How much does your OH help with LO?

[Roo3]

My OH keeps telling I'm lucky that he's here to help me as much as he is. (He works from home). So I had a little think about how much he's home this week and how much he's been able to help me...

Monday - OH at home but had to do some work so I had LO most of the day.
Tuesday - OH at home but went out for 4 hours in the afternoon and then had preparation to do for Wednesday in the evening.
Wednesday - OH out working but said he'd be done by 1pm. Finally called at 3pm to tell me he'd be home by 4pm. OH looked after LO for an hour and half then had prep to do for Thursday.
Thursday - OH out all day.
Friday - OH has an early meeting, then has to go out for a few hours at some point during the day. OH will have prep to do for saturday on friday evening,
Saturday - OH out all day. Will have prep to do for Sunday on Saturday evening.
Sunday - OH out all day.

This is a typical week - and he's never at home on weekends.

I always have LO in the evening from 7.45pm ish to do tummy time and give him his bath and OH always give him his last feed before bed.

OH said that most peoples OH's are out all day everyday and only home in the evening so I said but they are home at weekends and I guess their evenings are free during the week to help out.

So it's got me thinking how much your OH's help you out with your LO'S when they are home from work cos at the moment I feel like I'm a single mum. The summer is always OH's busiest time of the year so I know it'll get better from October onwards. Whenever I try to bring it up with OH he tells me that he's out earning money for me and Jake which I understand but I don't think he realises how much he's out.

 

[xxbeckyxx]

I know I'm extremely lucky with my OH as he is out all day during the week at uni but as soon as he comes in he'll take over and do everything, then he goes out to do a couple of hours work late evening. Weekends we pretty much share as I now work all day Saturday so he has 'Daddy Day' with Lizzie, and Sunday is his day to do uni work etc.

He has just started getting up for Lizzie in the night as before he wasn't really sure what to do and would just make her cry even more lol. But he has now learnt and got the confidence to pretty much care for her whenever

I think when Lizzie was about 2 months he was still very wary as he didn't know much about babies and it was a scary concept for him! Plus I was breastfeeding so he couldn't do too much anyway.

When you say your OH is out all day at the weekend, what is he doing?? If he is out socialising/doing his own thing, then that seems quite unfair IMO. However, I do totally understand that if he is the main wage earner at the moment then he's gotta put that as a top priority.
Maybe he'll do more as your LO gets older and his work dies down a bit

 

[isobel84]

Being home with Noa is my job, when he comes home we share, if I'm tired I lay down but most nights demba Does play, cleaning after feed or bath, cuddle, nightbottle n I put him to bed. Sometimes he's really tired n I do it all. Every morning he give Noa morning bottle n nappy change then back to bed so I don't have to get up

 

[Roo3]

Thanks Becky. At weekends OH is working and socialising and doing his hobby at the same time!! I can't really go into it much more as he's well known in his field.

I just wish he'd appreciate what I do all day with LO and also take into account how much my life has changed when his hasnt at all really.

 

[Roo3]

OH has never said that he'll do the night feed so I can sleep. In fact he doesnt even hear LO when he grumbles for food at night.

 

[Lacey's Mummy]

My OH works away so he comes back late Friday night when the kids are in bed then goes again early Monday morning before they get up so he only has Saturday's and Sunday's with them. He didn't do alot at weekends until last weekend now I've gone back to work so he looks after them on his own so he knows how much I do for them now x x

 

[xxbeckyxx]

OH has never said that he'll do the night feed so I can sleep. In fact he doesnt even hear LO when he grumbles for food at night.

Haha when Lizzie was younger we were out once and someone asked how her sleeping was...my OH goes 'Oh she's brilliant, sleeps right through the night!' She was actually waking 3-4 times for a feed but he just wasn't aware of it

Now I turn the monitor up to loud and give him a good kick in the shins...soon gets him moving lol

I know this might sound odd, but have you asked him for help? Like specific jobs that he can do at that time? So he can learn with you iykwim?

 

[Yodabo]

Lee is half and half i suppose. He doesn't wake up in the nights to see to him (he sleeps through everything!) doesn't wake up in the mornings with him, rarely gives him a bottle, doesn't make his food or feed him, has given him a total of 4 baths since he's been born and never puts him to bed. But he will do them if i ask him, its a habit that i do it all myself. He normally sterilises and makes up milk feeds though and sees to him if he wakes for his dummy in the evenings. All i really ask of him is to take him off my hands if i need to do cleaning or want to do something for myself. When he has him he's fantastic with him, the baby LOVES him so much.

 

[Yodabo]

OH has never said that he'll do the night feed so I can sleep. In fact he doesnt even hear LO when he grumbles for food at night.

Haha when Lizzie was younger we were out once and someone asked how her sleeping was...my OH goes 'Oh she's brilliant, sleeps right through the night!' She was actually waking 3-4 times for a feed but he just wasn't aware of it

Now I turn the monitor up to loud and give him a good kick in the shins...soon gets him moving lol

I know this might sound odd, but have you asked him for help? Like specific jobs that he can do at that time? So he can learn with you iykwim?

Haha, with my 8yr old when people used to ask how he was in the night he'd say 'brilliant, don't hear a peep out of him' Errrrr Nooooooooooooooooo, he wakes up loads its just you never hear him!!'

 

[lanny]

My oh is just as much 'mum' as me when he's home. He working shifts what I really like as one wk he is there to do the school run then the next he is there to do the put to beds, one thing he can't do it put outfits together (Dolly's mainly ) as I have her all matching but as long as everything is ready he will get a 3 dressed wile I just get myself sorted lol, he dose loads around the house too.

 

[riotfox]

My OH is really good. When he gets home from work at around 6:15pm he has a little play with Lucas and then we have tea. After our tea we give Lucas a bath together and then while I give Lucas his bottle my OH will finish off the sterilising and bits like that. He thens runs everything upstairs ready for bed. I do the night feeds Sun-Thurs night while OH does Fri and Sat night. We tend to do everything together at weekends for him. Just reading that I think I am really lucky. xx

 

[Maria1977]

I do just about everything, but if I think about it, it's really from choice. My OH was off work last week and I still did almost everything. If I ask him to do something he would do it, but generally I just get on with it because it's easier that way! Don't get me wrong, he does do stuff for Oscar, but I just take more on board because he's at work and I know how I like things done so I stick with it even when he's home. He plays with Oscar alot though.

 

[Roo3]

I do ask for help and he gets better for a day or so then it just falls back to how it was before. I wouldn't mind so much if OH got in and took over for the evening until tummy time and bathtime, but he has to do a lot of prep in the evenings for the next days work so I only really get time away from Jake when I'm cooking the tea!

Jake doesn't tend to sleep a lot during the day which makes it really difficult for me to keep on top of the ironing or housework. It's getting to the stage where I'm going to have to ask my Dad or OH's mum to take Jake off my hands for a few hours so I can get the housework done and tackle the ironing.

I fully appreciate that I'll have to do the majority of caring for Jake as I'm not working at the moment, but I dread to think what'll happen if I have to go back to work even part time.

I'd also like for OH to offer to take Jake off my hands for a while just so I can have some time to myself. Or offer to cook the tea once in a while or run the hoover around or clean out the animals but he just sits there watching me do it all telling me how he's out earning money to put food on the table.

Having said all the above, last night Jake woke up for a feed at 2am (which is unheard of for him as he normally sleeps til 5!) and he was messing about and not really taking his bottle so OH got up and took over without me having to ask. Thats the first time he's done that in over 8 weeks.

 

[Maria1977]

I don't think most men think the same as us and generally they need to be told unfortunately I just tell OH if I want him to take Oz for a bit and I've given up keeping up with ironing! It gets done eventually!!

If you keep asking him to do something after a bit he'll just do it without thinking, but maybe he just needs pushing into changing his own routine?!

As LO grows you will be able to do more stuff around the house and leave LO to play on his own for a bit. We've got an activity station and a walker that Oscar loves and he can be in one or the other for anything from 5-45 minutes! As long as I keep checking in (kisses etc) and talking to him he's happy to play alone and I don't have to be holding him the whole time, and it gives me time to do some cleaning or ironing etc.

 

[Roo3]

Thats good to know Maria. I was saying to MIL yesterday that when he's a bit older I'll get him a travel cot and a walker so I can plonk him in them so I can get on with stuff.

I'm hoping that when the winter comes and OH is at home more things will change and he'll be able to spend more time with us not only to relieve me a bit but also because he's missing out on so much already with Jake.

Jake lights up when he sees his daddy, so I want them to be able to spend as much time together as possible.

 

[jennilisanne]

Mine gets home about 4.30, plays with Sophia for a little bit, then I look after her the rest of the night, feeding and stuff, and he does bath time. I'd like a bit more time for me, but there's an argument we have a lot, he wants time to himself too (!!!) he thinks me looking after her all day is time to myself.

At the weekend though he takes her downstairs to play so I get a couple hours extra sleep.

 

[Cantstop]

My OH has good intentions and will pretty much do anything but he has to be asked - he'd never just see that something needed doing and do it though. He works shifts so when working I do everything for 4 days, but when he's off he'll take her whenever I ask. He does no cleaning or owt like - he takes Lily so I can clean. I think it'd be different if he had a 9-5pm job.

 

[Geminiblue]

my OH can work 14 hour days BUT when my LO was born he made sure he made me breakfast before he went to work, he'd have made me a sandwich for lunch and then come home and do dinner, we'd bath Jude together... when he was off work he'd do equal around the house maybe more...AND he'd get up in the night and help if he could even though I was breast feeding...it wasnt like this all the time but the majority and I really appreciated it as I was soooo tired....Jude fed every 2.5 hours ..... I know I am lucky but I do not see that your OH does anything much to help you and quite frankly poor you xxx

 

[Marianne]

Well my OH wasnt working there, like myself, and without one word of a lie, he hardly helped do anything, he would do a few night feed's (which werent even night feed's as it would be before midnight and breakfast time), he would change the wee one's bum if i hounded him too, he would feed him during the day if i hounded him to! He hardly washed,sterlilised, made the bottles , he would leave nappies lying around for me to pick up and put in the bin, he would play for 5/10 mind with him and then put him in his bouncer and bury his face in the laptop! He never does any washing's, never fold's or put's the clothes away, he doesnt even know where half the wee one's clothes are because he's never the one who dresses him or get's him ready for bed. He would hardly bath the wee one on his own, would always be in the bath with him so I ended up running around (with my back killing me)! If I had wee one in a bath with me, he would get him dressed and wait til i get out my bath and he would dissapear downstairs and leave me to get dressed and bring wee one down again, and bring all the washing down! My OH would never have any clean clothes if I didnt do the washings!

I even have to deal with his dog's (mine too but they are actually his dog's, they came with him when he moved in), i have to feed them, give them water, pick up there minging sh** everyday !!

Even now he is working, I have to do everything still, housework, deal with wee one, do everything for wee one, do everything for the dog's, do his bags of washing (he's a chef) to make sure he has whites and clothes to wear everyday! feed his fish !!

MY OH 100% DOES NOTHING TO HELP ME OUT ... NOTHING WHAT SO EVER !!

so trust me Roo, your partner help's you out, maybe not a lot but he help's you out, you are lucky to have that ! xx

 

[bethx]

Mine doesnt help alot, hes really just not good with babies and doesnt know what to do with him. He doesnt change bums, he cant wake up in the night as alex only wakes up to feed and im bf. He doesnt do bath or anything like that. He goes out to work at about 8am and comes home around 8.30pm. But likes you husband hes alot busier in the summer so winter we'll see him more. I also know from our first son hes a fantastic daddy once baby starts crawling etc. Hes been fab with out eldest since he started gettin a bit more 'interesting'. He used to love feeding him, having baths together etc. So I dont mind doing everything as I know he is really busy, even when hes at home hes constantly on the phone to customers. And I know as LO gets older he'll get alot more involved.