Feeling very guilty about labour & early weeks with 1st baby :(

[littlemiss83]

Hi Ladies

Another moany/depressing thread from me. And a long one (my fingers type quicker than my brain works most of the time! lool)

Anyway, I'm feeling so so guilty about how things went with 1st.

With 1st I had a very traumatic pregnancy, they thought baby wasn't growing properly due to heart probs that I have. Was then induced due to baby's heart stopping. Had a very difficult labour due to this & the fact that it was just alot more difficult - I couldn't bond with her when she was born, to the extent that I didn't want to hold her. The early weeks were very stressful & I wished them all away. Had major probs BF'ing which sent me nearly into a depression plus There was so much going on in mine & OH's lives at the time - so we never got to "enjoy" her.

Baby no.2, easy labour, no probs apart from usual..heartburn/spd ect. - Easy labour (didn't think so after birth & week or 2 after but now I look back it was) & I'm just so much more emotionally stable this time & able to enjoy no.2. This has brought up all sorts of emotions about how I didn't enjoy my 1st as much when she was this age. Infact its actually upset me quite alot recently. I will never get that time back with my 1st. When I look back at her baby pics I think...omg I remember that day...i'd cried for 12 hours straight b4 that pic was taken & generally thats all I can remember, not how she progressed but at how upset/emotional I was.

Think I probs had a bit of PND at the time too but never checked it out or anything.

feeling a bit silly now after typing all that out - seems trivial compared to other ppl's probs.

 

[MrsR]

Don't feel silly-no problem/feeling is too trivial on here and this certainly isn't anyway!
I don't think you have any reason to feel guilty at all! Every pregnancy and birth is different and you did nothing wrong, unfortunately things just happened that were out of your control! As for not bonding when she was tiny I'm sure that you were still a brilliant mummy! How's your relationship now? There's no such thing as a 'perfect' mother and sometimes I think what counts is how well you do in the situation thrown at you and it sounds like you've done brilliantly.



Ignore any mistakes-my iPhone is addicted to autocorrect!

 

[littlemiss83]

Thanks Helen,

To be absolutely honest we started to "connect" after I stopped BF'ing. And we have got on brilliantly since then. I really enjoyed her from 3months onwards, I have really nice memories of the first year, its just the first cpl of months I feel bad about. Its silly coz she obvs cant remember it.

 

[AugustMum]

Please try not to feel guilty, although I know how hard it must be to not be. All your little girl knows is that you love her and she has never known any different. You're now getting to experience the whole thing all over again which is a beautiful gift.

I didn't bond with my LO until she was about 10 months old due to PND and I realise Ill never get that time back. I spent alot of those months tired, stressed, always in tears and not appreciating how small and beautiful she was and how lucky I was to have her. I think Ill experience the same guilt you do now if I have another.

Do you have anyone you can talk to about it? I went to my HV and he was unbelievably fantastic. I wish Id spoken up to someone sooner. Maybe just talk to your OH about how your feeling? Does he know your feeling a bit guilty about things?

There isn't really much that would make you feel less guilty but just remember that you've done an amazing job and like you say, you've got brilliant memories so just keep those close.

 

[littlemiss83]

Thanks Augustmum

Nah, no-one to talk to i'm afraid. OH will listen but isn't the best at giving out emotional advice.

Its one of those things u feel a bit silly about but its still a big thing if that makes sense.

I suppose I should be thanking myself lucky that this time its easier, I cant imagine going through all that again - infact, thats why we didn't ttc until 6 years later.