Why would you NOT breastfeed?

[Morganuk]

good one dannii,

 

[Scout]

Also again I apologise for my wording. Sadly I had to teach myself since I was 5, so my English is terrible

 

[Jen & Her Men]

Exactly!
I'm just really confused because BF is treated so negatively by so many people...I always sort of thought we were the persecuted, not the other way round
Jen,I think it's great you're going to try and BF little Pumpkin...and if you can't,nobody can say you didn't try your best,which I think is the thing that people are missing out on...you can only try your best, and if you do that,you have nothing to feel guilty or bad over.

Thanks hun and this time around, with the benefit of experience, i certainly wont be beating myself up if bf doesnt work out for Pumpkin and I, but Im gonna give it a bloody good go!

And Dannii - agree entirely hun

 

[sparky]

what a thread! think i've experianced every emotion reading through it!

Just wanted to say feeding your baby will always be an emotive issue, but it seems we all have our acillies heel (SP?) it might be any number of things feeding, sleeping, bonding, childbirth etc all things that might not have gone to plan.

We also judge ourselves, indeed we ourselves are our hardest critics so its impossible to live up to every expectation or perception you might of had before LO arrives.

I understand that people are curious, but as adults we should know when an issue is emotive enough to really steer clear..or if we really have to know then approach it in a delicate manner...especially with all these god damn hormones floating around.

I dont think BF is any harder than bottle feeding it all balances out, there are advantages and disadvantages to both! I think all mummies should be congratulated. My mum couldnt get over the fact that people were being congratulated on breast feeding as in her day people just 'got on with it' regardless on how their babies were fed. Perhaps we should congratulate bottle feeding mummies for enduring 6 months of bloody bottle washing/warming/sterilising?

As a free thinking woman i'm also concerned with the notion of a woman's decision re her body being forced through guilt, and will always defend the right for woman everywhere to make their own decisions and feel supported in them. We also as woman should support others in their decisions, congratulate them in achiving both sucessful bottle and breast feeding.

Also its easy to forget that feeding a baby alone will not make it a loveable, active, functioning and happy human being so we shouldnt make this the gold standard for our babies but focus on the WHOLE picture.

I think the major problem with all of this is our perception of what others think...when we really shouldnt give a fuck and just get on with the most important job there is!

 

[mrs_tommo22]

This thread is running high from emotion isnt it? I didnt realise it would hit this scale though!

Why cant people just be accepting of whatever choices we make?

I know what jen&james meant by that she sometimes felt that bf mums looked down on her because she ff james. I know that feeling because i have felt it myself off people on here but ou have to look at the bigger picture and not because some nitwit told you you should bf because its nutritional and whats best for baby.

Its peer pressure on here sometimes, though always intentional i know but i feel that some mums do feel it. Me being ne of them when i had imogen.

Why do these debates have to turn into such witchhunts - completelty pointless and it makes people angry.

Sharne, dont be angry and upset mate - no one should be upset over the choices they make.

 

[zebrastripes]

I understand that people are curious, but as adults we should know when an issue is emotive enough to really steer clear..or if we really have to know then approach it in a delicate manner...especially with all these god damn hormones floating around.

I dont think BF is any harder than bottle feeding it all balances out, there are advantages and disadvantages to both! I think all mummies should be congratulated. My mum couldnt get over the fact that people were being congratulated on breast feeding as in her day people just 'got on with it' regardless on how their babies were fed. Perhaps we should congratulate bottle feeding mummies for enduring 6 months of bloody bottle washing/warming/sterilising?

!

I think the issue was that even when treated in a delicate matter, people still get upset when others talk about breastfeeding,etc. I don't see how on a public parenting forum,one can steer clear of the topic of how to feed your baby. Neither should we.
And breastfeeding IS harder than bottlefeeding,in that it is a skill that must be learned...which is why so many women try to breastfeed, really want to succeed, but through lack of support etc, are left unable to, feeling guilty through no fault of their own.
And personally I do agree that FF mummies should be congratulated,I had to mess around with bottles and sterilisers when DD was getting EBM for a couple of months,and it was a right pain in the ass!

 

[kelsey]

I think this thread has gotten a little of track at times but on the whole I think there have been a lot of good points raised.

i think a good debate is healthy but be need to keep it to being a debate and not get personal

Now its been said a few times about the pro's of bf and a few have said about the cons. So I'm interested to find out what people would say the cons of bf are.

 

[zebrastripes]

Cons of breastfeeding for me were

1) Pain at the start
2) The feeling you sometimes get of being so trapped and tied to your baby
3) Nipples leaking at innopportune moments

But for me,the pros have definitly outweighed the cons!

 

[moss]

I think I mentioned my cons. but to put them in a list:

Pain, fevers, night sweats that go with engorgement
Being tied to a chair on the days Jacob wants to constantly feed
Feeling soggy a lot
Feeling unable to go out when I would because of lack of places to feed him (I'd do it in public but with a fast let down that can me choosing between a soaking or exposing myself)

The pros outweight the cons for me though and I hope that if people know the cons before they start they will be better prepared and more able to stick with it.

 

[trixipaws]

i LOVED breastfeeding but its not for everyone! some people might feel squeamish about it, and they shouldnt be made to feel bad about it. some want to get pregnant straight away, some might not have the time to be doing ALL the feeds, etc.

the cons i found of BFing were:
* initial trickiness
* time-consuming and draining
* not able to drink and still had to watch diet/medications as in pregnancy
* engorgement pain
* embarrassing leaking
* having to do all the nite feeds!

the pros were:
* huge weight loss!
* convenient (no preparation needed!)
* didnt cost a penny!
* my daughter has not inherited her daddy's allergies
* has only had the sniffles about once in her life!
* portable didnt have to carry around bottles, sterilizer, milk, etc.
* inoffensive-smelling nappies until weaned!

 

[sparky]

I understand that people are curious, but as adults we should know when an issue is emotive enough to really steer clear..or if we really have to know then approach it in a delicate manner...especially with all these god damn hormones floating around.

I dont think BF is any harder than bottle feeding it all balances out, there are advantages and disadvantages to both! I think all mummies should be congratulated. My mum couldnt get over the fact that people were being congratulated on breast feeding as in her day people just 'got on with it' regardless on how their babies were fed. Perhaps we should congratulate bottle feeding mummies for enduring 6 months of bloody bottle washing/warming/sterilising?

!

I think the issue was that even when treated in a delicate matter, people still get upset when others talk about breastfeeding,etc. I don't see how on a public parenting forum,one can steer clear of the topic of how to feed your baby. Neither should we.
And breastfeeding IS harder than bottlefeeding,in that it is a skill that must be learned...which is why so many women try to breastfeed, really want to succeed, but through lack of support etc, are left unable to, feeling guilty through no fault of their own.
And personally I do agree that FF mummies should be congratulated,I had to mess around with bottles and sterilisers when DD was getting EBM for a couple of months,and it was a right pain in the ass!

i'm not saying avoid the issue of feeding, but old fashioned as i am i wouldnt ask a question on the internet that i woulnt be afraid to ask in real life, and i suppose i was a little suspicious of the authors motives having read other threads by them.

i wasnt implying that ff was easier at the start, but once established they both come with equal advantages/disadvantages.

lol at sterlising its my pain in the tits, different to bf mums but still there.

 

[Sammystar]

I think this thread has gotten a little of track at times but on the whole I think there have been a lot of good points raised.

i think a good debate is healthy but be need to keep it to being a debate and not get personal

Now its been said a few times about the pro's of bf and a few have said about the cons. So I'm interested to find out what people would say the cons of bf are.

I can now proudly say that I BF'd all three of my LO's. At the time though, I felt like a failure because I wasn't able to do it for as long as I would have liked/deemed necessary.

I struggled enormously with all three. My let down reflex was extremely painful, I had, it seemed, too much milk! and I had massive problems with bleeding nipples, recurring thrush, and latch problems.

I managed to get to just over four months with number one, and it was the longest four months of my life. Despite enormous amounts of support from the medical professionals (they are very pro BF'ing here), I decided I couldn't take the pain, and her screaming, any more so I weaned her. From that point on, it was like a fog lifted from our lives and I finally felt I bonded with my daughter.

With DD number two, there were the same latch issues, thrush once again (in both of us) and mastitus. I was determined that she should get BM though, so with the aid of a double pump supplied by my health insurance I was able to give her EBM for the first three months of her life.

I can tell you that was no mean feat! Pumping, sterilising, and looking after TWO babies was hard work, and when I look back I'm really proud I managed it for as long as I did.

With my son I was utterly determined to do it 'right', but he had a difficult birth and I sustained a serious tear, he couldn't latch again (my midwife said I have enormous nipples lol!) The dreaded thrush returned with a vengeance, and coupled with the dark cloud of PND, I just couldn't do it. It was my Doctor who advised me to stop. I really didn't want to

Now I look back and realise I did the best thing for me and my son. As soon as I stopped BF-ing we both relaxed and feeding became a pure pleasure rather than a painful and dreaded struggle.

I gave them all the very best start that I could, and none of them has ever gone without anything. So I'm happy with that

 

[LisaJ1986]

My Cons:

1, Being self conscious, having to go into another room when other family or friends are round/round theirs.
2, Being out in public with nowhere to feed except public benches.
3, The engorgement, with weaning i'm getting it all over again
4, The wet clothes and sheets from the early days and those pain in the arse breast pads that move out of place!
5, All the night feeds
6, Never being able to nip anywhere and leaving her with somebody. Guaranteed she'll want feeding while i'm gone.
7, The oh-so-explosive nappies! Up to the neck and down the legs! So many lovely clothes have been binned.
8, The awful pain from the early days, and the pulling the nipples now while being nosy!
9, I struggled to bond with her due to the pressure and pain.

I personally think i have more cons than pros, but i'm still proud of myself.

 

[nori]

Just read the last 5 pages and good to see things got heated once again!

Did we ever find anyone who decided not to try and breastfeed their first child and had no intention of trying to breastfeed? We are pages later and still talking about woman who tried and stopped (im not gonna say gave up or failed, as i really dont think it should be seen as a failure, i really dont.. i think its really upsetting that so many woman are hard on themselves even though they tried it)

I think its a shame that discussion forums like this cant be just that... discussions and not what i would consider at times bitching at other peoples opinions.. If you look back through this forum there are only a few posts which are actually about the topic in question yet a hell of a lot moaning at others and being critical of their posts and how they worded things.

People will always take things the wrong way on emails, forums, text messages etc.. cos you cant see the people face to face.. I think people need to stop being so sensitive..

Its a shame as this could have been an interesting post and i personally wanted to understand why others decided not to breastfeed in an adult way and not to critisise! I watched a documentary the other week about mothers who breastfed other peoples babies and continued until they were about 5. Not something i would ever conisder but interesting all the same!

Claire x

 

[KJ]

phew!!!!!!!! I've finally waded through this thread and have a few comments.............

1. I remember a lady who was pregnant at the same time as me on the forum, username pigletpoo (I don't know if she is still here with a different username, if so sorry for not realising!). Anyway, she stated that she would not breastfeed from the work go, as the thought of it made her physically sick. Can't think os any others off-hand but maybe they are out there.

2. I agree with many in not really understanding why any mum wouldn't just 'give it a go'. Even if you have had a bad breastfeeding experience in the past with a previous LO, you never know, it might be completely different the next time! I have no probs with people who try and then for good reason decide to switch to formula, but I am of the opinion that you should try in the first place.

3. The main advantage with breastmilk is the passive immunity ie. antibodies from mummy that baby gets via the milk. These are mostly important for the more major illnesses such as chicken pox, measles, etc, etc. Therefore they protect the baby during the first year of life when the baby doesn't have it's own protection. That is why most immunisation schedules for major illnesses, either have their boosters at 1yr, or begin at 1yr (eg MMR), because this is the time at which most babies have stopped being breastfed. Their passive immunity is waining and they need the vaccination.

4. I breastfed Asher exclusively for 6months and then combined with formula until 10months. I am very proud of myself and rightly so.

5. I was only breastfed by my mother for 3 weeks and then switched to formula (due to the uninformed advice of some older relatives which my mum now regrets). Anyway, I have a 1st class degree and a PhD and am hardly ever ill. So, yes, I agree with the bottle mummies who say that a bottle fed baby is not necessarily a) stupid, or b) unhealthy.

6. After the 10 months when I stopped breastfeeding, I have found it an absolute pain in the **** to remember to sterilise bottles, boil kettles, etc, etc. Therefore after the initial 2-4weeks of hell with breastfeeding, I do agree that in the long run, it's easier!!

7. And the one that always gets to me. For ladies who are preggers. Your milk will not come in until 3-5 days after you give birth (unless you are very unusual). Therefore in this time baby WILL, feed constantly, cry a fair bit, lose weight, etc, etc. This is NORMAL!!!!!!! You are not failing, you DO have enough milk, you WON'T see much of it in this time as it is colostrum (I certainly never saw mine, doesn't mean it wasn't there). Wait until the milk comes in, then make a decision as to whether it is working or not.

I think that's about it. If I think of anything else I'll add it on.

All I'll say is 'give it a go' mummies to be, whatever your preconceptions. You might surprise yourself!!!

K.xxx

 

[LisaJ1986]

Whoops, double post.

 

[purple13]

LOL at dannii who, might i add (IMHO) has absolutely the right attitude to this thread

the definition of forum - a meeting or medium for the open discussion of subjects of public interest

at no point can i see that any posts here could be construed as a witchhunt, although i personally think the OP has taken a little flack that, IMO, wasn't really necessary. its clear that some people have very strong feelings about this subject, particularly those who have had bf problems - yes, answers should be carefully worded, but even the most carefully worded response can be misconstrued if the reader so wishes. this is a forum, a place for discussion and debate by its very definition, and this thread is a discursive thread. its a shame when people take things personally when nothing personal has been implied, and it rather spoils what (for the most part) has been a very interesting read.

what we haven't had, so far as i can remember (but it is a very long thread ) is a response from someone who has only formula fed with no intention of ever breast feeding, which, to the best of my knowledge, was the original point of this discussion! perhaps anyone who has done this will feel too intimidated to reply now, which would be a shame as i'm genuinely curious to know why

i'd like to think that we could encourage an attitude in this country, where everyone would feel as if they wanted to at least try bf-ing. but i'm afraid the victorians have got a lot to answer for in terms of today's general opinion and feeling, and unfortunately there isn't a good enough support network yet for those who do try yet struggle and ultimately move to formula.

ho hum.

 

[dannii87]

Just read the last 5 pages and good to see things got heated once again!

It's a discussion and we're realising what is sensitive and what isn't. Trial and error. Some people take offence to certain comments, some don't, but that's all within the discussion and we're working through it. To keep highlighting that it's "getting heated" (I don't actually think it is personally ) it's going to leave room for people to reply to defend themselves causing a whole other unecessary debate.

I think its a shame that discussion forums like this cant be just that... discussions and not what i would consider at times bitching at other peoples opinions..

I don't think anyone has bitched. In fact, IMO, 99% of replies are said with the utmost respect for other members. I for one respect everyone's views and haven't found one that I strongly disagree with yet. But like I said (and you did!), it's a discussion and several points have been made throughout this thread that have left topics to 'discuss' which is what we're doing. It's still adult though, the point where it becomes bitchy or whatever the mods will lock the thread but I don't think anyone has been seriously offended to the point where this has really affected them.

Its a shame as this could have been an interesting post

I still think it's interesting

 

[Jen & Her Men]

purple and dannii i agree with you entirely.

I dont feel that this thread has been bitchy etc. I think its an emotive topic so people feel passionate about their views which comes across but their aint nothing wrong with that IMHO.

I actually think this has been a pretty good thread with only a couple of posts getting a bit heated and I have understood pretty much everyones point of view even if its not mine.

I also think that a lot of other people have been very open minded to the posts of others and thats a really positive thing.

I dont expect we will ever always agree about topics like this and its also bound to go a little off track on occasion because each persons experiences are unique and sometimes throw up other things that we like to discuss but its cool cos we always end up getting back on track somehow!!

 

[Minxy]

7. And the one that always gets to me. For ladies who are preggers. Your milk will not come in until 3-5 days after you give birth (unless you are very unusual). Therefore in this time baby WILL, feed constantly, cry a fair bit, lose weight, etc, etc. This is NORMAL!!!!!!! You are not failing, you DO have enough milk, you WON'T see much of it in this time as it is colostrum (I certainly never saw mine, doesn't mean it wasn't there). Wait until the milk comes in, then make a decision as to whether it is working or not.

Yes, yes YES!! THAT'S what needs to be on the gazillion 'Breast is best' posters in the hospitals. I still think the medical culture is obsessed with very early weight gain and combined with new mother's natural neuroses is the cause for a lot of early faliure.


And what are you on about Nori, this IS interesting IMO.