*July 2018 Mummies*

[LuckyLaura]

Hey, sounds like everyone is starting to have a bit of a tough time as tri 3 is progressing. Since Im further back in my pregnancy than a lot of ladies here I have all these fun and games to look forward to haha

Amy- so sorry to hear about your wee ferret. It's heartbreaking We just had to put our 12 year old dog Daisy put to sleep last night after rushing her to the vets yesterday morning. Very sudden too just like with your wee ferret, it doesn't help when the shock is there too. big hugs and hope you are feeling a bit better xx

Mala- nosebleeds must suck so much, it must be quite warm over there too now? I'm kinda jealous I love the heat and everyone around me is moaning haha

GG- heartburn is the worst, that is so shitty. Hope you are feeling better now or if you've taken anything for it that it has kicked in a bit. I know they say that if you get loads of heartburn the baby will have a full head of hair but I've had absolutely none and on our scan last week they actually showed us little fuzz on her head haha they reckon she's got a full head of hair already haha

I have forgotten everything else I just read - sorry!

We tried to go for our 4D scan last thurs but it was a total disaster, baby had her face buried down and backwards away from the sonographer for most of it and then we had to wait in this "refreshment" room for ages while they gave me a birth ball sized for a small child and expected this 5"11 person to bounce on it to try to get her to move. They didn't call me back in for ages and we were a bit miffed as it was well over an hour later until we realised that while they had sent me out for a bit they had taken the next person for their scan which should only have been around 15 mins but the poor lady who, along with her husband was super super excited and in for an early 12 week scan, had received bad news- they had found something "untoward" in the scan and had had to write up a report and refer her straight to hospital triage so...was pretty thankful after that with our uncooperative but otherwise healthy baby. We are going back tomorrow to attempt one free rescan and if it doesn't work then...that's £90 wasted but aw well. What can ya do haha

The living situation has reached an all time low and then with the wee dog being put to sleep my mum is walking around the house like a water feature, my stepdad is in foul form as usual but now I guess he has a reason to put behind it...it's just tension city here- waiting for the next big argument and just feel completely in the way and unwelcome as it is and now upset cuz of the wee dog on top of it all. I had a huge heart to heart two nights ago with hubby about some thoughts that have been on my mind for ages but I didn't want to unsettle him by saying them before. I lived in Edinburgh for so long I basically consider it home and after we had lived in India a while and with all the Home Office drama I had thought since I moved back to Northern Ireland after having to give up our apartment in Edinburgh that we should stay here and try to rebuild our lives here like a fresh start cuz he had never been here before. TBH being here has been fine but I can't see myself being happy here long term. It's too small and there's nothing here, I LOVE Edinburgh so much and I miss it and miss my life there. I feel like if I stay here Ill forever be within the controlling and overbearing reaches of my mum again which is why I moved away in the first place and Edinburgh is the only place I felt I could have my own life, full of my own decisions and be myself and my own person. Now I'm back here I've only felt controlled, not like myself and hounded for every decision I try to make until I concede and give up and she gets her way. Now I feel really up in the air cuz I don't know what to do...xx

 

[malagueta]

Yep, nosebleeds are being aggravated by the pollen in the air and FIL who is replacing the doors on our new house, so lots of sawdust everywhere isn't helping.

Laura, yes, it's quite warm here now. Around 27 degrees most days but cooler at night still, thankfully!

I had the same problem with my 4D scan. Baby was buried right into my uterus first try and refused to move. So for our second attempt I drank a whole can of full sugar coke beforehand and that seemed to do the trick! Good luck. It's amazing seeing their little features so perfectly formed already.

Sorry to hear the living situation still isn't great. I lived in Edinburgh for 5 years and I have to say it's a fabulous city and it always has so much going on. I could think of worse places to make your family home and raise kids. At this stage I wouldn't rule anything in or out. Did you say to hubby you fancy living there again? The only downside is Edinburgh can be quite expensive, but it might not be compared to where you live in NI?

 

[KHTW]

Yep, nosebleeds are being aggravated by the pollen in the air and FIL who is replacing the doors on our new house, so lots of sawdust everywhere isn't helping.

For a second there I thought your FIL was doing such poor job that seeing it made your nose bleed more lol xx

 

[KHTW]

Laura, you should totally move to Edinburgh if living there made you happy. I can't see why not. OH could start looking for a job now and if you get something you could move and rent there? x

 

[LuckyLaura]

Sounds like its all go at your place Mala, oooh 27 degrees im so jealous. My fb decided to show me memories that this time last year I was in India picking up my husband-parcel and made me super nostalgic. I want to go back there badly obviously not the time to go though haha

I might try that for tomorrow although with GD dunno about the full fat coke,maybe not the whole can might still help haha every scan I've had the little rascal has been a total pain. I had to have an anomaly rescan too cuz they couldnt check her cord, her lips and face and a bunch of other things cuz she was bent into all shapes haha

I did tell him that I was thinking more and more about Edinburgh and am kinda dying to go back.As you said Mala it always has something going on, I loved the buzz and energy of Edinburgh. He said that he was relieved as actually he has been thinking the same thing! I didn't want to say anything to him before because I thought he was settling in to being here in NI and it was all new and weird and I thought no Ill give him a chance to make his own mind up before I start moaning and putting negative thoughts about the town in his head. The reality of a small town is that there are less opportunities and jobs are basically non-existent here. You can very easily get a job in the city next to us but thats a commute and usually then you have to depend on trains too!

KHTW- That is the other thing- his old restaurant have hounded the life out of him wanting him to go back so he would be able to get a job but it would be evenings and bad hours. Its a beautiful award winning indian restaurant, their food is to die for and my hubby is an amazing cook- they had him from kitchen porter up. When he left to go to India they were gutted and when they found out that he was back in the UK through some friends of his that still work there then the head chef got his number and they've offered him basically double the salary to go back to them and relocate to Edinburgh. We also have friends there whilst here we are completely alone and in the course of 1 year have not made any lasting connections despite actually making an effort. People just dont seem up for things over here or going places.

The biggest obstacle to us moving back to Edinburgh is once again my mother- SHOCK! haha she will lose her freaking mind if we even suggest it. I was looking into a rental property that was literally 20 mins away in the next town and she lost her mind when she realised (she checked my laptop screen) and acted like I was relocating to Australia. She has already had a few major tantrums and strops about us even moving out of her upstairs bedroom and constantly trying to get us to rent properties that are one street away (ABSOLUTELY NOT) haha xx

 

[KHTW]

The biggest obstacle to us moving back to Edinburgh is once again my mother- SHOCK! haha she will lose her freaking mind if we even suggest it. I was looking into a rental property that was literally 20 mins away in the next town and she lost her mind when she realised (she checked my laptop screen) and acted like I was relocating to Australia. She has already had a few major tantrums and strops about us even moving out of her upstairs bedroom and constantly trying to get us to rent properties that are one street away (ABSOLUTELY NOT) haha xx

SCREW HER AND HER TANTRUMS!!! I don't understand why you even count her as an obstacle? You are an adult and don't need her blessing to move out. And you always say you want to get as far away from her as possible? What's the problem? I say pack up and leave! x

 

[Shanivy]

Ooh lots of stuff going on, and some early or big babies possibly! Gonna be weird when we all show each other our children! I'm going to forget some of the stuff I meant to say...

Ladies I'm actually petrified of giving birth now. Really. I don't know where it's came from. But I'm convinced baby is big here too, her movements are so painful now, where Ivy wasn't, and midwife commented that she was a "decent size". I'm gonna ask her to clarify at my 36 weeks. She's on the 75th percentile I think? She was on the 5th at one point. I bought some perenium oil today and I'm going to start that massage. But I'm so so afraid of tearing and it being worse than before. It's freaking me out

Ugh also I was in mothercare this morning and was listening to this pregnant woman. First baby and she was going on to the sales woman about how she may get a tens machine (mothercare hire them out) because she can't understand how woman opt to drug their babies in labour. Gas and air, epidurals etc are a bit selfish and don't get her started on women with elective c sections. Good one. OH was just like leave it but I had to go past to her and go "Not being funny love but wait until you're actually in labour and see if we're still so selfish, since you've no idea" OH pretty much dragged me out of the shop but pissed me right off. Especially being on here and seeing how different we all are, and how all of us have various (valid) reasons for the labour choices we've made. Some women irritate me, who cares what other women choose?!

GG happy 35 weeks lovely I'm with you on the heartburn/acid reflux. Mine is horrific! Forgot to ask to midwife for a prescription at my appointment and so it's costing me a fortune buying Gaviscon which only works for a little while. Xx

Shep how are you today? Any better? Xx

Laura do what you want hun! And at the end of the day your mum doesn't get a choice in what you decide to do. I don't know why she gets on like that? She needs to wise up to be honest. I hope things improve though xx

 

[LuckyLaura]

SCREW HER AND HER TANTRUMS!!! I don't understand why you even count her as an obstacle? You are an adult and don't need her blessing to move out. And you always say you want to get as far away from her as possible? What's the problem? I say pack up and leave! x

I totally get that, and tbh if anyone came to me with my circumstances I would say the exact same thing. My head knows that it makes total sense and you are completely right. I know it's the right thing for me and to get the hell out of here is best for our baby too, and my husbands sanity before he loses the plot.

It's just really hard for me to explain. I know she treats me any way she wants to and expects me to just accept it. Also no matter what it is she isn't supportive, actually to the point of working against me...I almost feel like she goes out of her way to try to make me miserable and ruin any small thing that could make me happy in any way. I can't comprehend why any mother or anyone who cared about another human being would do that to them.

I have had years of feeling like I'm not good enough for her standards, feeling that I disappoint her, being told constantly that I have let her down . She accuses me of not giving her a uni graduation ceremony like other parents, she wanted the day and the picture (I was in India fighting for my husband) and she has been relentless about making me feel guilty that she wasn't at our wedding whilst my husbands family was- she was invited she just said there were too many reasons why she couldn't go. So I took away something that meant the world to her according to her- her only daughters wedding. She goes on and on about the fact that we skipped rings because we chose to put the money into solicitors and how apparently she wanted to go ring shopping with me so there's another experience in life I've taken away from her.

If I even mention that we are going to move 10 mins down the road she loses her mind and acts like I'm taking her grandchild away from her. Her ONLY and FIRST grandchild. Another thing on the long list of things that I have deprived her from having. I wish I was the sort of person who didn't care but it still really really gets to me, I don't like to think that I hurt someone and she's the only mother I'll ever have. TBH I know this allsounds like ramblings and excuses but it's just a mess in my head right now. I guess it's the same mystery as to why women stay with abusive men, I have an abusive nasty mother who has been gaslighting the heck out of me for years and even though I realise it now it still has a huge effect on me xx

 

[KHTW]

SCREW HER AND HER TANTRUMS!!! I don't understand why you even count her as an obstacle? You are an adult and don't need her blessing to move out. And you always say you want to get as far away from her as possible? What's the problem? I say pack up and leave! x

I totally get that, and tbh if anyone came to me with my circumstances I would say the exact same thing. My head knows that it makes total sense and you are completely right. I know it's the right thing for me and to get the hell out of here is best for our baby too, and my husbands sanity before he loses the plot.

It's just really hard for me to explain. I know she treats me any way she wants to and expects me to just accept it. Also no matter what it is she isn't supportive, actually to the point of working against me...I almost feel like she goes out of her way to try to make me miserable and ruin any small thing that could make me happy in any way. I can't comprehend why any mother or anyone who cared about another human being would do that to them.

I have had years of feeling like I'm not good enough for her standards, feeling that I disappoint her, being told constantly that I have let her down . She accuses me of not giving her a uni graduation ceremony like other parents, she wanted the day and the picture (I was in India fighting for my husband) and she has been relentless about making me feel guilty that she wasn't at our wedding whilst my husbands family was- she was invited she just said there were too many reasons why she couldn't go. So I took away something that meant the world to her according to her- her only daughters wedding. She goes on and on about the fact that we skipped rings because we chose to put the money into solicitors and how apparently she wanted to go ring shopping with me so there's another experience in life I've taken away from her.

If I even mention that we are going to move 10 mins down the road she loses her mind and acts like I'm taking her grandchild away from her. Her ONLY and FIRST grandchild. Another thing on the long list of things that I have deprived her from having. I wish I was the sort of person who didn't care but it still really really gets to me, I don't like to think that I hurt someone and she's the only mother I'll ever have. TBH I know this allsounds like ramblings and excuses but it's just a mess in my head right now. I guess it's the same mystery as to why women stay with abusive men, I have an abusive nasty mother who has been gaslighting the heck out of me for years and even though I realise it now it still has a huge effect on me xx

Sending hugs xx

I hope that maybe once you become a mother you will find the strength to get yourself and your own family as far away as possible from the woman who calls herself your mother but acts nothing like one x

 

[Shanivy]

Laura sounds like your mum is very, very controlling. And very much self involved, like everything in your life should actually revolve around her . And if it doesn't she can find a way to make it. It's easy to fall into a pattern with someone like that and let them get their own way, manipulate you into feeling guilty, or not doing things you'd like to because " oh mum will kick off and it's not worth it" My mum is very very similar, in fact I picture mine when you talk about yours.

But I'm so over it I don't have a relationship with her for all the reasons you state and more. It's tiring. I know she's your mum, but if it were anyone else, like your husband for example treating you that way you'd have none of it. I didn't really realise properly until I had my own child how off base my own mum was. I mean she was physically, emotionaly abusive as a child. But also acted just like yours does too. But it took becoming a mum and feeling that crazy love for my daughter to make me think nah fuck this. Maybe it will be the same for you. Being a mother doesn't give you an automatic right. Or a free pass to treat your kid any way you want. You still need to deserve to be one.

Seriously do what makes you, your husband and your little baby happy. She either likes it or lumps it. Either way she doesn't get a say. Xx

 

[LuckyLaura]

Ooh lots of stuff going on, and some early or big babies possibly! Gonna be weird when we all show each other our children! I'm going to forget some of the stuff I meant to say...

Ladies I'm actually petrified of giving birth now. Really. I don't know where it's came from. But I'm convinced baby is big here too, her movements are so painful now, where Ivy wasn't, and midwife commented that she was a "decent size". I'm gonna ask her to clarify at my 36 weeks. She's on the 75th percentile I think? She was on the 5th at one point. I bought some perenium oil today and I'm going to start that massage. But I'm so so afraid of tearing and it being worse than before. It's freaking me out

Ugh also I was in mothercare this morning and was listening to this pregnant woman. First baby and she was going on to the sales woman about how she may get a tens machine (mothercare hire them out) because she can't understand how woman opt to drug their babies in labour. Gas and air, epidurals etc are a bit selfish and don't get her started on women with elective c sections. Good one. OH was just like leave it but I had to go past to her and go "Not being funny love but wait until you're actually in labour and see if we're still so selfish, since you've no idea" OH pretty much dragged me out of the shop but pissed me right off. Especially being on here and seeing how different we all are, and how all of us have various (valid) reasons for the labour choices we've made. Some women irritate me, who cares what other women choose?!

GG happy 35 weeks lovely I'm with you on the heartburn/acid reflux. Mine is horrific! Forgot to ask to midwife for a prescription at my appointment and so it's costing me a fortune buying Gaviscon which only works for a little while. Xx

Shep how are you today? Any better? Xx

Laura do what you want hun! And at the end of the day your mum doesn't get a choice in what you decide to do. I don't know why she gets on like that? She needs to wise up to be honest. I hope things improve though xx

I would be the same shan, I swear its pregnancy hormones or maybe I'm just reaching my limit of what I can quietly take but I have been finding that I am less happy to bite my face and let things slide at the moment. Normally I shy away from confrontation and even if someone says it directly to me I would kinda hold back and try brush it off but at the moment my blood keeps boiling!! like 0 to 100 in 3 seconds.

There is nothing worse than judgmental people who clearly have no grasp on reality but act like complete know-it-alls. As a first time Mum who has never even been in labour I would NEVER even pretend to have an idea of what I am talking about never mind sprout my ugly ignorant views in public. I'm really glad you called her out cuz someone needs to! people like that need karma to bite their asses quickly.

I know that my mum doesn't get a choice and it's my decision. I am just so used to being hounded to the point I give in and she gets her way that I am trying to mentally prepare myself for battle. We need to have made up our minds 100% before we say anything to her. My husband had the idea that if we rent somewhere here for 6 months then we will be out of her house and we can get some distance between us then when we say we are moving to edinburgh theres only so much nastiness she can put me through. When we are living in her house she can literally make every aspect of my life hell and hound me 24/7. xx

 

[Shanivy]

Just posted that reply to you at the same time as you

I think your husband has the right idea to be honest. Living in her house puts you in her debt straight away. You'd be so much happier just the three of you when baby comes anyway!

As to the woman I don't mind that she's a ftm, just the judgementalness (is that a word? Looks weird) of her had me steaming. I'm so easily irritated these days lol xx

 

[LuckyLaura]

Thank you KHTW and shan, I'm sorry for being such a negative nancy on here all the time too. haha I feel like all I'm doing is moaning my brain off.

You are both entirely right, I just need to find the strength to put my foot down. It's amazing the difference it can make when you're not doing it for yourself but when you're doing it for someone you love. I mean the whole row with my stepdad that has been 10 years in the making only kicked off because he was nasty to my dog and it somehow clicked me into another gear. So if I can do it for my little dog then of course I am sure I can muster the mental strength for my little baby.

My husband also said something that had a big impact on me- he told me that my mum has had her whole life making her own decisions and living her own way. My nanny is a sweetheart and nothing like my mum, shes very supportive and was always very much about encouraging mum to go live her life- my mum moved over 2 hours away and my nanny didn't have any problems with this and supported her whilst my mum can't cope if I move a town over which is a 15-20 min drive and we both have cars!

She can't have her own life AND mine.

 

[_GG_]

Laura, fuck your mum. Based on EVERYTHING you have said, move back to Edinburgh. Your mum is ruining your happiness, don't let her. I don't need to say this, but will...are you really going to let your mum emotionally blackmail you out of doing the right thing for your little family?

She's had her turn, now it's your turn. She might be your mum but she simply doesn't get a say in where you live, end of.

 

[PeanutButter]

Shan, haha good of you to say something anyway, even if you couldn't say everything. She really isn't prepared for the pain to come, when pregnant with dd I was like i want to wait before I have the gas and air and epidural. Mate even breaking my waters I had to have gas and air and was saying i was the epidural ahahaha. She will find out how painful pushing another human being through her vagina will be shan. I don't even know why people will think it'll be easy??!! Like it's a watermelon coming through a lemon. Ughh

One min I'll be fine about birth the next I'm just in denial like nope nope and nope it's not happening!! When i had stomach pain a few weeks ago I decided I'm definitely having the epidural again. Also if i need stitches again epi numbs that cos they ain't coming near me with that needle, have you seen it?

Laura, You feel bad about leaving because that's how controlling relationships work. We've moved an hour away from both our parents, hubby's mom is too much sometimes. She goes quiet when we talk about moving further away (house we bought is longer away). We know she doesn't like it, but doesn't have a choice so doesn't say anything.
If you don't stop the controlling behaviour she'll take over everything with your baby... Try and be 'mum' because it's her first grandchild and will want to do those one time things that you can never get back.

 

[PeanutButter]

Double post

 

[LuckyLaura]

Laura, fuck your mum. Based on EVERYTHING you have said, move back to Edinburgh. Your mum is ruining your happiness, don't let her. I don't need to say this, but will...are you really going to let your mum emotionally blackmail you out of doing the right thing for your little family?

She's had her turn, now it's your turn. She might be your mum but she simply doesn't get a say in where you live, end of.

You are completely right. I need my own life back, I actually feel like I'm going insane as she has infiltrated every aspect of my life. I can't even make friends here, I made one friend recently and when I said to her about meeting up she kept saying about meeting at mine and in the end I gave in- what a mistake. I tried to sit in our second living room, my mum is always in the main one, but she followed us in, talked about herself constantly. I just sat there in silence unable to get a word in and I haven't heard from that friend since cuz they were probably running a mile from the psycho family lol xx

PB- you are so right too. Like you just described her perfectly. Its been something ive been so anxious about for months. She doesnt treat me like a capable adult and I know that I wont get peace to be a mother. Shell just constantly be telling me how to do things, im doing it wrong, do it her way. Everything will be criticism and she HAS to comment on everything you know- its compulsory haha I want time to get an idea of what works for me and my husband and our baby and we won't get that at all. We are already stressed out about the fact Im not allowed to add anything into the kitchen so where am I supposed to put my steriliser and bottles etc? xx

 

[KHTW]

Shan, haha good of you to say something anyway, even if you couldn't say everything. She really isn't prepared for the pain to come, when pregnant with dd I was like i want to wait before I have the gas and air and epidural. Mate even breaking my waters I had to have gas and air and was saying i was the epidural ahahaha. She will find out how painful pushing another human being through her vagina will be shan. I don't even know why people will think it'll be easy??!! Like it's a watermelon coming through a lemon. Ughh

Lol I was given gas an air just for checking my cervix dilation

I would have strangled the stupid idiot with the tens machine! How dares she be so judgmental?! I mean if you want to do it all naturally by all means, do it but there is no need for shaming others just because they need a little help. Well done Shan for saying something to that stupid cow! x

 

[LuckyLaura]

Shan, haha good of you to say something anyway, even if you couldn't say everything. She really isn't prepared for the pain to come, when pregnant with dd I was like i want to wait before I have the gas and air and epidural. Mate even breaking my waters I had to have gas and air and was saying i was the epidural ahahaha. She will find out how painful pushing another human being through her vagina will be shan. I don't even know why people will think it'll be easy??!! Like it's a watermelon coming through a lemon. Ughh

Lol I was given gas an air just for checking my cervix dilation

I would have strangled the stupid idiot with the tens machine! How dares she be so judgmental?! I mean if you want to do it all naturally by all means, do it but there is no need for shaming others just because they need a little help. Well done Shan for saying something to that stupid cow! x

I've heard the tens machine can actually make labour worse for some women...so... xx

 

[Shanivy]

Shan, haha good of you to say something anyway, even if you couldn't say everything. She really isn't prepared for the pain to come, when pregnant with dd I was like i want to wait before I have the gas and air and epidural. Mate even breaking my waters I had to have gas and air and was saying i was the epidural ahahaha. She will find out how painful pushing another human being through her vagina will be shan. I don't even know why people will think it'll be easy??!! Like it's a watermelon coming through a lemon. Ughh

One min I'll be fine about birth the next I'm just in denial like nope nope and nope it's not happening!! When i had stomach pain a few weeks ago I decided I'm definitely having the epidural again. Also if i need stitches again epi numbs that cos they ain't coming near me with that needle, have you seen it?

.

Oh yeah. Yep I've seen that needle. I had that needle. Literally all I can remember about my stitches is that fucking needle. Three times she did it!! They had me on the gas and air again for the stitches. Im dreading needing stitches again, like really afraid now. I don't mind the labour part, I'm telling myself, get gas and air, she's coming out whether you like it or not. Maybe its denial lol. I'm just afraid if she's big like I think and I struggle getting her out and tear worse than before. Xx