Men say the funniest things

[Ammdaz]

I read through this thread from start to finish yesterday and was in fits. Couldn't remember any of OH's little gems to add to it though but then last night he came out with a couple of classics!

We were watching tv and there were some Jewish people talking. I commented that I didn't recognise what language they were speaking.
OH: Jewish
Me: what?!
OH: Jewish is a language right?
Me: No dear it's a religion.
OH: oh, oops.

Then soon after that for some reason he started singing 'Yankee doodle'
OH: Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a donkey.
Me: pony
OH: what are you on about?
Me: he was riding a pony not a donkey
OH: don't be stupid he was riding a donkey (he was deadly serious)
Me: donkey and macaroni don't rhyme, I'm pretty sure it was a pony.
OH: huh maybe

They don't sound as funny written down but he had me in stitches! Xxx

 

[Pudds86]

Lol

Tapatalking :-D Can't see tickers...

 

[evie_smith]

Lol!!!! Donkey!

Although we used to sing

Went to town riding on a donkey, the farmer shot off his leg and then we called him wonky.

Maybe he has heard that?

 

[tweetyfoo]

DH: how do you make cheese on toast
Me: put cheese on toast
DH: how do you cut the cheese
Me: with a knife
DH: I'm no good at cutting things with a knife

Think I'm going to put a stamp in him saying "return to sender" or "faulty" and leave him at his mums house


Please excuse any typos from my fat fingers!
Tapatalk madness!

 

[evie_smith]

Lol!!! What does he cut with normally lol

 

[Ammdaz]

Lol!!!! Donkey!

Although we used to sing

Went to town riding on a donkey, the farmer shot off his leg and then we called him wonky.

Maybe he has heard that?

Maybe that's it although he was adamant it was the proper words lol. He's got man flu today so perhaps his brain wasn't functioning right last night!

Tweety I can't believe your OH even has to ask how to make cheese on toast!

Xxx

 

[Robyner]

LOL " put cheese on toast " that made me cry tears

 

[Angela2612]

I love this thread, maybe he can try a cheese grater next time

 

[vinandbella]

Lol tweety. Could be worse one if the lads I work with tried to make it in the microwave


Sent from my new shiny iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[wifeywifey]

Oh my got this thread made me cry I've only just read it all and has really cheered me up.

The best I can think of from dh right now is "how do I make breadcrumbs"

Ps he is a trainee chef

 

[evie_smith]

Lol!

 

[Frankie_Lou]

The cheese on toast has reminded me of OH's mash potato incident........

Came home from work one night and OH had a casserole in the oven and pan of potatoes boiling on the hob.
OH: how do I know when the potatoes are ready to mash?
Me: when they're soft
OH: how do I know if they're soft?
Me: stab them
OH: they're gonna need a while longer
.....20 minutes later......
Me: are the potatoes done yet?
OH: no they're still rock solid but I don't know why cos the waters definitely boiling and they've had a good 40 minutes now
So I take a look inside the pan to see.......and find whole solid potatoes!
Me: no wonder they're not cooked you need to chop the before you boil them!
OH: but I rang my sister to ask how to do mash and she never said to chop them, just to peel then boil
Me: maybe she thought the chopping part was just common sense? Did you not think that normally when I ask you to mash the potatoes I've cooked that they're in smaller chunks?
OH: I thought you boiled then chopped before mashing
Needless to say we had casserole without mash that night lol

 

[tweetyfoo]

So tonight DH was bidding on an item on ebay that was located about a 30 min drive from our house.

He contacted the seller to see if he was able to pick it up at the end of the auction.

So confident that the item was his he set off before the end of the auction, planning to bid on his phone while out there.

He got to the location, and was in a 3G blackspot and unable to bid, had to drive home empty handed. Went out without his wallet and had to drive home on fumes (petrol light had been on for a while and was now showing 0 miles remaining)

Phoned me to say I might have to come get him, told him to jog on!

I'm married to an idiot!

 

[Angela2612]

Oh my that was so funny
chopped them after you boiled them lol

Men we can't take them anywhere but hey they give us a good giggle

 

[tabbi]

hahahaha....Hence why i don't let my OH cook at all. lol x x x

 

[tweetyfoo]

We got a Chinese to tonight.

First mistake I Made was sending him in to get it. The order was 1 x portion of sweet and sour chicken, 1 x salt n pepper chicken 1 x rice

He asked

"Do you want the rice with the sweet and sour chicken or the salt n pepper chicken"

He ended up leaving because I wasn't able to explain to him that it didn't matter! He came back with two portions of rice!

We get home and We have this conversation

Him: can u put it on the plate for me
Me: why?
Him: I don't know how
Me: just put it on the plate
Him: in what order?
Me: what?
Him: (throwing a strop) I dot know how to do it!
Me: just put in on the plate
Him: what goes on first
Me: (exasperated) it doesn't matter!


Please excuse any typos from my fat fingers!
Tapatalk madness!

 

[HopesDreams]

lol Tweety you're living with comic gold, he cracks me up.

 

[k8_005]

Always enjoy giggling at this thread! Iv been racking my brains to think of my husbands stupid comments but truthfully they are normally made by me tho that said when it comes to cooking babe that was amazing
Me the risotto was just the rice and then I added a jar of sauce him that's way to complex for me I mean what do u do with the rice? Me well u boil it like on the packet says him. As If I know how to boil rice!!!

Come on this from the man who I's a mechanical engineer with a degree who can fix cars and washing machines but oh no how do I boil rice then on a seperate occasion what food do the rabbits need to eat the stuff on the side that says rabbit food him how much me a small handful. Come home errr babe how much food did u give them him well I filled their bowl n they ate it all so I kept 're filling it until they stopped !!!! Eating so they had far far more than they are meant to!!!

 

[brand new]

lol Tweety you're living with comic gold, he cracks me up.

I second this!! Ur posts always make me laugh!! He sounds brilliant. Xxx

 

[sazz]

I love reading this thread. I've got an old one from a while ago.

We're out walking the dog and we're at the top of a valley.theres a huge hot air ballon right in front of us.

Me: oh look a hot air ballon( I'm pointing too it)
Oh: where?
Me: it's right there (still pointing( I look to my oh who I realise is looking at the floor of the valley)
Oh: I can't see one, where is it?
Me: exasperated) IN THE F£&@ING SKY!!!!
Oh: oh yeah.