my partner is unhappy all the time

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Claire, Apr 15, 2005.

  1. Claire

    Claire Well-Known Member

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    My partner is unhappy all the time. He is worried about money and the baby. He doesn't want to let me buy anything to prepare for the baby because he is very stingy with money and says we have none. I tell him he is controlling and we have to buy some stuff for the baby. I also tell him how upset I feel that it seems I am the source of his unhappiness. He tells me that it's normal for him to be unhappy, but I don't agree. I try so hard to do everything right, but it just seems that nothing is good enough. I don't know what to do. I'm getting pretty depressed over being with a husband who is always grumpy. Any advice, please.
     
  2. Helen

    Helen Well-Known Member

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    Hi Claire

    You don't think that actually it could be because he is frightened? I just wondered when I read your post if he is frightened about the impending responsibility of being a father and getting it "wrong".

    It sounds to me as though he feels out of control, all these strange things are happening to his wife, there's going to be another human being in his life who he is responsible for, etc., etc. and so in a bid to regain some control in his life which is changing so dramatically, he exercises control in one of the only ways left - the purse strings!

    Also, I know of people who don't want to buy anything before the baby is born in case it jinxes things.

    What's he like at talking feelings? If this is what he is thinking, I'd say 99% of blokes would have trouble admitting it or even recongnising that is what they are doing.

    Is it just about the baby, or everything?

    Helen
     
  3. Claire

    Claire Well-Known Member

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    Helen, I think you are right about him being scared. He has mentioned before (many times) how much pressure he feels to be able to take care of me and the baby, and how afraid he is to fail. I tell him that he will never be a failure in my eyes, but I know he is still afraid to let us down. He is also trying to change careers to make a better future for us, financially, and this is causing him a lot of stress.

    I also think you are right about him trying to gain control over anything else that he can, namely money. He has always been tight with money, but it is even more so now. And although I can get him to buy other things, he always puts up a strong fight when I ask him to go baby shopping with me. He has also asked me not to go out and buy any baby stuff without him.

    My husband doesn't like talking about his feelings, and the only thing he says is "i'm worried about money". I guess it is normal, but all I want is for him to be happy and look at my belly and realize exactly how special and important our little creation is, and how truly blessed we are to have this miracle growing in me.

    I have huge fears about this too, but I just want to see him smile.
     
  4. Becky

    Becky Well-Known Member

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    I think your partner is having a fairly normal reaction.

    Men aren't the best at communicating their thoughts and fears and I know my husband often will feel that he can only comment about money and tries to make it easier on my by not talking about his thoughts and fears and feelings etc. I know that one of his biggest worries is about the labour and how he won't be able to help me and he'll have to see me in pain etc.

    Have you thought about the ante-natal classes? We're going and I think being in a room with other couples and actually seeing for himself that he's not alone in how he feels and having the midwife tell him that he is a very important part of the birth is helping.

    Also, knowing what to expect is helping too.
     
  5. Claire

    Claire Well-Known Member

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    Yes, we are scheduled to start prenatal classes in about one month. I think you are quite right that it will help ease my husband's fears to be able to speak to other men with pregnant wives, and vent and share stories with them. I know any time he speaks to others about the baby or about the changes in me he all of a sudden becomes more understanding. And today he mentioned maybe getting started on the baby's room (finally!). :) He also told me that I'm different now that I'm pregnant, that I'm really really emotional and always insecure. I guess that makes things harder too, but I just can't help it.
     
  6. Guest

    maybe hes thinking he wont be able to provide for his child
     
  7. Hayley05

    Hayley05 Well-Known Member

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    Guys are so weird...good luck you will be fine!!! :wink:
     

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