Why would you NOT breastfeed?

[Misslarue]

Why do these posts always come down to people feeling guilty????

I can only speak for myself.................... but I think I feel guilty because of 2 reasons.
Firstly because I feel both Dan and I missed out on all the benefits that breastfeeding brings and secondly because that is just the kind of person I am!

I always feel guilty! I dwell on things far too long! I hate failure, whether I fail myself or if I let people down. I always have to give it 110% and if I don't succeed then I question whether I really tried hard enough in the first place. But like I said earlier that is more a reflection of my personality rather than about the subject in hand. I do it with everything!

At the time I did feel like I couldn't go on and I did feel like I gave it all I could, hence why I decided after much heart searching that I would switch to formula.
But I now question that decision, I feel guilt about it and wished I had stuck to it that little bit longer.

However, it doesn't rule my every thought! And there's nothing I can do about it now, all I can do is try and learn from it. I have a very happy, healthy, gorgeous lil boy who is an absolute joy to be with. He is my everything and I just concentrate all my energies on him.

 

[Squiglet]

I agree completely Dannii, I know that i have been outspoken about the fact that I dont always think breast is necessarily best if its detrimental to the mental health of the mother which in turn affects the child,

I think thats another issue... breastfeeding is hard, and mothers battle through because no one helps or supports them, some decide to call it a day with the idea that a happy mum = a happy baby.. and that should be true, but you only need to take a wander over to the pnd thread to see how many mothers have become depressed for switching to formula, feeling like a failure, guilty and that they are doing wrong by their child.

Almost every ones story on here at some point highlights the inadequacy of support they received in terms of breastfeeding. The hospital staff were too busy, they treated them like an idiot, they separated mum and baby in the first few moments after birth... (in the case of c sections, they actually feed the baby which greatly destroys the ability to breastfeed), the told me to give formula. I suffered the same at their hands...with Tia where top ups were greatly encouraged, with lil miss where they physically prevented me from breastfeeding... I came close to quitting several times, but I'm a stubborn old mare and not even my mum gets to tell me what to do..-. Plus I knew that if I gave up, I'd feel ever so guilty and that fear kept me going

Think about it... if the NHS/government actually put some effort into breastfeeding support, how much money would they save on the prescriptions for antidepressants, counselling courses, in house psychiatric treatment for women whos PND is often triggered or made worse because they couldn't breastfeed. ? This isn't a problem with mothers who can't breastfeed, its a problem with the system, because if it was the mothers fault, then everywhere would have equally poor rates of breastfeeding but they don't, so it must be the culture and the system that needs to change...Will it? Not at the moment no...and until it does women and babies will continue to suffer and thats not right or fair.

 

[poppy160]

Sorry I really am, it's because when I did stop breastfeeding my babies fell ill (it was really the best thing for them, but I should have respected not for everybody).

Been away, so have not read through the whole 6 (!) pages! Just going to say, I'm all for breastfeeding and wish I did it for longer, bottlefeeding is also great I think it just depends on the baby, Ella has only just fallen ill for the first time with a cold, and she has been bottlefed full time since about 5/6 weeks old. At first I felt guilty for not exclusively breastfeeding her, but like others have said it's down to the mothers personal choice and whatever they choose, breast or bottle, is the best one for their lifestyle.

 

[Scout]

I did say in my first post that if you were ABLE to, I know and understand people can't and I accept that but it makes me upset that people have a baby and then don't breastfeed because they want their bodies in shape. When that is the case, it strongly angers me because I think if you planned the baby and can breastfeed with no problems, why wouldn't you?
Formula will never give a baby everything he or she needs. Ever.

 

[poppy160]

I did say in my first post that if you were ABLE to, I know and understand people can't and I accept that but it makes me upset that people have a baby and then don't breastfeed because they want their bodies in shape. When that is the case, it strongly angers me because I think if you planned the baby and can breastfeed with no problems, why wouldn't you?
Formula will never give a baby everything he or she needs. Ever.

Well for me, there was no physical problem as to why I didn't want to breastfeed anymore. Ella did have thrush which I caught on my nipples, and I've hidden behind that reason for months. I had problems with bonding with her at first, at the time had PND which hadn't been diagnosed at the time..I just couldn't do it. I was sad..and I thought Ella was the reason why I was sad and I resented her for that. It was nothing to do with getting my body in shape, I thought breastfeeding helped that? Ella was planned and so was breastfeeding, but it just wasn't to be. Although I regret not breastfeeding, I firmly stand by my decision to switch to bottlefeeding, it was the right thing for me to do and I stongly disagree with your statement about formula not giving my baby everything she needs - Put my baby next to an exclusively breastfed baby and nobody will tell the difference, as I previously stated she has only just fallen ill for the first time since being born, with a minor cold.

To be honest, I'm totally offended by that last comment, and I'm sure every single bottlefeeder on this forum feels the same.

 

[Jen & Her Men]

I did say in my first post that if you were ABLE to, I know and understand people can't and I accept that but it makes me upset that people have a baby and then don't breastfeed because they want their bodies in shape. When that is the case, it strongly angers me because I think if you planned the baby and can breastfeed with no problems, why wouldn't you?
Formula will never give a baby everything he or she needs. Ever.

Looooooool!! I would be offended if that wasnt the most ridiculous thing i have ever heard!!!

Do you need a bigger broom to make some more sweeping generalisations and misinformed statements??!

 

[handbagqueen]

I did say in my first post that if you were ABLE to, I know and understand people can't and I accept that but it makes me upset that people have a baby and then don't breastfeed because they want their bodies in shape. When that is the case, it strongly angers me because I think if you planned the baby and can breastfeed with no problems, why wouldn't you?
Formula will never give a baby everything he or she needs. Ever.

Hmmm, so everyone is having a nice grown up conversation about this highly emotive topic which affects so many people (myself included) and you make a comment like this which will get so many peoples backs up?! i hope no one rises to this one.

 

[happy-chick]

I did say in my first post that if you were ABLE to, I know and understand people can't and I accept that but it makes me upset that people have a baby and then don't breastfeed because they want their bodies in shape. When that is the case, it strongly angers me because I think if you planned the baby and can breastfeed with no problems, why wouldn't you?
Formula will never give a baby everything he or she needs. Ever.

Very controversial!!! Its funny how you seem to just want to get peoples backs up instead of joining in with an adult discussion!

I havent read through the whole post but i'm sure there will be lots of opinions for and against the original question you asked. I just wanted to say that I dont think many people can breastfeed with NO PROBLEMS and I think if someone does they are very very lucky because its a small percentage that dont encounter any problems. I know alot of women who have breastfed their babies for various amount of time (from a few days to years) and each and every one of them has struggled at some point, most at the beginning. With hormones all over the place, a new baby, totally new routines and resposibilities to get your head around I can truely understand why some women just dont have the mental willpower to continue as they are struggling so much... I was very nearly one of those who stopped because i was finding it very difficult at the beginning so I completely understand the torment that people go through in those early stages when trying to decide whether its best to continue or stop.

I totally agree that every woman should give it a go but I am also open minded enough to understand that it isnt for everyone. I dont think anyone doubts that breastmilk is 'best' for baby but formula is not poison and provides the nutrients needed for a happy & healthy baby. If more support was provided by hospitals & counsellors then I believe there would be alot higher sucess rate with breastfeeding as I think I only managed it cos i'm such a stubborn moo!!

I believe every mother deserves praise & support no matter what their choices, whether it be breastfeeding or formula feeding.... Well done ladies

(Just wanna also say thanks Jen glad to be of help, i'm so proud of myself & Ellie and its nice that other people are too )

 

[Scout]

Sorry to offend anybody just my opinion (and had a few pms agreeing)
Thanks for your views, that is all I wanted... some good reasons, again all I wanted because I couldn't understand it and now I can more. So... thanks.

 

[mum2A&L]

Formula will never give a baby everything he or she needs. Ever.

sorry but for me, one look at my little girl would suggest otherwise. in fact in terms of the amount she was sick, she was sick less on formula than me!! but then it is your opinion and i guess you are entitled to it (im trying to read past how you wrote it, and more what you are saying).


also:

but it makes me upset that people have a baby and then don't breastfeed because they want their bodies in shape

am i right in thinking breastfeeding helps everything get back to normal internally? also it burns calories - someone correct me if im wrong. so breastfeeding would actually help 'get back into shape'.


Are you out to try and start an argument?! its posts/comments like this that make people feel uncomfy about discussing topics such as this. Im not saying you are not entitled to your opinion, but maybe it would be less confrontational to word it differently. avoid statements that you know are going to upset people unless you have evidence to back it up


There is no right and wrong when it comes to raising children - only what each parent wants to do. Im sure there are some people that bottle feed, who can not understand how people can breastfeed.

 

[LisaJ1986]

but it makes me upset that people have a baby and then don't breastfeed because they want their bodies in shape

am i right in thinking breastfeeding helps everything get back to normal internally? also it burns calories - someone correct me if im wrong. so breastfeeding would actually help 'get back into shape'. .

You're right. It made a dramatic difference to me and my MW was amazed at how quick my uterus was back in shape.

 

[kelsey]

Formula will never give a baby everything he or she needs. Ever.

sorry but for me, one look at my little girl would suggest otherwise. in fact in terms of the amount she was sick, she was sick less on formula than me!! but then it is your opinion and i guess you are entitled to it (im trying to read past how you wrote it, and more what you are saying).


also:

but it makes me upset that people have a baby and then don't breastfeed because they want their bodies in shape

am i right in thinking breastfeeding helps everything get back to normal internally? also it burns calories - someone correct me if im wrong. so breastfeeding would actually help 'get back into shape'.


Are you out to try and start an argument?! its posts/comments like this that make people feel uncomfy about discussing topics such as this. Im not saying you are not entitled to your opinion, but maybe it would be less confrontational to word it differently. avoid statements that you know are going to upset people unless you have evidence to back it up


There is no right and wrong when it comes to raising children - only what each parent wants to do. Im sure there are some people that bottle feed, who can not understand how people can breastfeed.

You're right that bf helps to get ur womb to contract, hence get smaller quicker and it does use up calories. it doesn't however get you back into shape (quite a common misconception), it more so stores reserves.

 

[SarahH]

I did say in my first post that if you were ABLE to, I know and understand people can't and I accept that but it makes me upset that people have a baby and then don't breastfeed because they want their bodies in shape. When that is the case, it strongly angers me because I think if you planned the baby and can breastfeed with no problems, why wouldn't you?
Formula will never give a baby everything he or she needs. Ever.

 

[zebrastripes]

Why do these posts always come down to people feeling guilty????

I used to feel guilty on here because Arianna wore disposable nappies, I used a buggy rather than a sling, she slept in her own cot in her own room rather that co-sleeping. I only managed to get her breast milk until 17wk (and all that time was expressed as she wouldnt latch on) and then moved on to formula....

but to be perfectly honest now.... I don't give a crap!

I have an extreamly happy, friendly, healthy, clever 2yr old and that is the main thing!

Who cares how you feed your little one, if it comes from a breast or a bottle, as long as that baby is healthy and growning and happy, that is all that matters!

So "Big up" to all Mummies of gorgeous, happy, well fed babies!! You all do fantastic jobs whichever way you choose to feed

Agree with that
Being a mum is bloody hard enough. I hate it when FF people say BF people have it easier because there's no guilt. There isn', but there is the looks in shops and cafes, the comments, (I've been told that whats I am doing is indecent,disgusting,unnecessary etc) the mastitis, blocked ducts, having to do it all yourself...

But I hate it JUST AS MUCH when BF say FF have it easier,or that someone has FF because it was easier. Well you still have to buy formula, muck about with sterilisers, get yapped at by people who think you're awful for not BF,feeling guilty for not BF...

And when people go on about how suceeding in BF is "luck" like it's some sort of lottery..it's not! It's hard work....just like FF is hard work, just like FF isn't bloody devil's milk like some people make it out to be

(the formula companies are a different story though,haha)

It's a lose lose situation, so you may as well ditch any guilt,embarressment or uncertainty as soon as possible and get on with it I've encountered very few people I would describe as "bad" mothers, and they have been the "smoke all over a newborn" sort.

 

[LisaJ1986]

I was told by my MW that will help really well towards losing weight. And it really did, at the beginning, til i got my appetite back!

 

[Scout]

Ok thanks all, like I said I value your opinions. Noo! I don't want a fight whatsoever

 

[AnnaR2B]

What a sweeping statement Scout, I was boiling after your first post....

Many children who are formula fed get exactly what they need.

I am a teacher and in my classroom there are 32 extremely intelligent to moderately intelligent to special needs children, there are some lovely kids, some brats, some healthy, some sickly....
I could not tell you which ones were breast or bottle fed...but i would bet my house that some of the gifted kids were bottle fed and some were breast fed...and some of the sickly kids were bottle fed and some were breast fed!!!!!
You cannot tell...and it makes no difference.
I was breast fed as a baby, my best mate was bottle fed...we are both healthy, intelligent, successful women!

 

[purple13]

formula milk is inferior to booby milk, end of - so scout has a point in her post. i'm afraid i also don't understand the mindset of anyone who is able to who wouldn't want to at least attempt bf-ing rather than right it off without even trying . that's not a criticism of those people, just my own personal feeling on the matter. my respect for those people, as women, as mothers, is not diminished as a consequence.

whether or not you can tell the difference between those who are ff and bf doesn't take away from the fact that boob milk is a superior product; nothing the formula companies make can replicate what our bodies create naturally. if anyone wants to see scientific documentation to back that statement up, i'm happy to root around and post it. i'm too tired right now

as i said before, formula mums are not inferior to booby mums and the two things should never be mixed up; any bad feeling in this thread is because the two statements get combined (when they shouldn't!!!!!) and everyone gets defensive.

love to all mummys

 

[AnnaR2B]

I agree and as a mum who breast fed initially and is now formula feeding i think people are making lots of excellent points

It's this statement I am debating:

Formula will never give a baby everything he or she needs. Ever.

We all know breast milk is best, but this statement is not true....in my humble opinion and judging by my gorgeous, healthy boy who doesn't seem to 'need' anything....

I'm not trying to offend u Scout - just healthy debate and i disagree with your statement...if you don't mind

 

[Scout]

Anna,
I don't mind at all. I hold nothing against any of you, I'm sorry if I offended anybody