*July 2018 Mummies*
- Thread starter Shepherdess
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Happy 34 weeks Shan.
Sorry, but the way I read that, I pictured you delicately tiptoeing around the house having your early shower and getting ready...until you got out the door, then breaking into a Mamma Mia style song and dance extravaganza, lol.
Must be so tough thinking about the affect a second baby will have but I totally agree...things will just fall into place.
Jem, DO NOT pay any more attention to the words of that waste of space midwife. If you're feeling unusually down, ask for help. Your mum or sister visiting, anything...don't bs afraid to reach out for some support. Xx
JaneyJan
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Jem, I'm a nurse and work in the NHS. the things your midwife said to you and the language she used was unacceptable. I'm the same size as you and have been treated very kindly and with respect, sometimes too much so. One of the doctors refused to say the word BMI... And I just said it for her cuz she was so? Embarrassed? Nobody should be calling you a "big girl" that's so patronising and she should not be saying you wouldn't be able to have a vaginally delivery... What a load of rubbish. She sounds like she has real issues around PREJUDICE and PROFESSIONALISM. she could be referred to the NMC for that. Please please do make a complaint and ensure she is named. You should put it down in writing whilst you remember. I would ask for your GP s complaint policy and ask if you can discuss it with a doctor as well as the general manager.
And don't tell yourself you are overreacting. Every single one of us would have felt mortified and humiliated if anyone had spoke to us that way at our appointments.
If I'd have been there I would have given her a piece of my mind, any I'm not usually very outspoken, but that's plain unacceptable. Do let us know how it goes.
Don't let yourself get down love about it. It's the midwife who is in the wrong. There are many girls the same size and bigger than you, MUCH bigger that have healthy babies and healthy deliveries. I'm so mad that she made you feel this way.
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Absolutely JaneyJan. Saw my midwife on Monday, told her and she was really bloody angry and also said a complaint absolutely needed to be made.
Apart from anything else, the idea that a larger woman won't feel as much could risk that mum not checking reduced movement and suffering the loss of the child. It's such a huge thing at the moment to cut the numbers of stillbirth, any midwife not referring straight to triage for feral monitoring has no place doing the job!
Jem, every one of is mortified on your behalf, that says it all. Put the complaint in and demand a new midwife. Xx
Shan, yeah, I know what you meant, just enjoyed my little vision ����
Apart from anything else, the idea that a larger woman won't feel as much could risk that mum not checking reduced movement and suffering the loss of the child. It's such a huge thing at the moment to cut the numbers of stillbirth, any midwife not referring straight to triage for feral monitoring has no place doing the job!
Jem, every one of is mortified on your behalf, that says it all. Put the complaint in and demand a new midwife. Xx
Shan, yeah, I know what you meant, just enjoyed my little vision ����
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Hahahaha gg great imagination xD
My hubby is the same though, he woke me up abs I said please be quiet not to wake dd, boom door slams hard and she's awake.
Yup agree with Jan, jem. I was being nosy at my consultant appointment and looking at my info on the computer, and my bmi is apparently over 35. I've put a stone on I'm nearly 16 1/2 stone FFS... I was 13 before getting pregnant with dd. So obviously I'm on the larger side if things and no ones ever said anything about my weight!!! If they did I'd be abit shocked TBH... When my mom had me she's was 22 stone and she never had anything said to her either. IDK why people get into professions where they need to be sympathetic and have people skills when they clearly have none and never will.
My hubby is the same though, he woke me up abs I said please be quiet not to wake dd, boom door slams hard and she's awake.
Yup agree with Jan, jem. I was being nosy at my consultant appointment and looking at my info on the computer, and my bmi is apparently over 35. I've put a stone on I'm nearly 16 1/2 stone FFS... I was 13 before getting pregnant with dd. So obviously I'm on the larger side if things and no ones ever said anything about my weight!!! If they did I'd be abit shocked TBH... When my mom had me she's was 22 stone and she never had anything said to her either. IDK why people get into professions where they need to be sympathetic and have people skills when they clearly have none and never will.
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Is anyone else suffering with frequent loose stools. I'd rather be fking constipated honestly. Never had this with dd. I'm worried about leaving the house. I get terrible cramping like period paid for about 5 mins then have to run to the loo it's been this way for over a week now. Idk if i can take anything to stop it 
with dd I was constipated up until the day before where my body did the big 'clear out' before labour. Been feeling sick slot recently to.
Ohhh my raspberry leaf tablets came today, taking them tonight! Anyone else already started? Wanted to start at 32 but forgot to order.
Getting hubby to blow up my ball tonight to, tbh I think it'll be OK for my spd more than to get baby down.
with dd I was constipated up until the day before where my body did the big 'clear out' before labour. Been feeling sick slot recently to.Ohhh my raspberry leaf tablets came today, taking them tonight! Anyone else already started? Wanted to start at 32 but forgot to order.
Getting hubby to blow up my ball tonight to, tbh I think it'll be OK for my spd more than to get baby down.
Shanivy
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Fuck me standing waiting on Ivy coming out of nursery and I'm getting the worst shooting pains in my vagina. Oh my god. Trying to stand normally here. FML.
PB I've had bouts of it on and off not illness related. When I have it I'd rather be constipated and when I'm constipated id rather have the runs. We can't win! Im sure you could get something though, they told me at the hospital buscopan I think? Give mw a ring. Getting my raspberry leaf tea next week and starting asap. Xx
PB I've had bouts of it on and off not illness related. When I have it I'd rather be constipated and when I'm constipated id rather have the runs. We can't win! Im sure you could get something though, they told me at the hospital buscopan I think? Give mw a ring. Getting my raspberry leaf tea next week and starting asap. Xx
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KHTW
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Is anyone else suffering with frequent loose stools. I'd rather be fking constipated honestly. Never had this with dd. I'm worried about leaving the house. I get terrible cramping like period paid for about 5 mins then have to run to the loo it's been this way for over a week now. Idk if i can take anything to stop it
Ohhh my raspberry leaf tablets came today, taking them tonight! Anyone else already started? Wanted to start at 32 but forgot to order.
Getting hubby to blow up my ball tonight to, tbh I think it'll be OK for my spd more than to get baby down.
So I just sat down for lunch and opened the browser to this lol
I think we all go through chapters of loose stools. I would prefer that to constipation tho... Anyways I hope this goes away soon since you've had it for a over a week now! No idea if you can take anything for it... xShepherdess
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Is anyone else suffering with frequent loose stools. I'd rather be fking constipated honestly. Never had this with dd. I'm worried about leaving the house. I get terrible cramping like period paid for about 5 mins then have to run to the loo it's been this way for over a week now. Idk if i can take anything to stop it
Ohhh my raspberry leaf tablets came today, taking them tonight! Anyone else already started? Wanted to start at 32 but forgot to order.
Getting hubby to blow up my ball tonight to, tbh I think it'll be OK for my spd more than to get baby down.
I totally feel for you PB. I go two or three days with nothing then horrendous pain and diarrhea
I've been suffering all pregnancy but that's ibs related. It's awful. And the last three days I've had nausea on and offI started drinking raspberry leaf tea at 33 wks but then baby was breech so I stopped, I'm sure she's head down now so started drinking it again a few days ago. I see the mw tomorrow and if she's definitely head down I'll start the tablets
JemRose
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I don't know how to even begin with the complaint and not sure what I want out of it. I don't even want an apology because it won't change anything, obviously I don't want anyone else to feel this way so I guess I do need to step up and complain. I know how to word a complaint letter as I work with the complaints in the gp surgery I work in, but I don't know what to say about why I'm complaining or what I want out of complaining. I just want to go back in time and have it never had happened
KHTW
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I don't know how to even begin with the complaint and not sure what I want out of it. I don't even want an apology because it won't change anything, obviously I don't want anyone else to feel this way so I guess I do need to step up and complain. I know how to word a complaint letter as I work with the complaints in the gp surgery I work in, but I don't know what to say about why I'm complaining or what I want out of complaining. I just want to go back in time and have it never had happened
This really is a crappy situation she got you in!! I mean if writing this complain is going to cause you even more stress just forget about it... she will get what is coming to her one day.
If you want to write it, do it. And if you are unsure you can always post it here and we may be able to help?
Anyway do what feels right to you x
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Shanivy
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I don't know how to even begin with the complaint and not sure what I want out of it. I don't even want an apology because it won't change anything, obviously I don't want anyone else to feel this way so I guess I do need to step up and complain. I know how to word a complaint letter as I work with the complaints in the gp surgery I work in, but I don't know what to say about why I'm complaining or what I want out of complaining. I just want to go back in time and have it never had happened
This really is a crappy situation she got you in!! I mean if writing this complain is going to cause you even more stress just forget about it... she will get what is coming to her one day.
If you want to write it, do it. And if you are unsure you can always post it here and we may be able to help?
Anyway do what feels right to you x
Agreed and I think the main thing is that you shouldn't have to see this woman again. Putting a complaint in Id say would guarantee you a new midwife. It's up to you hun.
But it did happen, and if what she said is affecting your mental wellbeing, or will affect the way you plan your labour, then you deserve to see someone else for starters. Even if you don't want to officially complain, phoning them up and stating what happened, how she's made you feel and that you won't be wanting to see her anymore might be an idea. xx
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Okay Jem, at the end of this I will post a link to the NMC and their complaints referral, which is the route I think you need to go down here.
On that link, you'll see a list of steps to read through before you go ahead and fill in the form, this is to make sure that you are doing the right thing. First that you may wonder about is "does the employer know". Under this, a reason for going straight to the NMC is where there is a patient safety issue. This is because Employers are more likely to deal with things in house and then the NMC never find out. It's important to them that they know when patient safety is being compromised. In your case, I would not inform the midwifes employer as it is something that they are more likely to handle in house and as I explain in a bit, that is not an option here for the sake of you and her future mums to be. So, carry on through the steps and one will be a list of things that you can complain about. For your situation, it is "lack of competence".
The midwife you saw was dangerously incompetent in telling you that reduced fetal movement was down to you being a "big girl". This is why it cannot just go to her employers, but must be a straight referral to the NMC.
Put simply, my midwife, as I said, would have, the moment you said you had felt less movement, sent you into hospital maternity triage to have the baby monitored. I have been for it and the midwives there were adamant that they don't care how many times a mum to be goes in to be checked and if it's all fine every time. It's the lives of our unborn babies on the line and they will always happily hook us up for 30 minutes to monitor and reassure. They would far rather pick up on an issue sooner and give baby a better chance, than it be left too late and your midwife grievously failed you and your baby boy by not referring you based on your reduced feeling of movement. It doesn't have to be no movement, it can be reduced movement or even just a change in the pattern of movement. It is taken very seriously.
The risk of complaining to her employer is that it is handled in house and she carries on failing to take reduced/changed movement in larger mums seriously. She clearly has prejudice so I wouldn't trust an in house complaints system with babies lives at risk.
So, you have a very valid reason for going straight to the NMC, where they actively want patient saftey issues raised immediately and you have a valid category of complaint, being lack of competence.
You just finish going through the steps, download the complaint referral form, it's in Word...fill it in as thoroughly as you can and email it back to them or you can print and sent by post.
You are your babies biggest advocate and so do this without any worry of what will happen. The midwife failed you and your baby boy, end of.
You will have the opportunity to detail all of the smaller things, although they are not small, like...
"
Telling you the baby will be big because you are big, when your consultant has already told you that is not a worry. (Mention your consultant had no reason to worry here)
Repeatedly referring to you as a big girl.
Telling you that you should have a c section because you are a big girl (Mention your consultant no reason to worry here)
Telling you that reduced movement is due to you being a bg girl.
"
Then, when you get to the last part of the form, about patient safety, you need to go into more detail about the risk to the safety of your baby boy due to her insistence that lack of fetal movement is due to your size. Explain that you have been feeling movements without issue, so it is the reduction/change in your usual feelings that you were concerned about and that your size is irrelevant as if being bigger was an issue, you wouldn't have noticed a difference. Say that you believe it is gross negligence for a midwife not to take a reduction in fetal movement seriously and also highly unprofessional to assume that is is due to your weight, when you have had no problems feeling baby before.
https://www.nmc.org.uk/concerns-nurses-midwives/concerns-complaints-and-referrals/make-a-referral/
That's the link to the form and Jem, You really need to do this. For you, your baby boy and all other mums out there that may end up under her care.
As for changing midwife, write a separate letter to the employer/care provider stating that you have lost confidence in the competency of your midwife and require a new midwife to handle your antenatal care going forward as you are no longer comfortable seeing her and have raised your concerns directly with the NMC. That's pretty much all you need to say. End the letter with, "I am confident that you will refer me to a new midwife in these crucial final stages of my first pregnancy as the issues with (name of midwife) have caused me an unnecessary level of stress and anxiety.
Letter could be written as such,
Dear blah blah,
I write firstly to inform you that I have raised concerns directly with the NMC over the competency of your midwife (name of midwife). I have done this on advice of an unrelated midwife due to the serious nature of the complaints, mainly being that my reduced fetal movement was ignored and wrongfully blamed on my weight and also prejudice shown repeatedly during my care.
I write secondly to request that you provide me a different midwife going forward due to my lack of confidence following the most recent appointment.
I am confident that you will refer me to a new midwife in these crucial final stages of my first pregnancy as the issues with (name of midwife) have caused me an unnecessary level of stress and anxiety. I am due my next midwife appointment in week 36, which is the week beginning June 4th, so if you could provide me with the details of an alternative midwife and contact details to ensure I can book my 36 week appointment in good time, I would be very grateful.
Kind regards,
Your name, blah blah.
On that link, you'll see a list of steps to read through before you go ahead and fill in the form, this is to make sure that you are doing the right thing. First that you may wonder about is "does the employer know". Under this, a reason for going straight to the NMC is where there is a patient safety issue. This is because Employers are more likely to deal with things in house and then the NMC never find out. It's important to them that they know when patient safety is being compromised. In your case, I would not inform the midwifes employer as it is something that they are more likely to handle in house and as I explain in a bit, that is not an option here for the sake of you and her future mums to be. So, carry on through the steps and one will be a list of things that you can complain about. For your situation, it is "lack of competence".
The midwife you saw was dangerously incompetent in telling you that reduced fetal movement was down to you being a "big girl". This is why it cannot just go to her employers, but must be a straight referral to the NMC.
Put simply, my midwife, as I said, would have, the moment you said you had felt less movement, sent you into hospital maternity triage to have the baby monitored. I have been for it and the midwives there were adamant that they don't care how many times a mum to be goes in to be checked and if it's all fine every time. It's the lives of our unborn babies on the line and they will always happily hook us up for 30 minutes to monitor and reassure. They would far rather pick up on an issue sooner and give baby a better chance, than it be left too late and your midwife grievously failed you and your baby boy by not referring you based on your reduced feeling of movement. It doesn't have to be no movement, it can be reduced movement or even just a change in the pattern of movement. It is taken very seriously.
The risk of complaining to her employer is that it is handled in house and she carries on failing to take reduced/changed movement in larger mums seriously. She clearly has prejudice so I wouldn't trust an in house complaints system with babies lives at risk.
So, you have a very valid reason for going straight to the NMC, where they actively want patient saftey issues raised immediately and you have a valid category of complaint, being lack of competence.
You just finish going through the steps, download the complaint referral form, it's in Word...fill it in as thoroughly as you can and email it back to them or you can print and sent by post.
You are your babies biggest advocate and so do this without any worry of what will happen. The midwife failed you and your baby boy, end of.
You will have the opportunity to detail all of the smaller things, although they are not small, like...
"
Telling you the baby will be big because you are big, when your consultant has already told you that is not a worry. (Mention your consultant had no reason to worry here)
Repeatedly referring to you as a big girl.
Telling you that you should have a c section because you are a big girl (Mention your consultant no reason to worry here)
Telling you that reduced movement is due to you being a bg girl.
"
Then, when you get to the last part of the form, about patient safety, you need to go into more detail about the risk to the safety of your baby boy due to her insistence that lack of fetal movement is due to your size. Explain that you have been feeling movements without issue, so it is the reduction/change in your usual feelings that you were concerned about and that your size is irrelevant as if being bigger was an issue, you wouldn't have noticed a difference. Say that you believe it is gross negligence for a midwife not to take a reduction in fetal movement seriously and also highly unprofessional to assume that is is due to your weight, when you have had no problems feeling baby before.
https://www.nmc.org.uk/concerns-nurses-midwives/concerns-complaints-and-referrals/make-a-referral/
That's the link to the form and Jem, You really need to do this. For you, your baby boy and all other mums out there that may end up under her care.
As for changing midwife, write a separate letter to the employer/care provider stating that you have lost confidence in the competency of your midwife and require a new midwife to handle your antenatal care going forward as you are no longer comfortable seeing her and have raised your concerns directly with the NMC. That's pretty much all you need to say. End the letter with, "I am confident that you will refer me to a new midwife in these crucial final stages of my first pregnancy as the issues with (name of midwife) have caused me an unnecessary level of stress and anxiety.
Letter could be written as such,
Dear blah blah,
I write firstly to inform you that I have raised concerns directly with the NMC over the competency of your midwife (name of midwife). I have done this on advice of an unrelated midwife due to the serious nature of the complaints, mainly being that my reduced fetal movement was ignored and wrongfully blamed on my weight and also prejudice shown repeatedly during my care.
I write secondly to request that you provide me a different midwife going forward due to my lack of confidence following the most recent appointment.
I am confident that you will refer me to a new midwife in these crucial final stages of my first pregnancy as the issues with (name of midwife) have caused me an unnecessary level of stress and anxiety. I am due my next midwife appointment in week 36, which is the week beginning June 4th, so if you could provide me with the details of an alternative midwife and contact details to ensure I can book my 36 week appointment in good time, I would be very grateful.
Kind regards,
Your name, blah blah.
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I don't know how to even begin with the complaint and not sure what I want out of it. I don't even want an apology because it won't change anything, obviously I don't want anyone else to feel this way so I guess I do need to step up and complain. I know how to word a complaint letter as I work with the complaints in the gp surgery I work in, but I don't know what to say about why I'm complaining or what I want out of complaining. I just want to go back in time and have it never had happened
This really is a crappy situation she got you in!! I mean if writing this complain is going to cause you even more stress just forget about it... she will get what is coming to her one day.
If you want to write it, do it. And if you are unsure you can always post it here and we may be able to help?
Anyway do what feels right to you x
Ordinarily I would agree, but this isn't just about Jem. This is a midwife who is telling overweight, and only slightly overweight at that, women that reduced fetal movement is due to that weight. That can directly put their unborn babies at risk and someone giving that advice has no business managing the care of mums to be.
Any reduction or even just change in fetal movement should be looked into, not shrugged off so trivially. Even having a higher BMI...you can only notice a reduction in movement if you know what the normal movement is, so this midwifes insistence that it is due to excess weight is mind numbingly stupid anyway.
Jem has this forum and we've all reacted with equal shock over the midwife. Other mums may not have that and may just go on to ignore reduced fetal movement, blaming themselves for being bigger. It makes me so furious and that's why I told my midwife about it on Monday afternoon. Her advice was clear as day...it was negligent and a complaint should absolutely be made.
Jem, it can be stressful making complaints, but it can also be extremely liberating to take control of your care. Get yourself a new midwife and you can leave the NMC to deal with the complaint. Forget about it, move on with your pregnancy and if you do hear from the NMC, it will be only in your best interest and supportive of you, so don't worry about it at all.
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#girlpower
Honestly, seems really official, but it will be followed up and hopefully the midwife will learn a very important lesson that she desperately needs!
Be VERY proud of yourself for taking control for you and your lovely baby boy. xx
malagueta
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You have the right to feel confident in the care you receive Jem and if you don't complain you may have to see that midwife again. At least on a personal level, putting in a complaint means you will feel better about your care going forward. And as others have said on a wider level it ensures this is dealt with to help other mums.
My best friend just had her second baby (another wee girl) and I'm now so excited! But also worried as her baby weighed almost 9lb and she's come over a week before her due date.
I have a scan on Friday as they do a third trimester one here for everyone, even if you are low risk, so hoping they will tell me baby's predicted weight and current position.
Also received a huge order of nappies this morning after I found a website here offering them on sale, making them around 5 cents cheaper per nappy than any supermarket prices, so I'm feeling more prepared.
My best friend just had her second baby (another wee girl) and I'm now so excited! But also worried as her baby weighed almost 9lb and she's come over a week before her due date.
I have a scan on Friday as they do a third trimester one here for everyone, even if you are low risk, so hoping they will tell me baby's predicted weight and current position.
Also received a huge order of nappies this morning after I found a website here offering them on sale, making them around 5 cents cheaper per nappy than any supermarket prices, so I'm feeling more prepared.
