35 weeks pregnant and partner left for another women

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Luciec, Feb 12, 2017.

  1. Blueclass

    Blueclass Well-Known Member

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    I bet he was surprised when you said there not here, good on you. There was no need for you to keep them. 45mins is not enough how was the boys after? They must get confused? Well its only him whos losing out as the boys have you and don't need him. Their still in the honeymoon period and it will probably end soon enough and he will be paying for more kids and left with no one. X
     
  2. Luciec

    Luciec Well-Known Member

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    The boys get super angry and I have to deal with upset from them over the next few days then I settle them and then he comes bk every fortnight and unsettled them again (best thing though the baby he wants nothing to do with yet he's tattooed his name on his arm I couldn't believe it a man who hated tattoos is now covering himself in them pathetic especially having a kids name who u are refusing to acknowledge) makes me so mad but I refuse to let him know I just avoid him and spend time just me and my baby I never want him to feel not special enough because of his fathers behaviour

    It's was like I was meant to just keep everything as it was when he left I have had the whole house redecorate and got rid of everything that belong to him I don't need anything else reminding me I'm finding it hard enough as it is
     
  3. Blueclass

    Blueclass Well-Known Member

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    I understand that. Has he said why he doesn't want to know the baby?x
     
  4. Luciec

    Luciec Well-Known Member

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    No jist doesn't ask about him I think he pretends he doesn't exist as has another baby coming and if he admits it would have to accept what he actually did to me while pregnant and he still believes he's not done a thing wrong
     
  5. Blueclass

    Blueclass Well-Known Member

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    That's true but he needs to face what he has done sooner or rather and I'm sure as your boys grow up they will tell him what a useless dad he became x
     
  6. Luciec

    Luciec Well-Known Member

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    I hope one day he will realise that he's lost out on seeing our babies first smile,giggle and all his other first and they are ones in a life time memories
    It's so sad as he used to be such amazing dad I used tell people how lucky I was to have him and now I just feel so stupid and let down
    I am done trying to get him interested in our baby boy he's made it clear and now will I no longer try it breaks my heart to much to know he pretends he's not here
    I just want some of the hurt to fade but It's so hard as I remember the dad I thought he was and it sucks that my baby will never get to know that guy but I can't make him remember who he used to be I really wish I could but he's long gone
     
  7. Luciec

    Luciec Well-Known Member

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    Sorry I needed to rant a little but also get peoples views

    The ex has been messaging say I'm coming to collect my tools I left in our garage I don't believe you throw them oit

    He left months ago and has never mentioned his tools before and as far as I was aware he took everything he wanted when he left to move in with her
    I had the garage cleared out and I got rid of anything that was not mine or the children when I took over the lease

    He is now threatening me saying I have broken the law and he's getting a solicitor involved I don't really understand how I have done anything wrong or what exactly a solicitor would do or say he had a chance to collect anything he wanted when he left I'm not being crazy at i ???
     
  8. mylullaby

    mylullaby Well-Known Member

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    Can you contact women's aid? I think they'll be able to advise you. If you feel threatened in any way, you should call the police. Has he got a key? I would change the locks as an absolute priority if necessary. X
     
  9. Luciec

    Luciec Well-Known Member

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    I have contacted a lawyer and explained that he had plenty of chances to collect anything that he wanted but as I thought I was losing the house due to him not financially supporting me I had to start clearing the house out as didn't know where I would be living
    The garage was completely filled with what I thought to be rubbish and the men that cleared it never mentioned any tools so can't have been loads
    He says he won't pay child support now which makes no sense as that only affects his children not me o don't understand why he still wants to try and make arguments out of nothing if his life as amazing as he says go buy new tools or get the love of your life too and just leave me alone and stop the unnecessary messages not even a mention in any of these messages how our children are crazy
     
  10. GF91

    GF91 Well-Known Member

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    What he's trying to do is frighten you & to control the situation. The not paying child support is because he thinks that your relying on him & without it you'll have nothing. He's trying to control you.
    Then best thing you can do is show that it doesn't bother you, even if it does. Don't let him win because I promise you he will continue to do this until your very last breathe. I have watched my SIL go through this everyday for the last 7 years.
    You've honestly done nothing wrong. Have you got a family member who will deal with him so you don't have too? It may be in your benefit to do that, block his number & move on with your life & your 3 gorgeous boys! X
     
  11. Blueclass

    Blueclass Well-Known Member

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    What did the solicitor say? Keep all contact so you can show his behaviour and refusal to pay maintenance. I completely agree hiss trying to control everything and he thinks you can't manage without him. His such a prick x
     
  12. Luciec

    Luciec Well-Known Member

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    To wait and see if he gets a solicitor to send me a letter and then take it from there
    He had months to get anything he wanting and when he was leaving I left the house so he was free to collect any tools that he needed he's never mentioned these tools since now and has been working the whole time so I don't believe he really needs them just another game and I'm not playing I'm too busy raising our boys
    The garage got cleared out so as I thought I was losing the house and wanted things sorted so he can go on as much as he wants his tools are gone if There were even any in there which is not sure I even believe there were
     
  13. mylullaby

    mylullaby Well-Known Member

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    Yeah it really is all about control. His new life can't be that special if he's wasting all this energy making your life a misery. I would respond factually and without ANY emotion to all communication relating to contact with the kids and ignore EVERYTHING else. He HAS to pay maintenance if he's earning. Obviously problematic if he's claiming he's out of work, but honestly I would just stop engaging about that. It can go through official channels when he's earning and if he isn't, well there's no discussion needed is there. Maintenance isn't optional. There aren't any conditions and he can't just decide to hold back whenever he feels like it. Take back some control my lovely. Block him and communicate via email only if needed. Do what you can to protect yourself from him. You don't need all this fucking drama when you're busy trying to raise 3 kids! X
     
  14. GF91

    GF91 Well-Known Member

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    What you'll probably find is that actually he's miserable, so by making you miserable too- it makes him feel better. I expect that in the beginning he thought the grass was greener, but now he's there he realised it wasn't grass but AstroTurf. Everything he's doing & saying is to control you, the situation & to spark a reaction from you. Don't rise to it. If he doesn't want to pay you maintenance then take him to court. Don't beg him or plead with him, do t all by the book. Don't communicate with him, get someone else to do it or just do it through solicitors. Don't allow him to be in control.
     
    #174 GF91, Jun 16, 2017
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2017
  15. Luciec

    Luciec Well-Known Member

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    Yeah it's all through my dad now and have changed number and my email address I'm not there when he visits other kids and as it supervised at present due to his behaviour I don't have to have a number he knows I also used to update him about our children progress through email but he was never interested or ever asked about children so I no longer even do that it's his lose not mine
    Child maintenance are dealing with all money side I don't ask him at all as will not give him the satisfaction and it probably why he started asking about tools as I will not communicate as I need to fully heal and right now for me it's best I have nothing to do with the man at all
    I hope when I'm stronger one day his present won't effect me at all and I can just see him for who he's become as he's certainly not the man I fell in love with anymore
     
  16. GF91

    GF91 Well-Known Member

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    This is all still very raw for you. He took away from your last few weeks of pregnancy, he got to you when your hormones where all over the place. He's been a bad person, partner, it more than that he's been a bad father. & when your a mum- there's nothing worse than seeing your kids upset, but it hurts more when they've been hurt by someone who's meant to love and protect them.
    Take some time for yourself, for your boys. Your there everything now. It's not going to be easy, and your still allowed to cry about it. But just surround yourself with family, good friends, people who love you. Don't rush yourself to get over it & move on. Times a healer babe xxx
     
  17. Luciec

    Luciec Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for the kind words it is still really raw and I still feel like my heart is broken especially when I see my boys upset.

    It sounds stupid but I never thought he would be capable of causing us so much hurt I really didn't I can't believe how wrong I was I thought we would grow up watching our kids grow and then we always planned to travel around America together so I just need to get my head around another future rather than the one I thought I'd have

    I think what hurts the most is the way he acts like our 3rd baby doesn't even exist and I don't know how I can look at your self in the mirror and do that he's so innocent and worth so much more I don't understand how u can just act like he's nothing and be happy. The thing I don't get is why does he have to be so rude and nasty not just to me but to my whole family who treated him well the whole time just no need for it

    Im very lucky that I have amazing family just still find night hard as it's when I feel most alone but justvtry and keep busy and hopefully one day I won't notice that I feel alone anymore
     
    #177 Luciec, Jun 16, 2017
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2017
  18. Blueclass

    Blueclass Well-Known Member

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    One day you will feel that it just taked time. Your kids are very lucky they have a fab mother like you. I agree that he thought her grass was greener but his now thinking differently. Hope they are both unhappy her start thinking about ba pain they have caused. X
     
  19. Luciec

    Luciec Well-Known Member

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    Yeah it would be nice to think it's not all sweetness on their end but I'll never know and one day I hope I don't even care
    I feel I have good and bad days still and obviously days like yesterday Father's Day it hurts for my boys that he doesn't even care that it's suppose to be a day with his children who loved him so much he was their best friend and he just upped and left them I don't understand it still so how could they but I think they are starting to realise that as hard as it is we still have fun times just without him I have made sure it stays as normal as possible and still go to all party's and after school activities
    One day I hope he sees how amazing the kids are and his actions made us all closer and his life may be amazing right now but ours will hopefully get better and better
    I just hope karma bites him and her in the arse one day and I'm lucky enough to watch it
     
  20. Blueclass

    Blueclass Well-Known Member

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    I hope so too.
    Your boys will grow up closer to you than anyone. They will also grow up knowing the truth and they will probably never forgive their dad and rightly so. He doesn't deserve their love.
    One day this will not bother you and your either be happy on your own or happy with a guy who treats you and your kids how you deserve to be treated xx
     

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