Should I trust him again?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by abcd1234, Dec 11, 2007.

  1. abcd1234

    abcd1234 Well-Known Member

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    Hi
    my boyfriend left me a week after we found out i was pregnant and wouldnt talk to me for the next month, at first i told myslef it was because he was scared about the baby, he's quite immature for 19 and loves his nights out at the pub, but then I got suspicious he was seeing someone else, unfortunately i work with him so itsbeen impossible to totally avoid him, at first i kept him informed about the baby but after a while i stopped trying. A few times he said we'd talk but didnt and i started geting over it. my best friend is extremely supportive and i stopped really seeing my baby as my ex's and jsut as mine, things were getting good andi was so excited about my baby and espaecially the scan, I'd even gotten over the pain of seeign my ex in work and just found it funny to watch him tip toe around me.
    But then a week ago he text me saying he wanted to talk and very shyly came up to me in work and asked ifi would talk to him about everything, i've always said if he wanted he could have a part in his babies life so i agreed to see him, we talked a bit and he said he just needed time to except what was going on and go a bit wild (this really annoyed me as i've just had to get on with everything yet he got to mess around) i asked him about this other girl and he said they saw each other once but nothin happened, he also asked if there was any was id ever trust him again but i'm not so sure. He even came to the scan and got all excited about it. I was really unwell tuesday night and when he found out he was texting to check if i was ok and asking everyone in work what happened and saying he still cares. hes convinced my mate he really cares but i really dont know what to think. hes hurt me so badly by leaving me to except my pregnancy alone. We saw each other saturday and he was very sweet and i can tell he's really trying. however i also caught him flirting with this other girl on sat and she spent all sunday telling everyone all the things hes been saying about how i meant nothing to him, he's deny all of this and just says he saw her that once but i dont beleive him. We saw each other last night and i ended up fallign asleep at his and spending the night. I really dont know what to do, i need some advice. i know that if it was nt for the baby i wouldnt even consider giving him another try, hes also got me very confused about the baby and since talking to him again i've stopped being so enthusiastice about it all, i no he's so sweet around me but im not convinced its real, im also not convinced he'll stick around the whole time. we were meant to be taking things slowely but i no staying last night will have given him the wrong impression, what should i do?? sorry about long post jsut didnt no how else to explain it all
    Clare x
     
  2. Alexa

    Alexa Member

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    I really think he's a waste of time, if you managed to get over him already, then you really don't need him! I can't imagine how hard it is to see him at work but at the end of the day, you have proved you don't need him. So I think you're much better off, preserving your energy for your baby!
    :)
     
  3. tuck

    tuck Well-Known Member

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    you've already said that you dont believe him about the other girl, could you not ask the other girl, I did that when I found out my ex was having an affair, I rang her and we talked, she was able to put together a lot of the 'missing jigsaw'! my ex still denied knowing her!!!!!
    I personally think that you should take things VERY VERY slowly, your emotions will be all over the place anyway with the pregnancy and trusting someone again is the most difficult thing to do.
    you need to concentrate on yourself and baby and if he really wants to be there for you he will have to accept this
    good luck with everything
     
  4. abcd1234

    abcd1234 Well-Known Member

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    I dont need to ask the girl about it she spent all of work on sunday telling everyone she could every last detail! Their stories match up when it comes to what happened its the fact shes saying he was saying we were onlytogether a week and he got bored of me and isaw him flirting with her on Saturday and apparently he wanted to see her sunday after we'd been seeing each other. Some of the things hes apparently said i can understand because he was so scared of the baby he was rying to cover his back for things, but im not sure, i guess i'll have to talk to him about it tonight but i'm finding it hard to talk to him about these things and actually tell him what i'm thinking.
    Clare x
     
  5. Alexa

    Alexa Member

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    Good luck, be strong! Let us know how it goes xx
     
  6. MissSara

    MissSara Well-Known Member

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    Harrisons dad left me when i was 3months pregnant and said it was down to him being scared, i personally believe that if he was scared he should still be there and not be with other girls, no way.
    We tried after h was born and then it turned out he was slepping with every girl that offered it him. don't just make it work for the baby you will only hurt yourself and your baby, and a baby will not change a thing about him. If he cares he should have took some time out by hiself not in the arms of someone else.

    Sorry if i sound very bitter its just that this story sounds like my ex all over again, and i know he proberly isn't the same but its hard to watch your babies dad not be as excited as yourself xxxx
     
  7. Squiglet

    Squiglet Well-Known Member

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    You answered your own question in your post hun...

    Whatever you do ... don't try and make a relationship work because of the baby... tbh... it won't work..

    You have to be dedicated to each other... a child is only an extension of your love for each other not an excuse for it... Do you think he would be trying so hard with you if you weren't pregnant? In which case, he's only trying to restore the relationship because of the child, not because of you, so you can't trust him to remain faithful to you.

    I wasted 4 years, trying to make a relationship work for the sake of my child... and all it managed to do, was set me back emotionally... and hurt my daughter.

    Still let him see the child... the relationship between your ex and you... isn't the relationship between your ex and your child.. but tbh I don't think your personal relationship stands much of a chance the way it is right now.

    I have since met someone who loves me and married me before we even decided to try for a baby. He made a promise to love me.. not stay with me because we had a child together. And that is what makes our relationship special... You deserve that kind of special relationship too.. and it is much better for your child in the long run to have a daddy they see occasionally, than a daddy who screams and shouts with mummy everyday.

    :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  8. Babylicious

    Babylicious Well-Known Member

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    he sounds like a looser, focus on yor baby now sweetie :hug: :hug:
     
  9. trixipaws

    trixipaws Well-Known Member

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    that tells me u should not be with him. it seems couples who stay together only for the sake of children their relationships ultimately dont work, and its better for the children to hav 2 happy separate parents who get on, rather than 2 bitter parents stuck in an unhappy relationship with each other.
    but good luck whatever u decide to do :hug:
     

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