Diary of an IVFer

[Helen]

I should just add that we had another power cut last night. 10 minutes doesn't sound like a long time, but when you have really expensive drugs getting warm in the fridge it's a lifetime!!

Have also (finally) got round to doing our funding letter. I don't know why it's taken me so long to do. You'd think it would be top of my list

 

[Urchin]

Glad you're feeling better Helen

Maybe keep ice-packs in the freezer in case you get a longer power cut one day? Better safe than sorry.


xxx

 

[Helen]

Day 9 of IVF Cycle

Bleurgh...

Worn out today. Had a terrible nights sleep last night. OH woke me up at 3am to tell me that the power had been off (yes, again!) and I needed to reset alarm clock. We think the longest it had probably been off was on hour so all was ok. It then took me an hour and a half to go back to sleep.

Had to get up early to go for 7-10 day scan in middle of Leeds. 8:45am appointment wasn't the best idea as it meant trekking through the rush hour to get there. Got to hospital in time and they couldn't find a record of our appointment, in fact our onsultant was in Brazil. Turned out they had us down for next Thursday at the same time. Even though that will be Day 16 then apparently that is still ok for a 7-10 day scan

More tears from me afterwards. I was so knackered from the previous night and early start plus the hormones probably didn't help. OH as usual was wonderful and just gave me a big cuddle. Been really busy at work today so it took my mind off things, just looked dog rough all day!

H

xx

 

[Peanut]

Ooooh hospital administration eh?

You're OH sounds like a rock. Shame your electricity can't be more reliable Don't worry abou it too much though - have you got a thermometer for your freezer? I'm sure I've read that the freezer copes pretty well with keeping it's temp during a power cut, just don't open the door/lid.

Pea x

 

[Helen]

Should say that I can't be 100% sure it wasn't me who messed up! Doh!

There is a temperature thing inside the fridge, only you have to open it to read it!

 

[Peanut]

argh typical....don't open it until the power's back on....have you still got your instructions/guide for the freezer? I'm sure mine says it'll be fine for 4 hours or so...after that it recommends wrapping meat in paper to transfer to another freezer (yeah cos we've all got a spare one )

 

[Helen]

Day 11 of IVF Cycle

Ahhhh... feeling loads better today. Went to bed before 10pm last two nights and had lovely long lie in to about 9 this morning. Just been into town and ordered myself some new glasses and parked near this gorgeous jewelry shop. Have also bought some new earings as well.

Retail therapy, you can't beat it!

H

xx

 

[Andrianne]

Glad you're feeling well Helen! I bet you bought lovely stuff!

So what is the next step for you now?

xxxx

 

[Helen]

Day 12 of IVF Cycle

Oh well, I know I am supposed to be relaxing but it's not really in my nature. Been for a run this morning, though just a short one as I'm a bit out of practice. Been having a baking day as I love cooking. Made two different kinds of biscuits and now on with an apple pie. Yum!

Still sweating at night and the odd hot flush during the day. Not too tearful at the moment. Actually, if I'm honest (at this point) this is nowhere near as bad as I thought it might be. One interesting thing is that my skin seems to be clearing up. I've never been particularly troubled with bad skin but I've usually got a zit on the go and at the moment it feels quite good.

Just had a load of leaflets dropped off that OH and I need to deliver before the end of the week for Part 2 of village open day. He's at work at the moment then off to visit his Dad in hospital so I may head off in a bit and get rid of them. Have also decided that it's time to clear out the tomato and pepper plants that are taking over the conservatory. Started with good intentions and had the odd flurry of interest but I don't have the patience for constant attention. ( What sort of Mother would I make?)

Broke my promise to myself not to drink at all during this process last night and had a teeny weeny glass of wine. I've been cutting back so much on it lately, that that was all it took and I can't say I particularly enjoyed it. Don't worry, sure that will all change when I emerge out the otherside (one way or another!).

I'm being hassled by my friends, my OH, my work colleagues and my parents to try and slow down and take it easy.... the question is, how do you slow down someone who likes being busy?

H

xx

 

[Little Miss Joslyn]

Thats a good sign if your skin is clearing up Helen. Im glad the IVF is going well and I think it is great that you are keeping busy. I wish I had the enthusiam to do something! OH is always moaning that I sit and moan

Did you have to wait long for the IVF treatment? I have my hospital appointment tuesday morning and im dreading what they may tell me. I already know im not ovulating but I think there is something else wrong.

Can you please send me a slice of your apple pie down the computer cos it sounds really yummy. x

 

[Helen]

Hi

*squidging apple pie down cable*

It really depends on your area as to how long you have to wait on the NHS. In our area the NHS wait is 3 years. We have paid to go private and we were put on that waiting list in early June, so 3 months wait there.

I've just been trying to find a document that listed all the PCT and how long the wait was in each, but the infertility site that I go on has been revamped and I think that document has gone now.

Good luck on Tuesday. How long have you been on Clomid? I thought you'd only been at that a couple of months

H

xx

 

[Little Miss Joslyn]

Hi

*squidging apple pie down cable*

It really depends on your area as to how long you have to wait on the NHS. In our area the NHS wait is 3 years. We have paid to go private and we were put on that waiting list in early June, so 3 months wait there.

I've just been trying to find a document that listed all the PCT and how long the wait was in each, but the infertility site that I go on has been revamped and I think that document has gone now.

Good luck on Tuesday. How long have you been on Clomid? I thought you'd only been at that a couple of months

Thanks for that info Helen.

You are right as i have only been on Clomid for 2 months but my friends at work are saying im moody and my OH thinks i am Jackel & Hyde Maybe im an emotional wreck cos they are hormone tablets but I thought my friends would understand. They told me that they want the old Nikki back and that really upset me and then OH said not to blame the tablets. I have also got my driving test next month so i dont want to feel like I do now. Im hoping that I dont need the Clomid and that on tuesday they can help me.

I read through your whole diary last night Helen and you have been through so much pain and the needles!( I hate needles and faint in blood tests! ) I think my nest step is the internal as I have had the blood tests( I hate internals too!)after having too many during my miscarriage I know I will tense up and it will be like sticking a log in the hole of a needle

The pie was lovely.



xx

 

[Helen]

TBH I haven't heard of anyone who doesn't go a bit psycho on Clomid, in fact I was more worried about the possibility of 6 months on that, than I was about IVF. Dunno if that makes sense.

Fingers crossed for tomorrow.

H

xx

 

[Helen]

Day 13 of IVF Cycle

Heard from ex-sis in law (she's divorced from my ex-DH's brother and we stayed in touch) today that her IVF cycle failed. She has 4 frozen embryos so is hoping for another go next month. Fingers crossed, although with 6 kids already, you'd think that'd be enough! They're all boys though, so I think she's going to keep going until she gets a girl!

Came home from work tonight and spent half an hour just sitting in front of the TV and trying to relax. An absolute first for me. It was hard going though, cos there was nothing at all on!

H

xx

 

[Little Miss Joslyn]

TBH I haven't heard of anyone who doesn't go a bit psycho on Clomid, in fact I was more worried about the possibility of 6 months on that, than I was about IVF. Dunno if that makes sense.

Fingers crossed for tomorrow.

Hi Helen,

Im sorry that your ex-sister -in -laws IVF failed but she is very lucky to have 6 kids already! Dont be disheartened as im sure your IVF will work.

I went to the hospital to get my results that my Dr had already given me and told them that he had put me on Clomid and they were amazed! apparently i am ovulating so i didnt need thse at all so I am livid i have to wait now to have my tubes checked and go from there.

Hope you are having a good dayx

xx

 

[Helen]

Day 14 of IVF Cycle (2 weeks in!)

Had a bit of a tough day today. One of the staff wanted to see me with his Manager. I'm always a bit nervous about that sort of thing as it usually means something is wrong. Yesterday, I'd given this same guy a load more responsibility because someone else was leaving and I was expecting him to tell me he couldn't cope.

Anyway, thankfully it wasn't bad news. He wanted to tell us that his wife is 8 weeks PG. I switch into HR Manager mode and congratulate him and tell him about paternity leave and how to register for it. His Manager's g/f had a baby in July so the topic of conversation couldn't help but get round to babies and nappies and all that sort of thing.

His Manager knows that I am having IVF although I don't think he knows we're in full flight at the moment. I could see him taking a sneaky sidewards "is she ok?" look at me now and again. Well, I wasn't really ok. I was dying inside, full of all the usual jealousy and self-pity that being infertile brings with it. I hate feeling like this. Tears kept welling up and being forced away again.

Afterwards I took myself off to the loo for a self-pitying cry and noticed that my hands had some pretty deep fingernail marks in them.

H

xx

 

[Helen]

I went to the hospital to get my results that my Dr had already given me and told them that he had put me on Clomid and they were amazed! apparently i am ovulating so i didnt need thse at all so I am livid i have to wait now to have my tubes checked and go from there.

This isn't the first time I've heard this, in fact I was worried that they were going to do that with me at one point. It seems totally wrong that they can do this without checking women's tubes first. If someone has blocked tubes all the Clomid in the world won't help that and considering you only have 6 months on the stuff why waste them?! Grrr... makes me so cross.

Glad you got that sorted out. Any idea when you'll go for the laparoscopy?

H

xx

 

[Peanut]

oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry you had a shitty day x x x
At least you're doing something, you're in full flow as you put it and working towards being in their situation...it'll be you next

 

[Little Miss Joslyn]

Ah helen,

hope you have a better day today. my work friend came in the other day as she is on merternity leave and due the same day mine would have been due 2 years ago. I couldnt bring myself to go over to talk to her as it hurt so much and i was thinking "this should have been me as she wasnt even trying!" hopefully I wont be so emotional now im off the Clomid. Although i didnt ovulate this month! it is so hard to show joy to someone when you too want it so bad.

I should hear from them by november hopefully.

we are all here for you x

 

[Helen]

Day 15 of IVF Cycle

Had a better day today. The Manager who was in the meeting with me yesterday when one of his staff announced his wife was expecting caught up with me and made a point of asking how I was feeling and whether I was ok after yesterday.

It's really easy to focus on the crass and tactless things people say around you (often without having any idea or meaning to hurt) and you can forget that there are a lot of lovely people around who are really sensitive, caring and thoughtful (including you lot!).

H

xx