35 weeks pregnant and partner left for another women

[Luciec]

Yeah spoke with lawyer today and I agreed I want it proved he's the dad as I will not have him try and make out he's not his son unlike him I couldnt and wouldn't have ever have cheated as I really loved him the reason I had children with him little did I know he was capable of causing me so much pain
Once it's proven I will decide how I feel about claiming for him I just feel like I want nothing from him towards my baby after everything he's done and how he cares so little for his innocent baby boy
Not one message asking how his son is I don't know why it shocks me still but it still does how he can't think about him and care I I'll never understand

 

[cassi]

Claim, the least the scum bag can do is pay some maintenance towards all his children! Don't let him get away with anything you don't need to, get the back pay since he left too.

But on another note, how are you doing? Emotionally it must be so draining but you're obviously very strong and a silver lining will come along soon xxx

 

[Luciec]

I have good and bad days I hate nights when kids are asleep I miss having him home not the him he is now but the him he was!ii think baby hormones have finally settled down but I still feel guilt for my baby boy that one day he will learn he wasn't enough for his father to care one bit about him
I hate that I still miss him and miss our lives together as much as he's still telling everyone how super unhappy he's been for years I never knew it at all hence having our 3rd child with him wish I had known as would not have completely shocked me
I'm hoping for the days that come when I don't miss him or think of him like he's managed to do so quickly how he can be so happy without knowing how his new baby is amazes me as o thought he was such a family man how wrong could I have been.
I am goin to have DNA results as I have nothing to hide but I won't accept a penny from him he thinks he has this power over me by refusing to pay and he thinks I'll struggle without the money so I'm taking the power away i have started working part time and I will make sure my baby has everything he needs and wants without any of his help and he can live with the fact he refused to pay for his own child

 

[Blueclass]

It's great your able to do this in your own and your kids are so lucky to have such a strong woman as a mother. I would take his money though so he couldn't spend it on his new gf. How's setting up your business going x

 

[Luciec]

She is welcome to the money I'll happily take it for the other two but he's treated our baby so badly and just acts like he doesn't exsit it's such a shock to me and how he can love his new life so much without even knowing how his son is doin drives me crazy as he's so cute and special I hate that he ruined my last few week of being pregnant with my last baby but that something I can't change and my baby is so worth it even if he never sleeps haha
Business is going ok it's super hard fitting it around the 3 boys but I'm hoping by the time they are all at school I will be completely successful and super busy!
He's has told everyone that I will be all alone as I put my children first like that's a bad thing I may never meet someone but at least I never walked out on my children and pregnant fiancé and moved in with another Women

 

[Blueclass]

That's right. Don't worry my baby never sleeps either! I still cant believe a man could do such a thing I mean its just disgusting. Xx

 

[mylullaby]

She is welcome to the money I'll happily take it for the other two but he's treated our baby so badly and just acts like he doesn't exsit it's such a shock to me and how he can love his new life so much without even knowing how his son is doin drives me crazy as he's so cute and special I hate that he ruined my last few week of being pregnant with my last baby but that something I can't change and my baby is so worth it even if he never sleeps haha
Business is going ok it's super hard fitting it around the 3 boys but I'm hoping by the time they are all at school I will be completely successful and super busy!
He's has told everyone that I will be all alone as I put my children first like that's a bad thing I may never meet someone but at least I never walked out on my children and pregnant fiancé and moved in with another Women

Please claim maintenance for your baby. Even if you just put it all into an account for when he's older. Babies aren't pay per view. He can't use maintenance to negotiate contact just to control you (he can try, but maintenance and contact are two separate issues) IF he tries to establish contact with the baby, you can agree to go down the contact centre route and build up slowly. He won't honour his commitments and you can keep up your record of being reasonable at all times while he was an absolute shit bag.

Please, please claim maintenance. There are too many stories in the press about benefit scrounging single mum's and not enough about responsibility dodging absent fathers. He needs to fulfil his financial obligations even if he can't behave like a decent man in other ways. Save for your baby's future if nothing else- you never know when he might need it.

Take care xx

 

[Luciec]

I still can't believe the man I loved so much for 15 years has done this to our children I think that's why I'm finding it so hard as I thought he was such a good father and partner
He still swears he done absolutely nothing wrong and I really don't understand how he can believe this too be true he just says how he deserves to be happy with his new girlfriend
I know he should pay maintenance but as he's refusing I just can't keep letting him think he's winning it's time I took some of his power away and it's all seems like a game to him he's even told me all I care about is money(and that he's not sure what I spend his money on)yet the amount I get from him doesn't even cover the rent and if I did have any spare I would spend it on my boys unlike him who is completely selfish
He can explain one day his reasons for refusing to pay to all 3 of his kids that's if the baby ever wants to know him and the fact he's never asked once how he is im pretty sure he's never goin to want to meet h
I can show him that I tried to get child maintenance and when his own father refused I could fight anymore as I needed to try and move on from it all as it still hurts so much

 

[JD.Deedee]

Try not to worry too much about it as things like that can be backdated. Once the court orders him to pay up. Then just put it in savings for the kids so they can use it to study/travel/buy a house or whatever later when they're older. You don't have to prove shit to him and you definitely don't have to pleasure him any more or give him approval for anything. He continues to try and wind you up to make himself look better and just don't let him!

 

[mylullaby]

But if you do it all through the correct channels you don't even need to discuss it with him. Set up a special email address just for him that you can check periodically but at a time to suit you. Block him from your other email address and social media, etc. Buy a cheap pay as you go for essential communication involving the kids. Block him from your normal phone. Check the crappy phone at a time that suits you. Obviously you can switch it on while he's with the older kids just in case there's an emergency or whatever. Just gives you some control back. It's heartbreaking for you so totally understandable that you're reacting emotionally, but you need to start getting practical to protect yourself as much as possible from further upset. Of course he's insistent he's done nothing wrong. It's textbook from anyone who cheats. They're following their heart/ been unhappy for ages/ you're controlling/ nutcase/ psycho/ unstable/ whatever. He was never really arsed about having kids/ trying for a second/ third/ it was mainly your idea/ accidental, blah blah blah... cheats are never original my lovely, they spout the same old shit to make themselves feel justified and to keep friends and family onside, etc. He is so unoriginal he might as well be reading from a script. I know it's the last thing you want to do, but please try to separate your emotional grief from the practical steps you need to take. Who gives a fuck what you do with his maintenance? It's none of his business. He is legally obliged to pay and you are not obliged to explain how it has been spent. Don't engage with him about all that. Detach, detach, detach and focus on your boys. You absolutely CAN move on from this. It's just so hard in the early days and with three little ones to take care of too xxx

 

[redbear]

That lady put it better than I ever could. I'd follow her advice. ^^^ xx

 

[Luciec]

Thank you for all the advise I'm glad it's just usual behaviour of a cheater as sometime i feel like I'm goin crazy as can't believe he's so convinced he's not in the wrong at all and is the victim in all this I hope it does hit him one day but not convinced it will!
I am trying to detach I think it's so hard when have a lot of times up in the nights with baby to have time with my thoughts as that when I find my mind goin over it and I can't wait for that part to stop and to not think about him at all
I can't wait till the day comes when I do not care if he's happy anymore and I don't miss him at all

 

[mylullaby]

I've found one of the sites my friend told me about when her excited left. I'm sure there are more: https://www.chumplady.com/about-chump-lady/

 

[mylullaby]

You aren't going crazy and it's definitely typical cheat behaviour. He's textbook. What a ******* for putting you and your kids through this. X

 

[Luciec]

Brilliant thank you I'll have a look on the site
I think it just seems so unfair that he's caused so much hurt and pain to is all and he gets to be super happy with the women who also knew I was pregnant and engaged to him and right now I'm the one still so hurt and upset I know eventually it will get easier for me but right now I just wish he had a small amount of the pain we all have to go through rather than be enjoying his new life so bloody much
I can not wait for the day when I don't care how happy they are just wish it would hurry up and arrive

 

[mylullaby]

Don't be so sure it'll be a happily ever after for them lovely. They're in the early stages at the moment. Might not be quite so rosy when she's wiping his skids off the loo and picking up his dirty pants off the floor! She'll have to live with the knowledge that he's a cheat. And if he can do it once, he can do it again- to her. How relaxed and happy do you think she'll be knowing that? It must be heartbreaking to see the man you love just up and leave to be with someone else, but however happy they appear to be... I wouldn't bank on it. Also I think people who are loved up and gushing in an in-your-face way on social media are trying to convince themselves and everyone else that they're oh-so-happy. People who are actually happy don't tend to bother with all that. That's my anecdotal evidence taken from an admittedly small sample anyway!

One thing I guarantee this man hasn't considered (because he's too wrapped up in himself) is how he's going to feel when YOU meet someone else. I'm sure it's not something you can imagine right now, but his kids will have a new father figure in their lives and I am confident that your ex will cause massive problems for you, threatening court, etc because his nose will be put out of joint and he'll be GUTTED that you're moving on. I'm certain of it. But by the time that happens you'll have done your grieving, picked yourself up and moved on and you'll be happier than you ever imagined you would be. Xx

 

[Luciec]

Yeah I would like to think in time there's a chance to meet someone else and I gain some confidence back as his actions have completely knocked my confidence and him telling me how much she so much better than me and how she has a successful career and I was just a stay at home mum hasn't helped
One day just not to think about him as he man I loved but just the vile human he has now become would be nice
I feel like 3 children is a lot of baggage for another man to ever want to take on so let alone how emotionally damage I may now be I hope I can be as trusting as I was when I was with him the whole way through our relationship
I do not want him ruining my trust in people forever

 

[Blueclass]

Hey dont worry about having 3 kids as you may meet someone who has 3 or 4 kids. You will stop loving the arsehole at some point. X

 

[mylullaby]

Presumably he has a job? And you being a stay at home mum has enabled him to work? Would he have been happy to split the household jobs/admin/school run/shopping, etc 50:50 if you'd both worked? I fucking hate blokes who take advantage of their partner's wilingness to stay home when it suits them and then throw it back in their faces when it doesn't. Maybe his new woman has a successful career because she hasn't needed to sacrifice hers to raise three kids while he can aim for the stars?? Fucking *******. How dare he?!

You need to stop engaging with him about ANYTHING emotional my lovely because he's just trying to hurt you. Only respond to anything practical relating to the kids- pick up/drop off times, contact, etc. Do your best to ignore the rest. Keep your communication free of emotion and factual. Don't bend over backwards to change arrangements for him (because he'll start pissing you around when he sees you're not rising to the nasty comments) and keep records of every discussion so you can demonstrate your reasonableness throughout this whole thing. Be the bigger person in this- put your kids and their needs at the heart of everything you do- and you will come out of this stronger, wiser, happier and with the unconditional love of your children. Xx

 

[Luciec]

Yeah he was more than happy with me being a stay at home Mum until he met his new love and even when we planned out 3rd baby we even discussed how it would mean I would not be returning to work he said you don't need to worry about that I'll make sure we are all ok!
I have passed all communication on to my dad now and have given him access to older boys every other weekend supervised with my mum being present as for the baby I'm not willing to give access to him as yet as I don't want him away from me and I also don't want him around any negative vibes while he so young!
Yeah she has not had kids as yet until now that she is apparently pregnantt with his child
I so wish I had a switch like he did and could stop my feeling right now but it seems to be taking me time to get over it but one day I will be completely over him I'm sure