OMG Babymaker how unprofessional of them all! Can't believe they ermed and arred over the gender like that! But the midwife not being able to find the heartbeat is the worst, I am in complete shock by that! She should automatically try both sides and move it about a bit before scaring you like that, it's scary enough waiting to hear that sound even when you've just been kicked!
As for the scan it is a bit of a worry that she is dropping centiles, did they check the placenta doppler and fluid levels too? Glad you have a scan next week though to keep a check on her. What we're your weights and gestation? Just curious as obviously I'm below the 10th centile for baby's weight xx