yep im hooked [updated with pics iv put on weight!]

[Sherlock]

Trix

Its good you are talking about this here, to us, sharing. Better to be doing that than not talking to anyone and buyring your head in the sand about it.

Please please please don't fret about having to give personal info. Helplines are not there to judge you or anyone and you are under no obligation to tell them anything personal about you.

I checked the EDA's website and it says about calling their helpline...

The purpose of the helpline is to provide a confidential service including:
a listening ear
non-judgmental response
information about eating disorders
information about help available

So please relax a bit about them thinking that you are not fit to look after your child. You are What you are looking for is some support, information and help to stop this problem from getting worse. Its in its early days and you are wanting to and trying to deal with it and make things better. Nowhere have you done anything wrong for anyone to think you are not a good Mum. If anything you are being very mature and accepting that you are in need of a bit of impartial guidance and that to me shows you are a great Mum. Able to realise when you need a bit of help and asking/seeking it.

Please keep positive about calling them. It always seems more daunting before hand, but I am sure once you actually start talking and take that first step it will be easier. Just take it slowly and you will get there

 

[Sherlock]

Hope you got to make your call today Trix. Been thinking of you

 

[trixipaws]

ok i foned vthem was nicely suprised got straight thru and they didnt even ask any personal details at all. the lady i spoke to gave me some details of local support groups i took a couple numbers and emails. there was one that seemed do-able (didnt co-incide with work or waa-waa commitments) i hav 2 fone on mondays between 7-8pm. if i get chance ill call in a bit, but if not i got the email.
she also reassured me like u guys said that my HV is unlikely to go running off to social and anyway social are not the enemy type thing. good to hear but im still not inclined to do that unless i was promised that legally due to data protection or something they are unable to action anyway- even a teeny tiny risk is too much for me. ill try this contact iv been given tho.
oh and i told her iv gotta try n do this all behind my boyf's back and she tried to reassure me he probably wont be as angry as i think. hmm, not sure about that! she doesnt kno my boyf, lol.
anyway, bit of a weight off my shoulders (pun not intended there lol!)

anyway off out on a date with my boyf 2nite as waa-waa's at my parents'. thanx for all ur lovely messages everyone, hope something comes of this contact iv been given

 

[Sherlock]

Sounds promising And its good the worries you had about personal info came to nothing

Hopefully you can contact this group by phone tonight or if not email and maybe arrange when to go along.

Like the person you spoke to, I don't think your OH could me mad at you for seeking a bit of advice and help for your weight loss. Its good you are doing this and I'd like to think he would support you on it. It is good to go outside for impartial advice from professionals and people who have gone through similar to you.

And again like has been said, I really don't think you have anything to worry about with regards to the HV. You are doing nothing wrong, simply seeking a bit of support and advice and that is a good thing, not a bad.

So pleased you've taken this first step Trix

 

[trixipaws]

i will hav 2 email them, after hollyoaks finished had to get ready to go out later, and had to call o2 coz my credit mysteriously disappeared (apparently i spent it tho part of it was 7 texts just since this afternoon! )

idk bout my boyf, the tone of his voice that time when he saw me after the shower and told me off- and some of what he said- i just think he might leave me. he wont understand that im not doing it on purpose i just think he'll go mad. he made me promise to eat more and gain weight and i havent done he'll just see that as me just being unfaithful and completely defying him; and i can see his point really. i dont think he'll see the difference between this and promising to do a favour then saying "oh i cant be arsed now", ykwim?
it upsets me that he'll think im just a bitch who doesnt care about him whose promises mean nothing so hopefully i can resolve things without having to tell him.

 

[kazlin]

You are on the right track hun. Remember to keep us posted with updates

By the way I love the way you call Millie waa-waa, it sounds so cute

 

[mum&2girls]

aww hun im glad you phoned up well done hun just want to give you some hugs im so worried about you xxxxxxxxx

 

[Babylicious]

you've done the right thing hun

 

[Miss.Monroe]

wow reading from the first post to now, it shows amazing changes already. your doing great. just dont stop now.

dont ever feel that your boring us or we want you to stop posting. xxx

 

[Mildly]

Good luck trixi Sounds like you've done really well taking the first steps. Asking for help is more than half the battle

I know I don't know your bf but the fact that he expressed concern over your skinniness makes me think that he would be pleased and supportive that you are taking steps to gain weight regardless of how you feel you need to achieve this. I have to admit (not trying to open a whole other can of worms here) but sometimes the words you use when describing your bf and conversations with him worry me.

he'll just see that as me just being unfaithful and completely defying him; and i can see his point really

Sorry if I have got the wrong end of the stick but you don't sound as though you have a lot of confidence in yourself and either your bf is quite controlling or he doesn't inspire you to have much confidence in yourself either.

Eating disorders are often related to self esteem issues so if you go for counselling about your weight loss they may ask you about your relationships with your bf and possibly suggest some sort of counselling for you both to make sure that you have a healthy relationship instead of one that is making you unhappy. Again I mean these comments with respect and don't mean to offend if I am way off the mark

 

[trixipaws]

hey everyone, iv been so touched by all the replies on this thread lately- gotta admit at first i felt a bit attacked! lol but now i just feel really cared about its nice!

anyway just wanna say iv had a really good day today, yah iv been in work (boo!) but its been really sunny and on my lunch hour i was walking around town (i work in city centre) and there was a wonderful summery vibe and i was wearing a cute outfit and felt really good about myself. and iv eaten tons today and dont feel too bad about it, im TRYING to feel GOOD about it and trying not to feel like a fat gluttonous pig! but yes iv had a proper breakfast (golden syrup porridge) and lots of fruit (will update urchins thread next!) and a proper healthy dinner (my mum's roasted veggies she sent home with waa-waa including *gasp!* potatoes!) and iv had my usual quota of sweets (quite a lot really but usually i replace all my meals with the sweets thats how i dont get fat- but today iv had the meals AND the sweets!)
not sent an email yet, ill do it 2mro while boyf's at work. every time i go to make a cup of tea or do a wee he pounces on the laptop and hogs it for ages looking at gaming forums to help him get better at his current ps3 game, bless! but i dont want emails popping up if i dont want him to read them.

 

[Miss.Monroe]

your doing great hun

 

[Sherlock]

Trix, just popping in to see how you are going with things and to say I hope you are feeling a bit better about it all. Please keep me posted ok? I will find time to check in here

You are eating your fruit I see Keep going, try new things and see what appeals to your tastebuds. I personally love watermelon (chilled from the fridge) but the pips can be a pain to have to keep spitting out.

Thinking of you and hoping all is well there

 

[trixipaws]

aww bless u sherlock askin after me n u just gave birth days ago!

was just about 2 update this thread anyway- i have disappointin news im afraid.

i foned that number 2nite with only minutes left 2 go it was like 5 to 8- but was told that group they dont do anymore as there wasnt enough volunteers 2 keep it going so back 2 the drawin board i guess

i missed an opportunity as well on fri when i went to baby clinic, my own HV was there i hadnt seen her since our 6-month check- she was all smiles and really genuinely pleased 2 c us and gushing over millie sayin "oh, she's a proper little girl now last time i saw she was just a baby!" etc and stuff and she asked how i was and i said fine but i was a bit hesitant and looked up in the corner of my eye type-thing and i think she knew summit was up and she said "come and see me later" so after millie got weighed (21lb 5oz i think she was!) we went for a chat and i was SOOOOOOO gonna tell her but idk why i just chickened out and ended up woffling on about random stuff instead. if i'd known this fone number today would be a flop i woulda probably tried harder, dammit! i dont kno when ill next see her, she said oh ur 12-month check will be soon, but its not her its another HV, idk if i'd wanna tell another one.

i feel like a bit of a dick really coz in a way i dont feel like i hav an eatin disorder at all coz im not anorexic am i coz i dont count calories and i eat sweets crisps and choc all the time and anorexics dont do they? and im defo not bulimic coz i dont barf i hate bein sick and could never do it anyway (wen i was little and tried 2 get a day off school by pretendin 2 b sick lol but i couldnt make myself do it!)

also things are better with my boyf now we gettin on really well so may be i dont really need to do anything after all. iv not lost any more weight i am still 6st 13 but i havent gained either. i dont think i look too skinny i look ok i think and i feel nice n cool in this warm weather, last year i felt the heat was intolerable, i like 2 b able 2 enjoy the sun. maybe im ok ill just leave it, i dunno

 

[x-kirsty-x]

Hiya

It's a shame that group is no longer running but speaking to your HV is a good idea, can you not get in touch with her and ask for a home visit or something, then you'll have had time to think of what to say? Or just go and see your GP?

I know you say you haven't got an eating disorder and you still eat and stuff but it might be a good idea to have a closer look at your relationship with food. Also, you and your boyfriend might be getting on better now but at the end of the day you are still underweight and it's not going to go away unless you deal with the underlying issues.

Please make the effort to see somebody soon, I know it's easy to find excuses and put it off and tell yourself it's not important, but it really is

 

[valentine]

Hi trixi,

I was really glad to read your update - there's lots of us here who care about you.

I agree with Kirsty - although things are okay on the surface or will be for the short term, I think you could really do with a chat with your HV to see what she would suggest re. your relationship with food. You also need (and you know this) to start having 3 healthy meals a day to show a good example to Millie. Please think about having a chat to someone soon.

I know you feel great being thin in the summer (I could really do with being 10 stone lighter, I'd be much more comfortable!) but you are still underweight and don't have a good relationship with food.

I'm proud of you for trying to do something about it - well done.

Keep us updated.

Valentine Xxx

 

[Sherlock]

I'm with Valentine and kirsty

Don't let yourself off the hook and carry on as you are. You might not be anorexic or bulimic but you do have an eating disorder of some description there.

It worries me you are eating crap food too often in place of decent food/meals. Crisps, chocolate etc, none of which is good for your body nor will it sustain you properly and give you decent energy or help boost your immunity against colds etc.

What eating crap will do is cause you to feel bleh, give you a short term energy boost not long term, possibly give you crummy looking skin and hair, vitamin deficiency as you are not getting them in your body, also it may affect your bones, healing time from illness/injury etc.

You really need to learn to like food, to try cooking simple meals, taste new things and ditch the choc and crisps and have those a treats.

I'd give your HV a call. It won't hurt and I think talking to her will be a step in the right direction. I'm sure you can find her number easy enough and give her a call and ask to stop by and see her. Please

 

[kazlin]

I too agree with the above babe Huggles to waa-waa

 

[trixipaws]

ok, i think ill call my hv and ask her to come visit me for a chat later this week (when im not workin)
coz im still not making any effort to gain weight, im sometimes "pigging out" and eating lots of sweets and fatty things but not because im TRYING to gain weight iykwim, more just coz i wanna eat them lol but im still thinking to myself "shouldnt be eating this, dont wanna get fat" and if im completely honest i really dont want to gain weight, i feel slightly chunky as it is sometimes even tho i kno im underweight- i kno it probably sounds idiotic its very hard to explain.

been really busy this weekend, went out on friday (impromptu- those nites out are the best!) didnt get home til 4.30am then had to leave at 7.30 for work- then after work went to my parents' to pick up my mum's 4x4 we are borrowing it for 2 weeks- so had to drive that home then get millie ready for bed etc. then wash my mingin hair that was all sweaty
today my boyf's had 2 mates round putting all our junk onto the skip we hired- i kno technically i wasnt doing any of the labour but i kept popping out to join them on their cans of beer/cigarette breaks (ps. not me! lol i joined them but did not partake)
however i was looking after waa-waa and she is a handful now she's so mobile- i cant just sit and let her play gotta be right beside her every second- or something terrible might happen! lol gonna post some vids in the piccies section in a bit

 

[trixipaws]

well, i did it- i called her! she's coming to visit on friday. a bit nervous now im still worried she might to running off to social services! eek i hope im making the right move