Why would you NOT breastfeed?

[beanie]

Ive just re-read too. I'm sorry using ABCD1234 as an example and i know Bex is ill but my point is still the same as a BF mummy i do feel we who do BF sometimes have to play down how proud we are in fear of upsetting people. I don't want to upset anyone myself or cause anything i'm just saying how i feel xx ..i think this has all been resolved tho earlier on in this thread as i said in my post i was back peddling just wanted to put my take on it down.

everyone else has been able to have their say so you are more then welcome to have yours. Perhaps it wasn't a good example but it is a valid one as it was something that caused a few mummy's on here to feel bad for their pride in their achievement. Perhaps more bottlefeeding mums should have blinkies on to show their pride too, though please not the "its not poison one" as that comes over as really aggressive.

 

[AnnaR2B]

thanks hun

when are you trying again????? lol

Hey lady you got the preggo hormones as your excuse...whats mine?
PS - congrats on baby being a boy...so happy for you

thanks hun

when are you trying again????? lol

Next year..wooooo!!! Pop em out!!! - Sorry all - majorly off topic!! Although I am still undecided as whether to BF next time...so sort of slightly on topic...er...i'll stop waffling...

 

[trixipaws]

I BREAST-FED FOR 8 MONTHS

I BOTTLE-FED FOR 6 MONTHS

BIG UP THEM BOTH!

 

[Full of hope!]

Wow what a thread Took a while to get through!

I tried to BF but it wasn't ment to be and I have FF Ja since day two of his life. If I have another baby in the future I will FF again as I know that BFing is not for me and i'm happy with that decision My little boy is thriving, happy and healthy and i'm proud of that

 

[Squiglet]

Phew... that was hard going!

I do think its wrong that sometimes us BF'ing mummies feel we aren't allowed to show how proud we are of ourselves and eachother for fear of hurting other mummies who FF look at whats happened with ABCD1234 leaving the forum. Sorry if i'm back peddling a bit but posting my take on it all. x

I dont think its very fair to bring up that example hun. Im not having a go at you but the lady in question is very very ill with PND and has been hospitalised for it so I think its a very extreme example and it makes everyone whether ff or bf feel sad because of her situation. If you read the whole thread where that was posted she also did apologise and said she knew it was probably her being ultra sensitive because of her PND so I think we need to keep it in context...

Loads of people (me included) have stated very clearly on lots of occasions that BF should feel proud of their achievements within this thread. ANd so you should.

Ooo thats what I was referring to before, where some women (not all) who have PND, often link their problems with breast feeding to the start of their cycle of PND... (sorry to pick on your post Jen, just you raise some good points, I'm definitely not picking on you promise )... After the comment was made in the PND thread referring to Bf'drs putting pro Bfing slogans in their sigs, other people on here, not just one, but several commented that they also feel bad because they had tried to breastfeed and had "failed", which they had also attributed to the start of their PND, a feeling of inadequacy in terms of being a mummy. I use quotation marks because they didn't fail but were failed by .... failed by the system.

They all freely admitted that it was their problem... But its the same thing if someone else got better marks in their exams and put it in their sig, and I felt like I had failed because I didn't do well.. I still passed the exam, I just didn't get as far. It would be my problem that I feel that way. But in the same sense, if the shoe was on the other foot, I would be desperately proud to show off my marks.

Did that make any sense... I actually got sleep last night and I think its scrambled my brain... I work better on a low battery I wasn't actually commenting that anything negative as such... just putting what was previously said into context referring to the whole ABCD incident

 

[Quill]

Small rant incoming....

All the health professionals, etc, keep trumpeting the fact that "breast is best" but really neglect to give hands-on help! I was lucky in hospital because I got a midwife who took a few minutes to show me a few positions and help with Eli's latch, and I was lucky because he was/is a very sucky baby and loves his food. But take away either of those 2 things and he would be on formula.

I had DH's family over here in the first few weeks talking about how breast was best and stuff, and... as most of you know, breastfeeding can take a darn long time to master. He still would take ages to latch on and I'd sit there crying at 4am wondering where the hell all these sanctimonious people were now? After all, they didn't have to feed, or listen to the crying of a hungry baby. All they had to do was sit there and say "breast is best!"

I really thought there was a lot of pressure on me to breastfeed. (And it's not limited to just breastfeeding... I'm sure all of us have stories about family/strangers/whoever telling you what is "best" for your baby/child!) And people would pressure you, yet give you very little help. Once I was out of the hospital I was pretty much on my own. The breastfeeding counselor I finally got to see, it took several weeks to get the appointment.

I stuck with breastfeeding and I'm proud of myself for doing that, but no thanks to the sanctimonious "professionals" for it. In fact, this board was so much more supportive and helpful than the professionals (except for the 1 midwife who was great). I totally agree that more support ought to be given to women just starting out. I think a lot more energy ought to be focused on hands-on helping rather than just pressuring somebody!

Anyway this rant wasn't aimed toward anybody here, but toward the general public. I myself was a formula-fed baby and I don't think I'm the worse for it. But if you think about it... back when breastfeeding was the only thing to do and no formula had been invented... a lot of women tended to live more communally. So you had an aunt, mother, sister, cousin, friend's grandmother, whoever, to sit with you and help you, or as last resort to act as a wet-nurse. We live these days in nuclear families so often there is just the one woman, a new mother, in the house with nobody nearby to help for the rough 3am feedings. So formula is there to fall back on, kind of like a wet-nurse might have been in the old days, if breastfeeding doesn't work out.

Anyway it was said before, but big up to women who feed their babies however it's done.

 

[monster_munch]

Wooo - this thread is a bitch to read when you have shite internet connection. It's taken me nearly 2 days

My 10p worth (because, let's face it, it wouldn't be a decent thread if I hadn't posted on it )

I totally agree that as a species (ie female) we are too hard on ourselves.
As I have mentionned before, I fed my daughter for 5 / 5.5 months before having to stop and many a time on here, people have said how great that was, HOWEVER, as I never wanted to give her formula - and will admit, I was very prejudiced against FF mothers at the time (Had I been on the forum then, I probably would have been banned ) - I felt like a pile of crap as a mother. No matter how many lovely people on here say how well I did, I will always focus on what I feel I did wrong, NOT what I did well.
I am very proud of feeding Green Bean, and tbh, apart from a few tiring nights due to growth spurts, it's been a piece of piss - he's done all the hard work, I just have to hold him up. There is no way I'm switching him to formula as there is no way I can be arsed making up bottles despite DH asking me constantly if I'm "ever going to put him on formula"
I sometimes feel a fraud saying I'm proud of feeding him because it's just clicked this time round and been so easy. It's like saying I'm proud of myself for breathing I'm one of the lucky ones, and I'm very grateful for that.

Now then - I think I'm done.... for now!

 

[Krystal]

I don't think I can answer, well i'm not sure. I wanted to breastfeed, then couldn't bare the thought of it so didn't even though I was more than cpapable then changed my mind on day 7 or 8 and relactated although never exclusive. There is more to raising a child other than what you feed them, we all understand breast is best. I admire women who do and would love to next time. Do I feel guilty for not doing it properly... not in the slightest. I am 100% confident on my ability to be a good mummy and know that although formula can't replicate breast milk it does a good job

 

[Magic Monkey]

Oh my god I have just got back from hols and read this whole thread, I need to lie down!

I breastfed for 3 days and can honestly say that I didn't enjoy it at all, it hurt like hell, my stitches hurt like hell everytime that I sat down and I dreaded her waking up beacuse I didn't want to feed her again. I wasn't bonding and I resented her. I switched to formula and haven't looked back, I don't feel guilty and I don't feel that people here look down on me (perhaps beacuse I don't feel guilty).

At the moment I don't plan to breastfeed next time.

I would also happily have a bottlefeeding blinkie as I am proud that I bottle feed - in fact I would like one that says I bottle feed, use dummies, don't co-sleep, don't baby wear and often feed my baby jars!!!!!!!!!!

We should all be proud of the different ways that we choose to bring up our babies, the world would be a boring place if we all did the same.

 

[poppy160]

Ive just re-read too. I'm sorry using ABCD1234 as an example and i know Bex is ill but my point is still the same as a BF mummy i do feel we who do BF sometimes have to play down how proud we are in fear of upsetting people.

Please don't think that! As a PND sufferer and ex-breastfeeder, I do feel sad and even jealous when reading breastfeeding posts and how proud people are for getting so far. But I know that it's my problem, and to blame my bitterness on a fellow member is selfish and unfair, as everyone has a right to express their happiness about their achievements. (BTW - This has nothing to do with the debecca example).

 

[MagicMarkers]

hut hum ...........

Now everyone can have one and be happy and harmonious again !

 

[Scout]

yeah it definitely sounded much nastier before!

 

[fran_23]

oh sorry i meant the way it was worded came across badly! i am in offensive mode today aren't i!!
didnt mean that rudely hun

 

[Scout]

Ok thank you.... I just feel a bit akward (not aimed at you at all fran) because I seem to not be able to have my opinion, I need to explain every detail...

 

[beanie]

Ok thank you.... I just feel a bit akward (not aimed at you at all fran) because I seem to not be able to have my opinion, I need to explain every detail...

you can have your opinion as long as it is not offensive to anyone - and as long as you realise that it will be challenged.

 

[Miss.Monroe]

I tried to feed my babies by boob but a lack of milk on both occasions stopped that fronm happening. I cried and got upset by it and worse was the fact my poor babies were miserable and hungry. Im not going through that again and making myself feel bad.

i had exactly the same thing hun. Sophie would cry and cry and pull herself off the breast, there was nothing there for her! i got stressed and cried and dean was getting frustrated because he couldnt help apart from saying keep trying.

 

[DebbieM]

What a very interesting thread. I'm glad that people here can be adult about a subject that is obviously very controversial. We all have opinions and I think we should be able to express them, which brings me on to mine

When I was pregnant, and for many years before, I swore that I would NEVER breastfeed. I had witnessed my sister feeding 2 of her children and I thought it was a massive inconvenience, not one that I would want to go through. She wouldn't/couldn't feed in public, one of her boys would feed for 90 minutes at a time and the thought of it was horrendous. I couldn't bear the thought of something sucking for hours on my nipples. It freaked me out.

When I got a few months into the pregnancy, I changed my mind and decided that I would give it a go and that if it didn't work out, then I wouldn't beat myself up about it.

Breastfeeding for me in the first 6 weeks was like living in hell on earth. It was horrible. I was in pain. I had no sleep. I was in a very bad place at feeding times if I'm honest to the point of biting my own hands and pulling my own hair. I screamed at my helpless little baby and felt like the shittest person on the face of the earth. I dreaded nursing Luke and sometimes felt like switching to bottles for, what I thought at the time would be "ease" (far from it with sterilising etc as I now realise)

I felt I didn't have any support and it wasn't until week 6 where it all clicked into place. I wasn't in excruciating pain anymore and I actually enjoyed feeding Luke and I knew he was enjoying it too.

Now, my honest opinion, and it is my honest opinion, is that I personally feel that every baby deserves the best start in life. I believe, that, is to be breastfed by his or her Mother. I also believe that in some cases, people give up too easily. I know that the support isn't out there for new mothers and here in Peterborough, we are very lucky (or soon to be lucky) that there is a lady who is so keen to help out new Mums that she, herself, has taken on board recruiting people like me, to become peer supporters so we can go to the Maternity Unit, Baby Cafe's, you name it, she will send us, to help these new Mum's that have problems and need help. I know that it isn't available everywhere and I also know that in the early days/weeks, you can feel extremely isolated. I always felt like I was the only one going through it at the time. Little did I know I was in a majority, rather than a minority which is unfortunate.

I've come to find out that there are very few women who are able to successfully breastfeed straight away. It takes a lot of determination and it is hard work. Again, being honest, I feel sad when people try for a week and then give up. A week isn't long enough. It's a skill that needs to be learned and it's not one that can be learned overnight. (I wish it was). Sleepless nights for a breastfeeding Mum are normal. It's going to happen. I'm afraid I'm not part of the 'Happy Mummy, Happy Baby Brigade' as I have seen on many forums. As a new Mum, you are going to be tired, feel low, be sore etc, but it's something that I guess in my eyes, you need to expect really.

I'm not saying that formula is poison. It's not. I have chosen not to feed Luke formula. I don't want to. I know that my milk is better for him and I can honestly say that unless there is a medical reason, then I don't think he will ever taste formula, and I am proud of that.

I do feel that sometimes I am scared to say how proud I am as a breastfeeding Mum in case of upsetting people here. At the end of the day, I have done a marvelous thing for my son and I AM proud, Christ, I am REALLY proud. It has been the toughest challenge, yet, the biggest achievement of my life.

I want to just end with the fact that I KNOW that not everyone is able to breastfeed, whether it be for the Mother's medical reasons (medication, previous surgeries, etc) or baby's medical reasons (tongue tie, premature, etc), but, I do believe that other than that, it's certainly worth a go and a good go at that.

I think I am done now. Thanks for reading

 

[purple13]

well said debbie - a good & thoughtful post and i'm in total agreement with its sentiment! i think its fab that, although you hated the idea, you gave bf-ing a shot and battled your way through those early weeks. you're going to be a fab peer supporter!

 

[Squiglet]

awww debbie that was very eloquent

 

[Full of hope!]

Sleepless nights for a breastfeeding Mum are normal. It's going to happen. I'm afraid I'm not part of the 'Happy Mummy, Happy Baby Brigade' as I have seen on many forums. As a new Mum, you are going to be tired, feel low, be sore etc, but it's something that I guess in my eyes, you need to expect really.

I have FF my son since day two of his life and I have to say that I also had sleepless nights, I was very tired, low and sore. Just because I FF him does not mean I did so to avoid the above. Unfortunatly, babies who are FF DO wake in the night and on top of dealing with the baby you have fresh bottles to prepare at daft o'clock in the morning!

I'm not having a go Debbie, I think you and all other BF mothers deserve a big So WELL DONE