35 weeks pregnant and partner left for another women

[Luciec]

Why are some days still so hard without him had oldest sports day and it hit me so badly how we always attended together and I felt so bad for my little boy too not having his father there
I just want to not miss the man who has not given me a second thought and is enjoying his new life I just hate that some days I still cry over him it feels like o take one step forward and two steps back
When will I not miss him so much

 

[Dovekie]

Just wanted to say you're not alone. I have been really upset and heartbroken because I'm alone and my ex doesn't want me back. I'm finding it difficult to look after our two week old. All I can think about when I'm up through the night is that we should be doing it together. Instead, he's a couple of hundred miles away living his normal, child-free, single life. He does want to visit regularly but I resent him getting the nice visits and not putting any hard work into it. I also can't deal with seeing him and spending time with him after what happened (a miserable pregnancy due to depression and lack of support and love from him). I have my ups and downs, but felt particularly bad yesterday. I was crying all day. The hormones don't help!

How long has it been since he left?

 

[Luciec]

The hormones are the worse and I feel for you it's very hard I find as you have a reminder constantly but it does get easier
I was having a bad few days but I think it's been due to our baby starting to hit mile stones and obviously with our other two he would share them with me
Also have been informed once again how happy he seems with this new women andvthat hurts so much as I can't figure out how you can be so happy not knowing your beautiful baby boy but he actually does seem happier without any of us
I wouldnt switch with him though as hard as I'm finding it with 3 children under 7 they bring me so much joy more than a new partner ever could

It's been 6 months and I have been seeing a therapist to help and even they have been shocked by his sudden change in behaviour but have been told it's still early days and not be too hard on yourself it's a huge shock and I loved him very much so my heart is still trying to get over him but I will one day I have promised myself that I don't want his behaviour to affect me forever

It's the loneliness I find the hardest so try and surround your self with friends and family even though sometime you probably don't want to it does help

 

[Donna88]

I'm so sorry you have been through (and continue to go through) all this. I'm in shock.

I'd try not to let comments or coming across as him being ''happier'' get to you, what he did was awful. But it says a lot about the both of them that they didn't think there was anything wrong with that.

Your children clearly have a very strong mum, they will be okay. You are doing fantastic, it must be very hard but you are doing the best for them and they will appreciate that.


Sorry, I really don't know what to say. I didn't want to read and run and I really wanted to just show my support. Times will be hard, but you are doing an amazing job.

 

[Blueclass]

I also think if they continue to keep saying our happy they are I then begin to wonder who are they trying to convince....x

 

[Donna88]

I also think if they continue to keep saying our happy they are I then begin to wonder who are they trying to convince....x

I think the same. In fact I couldn't agree more, I'm happy... I don't feel the need to keep telling people, especially my ex's.

Also they're still in the very early stages of their relationship, I find it very hard to believe he spent 15 years with you - two kids and another planned but was never happy or in love, again even if that was the case - it says more about him than you.

I just find it very sad that although he claims to be so happy, he seems to spend a lot of time trying to upset you or wind you up. x

 

[Luciec]

Well I had my little boys christening and not a single tear shred and was nice being able to do it all alone maybe I'm starting to get used to doing things alone I think a part of me will always have them moments where it still hits you but 3 months ago I'm not sure I would of even thought about planning a christening alone
It's also been his birthday which played on my mind but took boys out and treated them with the money I normally would of spent on him hoping the first of all these events are the worse and then become easier

On top of me getting stronger he has now sent a letter from a lawyer demand access to our baby who he's previously not wanted and demanding I change his surname to his aswell as giving me 7 days to return his tools which I never had it's never ending with him it really is
He's also refusing mediation unless it's in a room together and I have asked for it to be shuttled so I don't have to deal with his abuse so now he's threatening me with court 6 mo the later he's now doin all this

 

[Donna88]

So sorry he's still giving you issues.

He cannot demand you change the babies surname.

As for the rest of it, well that as well as horrible as it is, all you can do is lawyer up and defend yourself. It's horrible that he's insisting on going down this route but just do what's right for you and your boys. Don't lower yourself to his level either.


Good idea going out and treating the kids with the money you would have spent on him, I'm glad things are getting easier for you emotionally. It might be a good idea to remember all the times he's causing you unnecessary problems for the sake of it, so you can look back on them next time you do start to feel like you're missing something by not having him home.

 

[mylullaby]

Well I had my little boys christening and not a single tear shred and was nice being able to do it all alone maybe I'm starting to get used to doing things alone I think a part of me will always have them moments where it still hits you but 3 months ago I'm not sure I would of even thought about planning a christening alone
It's also been his birthday which played on my mind but took boys out and treated them with the money I normally would of spent on him hoping the first of all these events are the worse and then become easier

On top of me getting stronger he has now sent a letter from a lawyer demand access to our baby who he's previously not wanted and demanding I change his surname to his aswell as giving me 7 days to return his tools which I never had it's never ending with him it really is
He's also refusing mediation unless it's in a room together and I have asked for it to be shuttled so I don't have to deal with his abuse so now he's threatening me with court 6 mo the later he's now doin all this

Sounds like you're doing really really well in spite of everything he's put you through. Well done babe and really hope things keep improving for you in that sense. Be prepared for him to ramp up his wankerishness as you show him how well you're coping without him. He wants to control you and it will KILL him to see you being strong and independent and no longer needing him.

No judge in their right mind would insist on anything other than supervised contact with your baby as they build up a relationship. Keep records of everything so you can show the courts (and your baby when he's older) how reasonable you were. He will have to MAKE THE EFFORT to take you to court AND attend the agreed contact times regularly. I would bet my life he won't do it. Men like him never do. He'll use it as a stick to beat you with, empty threats, etc but he won't actually go along with contact arrangements and do any of the graft involved in actually building a relationship. Obviously the baby's name isn't even up for discussion, so just shut that down each time it is mentioned. "Not happening" repeat repeat repeat...

You are doing so well. You should be really proud of how far you've come xxx

 

[Luciec]

So now another lawyer letter saying he's taking me to court wants kids Christmas birthdays if he had done this6 months ago maybe I would of believed it was actually because he wanted the boys but sadly I thinks to him it's all another game to hurt me and he's not thinking what is best for ourboys
He knows we always have family Christmas and that's all the boys know and now he wants him and his this women to have them rather me
It's feel like I have punched in the gut all over again just when I felt I was feeling slightly better he find away to get to ne

 

[Dovekie]

That's awful I hope it doesn't come to that with my ex. I wouldn't give him Owen for Christmas no matter what anyone said. I think I'd end up in prison!

 

[Luciec]

That's exactly how I feel it would hurt the boys too but he doesn't care about that one bit I feel so broken all over again he seem to get off from causing so much pain while I'm still struggling

 

[mylullaby]

So now another lawyer letter saying he's taking me to court wants kids Christmas birthdays if he had done this6 months ago maybe I would of believed it was actually because he wanted the boys but sadly I thinks to him it's all another game to hurt me and he's not thinking what is best for ourboys
He knows we always have family Christmas and that's all the boys know and now he wants him and his this women to have them rather me
It's feel like I have punched in the gut all over again just when I felt I was feeling slightly better he find away to get to ne

The courts will be thinking about what's best for YOUR CHILDREN. Not him!! I would try not to panic at this point, see how seriously he takes contact from now (whether he sticks to it or pisses you about later down the line). You might have to share special occasions and yes that will suck, but doesn't stop you having "Christmas Day" on another day though does it?? Your kids will know it's you who's done the hard graft as they get older. Kids aren't stupid. Let him make his threats and be a twat and keep doing your thing and recording every occasion when he is unreasonable - changing/ cancelling contact arrangements, etc. I would be VERY surprised if he sticks to the arrangement once he gets bored of trying to hurt you.

 

[Luciec]

A little update

I no longer believe in Karma

It's been 9 months and I'm still hurting a lot not as much maybe not as raw but still have bad days

We'll he has been on another 2 week holiday with the love of his life

They both got made reduant from the company with a big payout and have since landing good jobs at another company together again(it's like they can't be apart)

He's now finally decided he's taking me to court for our children when he barely bothers seeing them but now he wants them 50/50 yet I have been offering days and time

If ever he does see them he does things like bring them tat from some of our old favourite places such as longleat where we even considered having our wedding had to bring a massive longleat bag and maybe if he had brought them a cuddly toy or something they would have loved but no a pencil in a massive bag!

He seems to have luck following him where as I have not slept in about 6 months as our baby has breathing difficulties at present

It makes me think what did I do so wrong and him do so right as he really has got away without any consequences for all the hurt and pain he's caused me I hate that I still miss him and to him it's like I never exsisted as he's so happy and carefree with this new wonen

 

[Blueclass]

Hey sorry to read your still finding things difficult. Whats wrong with ypur baby? It may seem like he has everything but you have ypur boys and when they are older they will see what their dad did to you and will know he was not there for them. Its always the woman who get left and men go of and do what they like.xx

 

[Luciec]

He has a problem with his nose and can't breathe the minute he lays down so he's on steroid drops to try and help so fingers crossed it helps him slightly
I think that's what I find so annoying he's taking me to court yet has he ever asked how his baby is not once not a single message asking so he has no clue he has these issues makes me so mad as a dad who cared would ask surely

Yeah I hope the boys make their own mind up and realise I tried all I could and never wanted their daddy to leave it was fully his choice to cause all this

I hate they get their happy carefree life I really do with luck shining over then but nothing I can do about that I guess just hard to take and understand how a life without your children in it everyday is so much better

 

[Blueclass]

You get so mich more than life than he does as ypu got your kids. They will grow up loving and respecting you and ypu seeing them smile everyday and hear them say i love you ect. They may have money and good jobs but jids bring the most happiness to our lives. Just tell the courts ypu have oddered visits ect his continually lets them down and its you that has to deal with that. Its not fair. If they do say he can see them tell them you want it to be supervised. Tell them he has no idea on your babys health problems because hia never asked how he is.
I hope your little one will be ok and the steroids help. Xx

 

[Luciec]

Thank you I'm hopeful these drops may help could do with a little luck on my side right now
Every time he comes to see the kids he look so happy it hurts so much and I don't know how you can be so much happier not seeing your kids everyday I would of preferred to have told him if it was me who was apparently unhappy and tried every option to stay with my boys but to him we were not worth even trying for so maybe he made the right decision as his happiness is very obviously for all to see

 

[Blueclass]

I now its hard now and will be for some time but you will be happy one day. His really hurt you and you was together a long time so theres alot to get ovwr. Karma will get him one day maybe not tomorrow or next week but it will. X

 

[mylullaby]

I'm sorry to hear you're still getting shit off this absolute fuckwit. He'll be laughed out of court. No judge will award him 50/50 as the children have been with you all this time - it's not in their best interests to shake up their lives like that. He doesn't want 50/50 contact, he just doesn't want to pay maintenance and this is how he thinks he can get out of it. It's bullshit. I know it's hard and you're still hurting, but please don't worry about the living arrangements. He isn't going to get that however much he threatens it. You just keep that record of all the times you've made sure the kids are available to see their dad and the courts will be able to see for themselves that he's a part-timer whose children would be better off with their mum who can provide a stable home on a permanent basis, with set contact time with their father that he'll be expected to stick to.

PS I'm always suspicious of people who desperately try to show the world how happy and in love they are. They're often the most insecure ones who have a point to make. Don't believe everything you see/read. You can bet your bottom dollar it ain't all roses and fluffy kittens when she's picking his skiddy pants up off the floor!