Does your OH do night feeds? Massive argument this morning :(

Discussion in 'Baby & Toddler' started by positivity :), Jan 1, 2012.

  1. positivity :)

    positivity :) Well-Known Member

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    Just had an argument with my OH and ended up storming out with LO to my mums!

    He has had the past 3 weeks off work to help with the arrival of baby but during that time he has only done the night with baby 3 times. I have done all the rest! Well last night I was up at 2am and then 5am and then 7am. LO normally settles straight back down but this morning on and off he wasn't, he seemed to cry for nothing and all morning I got up to see to him after being up all night with him. At 11 (my OH still in bed with a hangover) I said can u please see to him. He ignored me so I got out of bed and stormed into the front room, closed the bedroom door and left LO in there with him, crying. Basically I was trying to make OH deal with him...and he just ignored him :cry: I left it 10 minutes and my poor baby was screaming hysterically and OH didn't even move (and he was awake) this led to me calling him a selfish twunt and I got my stuff together and bought baby to my mums. OH keeps saying 'you will have to do it when I'm at work next week'!!! Well why the fuck has he taken time off to 'help' me then!! I'm so upset!

    Do Ur OH's help out?? Mine does in the day, in the daytime he's super dad but not when it's night or morning :cry: xxx
     
  2. cosmicgirl

    cosmicgirl Well-Known Member

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    I was bf but I always felt like oh was made up as it meant he could just sleep through every night! I wanted to put a pillow over his face I swear. I was up all night and he just lay there snoring! To be fair, he would get up to get me nappies etc.
    Your oh is being very selfish and needs to share the load :hugs: and as for leaving him to cry, that's not on xxxx
     
  3. BabysMomma

    BabysMomma Well-Known Member

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    Awk hun :hug:

    I can count on both hands (with some fingers spare) the amount of times my OH has done the night feeds and Avery is near 5 1/2 months!

    Granted he will go and heat bottle up for me but then I'm left to do the feeding and nappy change, settling her again while he drifts happily back to sleep. I do all of the feeds and changes throughout the day too! He does help massively with other stuff though, like housework and making meals but sometimes I'd just like him to say here I'll do a feed for you or just bloody do it :lol:

    I usually have to ask! I feel like I get all the mundane parts of looking after baby and he just comes over to her and gets the most gorgeous smiles and laughs ever. Defo a man's world! x
     
    #3 BabysMomma, Jan 1, 2012
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2012
  4. MrsR

    MrsR Well-Known Member

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    DH has always helped out during the day and night. I'm sorry your OH is being so selfish :( :hugs:
     
  5. positivity :)

    positivity :) Well-Known Member

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    Cos, he actually says to me 'if u were breastfeeding you would be doing it all' WTF..I'm not breastfeeding tho! It's difficult coz I know does more than a lot of men during the day, he feeds, baths and changes him and cleans the house. I'm just so disappointed he didn't help me out today or at nights! Great start to the new year :cry:

    Xx
     
  6. Roo3

    Roo3 Well-Known Member

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    When LO was first born, OH would do the second night feed every night except for when he had to get up the next day. The OH went away for a couple of weeks and since he came back he rarely gets up in the night. LO doesn't have a night feed most nights now, but does wake up for his dummy a lot. I end up going into LO and giving him the dummy. I do majority of day feeds, nappy changes etc too. OH has never made up LO's bottles, has only ever given him one bath and read him 2 stories in over 6 months. He does give LO his bedtime bottle every night and thats it. I do all the housework, ironing cooking, majority of shopping and so on.
    We've have countless rows about it since LO was born and nothing changes. Hope your OH sorts himself out soon. xxx
     
  7. cosmicgirl

    cosmicgirl Well-Known Member

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    But you aren't bf so he needs to pull his weight and help with the night feeds, either alternate nights he does them all or alternate feeds. I'm not surprised you're fuming, he's out of order. Even though I was bf my oh would gladly rock the twins to sleep after their feeds in the night or go down and get me drinks etc :hugs: xxx
     
  8. BabysMomma

    BabysMomma Well-Known Member

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    Aww hun :hug: x

    Please don't think I'm being patronising but you may just be feeling a wee bit emotional too given that your LO is only near 3 weeks and your exhausted and needing time out and him not helping yesterday has really gotten to you. I'm not talking about the night feeds cos he should be blooming doing his fair share of them.

    I swear that I'd sit doing the night feeds after practically not sleeping or eating whilst OH went back to sleep and I could just feel resentment and anger towards him! Like I'd really want to slap him on the head or punch him! I'd literally grunt at him while he handed ME the bottle to feed LO that yet again I was doing the feeding etc but he never "got it"! He'd just go back to sleep. I think he was too scared to show that he'd heard me in case it meant he had to do the feed!

    I remember when I was bf I took myself off to bed whilst Avery slept as I hadn't slept for more than 1hr in 2 days off her being born and he had the complete cheek to wake me up 1hr later to tell me that I'd to get up as she was crying cos needed fed (she was feeding very often then) after I'd literally looked after her all day so as he could get a straight 7 1/2 sleep! Fair enough baby needed fed but its the way he said it! I literally have to say right take LO cos I have to do such and such or he'd be happy to let me do it all.

    Do you think it was just a one off him leaving the LO to cry cos of his hangover? It's still awful though. I'd be livid too. x
     
    #8 BabysMomma, Jan 1, 2012
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2012
  9. positivity :)

    positivity :) Well-Known Member

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    Yeah I do think my hormones are still haywire and I'm more emotional so that doesn't help. When he is back at work I accept he will need to sleep but I just feel really disappointed. Iv been at my mums for 2 hours and not heard from him, even to check if LO is ok :(

    Roo I can see us continuing to argue over this too. So bloody selfish some men!! Xxx
     
  10. Maria1977

    Maria1977 Well-Known Member

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    Sorry to say, but what an absolute arsehole!

    My OH had just over 3 weeks off once LO was here and he was nothing but helpful. I breastfed Oscar from birth so obviously OH couldn't do the feeds, but he was still awake with me alot of the time and helping me with Oscar to get him back to sleep.

    Feeding is a proper bonding time and your OH should be making the most of the newborn time because it goes so fast and he really doesn't know what he's missing out on.

    My OH would never have left Oz to cry like that. If I had had enough and just left the room he would take over right away. That's how it should be, you are a partnership.

    what will happen when you are both at work? What will his excuse be then?

    xxxxxxx
     
  11. positivity :)

    positivity :) Well-Known Member

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    Yeah I wonder that too as I'm back at work next year!! Xx
     
  12. Lisa_85

    Lisa_85 Well-Known Member

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    My bf only gets to see LO a few times a week since he is working and when he does stay over he sleeps through the night and i do the nappy changes breastfeeding, changing winding and settle lo down he rolls over and sleeps,

    I remember 1night when i had the baby blues and was just crying all the time, he was worried it was PND that 1night he woke to every noise of LO and woke me to feed him but had changed all his nappys for me! 1night!!

    I'm glad in breastfeeding but it seems like the easiest excuse to get out of everything... if OH holds LO and he crys then it can ONLY be for a. Boob! Xx
     
  13. Lisa_85

    Lisa_85 Well-Known Member

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    My bf only gets to see LO a few times a week since he is working and when he does stay over he sleeps through the night and i do the nappy changes breastfeeding, changing winding and settle lo down he rolls over and sleeps,

    I remember 1night when i had the baby blues and was just crying all the time, he was worried it was PND that 1night he woke to every noise of LO and woke me to feed him but had changed all his nappys for me! 1night!!

    I'm glad in breastfeeding but it seems like the easiest excuse to get out of everything... if OH holds LO and he crys then it can ONLY be for a. Boob! Xx
     
  14. Piglet's Mama

    Piglet's Mama Well-Known Member

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    Awww honey :hugs: Those first few weeks are so hard. We didn't have a clue what we were doing and we were so snappy at each other; the tiredness, anxiety, the immense feeling of being overwhelmed. There is nothing like it, is there?

    Not making any excuses for him - he should definitely be helping, especially in these first few weeks and also, he will be off at weekends so needs to pull his weight. LO is his son too (btw - does he have a name yet?) But that said, he is probably feeling really overwhelmed by the situation. I almost left Al (not forever, but to give him a shock too) and when we talked he said he hadn't prepared himself for how big a change it was going to be. Obviously he knew he couldn't do anything about it other than get on with it, but I know he has found it very hard. It is only in the last month or so that I can see how much he loves being a Dad. Before that, I know he found it so hard. Try and tell your OH how you feel. Talk, talk, talk - remember you're on the same team and need each other too. Big hugs xx
     
  15. positivity :)

    positivity :) Well-Known Member

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    Thank everyone, Jen we've called him William :cloud9:

    Jen iv come home this evening and iv told him I want him to leave, he won't but I'm so angry with him! I came in and he didn't even look at LO he just carried on playing ps3! Then he had the cheek to ask me whether I'm
    Cooking dinner!! When I said no, he said he was gonna go to his mates then which is miles away and means he will have to stay overnight so I told him to go (in a less polite way than that) he's not going tho hes just trying to be nasty altho deep down I know he wants to go! He wanted to go Thursday night until I pointed out how bad it will look that he's fucking off for the night when LO is just over 2 weeks old.

    He has LO at the moment but keeps coming to the bedroom to say I'm falling apart and can't cope...which goes in one ear and out the other, thankfully I'm stronger than listening to that bullshit! I just can't believe any if this, it's totally out of character :cry: xxx
     
  16. BabysMomma

    BabysMomma Well-Known Member

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    Wtf?! HE is falling apart and can't cope?! Seriously?

    Tell him to man the feck up! What...a little time spent looking after HIS baby and he can't cope! So he expects you to see to the baby, cook and clean too cos he's shy of taking some time out of his time for HIS son!

    No wonder you're seriously peeved hun. You need your time too. That's why now I make a point of handing over Avery to my OH so as I can even grab 5 minutes to myself. it sounds gross but I take about 10 minutes a day to take myself off to the loo (TMI sorry) sit there and do some of my crosswords :lol: If I'm stuck on a particularly difficult crossword I might take 15 minutes. It gives me a much needed break from Avery and OH can't say dicky boo or hand her back to me after 2 minutes cos he's just remembered that he has to do something.

    Grrrr flippin men do my nut in sometimes. Hope you're ok hun and your OH stops being unreasonable. x
     
  17. Hope81

    Hope81 Well-Known Member

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    Omg poor you. I would be senting him to his mums to reconsider his actions for a day or 2...

    You can do it pos, hopefully better times will come soon. William is gorgeous btw.
     
  18. positivity :)

    positivity :) Well-Known Member

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    Thanks girls, I told him to go to his mum or dads but he won't! He's gone out for a run now. Ur right hun, it's HIM that isn't coping, not me!

    He has been so good up until now, I just don't get it :( xx
     
  19. Olive

    Olive Well-Known Member

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    Hey my lovely :hug: I'm so sorry to hear this. Hopefully it's just a wee moment and he's being a bloke and taking his sweet time to come to terms with the new responsibilities he has. You've been together a long time and I'm sure you'll work through it. I don't know yet what its like having a newborn, but I imagine it's pretty full on (although wonderful too) for mummy and daddy. That said, he has been an arse. I hope you're ok. Is he back from his run? Maybe you need to chat it out and really let him know how he has made you feel. Here if you need to chat.

    xx
     
  20. Piglet's Mama

    Piglet's Mama Well-Known Member

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    William - I love it!

    :hugs: Sorry you're going through this, but rest assured you aren't the only one. Those first few weeks, oh my god, they were the toughest ever and put the biggest strain on our relationship. I promise it will get better. I have known exactly how you've felt. Some nights I would think "right tomorrow when's he not here I'll pack our stuff and we won't be here when he gets back" and I must have said to him "one day you'll come home and we won't be here" about 20 times. I ended up going to a friends one night so we could both have a break. I know it's no excuse; he has had 9 months to prepare for this but I just don't think as a man you really can. With us women, we love the baby unconditionally. As soon as they come out we love them and feel that maternal instinct to do everything for them. With men, it does take time. Trust me, when William starts smiling and laughing for your OH, he will be a different person. When Brooke was really teeny, Al would say to Brooke "what is wrong with you?" like she could answer him. But as time goes by you learn what their different cries mean and the things they like and it does get easier and so much more enjoyable. Right now you are sleep deprived, running on adrenaline, probably not eating, dealing with a flurry of visitors etc Put yourselves first, obviously little man right at the top of the list, but second has to be each other. Al said to me one day, "I'm used to you just being mine and now I hardly get to see you as you're just Brooke's Mum." Men are childish buggers and need just as much attention as the baby sometimes!

    I swear it gets easier. Promise! If your little man sleeps for any period of time, make a brew and give each other a little cuddle. I bet he just needs to know you're feeling overwhelmed too. If he's still acting like a knob, maybe you do need to go and stay with your Mum for a couple of nights and that will deffo shake him up! x
     

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