Emotionally Broken / Trust Issues :o(

[dannii87]

Hi girls,

Well I've just posted an update in Relationships about my army ex...

Anyway, it's come to light lately how affected I've been by my last relationship. I feel so let down that he could have just upped and left like that after proposing that I'm not sure how I could EVER be in another relationship again without this affecting it?

I just feel like my barriers are up waaaay too high and that any poor bloke who tries to make a go of things with me will be shot down as I'll want to call the shots in case it happens again (I know nothing I do/say could stop someone leaving again, but at least I'll have emotionally prepared myself?)

I just don't understand how I can ever say "I know he loves me" etc etc because in my eyes and from my experience, it's like I couldn't trust a WORD anyone said anymore!!

How do I know that anyone I let into my life won't let me and my daughter down? How can I break away from this etc etc?

Oh god, I really didn't think it had affected me emotionally this much until this point.

I have absolutely no faith in men anymore... xx

 

[little momma]

hugs hugs hugs!
you poor thing... i feel a similar way, my oh has been cheating on me the whole time we've been together... and i really thought he loved me.
i dont know if i'll ever trust anything any guy tells me. "i love you" seems so fake now everytime anyone says it, even my friends or familiy...
i really feel for you sweetheart... if you want to chat i'm here, i know you dont know me... but... i'm here if you need an ear to bend or a shoulder to cyber cry on...
men are bums sometimes... not all of them are, i promiss.

 

[dannii87]

Aww thanks hun!

Yeah I just feel like I've been torn in two and been trying since he left to put the pieces back together - I feel like my emotions are a jigsaw and loads of bits are missing!!

I really need to sort myself out

 

[little momma]

have a big long bath and listen to some lound chirpy music... then put some pretty make up on for no reason and dance round the room singing along really loud...
it's not a perminant solution but it sometimes helps me feel a little better for a bit...
lol
xxxx

 

[Becky]

After any betrayal of trust there has to be a healing period. I know it feels now as if you could never trust anyone again but in time you will.

First you need to take time to get over your ex and what he did. Then in time you'll meet someone and you will start to build a trust in them gradually.

Trust isn't something that happens instantly, its something that grows in time. Take little steps and you'll get there eventually but try not to worry about how far away you are from that trust. just focus on healing and of course on your baby.

You'll get there in the end.

 

[little momma]

thats much better advice than mine...
xxxx

 

[Becky]

Lol, not better - just different.

I like your idea, focus on now and try keep yourself upbeat and happy, its the same thing.

 

[Penstraze]

It will take time to learn to trust again I don't think at the moment that you are in the right place for another relationship - it doesn't sound like it from what ive read anyway, but if the right guy were to come along who knows - but you will be once you have had time to heal you will learn to trust again but these things take time! It seems to me you pride yourself on being a independent strong person you stick your head down and get on with whatever life throws at you thats great and will get you through this but you don't always have to be strong or go on like you haven't been hurt/effected you need to allow yourself time to grieve the relationship end to rebuild your trust in your own judgement and get over it all to do this you may need to lean on friends and family at times thats ok that though it doesnt mean your not strong or not coping just that you know when to ask for help! You'll get there your such a gorgeous, caring person there will be the right guy out there who will snap your up but only when you are ready!

 

[Sydneysmum]

My last pregnancy was so sad. My husband left when I was 8 months pregnant and when I started a new relationship shortly afterwards, he left me too, completely heartbroken. Meanwhile, my best mate had also just had a baby and a dream wedding and my other mate was planning her wedding to her dream boyfriend. I was billy no mates on my own, lonely and believing that all men were sh!ts who would abandon you at the drop of a hat.

Love is a crock of sh1t and marriage is a mugs game

was my motto. I thought forever would be like this until I read an article in a women's magazine about a woman who found a partner after having been alone for 3 years. 3 years I thought - I can't be alone that long! But I kept the faith and after kissing a few frogs found a prince. He made me feel relaxed and although I found it difficult to trust him at first, deep down I knew he was a good man and so he was.

I'm sorry if this post is a bit long but I have been wanting to tell you for so long that I used to feel so lonely and so lost like I'd never find a man of my own in a world that seems to be so full of couples. I was genuinely happy on my own after a while (I started studying for a degree - graduated a few years ago) and things came right in the end. There are success stories all around you if you look for them. Keep the faith, you're going to make a great mum, everything else will come in its time

 

[dannii87]

Aww that's a lovely story! That's so sweet that you met him when you did and it's so nice to hear stories like that where things have gone from tits up to love struck... Thank you xx

 

[lea m]

I only just read this as I dont come in this section often but I wanted to say that although you will feel like this now and probably for a while, when you meet someone who is genuine and trustworthy, your feelings will change and your barriers will come down!
Im not saying totally etc but they will to a point and you will be happy Dannii!
Theres millions of men out there that will love you and Evie and be completely trustworthy and you will know that they love you etc! Its just all about timing and finding that right person! (which I have no doubt at all you will!!)
My OH cheated on me with my ex best friend! I had suspicions but was never certain and I only found out last July when she had "apparently" had his child! (though the date dont add up and the kid looks nothing like him although all his others do )
We split and it was forever! I felt the same as you! I will never trust anyone again I will never love anyone again etc!
But then a few months went by and OH (who had taken drugs, amphetamine and cannabis throughout our relationship, well most of his life 20 years) stopped taking all drugs, he completely changed his life around! We remained friends and kinda gradually we ended getting back together ( I dont know who was shocked more, me or Joe)
It was hardish at first as you would expect but see he is like a new fella, its like that Joe was somebody else! Its hard to explain, when he took drugs he had a different personality and was frankly a different person. now he hasnt touched them all this time he is the most loving and caring person I could ever imagine!
What Im trying to say is, I know you wont be going to get back with your fella, but you will find that someone who will break down your defenses!
And everything will be just rosy!
(sorry I rambled on a bit haha )

 

[dannii87]

Aww thanks again girls. And Leanne, that sounds like the perfect fairytale ending! Glad al is good now

Yeah I just feel a bit broken at the moment, like damaged goods or something! Not that I'm planning on a serious relationship right now or anything, I'd just like to "fix" myself before meeting someone and be all ok again! xx

 

[lea m]

And Leanne, that sounds like the perfect fairytale ending! Glad al is good now

Well I hope so! lol

But I think it will just take time and probably your emotions with being pregnant wont be helping!! One day soon you will look back and think "wow did I really feel like that??" I know you will!
This is probably the bottom and the only way to go is up!!

 

[abcd1234]

I worry about this too, i feel like i messed up my relationship with the only decent guy i've ever met, my last two bf's have cheated on me. First one was a few months in, we tried to get over it but i simply coudlnt, i knew he'd not told me the whole story and after a year i found out the truth, that hurt me a lot, now he keeps saying he cant get over me, but he cheated, he hurt me and he lost me.
My otherone was baby daddy, which i'm pretty sure most know the story of lol, but he cheated on me when i was about 5 months pregnant (well wheni found out, god knows what else he was doing) and kept on trying to fuck me around from then on.

I've always found it hard to trust, it took me 2 years to trust Dave and that was before anyone had hurt me or cheated, i'd feel awful if he went out without me, and i hated other girls texting him as they used to go on about me being younger then him. Now i'll let him do whatever he wants and i just KNOW he wont do anything, It's wierd but i like it that way, he goes on weekends away to car things with guys i'm not keen on but it's fine, i couldnt have gone, and he always invites me anyway. He goes in to town without me, but again i'm just too big and tired to go with him now and i'd ruin the night so i just let it happen, and he texts me most of the night and even if he didnt i wouldnt lose sleep.

You CAN trust again, it just takes time, i truely believe that anyone worth being with would understand why you find trust hard if you spoke to them and be patient. You have to be honest and jsut say you've been hurt (you dont have to go in to detail) and find it hard to trust and that way he'll know if you have a insecure moment he can be supportive rather then get mad at you.

You seem like a very strong person and i think you just dont want to allow yourself to get hurt like he did, but we all have to make ourselves vulnerable again at some point. I dont think i'd be able to start a new relationship for a long time as i'd be worried that anyone my age would turn out the same as baby daddy, id be maf if they didnt want sex, and think they were using me if they did lol.

 

[HideiLu]

Hey chick

First of all

Time is a great healing...and I used a lot of it!

I was with my ex in Hastings for 2 years, had all sorts of ups and downs, drink, drink driving, cheating, getting someone else pregnant, etc etc...

I had a few little relationships before James, but nothing that really lasted or that I really put my all in to.

It was FIVE years before I met James and felt ready for a proper relationship. That was probably out of my own personal choice, and I was fairly content as I was.

I learnt a lot more about myself, and I use past experiences to improve things rather than to hold things back.

Things will change hun, please dono't be upset, stay strong and concerntrate on the big bundle excitment coming your way, Evie!! xx