Does your OH do night feeds? Massive argument this morning :(

[BabysMomma]

He has been so good up until now, I just don't get it xx

Maybe he's finding it hard to adjust hun but he needs to understand that it's a hell of an adjustment for you too. It's fine that he can go out for his runs as long as he sees that u need equal time to do your things like maybe blow dry your hair (which is like a bonus to me now lol), have a long soak in the bath or just do the wee things that you enjoy too hun.

Having a wee bubba is such a huge strain on even the strongest of relationships but it does get easier hun, honestly.

Hopefully he's just needed to get out for that run to blow the cobwebs from in between his ears and he'll be back to his usual self for you. Nothing prepares anyone for how difficult it can be when a new baby comes along.

Massive and I hope you're ok. x

 

[Roo3]

I agree with Piglets Mama. It takes men a bit longer to adjust to being a daddy. For the first month or so, I hated my OH and was seriously thinking of leaving him. We were on completely different pages and were working against each other all the time. OH expected me to be able to carry on as normal and couldn't understand that it wasn't that easy.
Men's lives don't change half as much as womens do when a baby comes along and I think thats part of the problem. They expect everything to carry on as normal.
OH and I had a chat one night and the next day started working together a bit more. It's still rare that I get any me time and I still do all the night stuff etc but when OH is around during the day and evening he does help me a bit with LO.
Maybe your OH is feeling overwhelmed and not very confident about being with the baby. Maybe a bit of father/son bonding time is in order?
Now that my LO is laughing and interacting with us more my OH loves playing with him and making him laugh.
The first few weeks with a baby are some of the toughest weeks I've ever gone through, but it does get better and better for both mummy and daddy. xxx

 

[positivity :)]

Thank u all so much for your messages, they made me cry!

He came back from his run and the arguing continued so now me and LO are in the bedroom, iv just fed him and he's falling asleep. OH said he wants to hold him when I finished feeding him but I told him no chance, its the only time I can get him down to sleep and considering I am solely responsible for LO at nights OH can take a run and jump.

We have been together for a long time and I can't believe I am sitting here thinking that I want to leave xx

 

[Roo3]

Maybe once you've got LO to sleep, go and have a chat with your OH. Because LO is sleeping you'll need to keep your voices down so there should be no shouting. Like you say you've been together a long time so surely it's worth talking to him again. Let him know how you feel and listen to him when he tells you how he feels.
I really hope you can sort this out with your OH positivity. Although this is a very difficult time in anyone's life, it should also be one of the best times in your life too. xxx

 

[positivity :)]

I know that's why I'm so upset, we have such a good, gorgeous baby boy and we are at each others throats!

He just came in and said 'shall we make up' which is how all of our arguments normally end but I'm so angry with him I just said no. He said if LO wakes up to call him so he can have a cuddle, well he is awake..probably because of all the stress and shouting he has had to listen to tonight but I'm not calling OH so he can take him out of his basket and wake him even more.

I know Ur right girls, I should go in and talk it thru but I'm so so upset with him! Xx

 

[ZMD]

Massive Hun having a baby is such a massive change to your lives, me and OH done nothing but argue in the first few weeks. can totally understand why your so upset hope things improve for you soon xx

 

[Piglet's Mama]

Thank u all so much for your messages, they made me cry!

He came back from his run and the arguing continued so now me and LO are in the bedroom, iv just fed him and he's falling asleep. OH said he wants to hold him when I finished feeding him but I told him no chance, its the only time I can get him down to sleep and considering I am solely responsible for LO at nights OH can take a run and jump.

We have been together for a long time and I can't believe I am sitting here thinking that I want to leave xx

I felt exactly like this Pos. It's horrible but it does pass. If you can, go and have a chat with him and tell him how you're feeling. LO will be awake again soon and you won't have the chance and things will keep bubbling under the surface. Big hugs

 

[littlemiss83]

oh pos!!

My OH doesn't do night feeds & never has. He does help during the day, tidying, looking after both LO's & making meals ect but he doesn't do night times, with our first he just didn't bother, coz I BF'd for first cpl months so he got away with it & as soon as i started FF'ing she more or less slept thro anyway. With new LO he doesn't get up coz he doesn't hear him & if he does get up he wakes me with turning on all the lights & wakening LO even more, so it never works out, I just leave him to sleep & put up with it & blackmail him into doing more during the day. When our first was born & he didn't help out as much during the day times & I took it personally - thought he didn't love me & LO - & many many a day I said I was leaving. But it gets alot better the older they get.

Oh & my OH has said many a time...you might as well get used to it coz i'm at work most of the time. Or as my eldest has got older he's said....my mum was a single mum & she managed it...grrrrrrrr

 

[Binzy]

Oh Pos, I am nodding my head to so many of the things you and the other girls are saying. My OH constantly tells me how tired he is and on the one day we have alone, wants an afternoon nap! It drives me nuts and we are almost 4 months down the line. I too have wanted to leave OH in desperation and then felt so guilty as we have the most beautiful baby in the world that we waited so long for. I couldn't understand why my OH was being so selfish.
The first weeks are hell and I kept thinking why does everyone else seem to be able to cope but me?
I have no proper advice, just a massive hug xx

 

[Roo3]

How are things today? x

 

[i.love]

Awww huge hugs hun... I know it can be so annoying!

I am bfing so no, oh doesn't help me with feeds, but he quite often helps with nappies during the night... Not that often though! We also had some nearly-arguments about this, but then I just let go. OHs can never be mums! I know accepted that I personally am responsible for the little one, and I should not demand OHs help, but see it as a bonus. And it helped! Now, when I stopped whining to my husband about the lack of help, he is much more happy to offer help himself

I also don't mind if instead of doing the nappy my husband gets the fun part and plays with the baby in the evening. I get some extra sleep, baby gets daddy time, and oh gets to enjoy his time with his son, which hopefully will lead to him wanting to get more involved. If oh would only get to change nappies, he would hate it, which would be undesrtandable, and would not help the son-dad bonding!

 

[positivity :)]

How are things today? x

Hi girls, well LO wouldn't settle last night so OH came in and managed to settle him down (typical ) I was up at 5 and 8am with him tho. Then at 11am
We were all in bed and he woke again so I said 'are u gonna help today' and he said...get a bottle then and I will - he was quickly told that if I have to get up for the bottle il do it myself!! So he got up and fed him! So that's good, when he got back into bed he hugged me so I assume that's an attempt to sort it out so better today BUT...he's still in bed!!!! Saying he's ill but he's hangover as he was up playing playstation til 4am and had some drinks!!

Really appreciate all Ur responses girls xx

 

[cosmicgirl]

Glad it's a but better hun, good on you for standing your ground xxxx

 

[positivity :)]

He's actually just said......... i'l do tonight i know i will still wake up but im gonna leave it all to him tonight!! xx

 

[Binzy]

Absolutely! I'm guilty of whinging about getting no help then refusing when it's offered as I can do it better!
Let him get on with it!

 

[Maria1977]

I'm glad in breastfeeding but it seems like the easiest excuse to get out of everything... if OH holds LO and he crys then it can ONLY be for a. Boob! Xx

My OH still uses this excuse too. He didn't used to so much, but now he does it all the time. Only IIIII can settle him apparently because LO wants boob... it's been too easy an excuse and now I can't change it!

 

[Lisa_85]

Pos - my OH is the same staying up all hours playing on the xbox, if i was bottle feeding i would make him see to LO as he is already awake, but instead i just get frustrated that he wakes me up since LO now wakes for nappy changes or just the dummy but that's too hard to check first.

No wonder I'm glad we don't live together at least when I'm at home i don't resent doing everything myself xx

 

[cosmicgirl]

There are a couple on facebook (not friends, I went to school with the lad) They had a baby like a week ago and were talking about how they had stayed up ALL night playing the bloody computer games, both of them!!!
1) erm you have a new baby, who will look after that baby when you are both done in the next day?

2) isn't it time to grow up?

I found that I had to unfriend them Immediately as I was having images of them both sat on a game for hours and this poor baby just dumped in a bouncer or baby chair xx

 

[JJ Mum]

Ahh sorry hun, your oh is being a right plonker, but I think many men are like this esp after first baby.

My oh is pretty rubbish with mine, always was, I bottle fed my first 3 kids and so he could have helped , but he didn't if in bed , as he would never wake, by the time I's woken him and got him the bottle etc, I was wide awake anyway, so pointless. babies can just grumble once and I would wake, my partner does not!!

He works nights now, gets in at 7am has baby so I can get dressed before school run and do lunches , breakies etc, as I get up at 5am ish with Devon in PJ's, then he stays up all morning till 1pm playing on his computer games , and then goes to bed, because of this when I need him to have baby after school, when I'm doing dinner, he is asleep still, so I make him get up at 4pm, so I can cook!!! ha ha ha his loss of sleep. He doesn't do night feeds this time either as I'm BF this time, but I've given up work this time for now, so I think well that's ok.

Not for me as I don't really lounge in bed and hubby does nights at weekend but some of my freinds have this aggreement where they have either a sat am or sunday am lie in, so the hubby does sat night and then gets a lie in, and wife does sunday etc , seems to work well for them, and then work is not an excuse . I do usually give baby to hubby so I can soak in the bath once a week (I do wash each day at other times, just in dead of night, ha ha , just to clear that up!!)

Once you hit 3 mths ish , and you get more sleep, and have adjusted a little more, things really do start looking up, but you have to make time fokr each other, and he will have to help you more, even if he is still adjusting, do keep trying with the big chats each day to see how your both feeling

Hang in there X

 

[positivity :)]

thanks girls!

the saturday and sunday alternate lay ins sounds good, only problem is that at the moment my OH is working saturdays doing overtime although hopefully not for too much longer.

i'm really surprised how little some men help out. i mean i know i've moaned about my OH but in the day time i would say he does more than me lol! he cleans the whole flat, prepares bottles, feeds LO, changes his nappies etc, its just night time that's a problem. i'm going to enjoy not getting up tonight though..although it will be the last night he does as he is back to work on wednesday xx