yep im hooked [updated with pics iv put on weight!]

[Urchin]

He's only doing it cos he cares about you.

 

[trixipaws]

He's only doing it cos he cares about you.

 

[*Star*]

I think your doing a great thing speaking and getting some help!
I always think the hardest thing is actually 'admitting' that you need help.

Good luck with everything! Like others have said I think your OH is just worried about you.

 

[LucyBee]

I think you're so brave for doing all of this.
Millie will be so proud of her Mummy for getting it sorted.
Lucyx

 

[Eblinx]

i just sat here and read all 6 pages of this post!
Im glad you are getting some help hun, thats a fantastic step to take.
As others have already said it sounds alot like you OH is just worried about you at the moment, yes ok you lied but he probably just wants you to get better now
Please keep us updated and remember we are all behind you all the way.

 

[Squiglet]

im not very happy, u girls are great i wish u all lived in manc and would come round my house and gimme hugs! im in need of hugs! iv been hugging millie as much as she'll let me but she's in bed now i cant! ill try my boyf again later, i hope he doesnt reject me

theres no quick fix to this...but you have to do this for Millie and yourself. Its also likely that you OH is being distant because he is so afraid that you will end up dying over this that he believes the more distance he puts between you and him, the less painful it wil be... It won't..but men are weird in that sense,...

 

[trixipaws]

iv been liasing with someone on the internet- who claims he or she has some radical way of making me normal and stopping me from being anorexic but i dont have to gain any weight- in fact its ok by them if i lose a bit more! well of course this appeals to me, coz i DO wanna be healthy and sound minded but i DONT wanna gain weight! it costs £500 a month which iv told them is absolutely impossible but they say they can work around price- the answers i got about how we can "work around price" and what exactly this radical treatment entails but the answers were very evasive really
as u can imagine tho it really appeals that i can fix this problem without getting fat...


re. my boyf; he has warmed to me and it does appear he was just expressing his concern with his anger as he keeps cuddling me and saying "please try to put some weight on, will u please? u dont look healthy" etc. and he keeps jokingly calling me 'tin-ribs' at every opportunity. iv promised to try (to put on weight) but im in such a dilemma in my head coz i dont want to i kno ill feel miserable if and when i do

i said i'd cook tonite- he wants me to eat "proper food" (meat and veg) i dont eat meat but i promised i'd eat some salmon- i could probably just about stomach fish. and dont think he's being evil- im not vegetarian for moral reasons- i am just squeamish (freaks me out the idea of chewing on a bit of flesh! im gonna feel like a zombie lol) so its not gonna be traumatic for me eating fish even tho i class it as meat.

anyway so cooking salmon for me and pork (i think? some kinda not-fish meat) for him along with roasted carrots and parsnips. hope he'll be happy!

my HV is coming again 2mro telling me what she's found out and where we go next from here

 

[fran_23]

iv been liasing with someone on the internet- who claims he or she has some radical way of making me normal and stopping me from being anorexic but i dont have to gain any weight- in fact its ok by them if i lose a bit more! well of course this appeals to me, coz i DO wanna be healthy and sound minded but i DONT wanna gain weight! it costs £500 a month which iv told them is absolutely impossible but they say they can work around price- the answers i got about how we can "work around price" and what exactly this radical treatment entails but the answers were very evasive really
as u can imagine tho it really appeals that i can fix this problem without getting fat...

Oh my god trix warning bells- please stop talking to whoever it is! there is NO miracle cure for anorexia and the cure is not for you to get fat- there is no cure!!! you will get better by slowly re-establishing a healthy relationship with food!!! your view of your body will change with this, time and PROPER help= these people are preying on your vunerability to make money!! STOP CONTACT WITH THEM..please..

 

[Krystal]

Awww Trix I am really worried about you. I don't know much about eating disorders etc etc but seriously ..

in fact its ok by them if i lose a bit more

do you really think this person has your best interests at heart?? they want to charge you £500 and allow you to continue killing yourself at the same time. Thats nice of them.

I don't know what else to say I just think your on a slippery slope and you'd rather listen to some nutter from the net who is trying to rip you off rather than listen to your boyfriend who obviously loves you as well as your poor daughter who you are putting at risk of growing up without mummy around! I just wish someone would give you a shake

 

[LaineyG]

Trix,
You should NEVER have to pay for help. And 500 quid a month is ridiculous!!! It's a SCAM, no doubt in my mind. If I were you I'd cut all contact with this person. They are AT IT!! They prey on people feeling a bit low and promise them the world and then can never deliver!

You'll certainly feel lighter if you go with it....in your bank account!!!!!

Speaking to your HV is the best thing to do. You need to get well again for you, Millie and your boyf. You need to tell your HV everything that you have said to us. She won't take Millie off you, or report you to social services. I spoke to my HV about when/why she would involve social services and she said "Very rarely, our main priority is to keep the child with it's parent/s, as that is the best place for the child." She said she's seen most things in her time as a HV, and she can count on one FINGER the number of times a child has been taken away from the parents.

Please please please forget about this internet scam, with your HV help (and us ), and your Boyf you'll be able to beat this.



xxx

 

[Mildly]

Seriously hun, these people are trying to rip you off. £500 a week and you can still lose weight??? You cannot tell me that in your heart of hearts that sounds legit! Not only will you be broke but you are putting your health in danger too. I'm sorry to be blunt but your avatar picture shows you as unhealthy looking thin. You have to fuel your body in order to live which means eating decent food. Cut out all the sweets and chocolates if you want but replace them with proper meals. Another thing about anorexia is that if you spend a extended amount of time eating not a lot your metabolism is severely affected to the point where if you ever decide to eat normally again you will pile on the weight. The best solution is to eat normally now and to help your body with regular exercise. Your daughter is going to grow up thinking she should look like you and eat the same amount that you do and I know that you wouldn't want her to follow your example.

You've done such a great thing by contacting your HV, stick with it and take whatever help she offers You sound so insecure I think you really need to talk to a professional to try and find the root of why you feel this way.

In some ways I do kind of agree with your OH, he has tried telling you that you are too thin, that you would look better to him with a bit more flesh on your bones but you are still unable to see the damage that you are doing too yourself. As Urchin says above, he is doing it because he cares. Sometimes it helps to take stock of what you have in life. You have a lovely daughter and great life partner, a job you hopefully enjoy and friends and family who love you. What is it that makes you feel like you have to control your weight loss with such fanaticism?

Anyway good luck hun

 

[Sandi4Paul]

Trix, i know how you feel, when i had my worst relationship with my body and food i used to be prud of myself for the weight i was loosing, I am still weird, when we do those weight gain threads in third tri i like seeing if i am the one with the least weight gain, and yes i get a thrill that i often am (please don't judge me for that, it's not right i know). The buzz you get being on the scales it feels good at the time.

its very hard to break out of that cycle, especially when you get attention for the weight you are (or have lost as the case may be).

I am not sure if you are ready to get help yet, you don't seem to be in the right frame of mind to be receptive to it.

Sandi

 

[LilysMummy]

Trix that SCAM is not the way forwad!

The fact of the matter is you do need to put a bit of weight on , you cant afford to lose anymore. I know there are some great ladies on here who have a hell of a lost more knowlage than me. So PLEASE listen to them.

Have you read through your posts on this subject do they seem normal or stange to you? Your so colse to getting PROPER help with your HV please dont lose it all on some wacko on the internet.

 

[trixipaws]

dont worry everyone im not gonna go to this internet route. there's no way i'd spend money on this anyway and i doubt they'll help me for free!

im just tryna be honest, if i said "ooh, i really wanna get up to 7 and a half stone" i would be lying to u! i dont, i would feel fat if i was back up to that weight. but I AM HONEST TOO WHEN I SAY I WANNA BE NORMAL FOR MILLIEPOPS AND MY BOYF and im looking forward to my HV coming 2mro and will welcome whatever she offers with open arms!

i cant help how i feel about my weight even tho i kno its wrong, i would be lying if i said losing a kilo wasnt more applealing than gaining one. lying wont get me anywhere will it

 

[Krystal]

I think we all react strongly cos we care about you and Millie and we don't want anything to happen to you. But it's fab your being so honest and your def making steps in right direction. Good luck with it

 

[trixipaws]

well dinner went well

i ate my fish and my boyf was rele proud of me!
well i did eat the pink bits but not the gray bit at the bottom- that bit didnt look appetising and i ran out of lemon juice i only had about 3 sprinkles so it was a bit dry. i carried on eating after i'd had enough coz i knew he wanted me to eat at least half. got belly-ache now! but i dont feel too gluttonous so thats good, innit?

 

[mrs_tommo22]

Fish is fab trix and it contains healthy fats, not ones you dont want in your body. Fish is one of the best things to eat.

 

[valentine]

Hi trixi,

You are doing really well, I'm really proud of you for having a proper dinner.

However, I have to admit, that I am still really really worried about you. I think you do need some professional help as you do have a very upside down attitude to your body image and putting weight on. Please listen to your HV tomorrow and don't just dismiss the problem - you need to deal with this now, not later, for Millie. I do really appreciate your honesty though, it can't be easy to admit all this to everyone.

P.S. I don't eat the grey bits on the salmon either, yuk.

Valentine Xxx

 

[Foxxi]

How did it go with the HV Trix???

 

[trixipaws]

erm, tbh there wasnt a LOT to it today, it was really just her telling me my options and askin which i wanted. there were 3 options: get referral direct from my GP (which she said would be on loooooong waiting list); get referral from "the mental health team" and another one which wasnt really doing any action just getting support (the first 2 are support AND action- i kno i didnt fully understand it myself but)

i just said to her, whichevers the quickest, and the only thing to hold me back from giving consent would be the risks re. social services etc. she reassured me again that there was absolutely zero percent chance of that kind of risk- they are not here to do that, they would have to TELL me if they were gonna ring social anyway they cant go behind my back, they need my CONSENT would u believe b4 they can call social anyway and if they went to them without it they (social) wouldnt act upon it unless there was a significant child protection risk etc etc etc.

so, i felt very reassured and that was my only hesitation and always has been, so i said yep, do whatever is quickest!

so iv been referred to the mental health team

my family are slightly stuck-up and middle-class etc and i try not to be like that coz its cringey, but i cant help feeling ashamed of the label "mentally ill" which i will officially be after this referral. its like a big shameful taboo like iv got this big "X" on my fo'd