OHs/mums with you in labour - real help or additional embarrassment?

[i.love]

Hey girls,

I read the thread http://www.pregnancyforum.co.uk/labour-birth/190632-labour-birth-things-movies-dont-tell-us.html yesterday, and it made me think...

I was planning to have my husband and my mum with me in labour. But dear oh dear! Puking, farting, pooing... Bum pills... Do I really want those people to be with me at such moments?? Are they really going to help me, or will they only make me worry too much about how I look/what I do?

Me and my husband are very close, but we're trying to keep our relationship romantic. And these things sound like massive turn-offs. Maybe I'm too shy, I don't know.

What do you think? Am I being over-sensitive?

 

[titch]

well my OH saw me in a right old state when I was having LO. but he still fancies me now (so he says! ) , its a shared experience that brought us closer, and to be honest I found things really difficult afterwards, if he wasnt there, we wouldnt have been able to talk about it in the same way, I really needed that.

 

[i.love]

to be honest I found things really difficult afterwards, if he wasnt there, we wouldnt have been able to talk about it in the same way, I really needed that.

That's interesting, I never thought about that... thanks!

 

[littlemiss83]

oh my goodness I dont know what would be worse - having my mum at the birth or having MIL at birth. In my hospital we're only allowed 1 person in the labour suite at a time, including OH.

 

[i.love]

littlemiss, oh no, I would definitely not want my MIL there. What about your OH though? Is he coming? How do you feel about that?

 

[littlemiss83]

I have to admit when it was my first I was nervous as hell about him coming in, actually thought at the time i'd rather be by myself, but he said afterwards he's glad he was there. Plus years down the line we can have a laugh about it and he remembers alot more than me.

I'm not close to my own mother at all or MIL so OH was really the only option as birth partner.

I have heard of people not allowing their OH's in.

 

[Zazu]

I personally couldn't imagine my OH not being there! You do lose all dignity, but you don't care and neither does OH once the baby is there. OH still says to me how amazing it was and how well I did, I wouldn't have let him miss out on seeing his son being born.

I wouldn't want my mum or MIL there, for me it was about me and OH and our new little family x

 

[rachcraig]

I feel the same i.love, everyone says you don't care when you'r actually giving birth but I don't want to be stressing about my oh seeing me in such a state. Tbh I'd much rather just get on with it myself!

My oh is so squemish anyway he would prob faint if he actaully so what was happening, he gets light headed when the midwife takes blood from me! I've said to him to stay with me while i'm in labour but when it comes to the actual birth he can go a walk and i'll call him back when the babys out. He's totally fine with that! x

 

[Cantstop]

It did concern me before the birth, I was worried I'd lose all dignity and it would be made worse by OH seeing as, unlike midwives who see it every day anyway, I'd have to see him every day and he'd remember. But as soon as it started that concern disappeared, and he was a real help. He ended up being really useful from being able to pass me things when I couldn't get about during the labour, to holding the baby once she was born and they needed to stitch me, and being able to be supportive and talk about what happened afterwards. I wouldn't have liked my MIL in with me though (she really wanted to be though!).

 

[i.love]

thanks girls. I'm currently considering taking my OH with me, but asking him to leave if I feel that I don't want him to be there at some specific times.

 

[Tracey M]

My hubby was pretty useless during my labour - he either slept on a chair or sat reading into his bible Upon saying that, when it started getting really bad he was right beside me giving me sips of water, holding my hand, giving me the gas and air when I was panicing and losing control....once epidural was in place he took a back seat again and I chatted to trainee midwife and gave her my entire life story!! (should I not have been sleeping/resting?). When it came to the 2nd stage labour he was totally amazing!! Right there beside me giving me all the encouragement in the world. This time around I would have nobody there but him - having him there at the actual birth was the best part. We are grumpy bitches in labour for sure so if I was you, I'd say Ok, you can come in with me and we will play it by ear... If I tell you to go away - you go away and if I need you to stay, then you stay (he was there at conception right?) Just tell him to be prepared for you to turn into a banshee and not to take anything you say or do personally Oh, I did consider having my sister there too as 2nd birth partner but I've changed my mind again - just hubby for me! No way would I want my mum there - she would just annoy me for sure !!

 

[Hope81]

My oh for sure if I suffer he has to suffer too

About my mum now....she was driving me crazy by telling me to eat that, don't do that etc etc the short time I was pregnant befor my mmc. Next time I will tell my parents I am pregnant after the bab is born lol. ( they live in a different country )

 

[titch]

My oh for sure if I suffer he has to suffer too

I agree with that one too.

If you read the birth stories a lot of the mummies dont really remember it all very well, so its useful to have someone there with you that you can ask afterwards to fill in the gaps. Just remember youre the boss when youre in labour, you boss everyone around and change your mind every minutes, "hold me... dont touch me.... get out... why did you leave me?! " its all normal

 

[littlemiss83]

My OH is such a chatterbox he kept jumping into my convos with the mw. So I sent him out for a smoke. He took about 30 mins, turns out he had to walk for ages to get to a smoking bit. I was raging I was like rrraaahhh ffs - where were you...any excuse to leave me ect ect loooool

 

[xx emma xx]

When you are in labour you really won't care. I was so scared of pooing or farting lol I didn't do either but I dont think I would have cared if I did. I was sick a lot and had quite a traumatic time and I'm glad my OH and my mum were there. They were both very supportive and didn't annoy me. I could not imagine having to do it on my own! X

 

[xshauna_bazx]

It was just gonna be me and OH in the room because my mam said no but she ended up coming in when i kept asking for her lol...she never even looked she can't stand anything like that, she might aswell of not been there but i wouldnt let her go lol. Couldn't imagine OH not been in though. xxx

 

[titch]

When you are in labour you really won't care. I was so scared of pooing or farting lol I didn't do either but I dont think I would have cared if I did. I was sick a lot and had quite a traumatic time and I'm glad my OH and my mum were there. They were both very supportive and didn't annoy me. I could not imagine having to do it on my own! X

yeah I had full on diarrhea I was quite poorly by that stage and they gave me some kind of drug up my bum cos I was having an allergic reaction so it wasnt my fault I wasnt very awake but I remember hearing it and thinking OH was farting and wondering if they would kick him out for making the air unhygenic

amazingly, he still sleeps with me, and protests that he does still find me attractive despite seeing me totally starkers crapping myself full on.

 

[Maria1977]

My OH was with me throughout, he didn't leave my side for 3 days. Without him I couldn't have done it. He was my rock 100%. When I screamed he just held my gaze and calmed me as much as he could and when I tried to get up and leave because I just couldn't do it anymore lol, he made me feel strong again.

 

[i.love]

couple of days ago I spoke to my male colleague who was present at birth of his two daughters. He said it was amazing and he would definitely recommend me to take my husband with me.

when I said that my husband will only be allowed to look me in the eyes, my colleague said that it won't happen that way. Not sure why... But he also said that even though it's not a pretty sight, the whole experience is beyond that level when "pretty" matters.

I'm feeling a bit more relaxed about it now And thanks girls for your replies!

 

[littlemiss83]

couple of days ago I spoke to my male colleague who was present at birth of his two daughters. He said it was amazing and he would definitely recommend me to take my husband with me.

when I said that my husband will only be allowed to look me in the eyes, my colleague said that it won't happen that way. Not sure why... But he also said that even though it's not a pretty sight, the whole experience is beyond that level when "pretty" matters.

I'm feeling a bit more relaxed about it now And thanks girls for your replies!

When I was in labour the MW kept getting OH to stand down there to help hold my feet - i was like nooooo - stay up here, he just stood there with his mouth open...I was saying stop looking ect. She kept saying to him, look at this look at that, and i remember feeling mortified, coz I couldn't see for myself what was going on.