??May & June Mummies 2016??

[Siskin]

Hi everyone. Fruity, it sounds like you've totally made the right decision with regards to the childcare and stopping breastfeeding. Your health and wellbeing is vital. You've been dealt a really rubbish hand with recent events and you don't need anything to make things more difficult. Hope things are getting better.

I'm really struggling today. A seems to have reflux, still isn't gaining weight as quickly as he should and now spends large portions of every day screaming. The only thing that settles him is being at the breast. Often he is sleeping rather than actually feeding and I spend pretty much all of my day attached to him as he recurrently falls asleep, unlatches from the nipple, realises he's unlatched and starts crying, reattaches... We tried a dummy and it didn't settle him. I am starting to feel utterly desperate and miserable. The tiredness doesn't help - when he gets up to feed at night it takes minimum 2 hours from start to finish as he vomits several times during/after feeding and needs full changes of clothes, sheets, etc. I knew it would be hard but I didn't know it would be this hard. I know part of how I feel is down to lack of sleep (yesterday was quite a good day) but I feel so demoralised.

StephyLou, can't believe your wee girl's weight gain - that's fab! A has only put on 4 ounces since birth 4 weeks ago, which is another thing I'm finding totally depressing. That's despite very frequent active feeding (as well as all the snoozing on the breast described above) and expressed topups. He's been prescribed Gaviscon but I'm not hopeful it's going to help significantly.

 

[StephyLou]

Summer likes to be on someones shoulders all the time and hates being put down.
How do you get a routine for her to nap? Mine sleeps in the day but nor the same times

Also I found out yesterday that summer has a tongue tie. Iv been asking for 6.5week about this seen varies mw, hv and breast feeding clinics. So this could be why I'm struggling with feeding. Today I had someone come round and cut it privately as nhs is to long of a wait. It was horrible, I hid in my bedroom while hubby helped the lady. I then fed her and she been ok since. Feeding is less painful now so hoping it will improve.

There not completely set but dont vary more than an hour, i dont try to get her to nap at set times except she has to start a sleep around 3ish or she'll stay up until 9/10 so we i always do some play or a walk around 1 or 2 to try and get to that point just before over tiredness. Ive also started putting her down in her snuz pod for all naps except her mid morning one and since then she hasnt woken herself up in the night from being scared and in the morning will happily gurgle for half hour after waking for me to sleep a bit more.

I'll probably have an atrocious night after writing this lol. To be honest i wouldnt worry about trying a routine until after she's 8 weeks because her 6 to 8 week growth spurt will throw it out the window.

 

[StephyLou]

Hi everyone. Fruity, it sounds like you've totally made the right decision with regards to the childcare and stopping breastfeeding. Your health and wellbeing is vital. You've been dealt a really rubbish hand with recent events and you don't need anything to make things more difficult. Hope things are getting better.

I'm really struggling today. A seems to have reflux, still isn't gaining weight as quickly as he should and now spends large portions of every day screaming. The only thing that settles him is being at the breast. Often he is sleeping rather than actually feeding and I spend pretty much all of my day attached to him as he recurrently falls asleep, unlatches from the nipple, realises he's unlatched and starts crying, reattaches... We tried a dummy and it didn't settle him. I am starting to feel utterly desperate and miserable. The tiredness doesn't help - when he gets up to feed at night it takes minimum 2 hours from start to finish as he vomits several times during/after feeding and needs full changes of clothes, sheets, etc. I knew it would be hard but I didn't know it would be this hard. I know part of how I feel is down to lack of sleep (yesterday was quite a good day) but I feel so demoralised.

StephyLou, can't believe your wee girl's weight gain - that's fab! A has only put on 4 ounces since birth 4 weeks ago, which is another thing I'm finding totally depressing. That's despite very frequent active feeding (as well as all the snoozing on the breast described above) and expressed topups. He's been prescribed Gaviscon but I'm not hopeful it's going to help significantly.

I am shocked at her gain because she only nurses 10 mins top with cluster feeding at 8/9ish but I can take someone's eye out with my milk from across the room.

Have you thought about expressing a couple of feeds, when Thea was really hating nursing I expressed a couple of feeds in the day, all it meant was that my OH could do the evening feeds before bed and honestly it stops you feeling like a food bag. I've now gone back to full breast because it gave me a chance to regroup from wanting to quit everyday.

 

[jenni16]

I've just walked out of the house and driven down to the car park down the road. I had to get out of the house. My dick of a partner has no idea I've gone. He was too interested in his stupid phone to even notice. I know I shouldn't have done it, but I couldn't sit there any longer and watch him blatantly ignore our 22mo, it breaks my heart. He spends most of the week working away so only really sees us at weekends so should want to make the most of our time together, but no, it seems he'd rather waste his time on his phone. It's not even like he's talking to people or doing anything constructive, he's just watching shitty videos and playing games. I ask him to do something and it's always 'in a minute'. I shouldn't have to ask him to spend time with his children or to do things for them. He should want to, especially with how little he sees them. I'm literally at breaking point. I feel totally on my own, even when he's there. I keep thinking maybe I'd be better off actually being on my own, then maybe I wouldn't have the constant disappoint, anger, resentment, guilt.....but then I worry how much he'd even bother with the kids?
God, why is it so hard sometimes???

Sorry, I just needed to let it out somewhere. I just don't know what to do ;-(
Oh, he's realised I've gone now and is calling me. I'll let him stew a little longer. I'm hoping this is a bit of a wake up call for him.

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[Siskin]

Jenni, you poor thing. That's rubbish. You did the right thing by just removing yourself from the situation - can't imagine a row or confrontation would have been helpful. As you say maybe it'll be a bit of a wakeup call for your partner. His behaviour sounds pretty selfish and unfair. He possibly has his head in the sand a wee bit and doesn't realise how hard it actually is for you if he's away during the week and doesn't see the reality of child-rearing day in, day out. I find that even my incredibly supportive husband just genuinely doesn't understand my experience, particularly on the occasions I feel I've been left alone to do parenting - e.g. I felt totally dumped upon doing all the night feeds, changing etc, but his perception was that since I'm breastfeeding of course I'd be doing those tasks and he thought he'd make up the work elsewhere. Whereas I was totally lonely and ground down spending hours up on my own with him at 3am etc and just wanted him to offer to even do a nappy then or something. Hope he apologises and you sort it out.

StephyLou, yeah I've been expressing so my husband can give a bedtime bottle but quite often A just wants a comfort suck on the boob after! At least it gives me a spare 20 minutes I can call my own. I might start expressing extra so he could do a daytime or evening feed too (or even the odd night one) as you're right, I essentially feel like a milk factory and nothing else just now!

 

[jenni16]

Well it's done something to him....not quite sure what's happening tbh. We've had string words this evening, he's now sat in the living room covering his face and refusing to speak. I've come upstairs, waiting to see whether he comes up and what he says, if anything. I told him I want it sorting tonight, I don't want to go to bed on bad terms. I really hope we can sort this out, but I have such a bad feeling. I really can't go on how things were, but I just can't see how any it is going to change, especially if he won't talk to me?
He said he's fed up of coming home from work and seeing the house just as messy as when he left (I'm impressed if it's the same level of messiness and no worse by the end of the day tbh!!) He knows how much I struggle to get it all done on my own and I'm constantly asking for help - he thinks he does it all anyway! He's saying I go out to my mums too much - what am I supposed to do, stay home all day and not see anyone, just so I can get the house tidy for when he's home at the end of the week??
I'm so confused and angry!!
Sorry for the ranting, nowhere else I can vent at this time! Xxx

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[Blueclass]

Sounds like your going through a rough time right now. I hope you sort it and can work through it. Is there no way of him changing jobs so he can be home more?
Our flat is always messy right now and my hubby here all the time.

Summer seems her normal self after yesterdays horrible experience. Howevet we need to wake het every 3 hrs to do some exercises with her to stop the tongue tie from reforming. We give her a bottle of formula at night but may start trying g to express enough so it's a bottle of expressed. It would take me a day to get 4oz. How long does it take you girls? I'm trying to build milk supply more and tomorrow am going to try making lactation cookies has anyone tried these?
Today is our 1st wedding anniversary and it was very nice did some shopping and hubby cooked beef wellington (my frav) then watched a movie. X

 

[jenni16]

His job is a big part of the problem. I've been on at him for ages to find a new job, I think I've been putting too much pressure on him which isn't helping. But him being away so much isn't good for anyone. I don't want him to miss out on the kids, or for them to think badly of him when they're older cos he was never around.

Glad summer is doing ok out of interest, what are the exercises? Belle has tongue tie, I've mentioned it to various hv's and the gp but they just brushed me off. She has pretty bad lip tie tho, it looks quite red and sore sometimes and she doesn't have much movement in her top lip. Think I'll speak to the gp again when I'm in next week. Xxx

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[Alrm198]

I hope everything works out with you and your OH Jenni. Completely understand where you are coming from in regards to not wanting him to miss out on things with the kids. Have you said this to him?

Meryl seems to be going through a cluster feeding stage again at 3w+4d - last cluster feed stage was at 8d old. She was crying all last night if she wasn't feeding or next to us. We are co-sleeping with her atm still but we don't want it to become long term, so we're going to try and get her sleeping in the moses basket again. We tried most nights this week whilst DH has been off work but she was having none of it! I think we need to just find the right routine, which online says from about 6 weeks? But I don't think it'll hurt trying to start it a bit earlier.

We were going to get a £40 crib from toysrus or something and turn it into a co-sleeper by leaving one of the sides off. As much as I like the Chicco Next to Me, we don't really have that sort of money now I'm on SMP, so this week we bought her a 1 tog sleeping bag, I've re-started the method of having a wedge under her head (under the mattress) and I've covered her mattress in a pillow case that has our scent on it hoping that will help too. She likes been in the pram and sleeping in that - even on the lie flat for newborns its slightly elevated, so I'm hoping the wedge will help replicate that. Alternatively, we may end up having to have her sleeping in the pram

How is everyone doing?

 

[StephyLou]

Thea wont sleep in a carry cot as she likes to stretch out and its too small. For that reason getting a co sleeper was the best choice as i think she wouldnt like a moses basket. We just need to find something for her to nap on in the day. Saw these sleeping bag/pillow things that might work.

I think she might be in a growth spurt. Fell alseep at 6pm to 8.45pm, 9.15pm to 1am, 1.30am to 4.10am to 6.30, 6.50am to 9am, 10am to 12.30pm and been asleep sonce 1.30pm. Feeding strongly in between. Feel like i should clean the house or something.

 

[Blueclass]

His job is a big part of the problem. I've been on at him for ages to find a new job, I think I've been putting too much pressure on him which isn't helping. But him being away so much isn't good for anyone. I don't want him to miss out on the kids, or for them to think badly of him when they're older cos he was never around.

Glad summer is doing ok out of interest, what are the exercises? Belle has tongue tie, I've mentioned it to various hv's and the gp but they just brushed me off. She has pretty bad lip tie tho, it looks quite red and sore sometimes and she doesn't have much movement in her top lip. Think I'll speak to the gp again when I'm in next week. Xxx

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She is ok today had a crazy night last night but think it was just her being fussy. You could ask to have it cut but around here the waiting list is really long and I'm breast feeding well trying. Had continuousprobles but hoping it will improve now. If you want it cut you could go privately like us. I used the association of tongue tie, they have a list of those close to you or ask your hv for a clinic they recommend. The excerises are to stop the tongue tie reforming so
1. Put ur finger in her mouth to the roof then when she suck you pull it it to make a popping sound
2. Put finger under the tongue and move left to right so her tongue moves.
3. Get her to poke her tongue out.
4. Put two fingers under her tongue and lift
She said we have to do them every 3hrs even through night.

Even if we was not breast feeding I'd have it done as it can cause problems with speech and dentists also say to have it done as if your tongue is restricted you can't get the food around therefore causing plaque.

Some of your babies are doing great in weight gain. Summer is 6.5 weeks and weighs 10lb. She was 7.3 at birth x

 

[jenni16]

How is she with you doing thr exercises? I do think that may have been part of the reason I found breastfeeding so painful with her. Still gutted I gave up after two weeks I'll speak to someone about the tongue and lip tie this week, see if we can get something sorted. I just worry about the lack of movement she seems to have and how it might affect her in the future with speech and things. I hope you don't mind me asking, but how did you have to pay to go private?

I had a good chat with OH over the weekend. He totally broke down, which he has NEVER done before. I've only seen him cry once when he was really poorly with a collapsed lung, so it was a complete shock to see him like that. He eventually opened up to me and said the bit that really got to him was when I said about him losing his temper with Oscar so much and having so little patience with him. I know he can be hard work, but when he doesn't see him much, I'd expect him to have more patience than me. He went on to say he's worried about his temper and mood lately and doesn't know what's causing it. He also said he's forgetting things a lot recently, and could barely remember thee argument we'd just had. He said he used to want to get up in a morning, but now he doesn't. He was so upset, I felt awful. I've tried persuading him to go to the doctors, try and get a bit of time off work and just have a break. I think it's just all a bit too much for him. He's constantly away, which I moan and moan about, but forget how it affects him too. He seemed much brighter yesterday and not as snappy, so hopefully getting it all out and having a good chat has helped. I'll just need to make sure I keep an eye on him.
I wasn't expecting any of that at all. If I'm totally honest, I thought we were going to end up saying it's over....thank god we didn't!!! Xxxx

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[Ttc1234]

I don't see a July baby thread-anyone mind if I join? My baby boy is 18 days old xx

 

[jenni16]

Congratulations hope you're both doing well.

There is a July and August thread in here somewhere, but you're more than welcome to join here too

 

[MrsT2011]

Hi girls! How's everyone doing?
Jenni it sounds like you may have turned a corner with your OH which is great.

Well my little chunk is now 11 weeks and weighs 13lb 6oz. She was 8lb 9oz at birth so really good weight gain for ebf.
She won't take a bottle in any shape or form so think we will just move on to sippy cups eventually.

She's such a lovely little girl, so content, only has about 6 feeds over 24 hours which seems strange as my son fed a lot more but it's obviously not doing her any harm.

Here's my gorgeous sprogs!

 

[Blueclass]

How is she with you doing thr exercises? I do think that may have been part of the reason I found breastfeeding so painful with her. Still gutted I gave up after two weeks I'll speak to someone about the tongue and lip tie this week, see if we can get something sorted. I just worry about the lack of movement she seems to have and how it might affect her in the future with speech and things. I hope you don't mind me asking, but how did you have to pay to go private?

I had a good chat with OH over the weekend. He totally broke down, which he has NEVER done before. I've only seen him cry once when he was really poorly with a collapsed lung, so it was a complete shock to see him like that. He eventually opened up to me and said the bit that really got to him was when I said about him losing his temper with Oscar so much and having so little patience with him. I know he can be hard work, but when he doesn't see him much, I'd expect him to have more patience than me. He went on to say he's worried about his temper and mood lately and doesn't know what's causing it. He also said he's forgetting things a lot recently, and could barely remember thee argument we'd just had. He said he used to want to get up in a morning, but now he doesn't. He was so upset, I felt awful. I've tried persuading him to go to the doctors, try and get a bit of time off work and just have a break. I think it's just all a bit too much for him. He's constantly away, which I moan and moan about, but forget how it affects him too. He seemed much brighter yesterday and not as snappy, so hopefully getting it all out and having a good chat has helped. I'll just need to make sure I keep an eye on him.
I wasn't expecting any of that at all. If I'm totally honest, I thought we were going to end up saying it's over....thank god we didn't!!! Xxxx

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Glad you guys sored it having a baby can be so stressfulesp if you already have children.
I paid £140 and used a website called association of tongue. You just put where you live and it cos up with those that do your area then you can call check their availability and price. They then come to your house and swaddle baby and do it. I'm not going to ly it really was horrific. My hubby and I both cried as did baby of course poor girl. I never want to see her go through something like that again. Depending on how bad the tongue tie it is depends on if it needs doing and if it will have an affect on her speech nd language development. It can also cause problems with their teeth so alot of dentists would recommend it being done. X

 

[jenni16]

Oh I can imagine. It sounds awful but sometimes it is for the best. The tongue tie isn't so bad (I don't think it is anyway), I'm more worried about the lip tie. I'll see what the hv or doc say this week and decide what to do. My baby cousin managed to cut his tongue tie himself recently at 5 months! He shoves his whole fist in his mouth and somehow caused it to split. It bled a little then healed pretty quickly. Xxx

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[Blueclass]

Yes hers bled alittle bit. Hopefully they will give some advice on weather it needs cutting or not. How is it with the hubby now?x

 

[Maud]

*yawn* Kara was very unsettled last night. Don't think we got more than 30 minutes sleep at a time and only a couple in total. OH was getting more and more cross as he has to go to work. I hope that both girls take a nap together this afternoon...

 

[StephyLou]

Went to my first latch on group today and have left totally demoralised. I know I have an overabundance of breast milk/fast let down and have been following the NCT advice to combat this. All I wanted was a bit of reassurance, instead I got that I need to be careful because it could mean her weight gain is superficial because of the constant feeding I'm doing and that she's probably not getting enough hindmilk even though her poo's are yellow.

I honestly don't think they get this problem very often or maybe its worse than I thought because they genuinly looked shocked at how much milk I was producing and what Thea has to do to keep up.

Wish I hadn't bothered and now feel like total crap and it further cemented my worries about feeding in public as when professionals look concerned about how a baby is feeding what on earth are other people going to think.