Worried about mum feeling left out.

[Selina13]

Hey, I'm due any day and as soon as I found out I was pregnant I knew I wanted my mum there for labour.

Background- I'm an only child and my mum brought me up for 7 years on her own when my dad left and till she met my step dad who I adore
We have had lots of ups and downs but always have each other to turn to.

Labour- obviously my husband will be there for labour but I'm worried about my mum feeling a bit like a spare part.
I'm hoping to bf so I'm assuming she won't even get a hold of baby for a good while after the labour and birth! I'm not sure what her expectations are and I'm worried to ask her as she can be brutally honest and I don't need a guilt trip or an 'ok fine I won't come then!'

This is first grandchild and if I have another it's likely she will be looking after this one for the labour so want this to be special for her.

I know the labour is about me and I shouldn't even be worrying about this but I am.

Wondered what your experiences were with having mum or another birth partner there?

Xxxxx

 

[Flickalicious]

I had my partner and Mum with me for the birth of my son. I'm having the same again! My Mum will be strong for me and help me like only a Mum can. Doing things through experience. Hubby was in a daze last time and I expect the same will happen again. He'll support me but not like my Mum can. And that's not a bad thing! He'll be doing the back rubs and holding my hand (well letting me dig my finger nails into his lol) meanwhile Mum will be the practical one mopping my forehead, offering me drinks... Mum stuff

You could always ask her to have the lucozade tablets/drinks on stand by so she feels useful, giving her a 'job' in a sense. Its something that your OH won't miss out on if he doesn't do it? Just an idea

 

[Pip0902MJ]

I had my mum & partner at the birth of our little Ruby, again like you, as soon as I found out I knew I wanted her there. She said from the beginning she wouldn't take over or interfere and she really didn't. She was an absolute godsend, kept me calm and my OH calm. Even after the birth, I had my skin to skin and then Ruby had her feed, James had a cuddle and then my mum but she wouldn't take her until she knew James was ready.

James helped me in the shower because I lost so much blood so was abit woosey so mum got a good cuddle then. I think she was just over whelmed to even see the birth of her first grandchild so was grateful to just 'be there'

Don't worry yourself, it will turn out nicely in the end xxx

 

[sc71]

I'm still a while off due date but looking in here for tips and advice. I must be a really bad person as my mum offered to be there, it's her first grandchild but completely told her flatly NO. She considers us to have a very close relationship but I've always been the adult if that makes sense. Also when ive had surgery in the past and she's come down to help I feel so chlostraphoobic with her around and get so stressed, on top of that I'm terrified of birth loosing all dignity and I know my partner can get me through anything so just want it to be the both of us. I just worry slightly that he may need some support as must be terrifying to watch your loved one in such a state and can't do anything really to help. Should I perhaps give in and ask and set tons of guide lines and have her there for him? Or should I stick with my instincts and deal with it on my own and with my partner like I have with most things? Just wondered what other people's thoughts and experiences were like? X

 

[MrsFLL]

I'm an only child and consider myself to be very close to my mum but like you Sc71 I've always been the adult in our relationship and I honestly can't think of anything worse than having my mum there at the birth she doesn't deal with things very well and would just annoy me! My husband is amazing and I know he will be great I think it's a special time that just the 2 of you should share but that's my personal opinion. This is my 4th pregnancy and I'm having a home water birth it's my husbands first baby though and my other kids will be home with us for the most part too depending on when I go into labour. It's a very personal choice and I suppose it depends on the sort of person your mum is really if you feel they will be a massive help to you go for it but like me if you think your mum might annoy you in any way then I would say no because during labour you have to 100% focus on yourself and baby and getting through it.