yep im hooked [updated with pics iv put on weight!]

[trixipaws]

thanku- grr, i do want to! i want to speak 2 hv, im just so para! i cant make myself do it!

 

[Suzie and Faith]

They are there to help you. You're not harming Millie in any way whatsoever so they wouldn't be worried about her, they'd just want to help you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[*saulino*]

Hi

do you have a friend or anyone that could go with you for support???

 

[ella]

I really do feel for you hun - you sound quite unhappy and worried at the moment. I think you should write down how you feel and give it to your HV or GP it will be easier than talking. I think you need some help to fell properly good about yourself and maybe some explanation as to the other things you are feeling (paranoid, giddy etc.) you probably dont need any treatment or medication just someone to talk to that understands and can explain things to you better. I dont think you need to worry about social services they are not there to snatch your daughter - lots of people with various types of mental illness are great mums - but we all need a little help from time to time and that is nothing to be ashamed or scared of

 

[trixipaws]

i regretted this thread at first i felt i'd pissed everyone off- but im glad now i think y'all made me realise i should do something now before its out of hand- i kno its not right and i dont wanna completely lose it, or millie to end up with similar problems.

but as y'all kno im very paranoid about anyone thinking im not 100% stable, coz of all the stories iv heard about pregnant girls having to flee the country coz they gonna take her baby at birth coz she's been on antidepressants etc stuff like that.

so i looked on the internet for helplines- the first result for eating disorders helplines said its usually confidential with possible exceptions, mentioning child protection!!! so iv decided i will call them, but ill do it from work on saturday so if they DID say ok we're gonna have to breach confidentiality i can just hang up and they cant trace the call! haha, im very paranoid i know, but u cant be too careful where ur child is concerned! thats why im doing it for her, but i dont wanna put her at risk by doing it! so iv decided thats the safest way. saturday it is! wish me luck

 

[Kimbo]

you're doing the best think rach
best of luck for saturday

 

[beanie]

Trixi, if soicial services do become involved they will not take millie away from you. they are there to offer support. from your poosts i see no reason whatsoever she would be deemed as at risk, so please do not let that stand in the way of you getting help.

 

[Lulubelle]

Trix, when they say for child protection reasons, it means that if you are harming a child then they will have to pass it on. So in the case of EDA - If you are starving your child because you think she is fat, if you have a 5 year old who is refusing to eat, that kind of thing!

1. You have started to seek help early enough for you to not be totally clueless.
2. you are asing for help because you want to be able to look after your child.
3. You have an OH (and may be family?) that could help with child care if you need to be admited to hospital, although IMO I don;t think that would happen as although you are getting to a dangeruous weight, it is not life threatening unless you keep loosing more.

Seriously, you should have no worries about phoning them thinking they are going to take bubs away.

The longer you leave it, the harder it will be. If you are really concerned about them tracing the call, then you;d be better off at a phone box anyway, and in that case, you don;t need to leave it so long either!!!

 

[Sherlock]

Even easier is to dial (if using BT) 141 before the number you wish to dial and it withholds your number to the person you are calling.

Trix, as others have said, I really don't think there is any need to worry about them taking LO away or anything like that. You are wanting some support to help you relearn healthy eating habits and gain a bit of weight as you've lost too much. You want to do it safely so are seeking advice. It does not have to be made into more than that.

Or go see your GP and get referred to a dietician and a counsellor, both of whom can help you overcome this

 

[lisa&alex]

glad you have decided to speak to someone.. a friend of mine is under your weight.. and her little girl is painfully thin..at 5 years old.. get some help now so you dont think that restricting calories is the way to live, coz it can be easily passed on to the baby by you not adding 'fatty' things to her diet etc..and she can pick up on it when shes older to..

you know being your weight isnt healthy if you thought it was ok you wouldnt have been posting about it hun..being thin is fine but you have to be healthy good luck

 

[trixipaws]

mrs.tommo i removed my weight loss ticker, idk where to find a weight gain one!

lulubelle, no im not starving my baby she eats perfectly- porridge for breakfast, lunch and dinner contains lean white meat, fresh veg and fromage frais for afters, rarely any snacks just baby ricecakes or wholemeal toast, and VERY OCCASIONAL treat she's tried chocolate buttons for first time only last week and has had 2 buttons today too. for drinks she has water, or fresh fruit juice diluted, or formula milk! and she's way over the 50th centile, unlike me im between 0.4th and 2nd!

will call them saturday definately

 

[mrs_tommo22]

Good on you babe, and for the record those of us that know you, know millie does not go hungry and is beautiful and healthy.

 

[Penstraze]

I really hope you do ring on saturday I think it is the first little step in the right direction! As for social services and loosing your baby the only way I could see that happening is if you don't get help and continue loosing weight and end up ill and unable to care for Millie. If you were to talk to HV say how you are concerned that you don't have a healthy attitude to your eating habits and want to sort it before it becomes a serious problem or effects Millie when shes old enough to see how you are with your weight and pick up similar attitudes I am sure she would commend you for seeking help and help and suport you!

Social services have to do all they can to keep a child with their parents unless they believe the child is in risk of harm Millie is not she is healthy gaining weight well and you are a good Mum social services would NOT want to take her off you because you have a problem with you weight and body image they would try to get you the help to get beter before there is a problem! My step mum is a social worker I could ask her where they would stand on it for you if you like? Obviously she would have no idea who you are, where you live etc so there would be no risk involved although im pretty certain she will say same as I have there would be no risk of you losing Millie as long as you seek help and tackle this and dont allow yourself to go any further down this slipper slope and end up too ill to care for her!!

 

[Krystal]

so glad your gonna get help, they won't take Millie from you - your a good mummy. They are there to help you

 

[valentine]

Good luck today trixi - I think you are doing the right thing.

Please let us know how you get on - I'm worried about you.

Valentine Xxx

 

[trixipaws]

hey!

i did fone today but i didnt speak to anyone- not coz i chickened out or anything i just did not get chance. i got to work early and the office was empty, it was about 8.40 so i had 20 minutes to spare. but it was an answering service, apparently at weekends lines are only open from 1pm (or half past, cant remember) and 4pm (or half past) couldnt fone at lunch coz was meeting my boyf's step-sister and we were going out, and my afternoon break was late coz i got stuck on the fone and it was beyond half 4.

so, ill call again on monday- DEFINATELY! i cant remember what hours the recording said but it did say bank holidays are open.

i suppose now iv got an extra day, i might as well ask all ur advice- what should i say? what should i tell them i wanna get out of the fone call?

one of my colleagues came in the loos as i was by the sinks, and she said "look at u, ur so thin!" and i thought she was gonna be critical like my boyf and tell me i look bad but she said "i wish i looked like that!"
well thats not very encouraging i love to think people might envy me its a massive ego boost, so thats made it harder for me to do what y'all say i should, but it hasnt stopped me, i'll still fone on monday, i kno youre right. i'll let u kno how it goes!

 

[Sherlock]

Good for you for calling

I'd say something along the lines of you have been losing some post pregnancy weight in recent months and have realised because your partner and friends have made you aware that you have gone a bit too far with the weight loss.

That you would like some help and support as you are finding it a bit difficult to stop with the weight loss but realise you need to as its not healthy and you are below a good weight for you. Also that you are probably not eating the healthiest food and would like to try to rediscover healthy eating again.

That sort of thing

By showing you are aware of the problem and that you want to do something about it, I am sure you will be guided in the right direction.

 

[josiegirl]

I'm glad you are calling for help. I used to be addicted to that high as well. For me it only lasted a few months because it is impossible to continue starving yourself. I weighed about 100 lbs, and I am now at 135 or so, still not really overweight but very unhappy about it. I wish I had sought help during it and learned to feel comfortable eating right and not go back and forth between extremes.
Good luck.

 

[trixipaws]

sorry to post bout this again, i imagine some readers probably thinkin jeez does she ever stop talkin about herself?! or whats the big deal about this all she gotta do is eat properly and gain weight or something like that- and i completely understand why.

im posting just to get these words off my chest really i feel quite lonely as i cant speak to anyone else about it (boyf wont understand- he's one who would say those exact things above, plus his tone of voice when he had a go at me a few weeks ago for lookin too thin was like a warning if im not being sensible he will leave me. dont wanna tell my mum coz she gets stressed to easily and dont wanna worry her. dont wanna tell my friends coz its kind of embarassin. idk why, but tellin u lot is ok coz i cant see u or hear u so i dont feel awkward)

anyway its dawned on me that somethings up. firstly coz altho i kno how im not looking after myself properly and i kno what the solution is but im just not doing it it sounds dumb but its like i just cant bring myself to do it
and secondly, i caught a glimpse of myself naked in the mirror b4 my shower earlier and was quite shocked, there were all shadows on my ribs and hips reminded me of those pictures of neglected dogs and horses on rspca pictures and stuff it was a bit scarey
but when i got out of the shower and had another look- in the same mirror- i saw the same plump curvy post-preg body i had 2 weeks after millie was born
it freaked me out a bit that i could see one thing and then another thing so different.

so im kinda excited/relieved im calling the eda 2mro coz i dont wanna end up completely mental and its disturbing how it can creep up on u- i mean i wasnt concerned bout this at all just several days ago- now iv suddenly realised im not quite right and i hadnt even noticed i'd got like this.
im scared tho- just normal nerves but also i just hope they will talk to me- iv got a sneaky feeling their first questions might be my personal details, which im not prepared to give them (worried "eating disorder" equals "mentally ill" equals "not fit to look after child") so i hope they wont turn me away for not giving details coz then i wont kno what to do!

lines are open 11.30am to 2.30pm on bank holidays- lets hope i keep the courage to do it, and can get thru ok, and they can give me some advice!

thanx for all ur well wishes everyone sorry to be such a tit i hope im not offending anyone who's got serious problems which unlike this are from no actions of their own

 

[kazlin]

Just want to give you these huni. Keep us updated on how you are getting on. The good thing about this site is that most people genuinely care about each other.

Even though we don't chat that often, I care about you and what you are going through