Why would you NOT breastfeed?

[zebrastripes]

Here,this may seem like I'm getting at people, but I'm honestly not. I'm trying to be a bit logical here.

Ok, I've heard a lot of people (Jen&James being the latest, but I'm not having a go at you hun,it just made me think) that they feel as though BF look down on FF mummies.

I've also heard a lot of people say that they feel guilty for failing to BF.

Just a thought, but is it maybe something to do with the fact you may feel a bit guilty, that you also feel you're being looked down on?

I certainly don't look down on anyone who FF.

On the contrary, in my local area/family network I am the one looked down upon for doing something "weird"..aka BF... when i could just give her a nice bottle, like everyone else

Mind you NI has horrendous BF statistics, it's way behind the rest of the UK in that respect.

What I'm saying is I find it strange that FF feel looked down upon,when in my experience it has been QUITE the opposite

 

[AnnaR2B]

Thats a really good point
I've seen it frrom both sides as when i breast fed in public, i had a few moments where i was made to feel 'wrong'... and when i decided (for my own reasons) to stop...yes, MY OWN guilt was one of the major issues I had too..

 

[Jen & Her Men]

Here,this may seem like I'm getting at people, but I'm honestly not. I'm trying to be a bit logical here.

Ok, I've heard a lot of people (Jen&James being the latest, but I'm not having a go at you hun,it just made me think) that they feel as though BF look down on FF mummies.

I've also heard a lot of people say that they feel guilty for failing to BF.

Just a thought, but is it maybe something to do with the fact you may feel a bit guilty, that you also feel you're being looked down on?

I certainly don't look down on anyone who FF.

On the contrary, in my local area/family network I am the one looked down upon for doing something "weird"..aka BF... when i could just give her a nice bottle, like everyone else

Mind you NI has horrendous BF statistics, it's way behind the rest of the UK in that respect.

What I'm saying is I find it strange that FF feel looked down upon,when in my experience it has been QUITE the opposite

No i definitely agree with you hun, and i have said it in previous threads that because some of us feel like we have failed that we are more sensitive to thinking we are looked down upon.

But that feeling of failure for me went away a long time ago and now i feel very right in my decision to switch to formula...yet sometimes i do still feel like Im looked down upon for my choices...

I guess negativity is always picked up on more than positivity - its human nature. Like I posted earlier in the thread saying that this forum inspired me to try to BF Pumpkin when he arrives and that i do admire those who BF...but that was never picked up on...its always the negative stuff people say that gets remembered and remarked upon...thats why these debates always last so bloody long!! lol

 

[Jen & Her Men]

double post sorry!

 

[Suzie and Faith]

woah this thread has taken some reading!

My sister chose not to breastfeed at all with either of her kids. She just didn't like the idea. I don't judge her for it because it was her choice and she has 2 happy and healthy children, which is all that matters.

I'm not really sure what I think as I do not feel guilty that Fi i now formula fed. I don't have any feelings of guilt at all. I did what I needed to do.

I think every one of you mummies are amazing. I've just started reading a book called 'what mothers do -especially when it looks like nothing' and one of the points is that we should stop comparing ourselves to others because there are so many different choices out there and we should just be enjoying our LOs.

 

[zebrastripes]

Exactly!
I'm just really confused because BF is treated so negatively by so many people...I always sort of thought we were the persecuted, not the other way round
Jen,I think it's great you're going to try and BF little Pumpkin...and if you can't,nobody can say you didn't try your best,which I think is the thing that people are missing out on...you can only try your best, and if you do that,you have nothing to feel guilty or bad over.

 

[Steelgoddess]

So my post is awful, thats you're opinion.

Sorry kelysey that sounds dead childish of me, i only said it cause I was a little put out as you implied that my previous comment had brought the thread down a notch and it wasn't supposed to, but honestly the "nasty" tone in my original post you quoted wasn;t there...

I guess I just feel strongly that everyone should be able to make their own choices, and whilst I understand PPL have opinons which they are rightly entitled to, sometimes to others it can come across like they are being degraded...

I don't personally feel offended by the post its just certain remakes seemed a bit condecending from the author...

I just want everyone to get on and not feel hurt or anything...

I'd just like to add I guess this thread is kinda like asking why do you feed in public and someone really going to town on how wrong it is etc...

 

[Steelgoddess]

So my post is awful, thats you're opinion.

I'm going to defend Sharne here, cos i think like me initially, she got a bit offended by the wording of Scouts post, but Scout has admitted earlier she maybe didn't word things appropriately. We have had our adult, healthy debate about that already
It is so easy when you type a statement, for your tone and real meaning to be misconstrued....

'
Thanks Anna

 

[SarahH]

I totally agree - you will get frowned upon either way you choose to go! Wasn't it Matt that had to tell some old woman to butt out when she made comments about Debbie feeding Luke

 

[Squiglet]

I totally agree - you will get frowned upon either way you choose to go! Wasn't it Matt that had to tell some old woman to butt out when she made comments about Debbie feeding Luke

Yer it was...

I've had loads of nasty comments too, the idea that it would be better to just give lil miss a bottle of formula... so much so that I won't feed lil miss in public now or around anyone other than my side of the family, DH and Tia... Even though I feel dead chuffed with myself as not only did I battle against docs in the hosp but I even managed full breastfeeding while working....just one comment about how disgusting you are is enough to make you feel bad...You know you are doing the best and right by your child, but because other people don't see it that way, you hide it away.

I kinda get it from this forum too... that to even suggest that breast is best or that I feel proud of my breastfeeding achievements will receive some sort of negative comment...

 

[MagicMarkers]

yeah i remember reading that, think it was an old lady and her daughter/friend or something !

 

[Steelgoddess]

I totally agree - you will get frowned upon either way you choose to go! Wasn't it Matt that had to tell some old woman to butt out when she made comments about Debbie feeding Luke

I heard that I think thats awful
I think like someone else said its a lose lose situation at times... Maybe part of being a mother IS having others judge you... Hmmm I missed that section in What to expect when you're expecting...

I know someone who was bf in public and had someone go up to her and say "Why don't you go and do that in a toilet rather then on show." she said would you eat YOUR dinner in the toilet

 

[daftscotslass]

On the contrary, in my local area/family network I am the one looked down upon for doing something "weird"..aka BF... when i could just give her a nice bottle, like everyone else

Mind you NI has horrendous BF statistics, it's way behind the rest of the UK in that respect.

What I'm saying is I find it strange that FF feel looked down upon,when in my experience it has been QUITE the opposite

On occasion I've found it the opposite here. However, breastfeeding is VERY actively promoted here (though I don't know that the publicity has actually affected the number of breastfeeders) and also in the Netherlands where OH is from. FF is just not common there. If you bring out a bottle to feed your young baby you are looked at like you're from another planet.

MIL's peach to me when she found out I was unable to breastfeed was "It must be funny having two things on your chest that don't work properly" and when Becky was crying for a feed some 4 weeks later she said to her "Just think, if your mum could have fed you she could just have popped a boob out and not worried about having to make a bottle".

At the mum and baby groups I've been to I've felt like all eyes were on me when I brought out a bottle - I would say it was easily 70/30 breastfeeders to bottlefeeders - my favourite comment was "My friend had problems breastfeeding and she just gave up without trying too" (nice assumption there, eh?). I appreciate that people with this sort of attitude are in the minority but it does happen.

 

[SarahH]

It's the complete opposite where I am. I remember my HV saying to me out of 100 mothers on her books only 4 of them breastfed past 2wks.

She thought I was crazy for pumping for the 17wks that I did and kept telling me to "just buy SMA"

 

[moss]

NHS Tayside try very hard to promote breastfeeding and are very supportive, but I was the only one doing it at all on my ward, and I was there the longest! One other tried a couple of times and sounded very worried about doing it wrong... the midwives were very nice and encouraging, telling her she was doing great as was her baby, but she was using formula within a few hours. I thought this was very sad (since she clearly wanted to do it but was so anxious) and I think if antenatal education was better then this wouldn't have happened and perhaps I wouldn't have been the only breastfeeder there.

 

[Bee]

On the contrary, in my local area/family network I am the one looked down upon for doing something "weird"..aka BF... when i could just give her a nice bottle, like everyone else

Mind you NI has horrendous BF statistics, it's way behind the rest of the UK in that respect.

What I'm saying is I find it strange that FF feel looked down upon,when in my experience it has been QUITE the opposite

On occasion I've found it the opposite here. However, breastfeeding is VERY actively promoted here (though I don't know that the publicity has actually affected the number of breastfeeders) and also in the Netherlands where OH is from. FF is just not common there. If you bring out a bottle to feed your young baby you are looked at like you're from another planet.

MIL's peach to me when she found out I was unable to breastfeed was "It must be funny having two things on your chest that don't work properly" and when Becky was crying for a feed some 4 weeks later she said to her "Just think, if your mum could have fed you she could just have popped a boob out and not worried about having to make a bottle".

At the mum and baby groups I've been to I've felt like all eyes were on me when I brought out a bottle - I would say it was easily 70/30 breastfeeders to bottlefeeders - my favourite comment was "My friend had problems breastfeeding and she just gave up without trying too" (nice assumption there, eh?). I appreciate that people with this sort of attitude are in the minority but it does happen.

I agree with Lorna here - but then we come from the same area We were stay its not acceptable to bottle feed and its even worse in the more well to do areas!

I get the impression that by giving Finlay a bottle I'm not doing the right thing - even though I ran myself into the ground trying to keep up the breastfeeding until 4 and a half months. We were doing fine till an idiot in a Land Rover decided to go round a roundabout the wrong way and hit us head on, writing off my car and injuring me when Finlay was 12 weeks old. I didn't choose to stop bf'ing - I had to and I feel stupidly guilty everytime I give Finlay a bottle. I should have stopped bf'ing sooner but was so determined that I pushed myself too far and even swtiched my mind countless times. I still doubt myself now - I should be bf'ing IMO and I miss it

 

[Squiglet]

On the contrary, in my local area/family network I am the one looked down upon for doing something "weird"..aka BF... when i could just give her a nice bottle, like everyone else

Mind you NI has horrendous BF statistics, it's way behind the rest of the UK in that respect.

What I'm saying is I find it strange that FF feel looked down upon,when in my experience it has been QUITE the opposite

On occasion I've found it the opposite here. However, breastfeeding is VERY actively promoted here (though I don't know that the publicity has actually affected the number of breastfeeders) and also in the Netherlands where OH is from. FF is just not common there. If you bring out a bottle to feed your young baby you are looked at like you're from another planet.

MIL's peach to me when she found out I was unable to breastfeed was "It must be funny having two things on your chest that don't work properly" and when Becky was crying for a feed some 4 weeks later she said to her "Just think, if your mum could have fed you she could just have popped a boob out and not worried about having to make a bottle".

At the mum and baby groups I've been to I've felt like all eyes were on me when I brought out a bottle - I would say it was easily 70/30 breastfeeders to bottlefeeders - my favourite comment was "My friend had problems breastfeeding and she just gave up without trying too" (nice assumption there, eh?). I appreciate that people with this sort of attitude are in the minority but it does happen.

I agree with Lorna here - but then we come from the same area We were stay its not acceptable to bottle feed and its even worse in the more well to do areas!

I get the impression that by giving Finlay a bottle I'm not doing the right thing - even though I ran myself into the ground trying to keep up the breastfeeding until 4 and a half months. We were doing fine till an idiot in a Land Rover decided to go round a roundabout the wrong way and hit us head on, writing off my car and injuring me when Finlay was 12 weeks old. I didn't choose to stop bf'ing - I had to and I feel stupidly guilty everytime I give Finlay a bottle. I should have stopped bf'ing sooner but was so determined that I pushed myself too far and even swtiched my mind countless times. I still doubt myself now - I should be bf'ing IMO and I miss it

Why don't you feel proud of yourself? Jen&James was talking about people pick up on the negative...we even do it with ourselves....Your post has intrigued me...It seems that you pushed yourself to the very limit...all breast feeders do...some are lucky and break through the other side...some don't. But its very obvious that you tried as hard as you could...You say you should have stopped breast feeding sooner...but the fact you didn't and gave it your all means that you should hold your head up high and say...I breast fed Finlay...you may give him formula now...but you did breast feed him

 

[Bee]

Why don't you feel proud of yourself? Jen&James was talking about people pick up on the negative...we even do it with ourselves....Your post has intrigued me...It seems that you pushed yourself to the very limit...all breast feeders do...some are lucky and break through the other side...some don't. But its very obvious that you tried as hard as you could...You say you should have stopped breast feeding sooner...but the fact you didn't and gave it your all means that you should hold your head up high and say...I breast fed Finlay...you may give him formula now...but you did breast feed him

I think it is because my aim in my mind was a year or till I went back to work in Jan. I didn't get to that so I am dissapointed with myself, but more angry with the idiot that caused it.

I see the negative in everything. I feel like I have failed myself and Finlay for not making the goal I wanted to. We had a rough time in the beginning too and sometimes I feel like I gave up too easily and its the feeling that you get from people sometimes when they ask how he is being fed.

Thanks for the positive comment

 

[Suzie and Faith]

I totally agree - you will get frowned upon either way you choose to go! Wasn't it Matt that had to tell some old woman to butt out when she made comments about Debbie feeding Luke

Yer it was...

I've had loads of nasty comments too, the idea that it would be better to just give lil miss a bottle of formula... so much so that I won't feed lil miss in public now or around anyone other than my side of the family, DH and Tia... Even though I feel dead chuffed with myself as not only did I battle against docs in the hosp but I even managed full breastfeeding while working....just one comment about how disgusting you are is enough to make you feel bad...You know you are doing the best and right by your child, but because other people don't see it that way, you hide it away.

I kinda get it from this forum too... that to even suggest that breast is best or that I feel proud of my breastfeeding achievements will receive some sort of negative comment...

it's sad that you feel bad. You should feel proud of yourself hun xxxx

we all should!

 

[dannii87]

I'm really interested in reading all these replies but one thing I've found is how much praise there is floating around this thread unclaimed... I don't know if that will make sense to anyone (or if it's just me being wierd lol).

Everyone has praised the other method and like Jen&James said, negativity is always picked up on. If 20 people said you are beautiful, but one said you are not, you would probably feel upset about that one comment and it would probably overshadow the 20 nice comments.

Anyway, I've had an idea to rebuild this wall between bottle & breast;

It could work!! x