August 2017 babies! The final thread!

[MissCharli]

So good to hear that he is gaining weight now H4R Don't feel like you're letting him down, as long as he is eating and gaining it doesn't matter that you've had to use formula. You were just following the (maybe bad) advice the professionals gave, that's not your fault at all. I'm sure you will get there with EBF soon xx

Just took Theo to be weighed, as he's 4 weeks today, and he's now 9lb 9oz! What a little chunk, he's put on 1lb 10oz on in 4 weeks! He's gone from the 32nd percentile to just above the 50th, so I can't be happier with that. When I was there I bumped into someone I used to work with whose son is 3 weeks older than Theo and had a coffee afterwards. We live like a mile away from each other so we're gonna start going out with the boys and even try the mum and baby group together. Feeling good this afternoon

 

[Hoping4Rainbow]

Aww I am so so happy to read this MissCharli! It's going to be lovely going out for coffee with the other mummy and wonderful to see your babies growing up in parallel and going on "playdates"! Hopefully you'll also meet a few other lovely mummies and babies to join you. Enjoy this time sweetheart and create lovely memories with your gorgeous boy as time flies soooo fast. These groups can be real fun too, apart from the useful "coffee and ADULT chat" and having fun singing to the babies or exposing them to sensory stimuli, sharing advice and experience with other mummies and even learning new things, I remember creating some beautiful mementos even, like baby hand/footprints, milestone charts, photos, xmas cards and personalised ornaments, baby enjoying messy play later on etc. Really excited for you. Now I need to (wo)"man up" and start exploring my new area for babygroups too! Hopefully the health clinic will also be a point to start from. xx

Thank you hon I am not against formula, it is just that doing both bfing and topping up is exhausting me. You are right as long as he grows and thrives I should be happy and truly grateful. Especially having had that shocking experience with my first, that life is so so fragile and as long as baby is healthy and happy it does not matter at all how he/she's fed! I dunno why I am so emotional about this, perhaps because I feel both baby and I have invested in bfing for more than a month now, persevered through the toe curling pain, the frequent feeds, now thrush etc. so I'll be sad to just give up. But I mainly think it's mummy hormones making me stupidly emotional! xx

 

[MissCharli]

Yeah I was really happy to bump into her, especially as neither of us had been there before and we turned up within 5 mins of each other! I had meant to see her, as I have her on facebook, but I'm just not very good at arranging stuff sometimes! The baby group is in the same place/time, so we'll give it a go next week I think. Meeting my other mummy friend next week, her son is 4 months. Glad to be getting out cos I think I would go mad watching much more shit daytime TV haha.

Ah bloody hormones! You will get there, like you said you've done really well to not give up. You are doing the absolute the best you can for your baby and that's what matters x

 

[Elspeth]

That's fab MissCharli. So glad your outing was such a success.
And fantastic that Theo is thriving.

H4R and Rose, it's really breaking my heart reading how hard things are for you guys.
Rose, I don't know what to suggest. I think it's beyond any person to look after 3 little ones on your own on no sleep. You need more practical help. Can your oh take Taylor in the evening, say 8 - 12 so you can get some sleep. It seems lots of people do that?? Trouble is I know little ones can be really fussy and feeding constantly at that time. I'm sure you would have taken this option if it was available.
If your partner feels so strongly he does not want you to co sleep then surely he needs to help you out at night time. Also it does become a risk falling asleep with baby whilst feeding in the night, and this is potentially much more risky than co sleeping safely.

Sending you big hugs. Things will get easier.
Xxxx

 

[Elspeth]

H4R, I'm furious for you too. I can't believe they told you to introduce top ups on day 2.
Can completely see how it's becoming too much to cope with. You poor poor thing. I know we need to be thankful for what we do have but you've had such a hard time over this pregnancy. On so many levels, mourning the loss of your mum, struggling with fatigue and sickness, the growth and having to have the csection. I can understand that breastfeeding has become really important, it's something you want to do and it feels like that's being taken away from you too.
MissCharli's right, you are absolutely doing your best and that's all you can do.
The hormones do scary stuff to our brains. Please be kind to yourself and talk to others about how you are feeling. It's really not as bad as it might seem sometimes and happy baby and mummy really are the most important things at the end of the day.
Giving up breastfeeding is a fine decision. You've already passed on loads of benefits to your baby. Likewise carrying on is fine too.
Not really sure what I'm trying to say but I can understand how hard this must be and we are here for you to listen anytime.
Sending much love to all you amazing mummas and babies.

Xxxxx

 

[Hoping4Rainbow]

Thank you so much Elspeth

I am so grateful for being part of this wonderful supportive group!!!

How is everyone?

Love to all of you xx

 

[PeanutButter]

Sorry your having a hard time ladies I'm at the point of giving up bf to.
I'm keeping up just not replying, really tired. My iron levels are super low still and might need to go for another transfusion, dont think you've got rid of me yet aha xx
Hoping things get easier for you guys xx

 

[Rose83]

Hi ladies, I've been so tired/busy I haven't been on since the other day when I had had no sleep. Pleased to report that last night saw a slight improvement. My midwife suggested I put a hot water bottle in his cot until I'm ready to put him in it after a feed then keep putting it in and taking out any time I feed and put him back so he is tricked into thinking he is still snuggled against me. So tried it last night and he was settled for between 30-45 mins which was s big improvement on 5-10 so it meant I was getting bits of sleep throughout the night. And then got a longer bit this morning when he did his usual longer sleep. If we can repeat this and get the time in the cot lengthening then things might be ok. We also discussed a chicco next to me crib as a possible compromise if things don't continue to improve.

Glad you found some people to spend time with misscharli! H4R your story is awful of having the top up forced on you - day two is far too early to be demanding that! X

 

[MissCharli]

Glad to hear that has worked for you so far Rose I have to say I'm so glad we got the Chicco next 2 me, we've had it from the beginning so I can't say what he would have been like without it but he settles straight away most of the time. It's really good to be able to see him and reach him without getting out of bed. I definitely recommend it, and it's probably even better if you're BF x

 

[Rose83]

Last night wasn't so good again, will see what tonight brings and otherwise think about the next to me again. Does he just happily sleep without being held or anything? Mine always want to be held! Today he was weighed and has put on 4oz in 48 hours so BF is obviously working in that respect but he is just not settled at night x

 

[MissCharli]

Yeah he's as good as gold when we put him in, sometimes he lays there awake but is generally quiet. He's more unsettled in the day tbh which is lucky in a way, makes getting stuff done a bit more difficult though! But even in the womb he was quiet at night so I think people are right when they say that carries on through.

4oz in 48 hours is really good! Well done both of you

 

[Rose83]

I think that might be where my problem lays. He was quieter in the day and always woke up after bathtime for my other two and was pretty active after that all evening and in the night so I think he has stuck with that. I'm sure my other two weren't this bad for sleeping at the wrong times but I also co-slept with them so it's hard to remember. I'm so tired I feel like I can't remember anything anymore lol x

 

[MissCharli]

How come your oh is so against co sleeping when it worked so well before? I know it's not really recommended but it seems like it's still pretty common. I've seen those little bed nest thingies to try make it safer. I couldn't do it, but if it works for you?

Eek ladies it's now September! How crazy is that. August flew by for me and Theo is already a month old. He has already changed so much, I think we are gonna get smiles soon

In terms of moving on from here, do you want to move to the parenting section or start a Facebook group like the September mummies have? I'm happy with either! X

 

[Rose83]

I'm not really sure misscharli, I guess the thing was he was never really comfortable with it but never really put his foot down before. He was just woken by our other son and caught me asleep mid feed so has just told me he wants me to switch to formula. I said no. Clearly an argument for the morning. I've already told him I would want to exhaust all other opportunities before then. It's so frustrating because there is no problem with the method of feeding, it's just when he feeds and there is no guarantee that giving him formula instead is going to make him sleep in his cot!

OH is a real worrier when it comes to health related matters and has even been through a stage where he kept convincing himself there was something really wrong with himself for no good reason and had to see a counsellor. That was a long time ago but it's something he can't really help where he catastrophizes everything, so thinks of the worst possible thing that could happen in a situation. So I think the more children we have the more he worries because it's like the law of odds convinces him something awful will happen. I'm all honesty the way I co slept at first with the other two wasn't safe, I'd let them just sleep on my chest with me on my back and maintained I always knew they were there so would know not to relax but I don't think there is any real way I could prove that. I would just put them back in the cot whenever I could manage. So I agreed that I had maybe been silly in the past and shouldn't have done it. I'm so exhausted now that I know I can't do what I did with them but I do think the chicco cot might be the best option for these early days where their sleeping pattern hasn't really established. He should also know better than to tell me I must do something because I don't respond well to that sort of approach anyway but especially when it's something I feel so strongly about and have worked so hard to establish, if someone tells me I must do something then that immediately makes me fight to do the exact opposite! I have a feeling I'll be acquiring a chicco cot tomorrow! X

 

[tashap]

Just a quick one just wanted to reply to Rose - we have a bed nest which can be hired for 6 or 9 months for £39 and can be used against the bed the same as the next to you. Our bed is slilly high though so doesn't lay flat next to it and are using as a normal cot. He seems to settle for s few hours at s time but due to my c section I struggle to get up to him so we have brought a sleepyhead which we have him in between us from about 2am onwards and he sleeps so well. it's amazing I can't recommend it enough. It's built for safe co sleeping and should tick all the safety boxes for your OH and it fits in s normal cot to make it a bit more snuggly. Xxx

I'm reading and keeping up when I can and will do a proper update soon

 

[tashap]

Us this morning- excuse my husband lol

 

[Rose83]

Thanks tashap, you're little man is so cute! We have something similar for my older son but OH didn't think he'd feel comfortable with one on a smaller baby. I'm thinking I might need to get the midwife or breast feeding people to speak to him about the safe ways to co-sleep to try and put his mind at rest or something because I think he thinks I would just say anything to convince him to let me carry on feeding as I am x

 

[MissCharli]

Aah that's what I was thinking of, sleepy head not bed nest!

He's adorable Tasha x

I'm the same as you Rose, really stubborn and can't stand being told what to do... I hope you both manage to come to some sort of compromise! X

 

[Elfs Mummy]

Rose my partner was against co sleeping so we bought the snuz pod which worked well for us. However in the end it was easier to have baby in bed with us for the first few weeks and when he realised we actually got some sleep he stopped caring he also spoke to him mum who is a doctor who advised him how to do it safely and in the end he would take over with he baby at night after a feed as he felt what we were doing was safe and in the best interest of baby. Formula doesn't guarantee baby sleeping in its cot infact ds sleep got worst when we switched to formula. If he doesn't feel comfortable co sleeping I would suggest to him he sleep elsewhere xx

 

[Rose83]

Hahaha elfs mummy I don't think that would go down well. He just thinks I'm going to roll over and suffocate the baby or drop him mid feed. He is really anxious about the children, I'm not exaggerating when I say that he goes in to our 2.5 and 1 year old multiple times a night to check they are still breathing. He said he'd feel OK with the chicco as a compromise so I think that may be my only option for the moment. I totally agree that formula wouldn't necessarily change anything. I thought it would make my son slept through the night when he was 9 months but it didn't. X