Hi Ladies Another moany/depressing thread from me. And a long one (my fingers type quicker than my brain works most of the time! lool) Anyway, I'm feeling so so guilty about how things went with 1st. With 1st I had a very traumatic pregnancy, they thought baby wasn't growing properly due to heart probs that I have. Was then induced due to baby's heart stopping. Had a very difficult labour due to this & the fact that it was just alot more difficult - I couldn't bond with her when she was born, to the extent that I didn't want to hold her. The early weeks were very stressful & I wished them all away. Had major probs BF'ing which sent me nearly into a depression plus There was so much going on in mine & OH's lives at the time - so we never got to "enjoy" her. Baby no.2, easy labour, no probs apart from usual..heartburn/spd ect. - Easy labour (didn't think so after birth & week or 2 after but now I look back it was) & I'm just so much more emotionally stable this time & able to enjoy no.2. This has brought up all sorts of emotions about how I didn't enjoy my 1st as much when she was this age. Infact its actually upset me quite alot recently. I will never get that time back with my 1st. When I look back at her baby pics I think...omg I remember that day...i'd cried for 12 hours straight b4 that pic was taken & generally thats all I can remember, not how she progressed but at how upset/emotional I was. Think I probs had a bit of PND at the time too but never checked it out or anything. feeling a bit silly now after typing all that out - seems trivial compared to other ppl's probs.