Men say the funniest things

[tweetyfoo]

This one cracks me up every time...

When oh does 'this little piggy' on lo's toes, this is how it goes....

This little piggy went to market,
This little piggy stayed at home,
This little piggy went to the ABATTOIR?!?!?!

What?! He was being serious! The last 2 toes don't get any part because I'm so weak laughing at him he sulks off realising a slaughter house isn't in the nursery rhyme!!

Don't know the words? Just make it up!!!! Bless! X

 

[Andreabrad]

Poor piggy!!!!

xx

 

[TaffyRose]

How have I never seen this thread! I've had a rubbish day and this has cheered me right up xx

 

[tweetyfoo]

So a few nights ago we were in the living room and he stops mid sentence and does that "there's a burglar outside" look and stares towards the window.

I ask what's up and he takes a step forward

Then he says ...

"Oh it's alright it's just my shadow"




Please excuse any typos from my fat fingers!
Tapatalk madness!

 

[Titch85]

My OH usually comes out with some classics, he's not done anything recently though.

 

[twinkles]

So a few nights ago we were in the living room and he stops mid sentence and does that "there's a burglar outside" look and stares towards the window.

I ask what's up and he takes a step forward

Then he says ...

"Oh it's alright it's just my shadow"




Please excuse any typos from my fat fingers!
Tapatalk madness!

Ha ha brilliant!! X

 

[Durhamchance]

Mine came out with a good un the other day:

I'd been for a soak in the bath and had used Cussons mum & me bump bath soak. OH asked to have the water after me, but before getting in he asks with all seriousness "I'll be ok with that pregnancy bubble bath won't I?" I couldn't help but snap back at him "NO! It will make you pregnant!"

Honestly!!

 

[tweetyfoo]

Mine came out with a good un the other day:

I'd been for a soak in the bath and had used Cussons mum & me bump bath soak. OH asked to have the water after me, but before getting in he asks with all seriousness "I'll be ok with that pregnancy bubble bath won't I?" I couldn't help but snap back at him "NO! It will make you pregnant!"

Honestly!!

 

[tabbi]

Sounds like my OH at times

 

[purplebeauty21]

Now now John stop being stereotypical i am a natural blonde haired girl who has completed a nursing degree as well as 2 nvq's a BTEC diploma and an access to social sciences course and im currently a second year psychology student at university ..... so behave lol

 

[Spammy]

Not so much something he said but last night Oh and baby were poorly. He took night nurse and was out like a light. I was getting up to Meri every 5 mins while he snored next to me. I wasn't happy.

Suddenly he jumps out of bed and goes to the loo. Half an hour later I'm fuming thinking 'so you can't get up to stick Meri's dummy in but you can clear off to the toilet for ages sat playing with your phone. He finally came back to bed and confessed that he fell asleep on the toilet!!! Ha ha! What a twit.

 

[tweetyfoo]

 

[vinandbella]

 

[Durhamchance]

I sent my OH a text this morning to tell him my bloody show had arrived. I was a little confused when he replied asking if it was heavy as it hadn't reached his work yet? It soon clicked he had read it as the bloody SNOW had arrived!

 

[Linny1989]

Oo good new tho dc x

Sent from my HTC Wildfire S A510e using Tapatalk 2

 

[Rachaellius]

OH last night - I think I'll take the bin bags out in the morning
Me - :/ they came early last week
OH - Nah it'll be fine, I'll take them out first thing.

This morning I look out the window
OH - Is everyone else's bin bags out?
Me - Nope
OH - See no one else has put them out cos they come late
Me - Errr no they've just already been collected dim wit!



Tapatalking

 

[tabbi]

where do we find these men lol x x x

 

[NavyLouise]

I've not seen this thread till now and just laughed so hard I woke up lo! Brilliant!

I'll keep an eye for daft thins my oh says! He constantly gets words mixed up!

A guy I work with told me he went to London a while back, he said he got the train to 'Hughston' station, then it was only a 5 min walk to 'St. Pancreas' and he and his gf went to the 'covered garden'

He couldn't understand why I was laughing at him!

 

[Frankie_Lou]

Wow I've just spent the last 5 minutes in tears reading all this!My OH comes out with his best lines whilst half asleep.


Just before I fell pregnant the smoke alarm went off at 2am. Did a few quick beeps and then stopped but had woke us both up.
OH: what was that?
Me: smoke alarm but its stopped now, will you just pop downstairs and check please
OH: (looking out the window) HE'S BROUGHT THAT BASEBALL BAT IN THE HOUSE, I TOLD HIM NOT TO. HE'S BROUGHT THAT BASEBALL BAT IN THE HOUSE, I TOLD HIM NOT TO. I'LL BLOODY KILL HIM? (Runs out the room and down the stairs)
Me: huh
OH: (returns a few minutes later) what are we awake at this time?
ME: apparently you went to see a man about a baseball bat
OH: huh what are you talking about?
Me: go to sleep
Next morning asked him about this and he says oh yeah thought the smoke alarm was the burglar alarm. What a tit we haven't even got a burglar alarm!




A couple of nights ago when I pulled some quilt back my way he yelled 'be careful your gonna hurt the chips' without even waking himself up lol

 

[Spammy]

Wow I've just spent the last 5 minutes in tears reading all this!My OH comes out with his best lines whilst half asleep.


Just before I fell pregnant the smoke alarm went off at 2am. Did a few quick beeps and then stopped but had woke us both up.
OH: what was that?
Me: smoke alarm but its stopped now, will you just pop downstairs and check please
OH: (looking out the window) HE'S BROUGHT THAT BASEBALL BAT IN THE HOUSE, I TOLD HIM NOT TO. HE'S BROUGHT THAT BASEBALL BAT IN THE HOUSE, I TOLD HIM NOT TO. I'LL BLOODY KILL HIM? (Runs out the room and down the stairs)
Me: huh
OH: (returns a few minutes later) what are we awake at this time?
ME: apparently you went to see a man about a baseball bat
OH: huh what are you talking about?
Me: go to sleep
Next morning asked him about this and he says oh yeah thought the smoke alarm was the burglar alarm. What a tit we haven't even got a burglar alarm!


A couple of nights ago when I pulled some quilt back my way he yelled 'be careful your gonna hurt the chips' without even waking himself up lol

Thats so funny. Hurt the chips. love it