's not gotten a job since graduating. Hubby's dad hasn't so much as given us a baby sleep suit and charged us money for some second hand clothes! Think that's more to do with hubbys step mum though, they're more than happy to tell us what we should and shouldn't have bought though. Boils my peepee xx

 

[Mary Poppins]

Hi everyone!

Just had a good few pages to catch up on as had a busy few days!

Ramsay hope things are progressing well for you ~ so exciting!!
Jj so nice of you to drop in on us ~ hope you and griffin are doing well!
Summer ~ I was the same as the others and loved showing Belle off and having visitors last time, but did put a very lax time limit on it. That way people got to visit and see her, but we just said about 'popping by for an hour' and then offered one drink when they were here and no more. Meant we still had lots of bonding time but everyone got snuggles too! Maybe see how you feel after ~ you may be surprised. Also re milk mine never came in until birth last time ~ think it's quite normal with your first.

Hope everyone with symptoms/niggles is doing ok ~ they are all positive signs things are moving in the right direction!

My bump has dropped lots overnight. Have next scan and then consultant tomorrow for them to decide whether to induce. After movements picking back up they have been quiet again since sunday so wondering if they might induce, unless they pick up again tonight. I have outlined the positives of both in my mind so am happy either way as long as they make the right decision for baby.

Hubby was working in Sussex today which really played on my mind last night but he is on his way home now and won't be going far again ~ thanks goodness!! Means I can get back on the raspberry leaf tea/evening primrose oil and know he won't be too far away if things start. Phew!! X

 

[Bunny432]

Summer - I always thought I would want loads of visitors but now it's round the corner I've decided I don't. I want the 2 weeks OH is off to be about us a little family. My Mum is my birthing partner so she will be staying with us but my Mum is very like my OH, she wont interfere and will let us do our own thing she's mainly there for support for both of us. The rest of my Mum's side of the family fly out to spain this weekend for a week for my cousin's wedding, at first I was really upset but now it means we only have my Dad and then OH's family to see when she arrives.

We've already said it'll be my mum and dad, OH's mum dad and sister and my best friend to visit us while in hospital / 1st day at home and after then people will just have to wait till we say so. I'm quite lucky as OH's family are laid back too it's just his 2 Nan's I'm unsure how they will take it. Do what's right for you and your family - this is such a special time in your lives don't worry about upsetting anyone they will have to get over it.

All very exciting Tessa - what time is your scan/consultant tomorrow? That's good that OH is coming back so soon, I would hate OH to be away so close to due date so can understand how you felt. I still haven't started primrose oil may get some today xxxx

 

[summer15]

Hi MP! Was just about to ask where you were ...
Glad you are doing well and looking at the positives whatever the consultant outcome tomorrow.

Thanks, I would love to show my baby off (just to different people!!) people that aren't judgemental, condescending, critical and have no respect for anyone else's choices. My husband is the most kind and amazing man in the world (obviously I'm biased ) I honestly have to grit my teeth sometimes and wonder how he was raised by such a small-minded bully. I think you are very lucky if you get on well with your inlaws I would love to, life would be so much easier. I do find it bizarre that you marry one person and suddenly there's a whole bunch of people, regardless of your feelings for them that are suddenly entitled to be part of the most vulnerable and precious moments in your life. Obviously I can't pick and choose and like you say, I'd not have one rule for one and another for others so that's why a period of time where we have a blanket ban is the only way I can think of ... I don't know ... maybe I'll feel stronger than I think after birth.

*whinge over*

Hope you're having a nice anniversary bunny - how is everyone feeling today? I'm on the single digit countdown to due date now!! 9 days though still no labour symptoms for me ... but hey ho - whatever the day turns out to be, each day is one day closer eh

Xxx

 

[Gillyboos]

We said this time we wanted to enjoy Mark's paternity just the two of us bar the odd day. His family are coming on Saturday but we have said that by early afternoon we will need some quiet time and as far as I know this was received well.
I think you're well within your rights to choose a time period that suits after immediate family have seen your son. Last time we were pulled every which way and I really resented the fact we didn't get much family time during paternity leave.
Had the HV today and the girls have both put on an ounce since yesterday. We also got talking about birth this time and last time, I've mentioned that we had quite a traumatic time with my son before, I spoke to her about it and she has put me in touch with Birth Afterthoughts, it's a group that allows you to ask questions about your care and why certain things happened etc. It sounds really good, I do have a lot of questions about invasive tests that were done before something simple and non-invasive was. I think it is going to help me to sort it all out in my head. Sorry for the ramble. Xx

 

[Bunny432]

I feel for you Summer I really do, although I don't know you that well just seeing your facebook updates etc you can tell your OH is one in a million and dotes on you so it is baffling when you think how is he related to them people. You have every right to have the time to yourself - or make it clear it has to be a quick visit, cuddles and off they go.

Yeah Gilly I agree, afterall OH only get's 2 weeks so when he's back I'm sure I will welcome visitors a lot more. I think people just have to grin and bare it no matter how much they don't agree it's completely your choice no one elses.

Thanks Summer, OH is in work and because he normally has football tonight and we could have been in labour we haven't planned much so it will be a nice chilled night in, candles with a nice tea and film. Perfect kind of night and we have said we will celebrate properly when LO is here.

That sounds brilliant Gilly !! When do yo start that> xxx

 

[H16]

Summer - completely understand where you are coming from on visitors. Some people realise when it is appropriate to visit etc and others outstay their welcome and are a nightmare. We lived near OH family when Ruby was born, I was in hospital for 4.5 days as was really poorly after birth so the only people that visited me during that time was my OH and parents. The day I came out of hospital we popped round to see OH dad on way home as we lived down street from him at the time and was a nice hour long visit, he gave us some stuff for the baby etc and was really nice and chilled. We invited his mum and sister round the next day but they really pissed me off from the outset. They came in and basically snatched baby straight off me and started feeding her a bottle etc when I was trying to feed her and bond, they demanded cup of tea after cup of tea and ended up going home at half 10 at night! They then kept dropping in every night of the week anytime from 8pm onwards and as before kept just taking her off me etc and feeding her. I was really upset and pissed off after a few days and told OH I was fed up of it as he was too nice to say anything so we didn't see them for a few days then. Used to annoy me living there though as you either wouldn't see MIL for 2 months on end and then she would randomly turn up 3 days in a row shouting through the flat window for me to let her in (we were ground floor) completely unannounced, waking Ruby up when she had only been asleep for 10 mins etc and on a couple of occasions she turned up when we were literally walking out the door as had plans to meet friends or whatever and she got funny about it when I said I wouldn't cancel plans when I am literally walking out the door. Told her I had no problem her visiting but she needed to ring me first in case I was going out or something and she took massive offense and barely saw us after that. I am so glad we moved 70 miles away last year, don't get any of the hassle any more. Although she had suggested that she will be coming to sleep on our sofa for a few days when baby is born and then wants to stay over every other weekend and I have said hell no to OH and he has agreed, we are not a hostel if she wants to visit she can stay in a hotel, I am not going to tip-toe around in my own house doing night feeds etc. So annoyed that she even felt it was a good suggestion! We never even got to tell her it was a no no though as the last time she bothered to speak to us was in March! If she can't be bothered to even ask how Ruby is from time to time then I don't see why she wants to get so involved with the new baby.

Sorry for the long rant, makes me angry lol. I envy you people with "normal" in laws!

Bunny, your anniversary facebook post was sweet, lovely that you are so happy together

Tessa, hope your appointments go well tomorrow, I will keep my eye out for an update. I would feel same way if my OH was working away too, glad that was the last time though!

Glad you had a good appointment with HV Gilly, surprising how much traumatic events can really have an affect without you realising it. Not quite the same thing but I know when I lost our first baby talking to a professional really helped me sort my head out even though I only had one session

 

[Bunny432]

Awww thanks H , there was some funny old school pictures on that post that I hadn't seen for years was made up when I managed to find them last night, Think I'm going to print them all and make a canvas with ones with us and the baby when she's here too.

Sorry to hear you ladies have it so hard with your in laws, I don't understand why familys can be so difficult. I have issues with my own but not OH's thank goodness
xxx

 

[Kelly450]

We had visitors every single day after birth of the baby up until my OH had to go back to work. So that was 3 weeks and 5 days until we had a day with just the 3 of us before he went to work the next day.
But it's really hard to know how you will feel afterwards. I thought I'd want quiet but I enjoyed showing him off.

Summer, your gonna be like my first was by the sounds of it. Everything just happened at once with no prior symptoms!

Just had midwife. Hope it was the last one! Baby is 3/5 engaged but that means nothing really lol.
Next appointment is 8th September so I politely told the midwife I didn't want to be seeing her that day lol.

She also told me that all those pains I get in my legs and period pains are just due to my braxton hicks. So I am getting them, just not really being able to tell.
OH wants me to have baby tomorrow as that was his prediction! Xx

 

[sara90]

Hi guys had quite a lot to catch up on.congrats to all the new mums i just had a home visit from the midwife,my iron has shot up lol the midwife found it hard to feel the head and tried again and said this was interesting as 4/5 was engaged with just 1/5 left. Ive been having an increase in menstrual cramp pain. I would be happy with the baby arriving on the due date. Ive been offered a sweep on my due date and a week later as well if baby hasnt arrived by then. Went through the birth plan as well.

 

[Mary Poppins]

In laws really are hard! Mine is nice enough, but I wouldn't say easy and she can totally overstep the mark and take offence very easily. I know she will want to take the baby out for a walk on her own within the first few days, but I sm prepared to say no ~ although I know she will have a right moan about it!

Bunny app is 11 30 but I will prob be there quite a while. Am going to bath, deep condition and re paint nails in a mo so I am all ready if they do want to induce later this week.... Oh my! X

 

[sara90]

I dont mind the guests that come and stay for a bit and then go those are the local ones lol. But im dreading the not so local ones,kind of expected to feed them actualy dh sis i can imagine her imposing to stay with her kids who are really naughty and out of hand lol but dh can sort that out seriously. Im already stressed out about it.

 

[violet13]

Hello ladies how've you all been today? I went to a friends house for a little bit and had a nice chat and catch up discussing all sorts got up off her couch to pee for the 1000th time and felt a major sharp shooting pain up my left hand side of my groin it was agony I managed to pee but it was the smallest trickle spent ages peeing but just a trickle, is this my boy getting lower? I did walk a fair bit today and got some horrible back ache but all seems fine now it was just strange :/ xxx

 

[Kelly450]

I don't think I have this problem with my in laws. Tessa it all sounds very exciting

Off to my mums soon for a few hours. Getting so bored at home every evening while OH works x

 

[hayes]

Ohhh good luck tomoz Tess hope all is fine n mayb u will b next n induced before me!!!

My in laws r fab don't know what I would do without them to b honest.

Really bad backache for me still roll on next week.

Michelle.x

 

[violet13]

My mum lives too far away sadly and is having her radio therapy so hopefully soon she can come visit. I miss my mum a lot atm think I've got a bit of home sickness. Hope you have a nice time Hun xxx