How much do you trust your OH?

[orangefluff]

I trusted mine 110% until this weekend. I never thought he would even think about looking at another girl but now I know differently and it really really hurts. He's not who I had trusted him to be. I love him with all my heart & soul and I know we can work this out but will I ever be able to put all my faith & trust in him again or will I always be thinking in the back of my mind that he could be getting up to something that could destroy me?

What are your thoughts ladies??

 

[emmaandamyleigh]

im exactally the same hun, worst thing is he talks about my mam as if he fancies her i mean shes married to my dad lol but the stories ive heard off him and his exs of what he done to them i dont trust him, plus i caught him out a few weeks ago messaging some one on facebook pretending to be someone else he was still signed on facebook which at the time i thought i was signed in and this person he messaged popped up saying stuff like does he fancy her him pretending to be someone else using his account the worst thing was there wasnt a mention of me and amy and is ex ased after this same lass to and i asked him he got all defensive saying he never spoke to her in over 2 years and stuff but that was a lye as he used his i phone lol i hope this make sense as im half asleep lol but i dont trust him much i do live him alot but after what happened with him and his exs i dontt think i can just yet

 

[flexilexi394]

aw honey hope he hasnt done anything too horrible! if i was your other half id be greatful that he has someone that will forgive him and muddle through with him, like your prepared to do. i cant say much because i havent exactly been the worlds best girlfriend, but my other half has been there like youre being, and i hope he finds he can trust me again. i certainly have learned my lesson and have behaved myself because i know ill lose him if i cock up again! if it was him acting the way i did i wouldnt be so forgiving! so well done to you, things you do for some one when you love em eh! sorry if that made absolutely no sense and was absolutely useless lol xx

 

[Piglet10]

i trust DH 110 % and i hope he never does anything as i know me and i would never be able to forgive him... i know im laidback but if i thought someone was capable of cheating i wud turn into a bunnyboiling stalker and i wouldnt want to live like that i love being able to trust him... dont get me wrong hes not perfect lol but i trust him in that respect...

do you mind me asking what your oh done hun?? hope he hasnt hurt you too badly... xxx

 

[LouiseB]

Oh no - what has he done? I'm not asking to pry, but are you sure you're not a bit hormonal and sensitive?

What you said implies it's really serious

I do trust my husband 110% regarding women mainly because he has never been like that - you know... confident around the opposite sex.

Plus he is really picky and interprets a lot from how people make themselves look with hair and makeup and dress.

I know when he has a crush on someone on TV or something but even when i say "oh look isn't she pretty" he always responds negatively.

 

[LouiseB]

Oh, just read you're other thread.

It's a very difficult situation, like you said mainly due to the time he's away.

I'd personally be tempted to contact them myself and explain he has a pregnant wife at home.

 

[orangefluff]

I found txts in his personal phone & work phone to 2 girls at his work. They were they things that a married man shouldnt be sending to other females. They were recent, like from that night and the previous week and even further back. I was in shock, couldnt believe he could do something to me like that, esp when I'm PG and say the things he said to someone other than me.

Since I found out we have talked and cried a lot and he says that they didn't mean anything, he ws just attention seeking and it never went any further. I dont know whether to believe that or not. Lots of issues came up and he talked about a lot that he's been botling up. There is absolutely no excuse for the txts but he understands that things have to change and this can never happen again or I will be gone. He said it has given him a wake up call and a kick up the arse to see what is important - me, our new family coming, making the most of the time we have together - and what isnt - him going out, drinking, him turning 30 etc.

I know he is really sorry and he knows he has to change and make up for what he's done. I dont want to be a mug though so am not just forgetting this at all. I wish I could stop those txts and thoughts coming into my head though.

I do love him and I want this to work but I dont want to be a mug either.

 

[isobel84]

i know its not the same, but right when i first met OH i looked in his phone and saw txt to other girls, even tho he promised me to stop he didnt, it went on for about 3 month until one weekend i was really ill, and he stayed over and looked after me. he told me he loved me, and i have not checked his phone since and i have put everything behind us as i make the choice to trust him.

I think that if you want to forgive you have to try to forget otherwise it will drive you insane and it will never do any good in your relationship. He was in the wrong but its your choice to forgive or not.
If hes been good to you so far in your relationship i think its something i would forgive.

 

[Emmamb]

I am gradually learning to trust my oh again but it's taken a lot of time...I'm gonna bore u wiv my story- wen I was pg wiv my youngest son (he's 3 now) we both used to go on a chat forum,he'd been a bit off so I went thru the 'find friends' section of the site and found some1 who sounded like my oh,under a diff name,I typed the username in flowed by the pw he used for everythin and found it was him,I then searched his username in the forums and found he'd been lookin 4 no strings sex wiv ppl...no1 had replied,but I was distraught,anyway we sorted that out,then a few months later I went to pick him up from work wen he sent me a text sayin 'mmmm v nice babe,can't talk now,will chat later xx' so I confronted him as soon as he got in the car and apparently a female friend that he'd known since b4 we met had sent him a picture of her tits!!! She's a traveller from down south and I knew shed always wanted more from him than he was willin to give...I rang her and gave her a load of abuse followed by abusive texts,she denied it,sayin she was wiv her dyin grandma all day??!! Then after workin thru that,a year ago he had an affair,I kicked him out and we was seperated for 6 weeks and lived seperately for 5months. Were now back at a better place than we ever was but I do find it hard to trust him fully but times a healer xxxxxx

 

[Annie050408]

I do trust DH but I don't trust other women and I literally can't bear the thought of anyone else flirting with him. DH is not remotely a ladies man but he is just such a lovely handsome man that I always have it in the back of my mind that someone may try to steal him from me. DH doesn't go out without me and is home at the same time from work every day so I feel fairly confident that he wouldn't mess around but you just never know for sure.

One thing that both he and I know is that if he ever did, that would be the end, cut and dried- I just couldn't and wouldn't forgive him because in the 8 years we've been together we've always had such a wonderful loving, caring and close relationship that it would be too much of a betrayal.

It's difficult to know what you'd do in the situation if it occurred, particularly with a baby but for me, I would need to maintain my sense of worth and self-respect and while I certainly don't criticise anyone who takes a partner back, quite the contrary, I respect the strength they have, I just know I wouldn't be strong enough to forgive and forget and as a result I would lose a certain amount of myself if that makes sense?

Good luck hon, I think that as long as he hasn't actually done anything and that you believe him that it won't happen again then the best thing to do is to not wind yourself up about it and insist that he spends lots of quality time with you doing the things that you enjoy together, reminding yourselves why you are together in the first place. xx

 

[clairebear22]

I trust my OH completly! He's been hurt badly twice in the past and I know 110% that he would never ever cheat on me! We have very similar personalities and we're both very laid back. We both know that we would never ever cheat. In fact my OH was out once with his mates about a year ago and when he got back the next morning he told me some woman started chatting him up so he swapped his ring (we have matching rings) to his wedding finger so she would think he was married and leave him alone! We are completly honest with eachother and we both know we could never cheat, the guilt would be too much! He even owns up when he's had a sneaky fag coz he can't lie to me! lol

I hope things get better for you Orangefluff!

xxx

 

[LouLou1986]

im just gaining trust back with my oh i had a message on facebook of his ex saying she was sleeping with him behind my back, he deneys it and the fact he didnt have chance to do it but its put the doubt there and it hurts like hell, that was last november, but things have got so much better now

 

[orangefluff]

It's good (well not good but you know what I mean..) to know that I'm not the only one who has felt like this.

I'm waiting for him to come home tonight after being away last night and today for work. The prob with his job in the army is he's away a lot, that doesnt help things but he's on leave for a month after this week so we are going to get to spend lots of time together. I do believe that he wants us to work and I'm pretty sure that this had scared him enough to realise that losing everything we have over something so stupid would be so wrong. I know I'll never forget but hoping it wont be too hard.

If he slips back into old ways though he's gonna get a massive boot up the backside and no more chances....

 

[cherelle]

I dont think men can ever be 110% trusted .... after all it is human nature for men to want to 'spread their seed' for want of a better phrase, and of course men are always going to come into contact with attractive women and have opportunities to be unfaithful, its whether they act on them of not that counts.

I hope my OH never does the dirty on me, he isnt very confident with women but hes a gorgeous guy and women are always throwing themselves at him. I think a lot of men get their attitudes towards serious relationships from their upbringing actually - like my OHs father has always treated his mother unfairly and so he would never want to be the same.

Hope you can resolve this orangefluff - i cant imagine what its like to be with someone that away all the time x

 

[BumpandAshlee]

Aww sorry to hear about your situation hun. It is not nice when you put your trust in someone and it gets abused. Been there and done that with an ex.
My hubby I think is a different type of guy than most. I got lucky. I trust him 110% and I know he would never cheat on me. He is quite a good looking guy and gets quite a lot of attention but never gives in to it. He doesn't even seem to notice which is really comforting as he works away a lot so trust is really important for us. He is very much the true gent and I don't think anyone can ever really say a true bad word about him. I could never imagine him cheating as I don't think he would be able to hurt me or his family like that. I just can't imagine it. Guess I caught one of the good guys!

 

[xxClaire_24xx]

never trust anyone but yourself 100% is what I say,

must admit I do have a great OH we have had our bad times at the beginning

Im a 32B and my OH loves big boobs and a few times at the beginning of the realtionship I found out he had been looking at porn on the internet and it was perticlarly big boobs so I left it for a bit then one night after sex i had fallen asleep and woke up to find him having some alone time to that fucking stupid babe station but he didnt know I seen it so when he dropped me off at mine the follwing day I just got out the car without saying anything, later on I sent a text just saying, I take it I wasnt enough last night!!! and we had a discussion that night I got so upset and told him that if I seen him doing it again or looking at porn then we were over, so i was crazy and kept checking the history on the laptop and then months later the night we were leavinf to go up North for our 1st year together i found he had been lookin at it, i never mentioned it the whole weekend til we got back and told him I wanted time to think, I know its not cheating but I felt it was

Anyway that was at he beginning of the year and I can say he hasnt looked again but I do still feel sometimes he has a wee look at other girls and cause im pregnant i fell ugly ugly ugly so its not nice, he would never actually cheat though xxx

am I crazy cause I hate him looking at porn

 

[cherelle]

i think it all comes down to our insecurities when in comes to the OH looking at porn to be honest. Obvs if we think they are looking for something we cant give then i guess its upsetting but at the end of the day its only fantasy... if you know he wouldnt hurt you and cheat then i dont think you should worry about porn x