yep im hooked [updated with pics iv put on weight!]

[Melly+2]

your doing fab trix, so proud of you hun

 

[purple13]

squig's got a point hon - it does sound to me like you're anorexic... wikipedia describes it as: an eating disorder characterized by low body weight and body image distortion with an obsessive fear of gaining weight...

you're doing the right thing honey and should be sooooo proud of yourself

 

[leckershell]

I was "mentally ill" when I was labelled Bi-polar but when you stop thinking everyone is looking at you, it's good to know in a way that you are being helped.

So glad you caught yourself before you became *really* ill.

Good luck xx

 

[zebrastripes]

you're doing well hun

 

[trixipaws]

edited - moved.

 

[trixipaws]

edited - moved.

 

[Squiglet]

eek! squig stop saying that! im not anorexic i had chocolate today! anorexics are scared of chocolate and cherry coke etc and count cals i dont! idk what i am but im not that! lovely message tho thanks

and everyone else too all lovely messages, ur all so sweet and caring!

did you feel guilty and bad after eating them ?

Everyone thinks anorexia is about counting calories and its just not... Its about the control... the addiction and the weight loss... I used to indulge in bad things like chocolate but I'd feel so bad about loosing control and being weak enough to end up eating chocolate that I graduated to anorexia nervosa where I started purging... thing was I wasn't eating much at the time anyway and thats when I git really ill... you are a long way off from that, but it doesn't mean that you don't have anorexia... but I know how you feel... it took me a long long time to say to people I was anorexic rather than I had a problem with eating and I hid my illness behind my Crohn's....

I know you feel a huge amount of shame...I do too... one of the risk factors for girls an anorexia is intelligence... so we know what we do is silly... but once we realise we are in that loop its already too late and its just so hard to break away from...
You know in your heart of hearts that even if you are not "anorexic" you are definitely at the edge... you are trying to step back from the edge and that is an extremely applaudable thing to do...

 

[Sherlock]

Hiya trix

Just caught up with things and so pleased you've been able to take the next step. Sounds to me like your HV is a lovely person and really will be able to help you in the right direction.

Ditto what others have said about the mental health issue. So many people get lumped under that these days don't let it worry you. It really isn't worth getting hung up over so don't lose any sleep over it.

And good that your mind has been put at rest re the social services. No worries there anymore so you can focus on getting the help you need and know there are no barriers to it.

Thinking of you and I'll keep checking back to see your updates. Just sorry I don't have so much time to write longer replies atm, but I'll try when I can

And I don't eat the grey bits either. I scrape them off when the fish is cooked

 

[Miss.Monroe]

so proud of you trix xx

 

[trixipaws]

ok well some people may hav found out that iv been on another forum called "proanorexia", and im worried u might get the wrong idea of me so i'd better clear this up. first of all, despite the name, this site is not saying that eating disorders are a good thing, and being a member does not necessarily mean u WANT to get one or are happy to have one (altho admittedly, majority of the users there are) it is also for recovery support and such.

iv deleted the account now, but those who've already seen it will kno that my recent posts in there are all the same as what iv posted in here and iv said that i want to sort this out and i am not trying to get sicker! iv said that im trying fix myself and iv given support to some others to get well too. ok when i first joined i hadnt made the decision to sort it out but back then i was in denial anything was wrong i hadnt seen the light, so to speak, so my first few posts were not constructive but the recent ones were, as you kno if you saw it!

oh, and that person i was talking about off the internet who said they could help me get better without gaining weight, that was someone from there as u mightve guessed!

im sorry i didnt advertise this but i'd just rather hav kept this quiet its really embarrassing!
i hope no-one hates me or thinks that im not genuine about getting help for this

 

[Jade&Evie]

Trix, you are taking steps forward now and thats all that matters

 

[Urchin]

Aw trix I'm glad you posted that, I didn't feel it was my place so deleted what I wrote. It was only there like 2 minutes I don't think anyone except squig saw it anyway.

 

[beanie]

ok well some people may hav found out that iv been on another forum called "proanorexia", and im worried u might get the wrong idea of me so i'd better clear this up. first of all, despite the name, this site is not saying that eating disorders are a good thing, and being a member does not necessarily mean u WANT to get one or are happy to have one (altho admittedly, majority of the users there are) it is also for recovery support and such.

iv deleted the account now, but those who've already seen it will kno that my recent posts in there are all the same as what iv posted in here and iv said that i want to sort this out and i am not trying to get sicker! iv said that im trying fix myself and iv given support to some others to get well too. ok when i first joined i hadnt made the decision to sort it out but back then i was in denial anything was wrong i hadnt seen the light, so to speak, so my first few posts were not constructive but the recent ones were, as you kno if you saw it!

oh, and that person i was talking about off the internet who said they could help me get better without gaining weight, that was someone from there as u mightve guessed!

im sorry i didnt advertise this but i'd just rather hav kept this quiet its really embarrassing!
i hope no-one hates me or thinks that im not genuine about getting help for this

I don't think you are not genuine but I do think this highlights that you are still battling and have a way to go. But you are making some changes and are heading in the right direction. I didn't see the site or the comments but TBH the name alone makes me guess what it is like and I really son't think its a place you should go. Perhaps giving others support is something you can do later but at this moment in time you need to concentrate on yourself and no-one else.

I never thought of myself as having one, but years ago I used to self harm and one of the ways I did it was to not eat as I liked the feeling being hungry gave me as it felt as though I was punishing myself. I managed to get out of that before it got too much but it is still there in the back of my head and that was years ago. Mine wasn't to do with my weight but was to do with me getting some control over my life. I don't know what you are going through but I do know that changing a behaviour is difficult but it can be done.

 

[Krystal]

We don't think bad of you we're just all genuinely concerned for you and Millie.

 

[purple13]

We don't think bad of you we're just all genuinely concerned for you and Millie.

seconded. you're doing all the right things honey. and thank you for being honest with us.

 

[Squiglet]

Aw trix I'm glad you posted that, I didn't feel it was my place so deleted what I wrote. It was only there like 2 minutes I don't think anyone except squig saw it anyway.

sorry I feel guilty now

Trixi... I still think you're fab no matter what weight you are... I just know, being the wonderful mum you are to Millie, that you would want to do all you could to spend as much time as you can with her and for her to keep a wonderful mum for as long as possible... if you are sick that can't happen... and I know you don't want that to happen...

A lot of this illness is about lying and hiding, so remember, telling the truth is a major step and proves you are stronger than you give yourself credit for...you just keep fighting hunny and take each day as it comes...

 

[trixipaws]

*sigh* feel fat today not weighed myself for a few days coz i bet im over 7st now and ill feel depressed if i see it on the screen. anooyed that i cant just snap out of it myself too, and todays post has been theres no nhs letter. been out wearing a very very mini dress and felt great about not being all hot and having nice legs on show that dont wobble even at the top. im nervous about getting my weight up the thought makes me feel panicky. i like being little! i feel all clean and cute and spritely-er (i kno thats not a word! lol) grr

 

[Becky]

I know its difficult for you but I think its a great thing that you haven't weighed yourself in a little while. Its not easy to change your attitude about something but you are taking some good steps.

However, you find me a woman who doesn't have wobbly bits somewhere and I'll show you someone who is underweight. Even at my slimmest I still had wobbly thighs, I blame my genetics!

You're doing really well but you're bound to feel like this at times just try and hang in there, the letter will come.

 

[Jade&Evie]

Trix- 99% of the women on here have wobbly bits- does that make us ugly?

Cause 99% of the women on here are the most beautiful people I can think of

Throw your scales away- weight is just a number- muscle weighs more than fat so the more toned you are the more you will weigh- even if you look slimmer.

 

[trixipaws]

thanks for all ur support everyone

not received any letter yet. do u think i should fone HV?

its mad how sometimes ill look at myself and see fat- and other times ill see skinny! i havent weighed myself for at least a week now and im rele worried i dont wanna be over 7st i bet i am tho iv been eating lots! im tryna make an effort for ma boi and our little girl. its hard tho if it wasnt for them i'd be nowhere near this heavy!