35 weeks pregnant and partner left for another women

[Dovekie]

I'm sorry this has happened to you. It sounds a bit like he's had some kind of mid-life crisis?! I knew someone who left their wife and kids for another woman and deeply regretted it about a year later. He begged to return, but she refused. Sadly, he committed suicide.

I'm not quite in the same situation, but split up with my boyfriend at 38 weeks. So I'm about to be a single parent, which I'd never have expected. I don't have any other kids. I just wish I was having this baby under happier circumstances. I feel a bit numb at the moment.

I hope you'll feel better soon xx

 

[Luciec]

So sorry you are having your first baby like this I know the feeling I still feel quite numb now and feel like it's become the normal
However once your baby is born the instant love you feel makes your heart feel complete as much hurt and pain he's caused me my children have kept me going and remind me every day just how precious they are and the minute they first smile it melts your heart and they are my true love and always will be

 

[Luciec]

Just been informed he can't make his visit with his oldest two as they have booked a holiday it amazes me that he is fighting child maintenance but can whisk her off on a two week holiday why does it still upset me so much I just want to feel nothing for him at all!
Really doesn't seem fair right now but I guess nothing I can do she gets the lovely holidays and all his attention and I'll explain to our children why he's not turning up I hope they get some karma soon I really do as seeing and hearing how amazes his life is without me doesn't seem right
(Sorry a moany message gmhaving a bad day jack of sleep I think m)

 

[mylullaby]

There is no need to fight back about child maintenance. Inform the csa (sorry can't remember if they're called something else now) and let them deal with it. If he's not paying they will back date it from the day you contacted them i think. Your children deserve that money. What a selfish ******* for depriving them of that. X

 

[Blueclass]

Either get him to tell the kids or film you telling them and send it to him. Make him see the upset his causing xx

 

[Luciec]

Sadly even if I did send him it he wouldn't be bother he would probably say I made them act upset he's to busy enjoy his new life to care

 

[Blueclass]

What a horrible man. Your kids will grow up knowing the truth and they will hate him for all the shit he has put you through. X

 

[Luciec]

Always said we couldn't justify pay for a holiday with our boys as he wanted to save for our deposit for our house but now seemsvto have a completely different look on life
I wish finding out things like this would feel set back but it still really hurts me and I wish it didn't I just think as I'm still unhappy and upset by everything he's done
Yet he's is living life to the fullest and I'm trying to piece me and kids back together I really want to be happy again but it seems to be taking me a lot longer than him

 

[Dovekie]

It is unfair, but you have to give yourself time. You won't heal overight, unfortunately. Take your time and be kind to yourself and your kids. Don't allow yourself to become bitter. It's time to show your ex that he isn't very important in this situation anymore. x

 

[Luciec]

Yeah just hoping time passes quickly I certainly don't want to end up bitter as then he will have not only caused me pain in my present but also in my future and I don't want him winning anymore
I think it's super hard knowing he caused this and rather than him hurting or overthinking it's me the one who wanted nothing more than a happy family and a daddy to our new baby who is so perfect in every way
But having his first smiles and his love is worth it all and my two oldest adore their baby brother and can't get enough of him and I get to witness the love they have for him and he will never ever get our little boys first smile or the first time he talks or walks and he misses out through his own choices

 

[Luciec]

20 weeks and I stilll find myself missing him I think maybe it's the family element I miss not having someone to come and help with kids or maybe it's the lack of sleep or not having a partner to share the first that our baby is doing daily
I obviously don't cry all the time like I did to start with but still find some days so hard and I feel so alone I wish I was a lot happier is this normal to still feel upset and have sad times and miss him so much
It's the evenings when the oldest are asleep and then it will hit me how alone I feel and think will I always feel this way or one day will the pain and hurt just stop
I think with the baby it just can sometimes feel a little overwhelming and that's when I feel like how is it me struggling and he just happy I want it to be me happy and loving life again with my boys

 

[Blueclass]

Hey id say it's normal as you was together a really long time and after a baby your emotions are all over the place. I still feel so sad for you and the boys but at least they have a terrific mummy like you. You will get over this it and you will be stronger than ever. I can imagine the evening is worse maybe start watching a box set. Will keep your mind busy x

 

[mylullaby]

People cope in different ways lovely, just like when you lose a loved one- it's a form of grief after all. There aren't any right or wrongs and however you feel is normal for you. I would just try to take it a day at a time- or maybe a week if you think you can manage it. Then a few years down the line you'll look back on this time and you'll feel like Superwoman for getting through this. Your boys will help too, even though I'm sure it must be so tough taking care of them all on your own. Can't remember if you've said this before but do you have plenty of supportive friends and family around you? Lean on them whenever you can. Take any help you're offered.

This might be a weird question, but can you afford to buy some nice new bedding? I would do that just so I had my own little sanctuary for myself- might be a bit therapeutic? Maybe a few nice nick nacks for the bedroom to make it feel nice even if the kids make actually relaxing in it impossible at the moment. X

 

[Luciec]

Thanks for the replies it's still seems to be day by day at the moment can't wait till it week to week though I think the baby is such a reminder for me and can trigger the sadness when he does something new and obviously with others I would have called their daddy and I haven't got that anymore and then I seem to remember all the hurt and pain
I hate that his happiness still bothers me as I know it should t but it makes me think what does she have that I didn't or his boys make him so happy!i want to not think of him and her together ever but it still gets in to my head which makes me mad at myself!i think I need to work on getting some confidence back as it seems to have all gone and him telling me how pathetic and how much better she is has messed with my self esteem and I need to make that stop
I have my mum and dad but they have raised 5 kids and as much as I'm sure they don't mind having my boys I feel they enjoy their peace and quiet (my children don't know what peace and quiet is)
My bedroom seems to have turned on to a family room as the older boys keep getting in my bed most night and I'm so tired from the baby I don't have the energy to keep putting them bk bed I'll tackle that soon haha
I would love to know that in a year or two I am truly happy and that he barely enters my thought at all that's the dream and I will get there but just seems that he meant a lot more to me than I did to him

 

[mylullaby]

I know you probably have a million things going through your head, but would it be worth booking an appointment to see your gp? Or maybe your hv could get you referred for some counselling? You might not feel like you need it and I'm sure you're coping brilliantly, but talking to someone about those feelings- the what does she have that I didn't- might help you to make sense of everything and come to terms with things? Xx

 

[Luciec]

Yeah I saw my gp and goin to start counselling to try and just sort my head out as it seems never ending with thoughts and just need to try and figure out how best to deal with them
also want to make sure in the end his actions do not end up ruining my whole life I want to be the best version of myself for my boys but if I'm honest I don't really know who I am as I think being his partner and a mum to 3 has made me forget me a little and as hard as it is to think about a future without our family unit it's what's happening and I have to make a new future and hopefully a happier one
I also need to stop worrying about him and her and hoping counselling can help me with that it's all the blame he's put on me and the he deserves his happiness I need to process and realise that it wasn't to do with me as while carrying our baby I should of been his priority and his kids not another women but us and he picked not to even try and if his world is so much happier not being part of our family unit then I hope one day he will realise what he's actually lost and I hope he gets back some of the pain he caused us and by then I hope I'm in a happier place and moved on and my kids will know that I was the one who stuck around and made sure life was good even when I was upset

 

[Luciec]

Just when I think he can't get any lower he's decided to not work any longer so I don't get any child maintenance he seems to think this is only hurting me. It it's actually hurting our boys who will lose our house without any help financially for his two oldest children also states he's getting rid of his car he moved an hour and a half away from his kids so how getting rid of his car when I arranged him to see them every other weekend makes no sense
How can he be so different and stupid to what I believed this man to be can someone just turn in to this horrible person over night

 

[JD.Deedee]

I know there's something about one parent not supposed move further up than 56 miles from the other parent without it being agreed so he's not doing himself any favours once it gets to court x

 

[mylullaby]

What the fuck is he going to do for money if he doesn't fucking work? She will get sick and tired of funding him if that's the current plan. What a fucking *******.

 

[Luciec]

I have no idea he used to do cash in hand jobs so this may well be his plan I dont understand what the hell is wrong with him no joke he used to be all about his family me and the boys and would work all the hours he could to make sure we would be ok and now he wants them to have nothing he seems to think it's me who needs the money completely forget I have our 3 children to feed and cloth
As for the car I really don't understand why I would get rid of your car when u moved away from them
Confused to what happened to this man is an understatement
All I keep thinking is one day he will start thinking about his children rather than himself but the longer it goes on I feel he's never goin to be the dad I thought he was and that makes me so sad for them