Why would you NOT breastfeed?

[mum2A&L]

The thing I find hard about the whole feeding issue is that everyone, bottle and breastfeeding mums all say how hard it is to breast feed, we all agree about that, yet when a breastfeeding mum is proud of her achievement despite the difficulties she's made to feel guilty because she's made a bottle-feeding mum feel bad.

I absolutely agree with this. I sometimes feel I'm not 'allowed' to feel proud of myself for only breastfeeding for 1 year, despite all the ups and downs I went through; as I may be at risk of offending people who don't/couldn't/won't breastfeed.

Just 'cos I breastfed, it doesn't mean I'm not also proud of all the amazing mothers on this forum who BOTH breastfeed and bottlefeed, just for being themselves and bringing up their children brilliantly.

Valentine Xxx

Everyone should be proud! if not of the fact that you overcame such issues with breast/bottle feeding, be proud of the fact you made the decision for what was best for you and LO!! Im proud of the fact that I did what was best for me and alice and ended up changing completely to formula. I would be proud if i didn't even attempt breastfeeding and went straight to formula and i would be proud if i breastfed as long as i could.


I will be proud what ever happens this time around, because i know i can choose to make the decision to do what is best for all of us, regardless of what is considered 'normal' or 'best' in society.


(how many more times can i use the word proud today!!! ).



back to the question - for me i think it started when alice was first born. The mw's / nurses where quite eager to get some fluid into alice as she was showing signs of being premature. She had her first few feeds from me (which was one of the moments in my life that will never leave me!), but i guess she just wasn't getting enough. she was given some formula and after this she really seemed to perk up.

i got home and continued to try and breastfeed. I didn't seem to have enough and thought that expressing would take away my supply from her - not cause it to increase over time. so i didn't express and we started giving her formula during the day as i felt i wasn't giving her enough (i didn't know at the time what i know now). We got to a stage where she was formula during the day and me at night. Then i just started to dry up and it was easier all around to change completely to formula. she seemed to be less sicky on formula as well.



Something i have noticed - whenever someone refers to formula as 'unnatural' we all seem to jump to the idea we are poisoning our kids, but i can't think ive ever heard someone refer to formula as poison

 

[daftscotslass]

Maybe we should start a mass campaign! Someone needs help! My mw's would come check baby's temp then leave me to it. I had no idea what the hell i was doing! I got through by guess work til i joined here, where the truth comes out!

Definitely. At the breastfeeding workshop at our antenatal class you got the impression that you might need some help with latching but then that was you, et voila! It's all well and good the hospitals signing up to Unicef's baby friendly initiative, promoting breastfeeding as THE way to feed your baby but what the hell does it mean if they don't help you to do it? All they want to do is know the baby is feeding before you leave. If your baby is latching fantastic, off you go. Support ends there. If you have trouble feeding it's "oh, keep trying but top up with formula so your baby is fed but we as a hospital can still tick the breastfed box". The way things happen in hospital is bollocks and next time I'll go into it knowing this.

It didn't work out for us the first time but it's made me all the more determined to do it next time (did I just say next time twice in one post? )

 

[purple13]

I'm shocked... last time a thread like this was started there was blood splattered on the forum walls for weeks... So To everyone for being so mature about this..

Everything about parenthood is a choice. I have a 9 year old and I STILL have to make decisions about her upbringing. It never changes... only the choices we make. And people still look down on me and give me advice as to what to do

I chose to breast feed. I breast fed both my girls. I will breast feed all future children. Why do I choose to do this... For all the reasons that scientific studes tells us ... because breastfeeding comes with a whole host of long term advantages that formula doesn't. Formula also comes with advantages too.. but I prefer the set of long term advantages that breastfeeding brings... Some people prefer the formula... I prefer black clothes some people like colours... so meh!

Also I hate formula/baby product manufacturers, and have chosen to boycott them (*COUGH* Nestle... who are evil.. and not just because of their formula.!!! Evil chocolate makers too... ) as they really have no morals in the promotion of their products in third world countries... but this is a whole other debate for another time, and really doesn't have anything to do with the breastfeeding/bottle feeding choice debate. Same boycott idea behind Starbucks over 9/11 and selling water to the firemen.. nothing to do with health concerns or quality of their products.

I would always encourage people to breastfeed... I'm pro breastfeeding and I am proud of my achievements because I had to fight long and hard to get where I am. I'm not going to dumb down my achievements any more than I'd dumb down me getting my degree as a single mum... Anyone who fights long and hard for ANYTHING feels proud.

Almost everyone who stops breastfeeding or chooses not to does so because they don't get the adequate support or help from friends/family/medical professionals. Especially the medical professionals. They push breast is best down a mother/to be's throat from the very start (often turning them against breastfeeding before they've even started), then give her faulty or incorrect advice concerning breastfeeding, or how a breastfed newborn acts, which completely messes with their ability to do so. And with people saying "she needs a bottle" or "go on give him a bottle" or "isn't it time you weaned her off the breast, she'll get clingy"... its only a matter of time before even the strongest resolve to breastfeed will disintegrate.

What does this achieve? It leaves a group of women feeling guilty for having "failed", when they should have been supported from the beginning, constantly bolstered from all sides at their achievements but have been failed by the system... because when your tired and in pain, just having everyone on your side helps you go that little bit further. Breastfeeding is the same as a marathon, you "train" for it for months, then you run, are exhausted and tired and in pain, but having the whole crowd cheer you on for being so great, helps you to that finish line.

All the facts should be presented to women in pregnancy... truthful honest facts of both breast (which there are tonnes..) and formula (which there is actually quite little as the formula companies zealously guard their products).... then let the women choose... and once they have chosen... SUPPORT them completely in their decision.

Go waffly squiglet Go I'm also very proud of my ability to help insomniacs to sleep everywhere...

AWESOME POST SQUIGLET!!!

 

[Tangerinedream]

My milk didnt come in until day 6 so I had to formula feed. I was trying to breastfeed him but we were both really stressed out, crying and not bonding. I was really resenting him, which isnt right, so that is when i decided to give up

I do feel like s**t about it to be honest, especially when my mate said her milk squited out of her breasts minutes after her baby was born... just doesnt seem fair tbh...

 

[Misslarue]

I don't think I will ever be guilt-free over not successfully beastfeeding my child. It's nothing to do with how people make me feel, everyone should be free to celebrate their own choices/options
It doesn't offend me, if anything I think good on you girl! Everyone should be allowed, to be proud!
It's about what I feel towards myself. No one else. Me.

I have quite a few valid reasons for giving up trying to breastfeed. I even pumped my breasts 8 times a day for 3 months. Anyone pumping knows how disheartening that is when you only get a few mls! But even so I will always feel guilty.

I am very scientific, facts and figures, thats me! So I know breast is best and I also know a lot of people argue that a happy mummy equals a happy baby. But I cannot except this for myself, that's not aimed at anyone or taking anything from anyone else. That is soley how I feel about myself and my son. I look back now and think I could have tried that little bit harder. I should have not slept, I should have persevere. It doesn't matter what people, HV or MW's tell me, I will always feel that I let Dan down.
......................Which is probably more of a reflection of my personality rather than completely about the subject in hand.


My experience (lazily copied from another thread! :
My son was born 4 weeks premature so had no sucking reflex. I pumped my breast for the first few days and feed him with a pipette. He developed low blood sugar and jaundice so I was encouraged to bottle feed him but also to continue to try to breast feed. After a week I took him home and kept trying.

At about 10 days old he was blue lighted back into hospital with breathing difficulties. He was placed in a oxygen box, put on a drip and diagnosed with bronchilitis. It was such an awful worrying time that I did not pump my breast for nearly a week.

By the time we got home my milk supply had dropped to almost nothing. I went to numerous breast feeding clinics. I took fenugreek. I brought an electric pump and I expressed my breasts 8 times a day as recommended but still there was little improvement. I just couldn't get him to feed by myself.

I felt like I had failed him completely and still feel guilt now. It got to the point where I dreaded him being hungry. I finally gave up mid April and my son was born on 3rd Jan. The only consultation I have is that he did have colostrum and I did managed to feed him quite a few times, but nothing to the levels that I had planned.

 

[mum2A&L]

I do feel like s**t about it to be honest, especially when my mate said her milk squited out of her breasts minutes after her baby was born... just doesnt seem fair tbh...

but then there must be times in the middle of the night when baby wakes up for "a bit of boob" and breast feeding mum sit and wish the where bottle feeding so others could help.


each type has its ups and downs. same as each mum and baby and set of situations are different. there is only one right way in my book - the one that makes mum and baby happy.

 

[beanie]

Squig I agree with every one of the 100000000 words you wrote

My own experience of breastfeeding has been so different with both of my children. With Seren I never set out to breastfeed. I am like purple13, a bit of a geek (loves ya really) and after reading decided I was going to give my child this amazing milk. I had my booby class where I got to hold a doll to my boob for ten mins, and off I went. However when they gave me my baby I was all over the place. All I had was a booklet with some diagrams in, I used to hold this book in front of me and try and follow the diagrams. The midwives were too busy to help me, Seren wanted feeding all the time, I was very tired and my milk didn't come in for 5 days as I had lost a lot of blood at the birth. I ended up begging them to give her formula as I was so scared I was satrving her. No-one told me it was normal, just let me think I was a failure. They wouldn't even let me feed my baby the formula, would take her off me so I felt even worse. I begged to go home but it got worse, my nipples were a mess and part fell off . I was the first of my friends to have a baby, no-one I knew had breastfed and I didn't have my mumto turn to. I felt isolated and got mixed advice from midwives. I battled through thrush, mastitis etc etc, and PND. I was so determined to feed her though, but this was mainly to do with the fact my PND made me believe I was a bad mum who couldn't do anyhting right and if I couldn't feed her then I might as well just go.5 months lafter her birth I had the hang of it and we never looked back. She stopped at 20 months, not bad considering I wasn't going to do it initially.

I am very passionate about breastfeeding, the positives of it are just amazing. Not just the benefits from the milk but the emotional side too. But so many women get let down by the health professionals, and then there is this anger that breastfeeding is being pushed. This in turn makes me (and others) feel that we have to hide the fact we breastfeed, just recently there has been something said which made a few people feel really bad about being proud. Then I can kind of empathise with formula feeders too, I remember how I felt when they took Seren off me to feed her and its just that feeling of "why can't I do this natural thing". Even with Cally I still had problems and had to struggle through again

It is slowly getting better in terms of support. When I had Seren there was very little support near me, now there are breastfeeding groups and other breastfeeding mums (I was the only one at my local mums and baby group, very isolating yet with Cally there were 10 of us). The gov have extended maternity leave so babies can be fed exclusively for 6 months. Breastfeeding should be encouraged and like Squig said the benefits should be highlighted so people are making an informed choice but the gov also need to make it so there is more support to back up this encouragemet, old stats showed that they spent 14p per mum promoting breastfeeding as opposed to the pounds that formula companies throw into advertising. Society has a long way to go but I think it'll get there slowly.

 

[Steelgoddess]

Deleted by user...

 

[Jen & Her Men]

Just wanted to say that i think this thread is ace and we have so many eloquent and clever ladies on this forum!

For me, I think I didnt realise just what impact the birth of James had on me (in a negative sense) my birthstory was traumatic and i ended up with an emergency c section which i was completely unprepared for. I was very much just expected to get on with it in the hospital and even though i hadnt slept for 3 days and was recovering from surgery i was expected to lift James from his crib and to feed him. To say it wasnt easy was an understatement as i was attached to a cathater (sp!) and sore, exhausted, etc etc. It kind of set the tone for how things were to continue. I guess that i felt i just had to get on with it. When i came home, looking back, i was so so low but being me, didnt like to complain and when i did ask the midwife to help because i found it hard to BF James because of the size of my boobs and what a hungry monster he is, she just showed me a position to hold him in but i never really got the hang of it tbh and it felt really uncomfy. In the end my boobs were bleeding so badly i would sit and cry all the time because i knew James would be about to feed or he was feeding. His latch was fine, just the sheer volume of milk he was consuming and the length of time he was on my boobs meant that they got that sore...I just couldnt see how i could continue doing this for an infinite amount of time. I was totally miserable. Big boobs + big baby + big feeder = very very sore mummy with even bigger boobs that gave me back ache on top of a new c section scar never mind the sore nipples!

For me, I do definitely believe that breast is best in terms of the scientific reasoning behind it, and i will be trying again to feed Pumpkin - I think even if i manage another 6 weeks of feeding its better than nothing. In this sense i do see my self as pro-bf however im not a scientific person, and i believe that there is a bigger picture and the health and happiness of a child is not just down to the quality of milk you feed him but also many other factors including the mental health and well being of its mother. For this reason, when I gave up breast feeding, although i did it with a massive amount of guilt, I also had taken a great deal of time to think through all the factors and my feelings was that both James and myself would be better off if we switched to formula. From the minute i made that decision a weight lifted and i became a different person.

I hope that this time round, because im aware of all the pitfalls, that i will be able to go for longer. Also, if Pumpkin is smaller than James and has a less extreme appetite im hoping that may make things easier too. However, I aint gonna spend time beating myself up this time round if I find myself sinking into the same gloom as i did with James. I look at him now and he is a picture of health, full of love and full of life and i feel proud to know that its my nurturing, not just in the feeding sense but in the bigger picture of being a mummy, that has made him the way he is.

 

[mum2A&L]

i was laying in bed last night and remembered something (sad i know - i lay in bed thinking about the forum ).


As i was leaving hospital, a lady came over to me with advise on breastfeeding. She wasn't a MW or nurse, but someone from an external group who 'specialised' in feeding baby. when i said she had already had formula from a bottle, i had asked if i could express so at least she could have me but i was never given the 'kit', and i didn't feel like i had enough for her, she came up with a few good ideas (including cup feeding which i had realised was possible before hand!!)! she also suggested a few good things if i decided to go down the formula track- she didn't preach either route, she said there is obvious benefits with breastfeeding, but also said about the benefits of bottle feeding. i really wish she had been there earlier in the day, that i could have had more than a 10 min passing conversation with her. If she had been here sooner for help i do wonder if things could have been different.

They where on the right track with support like that at my hospital, but they could do with more of it!! not someone who is being told to promote only breastfeeding, but feeding in general and help what ever i choose.

 

[dannii87]

I hope I don't offend anyone, because that really isn't the aim of this post!

I breastfed for 5.5 weeks with problems and now I am a bottlefeeder.

I am not bitter in the slightest about my decision, nor am I upset about it. It has been a relief to be honest. Obviously I'd have LOVED to have breastfed! But oh well, it didn't work out! I just completely admire those who perservere through it and continue until they get it right. I applaud them actually.

My friend is breastfeeding her 19 week old baby still. She's encountered ZERO problems. Her & baby just "got it" straight away without any problems! That's life! I'd never think "it's not fair" - It's not fair that there are children starving in the world. No comparison

I know this is the worst comparison but I guess it's like some people would love to go to Uni, some can, some can't, some choose not to.

If I lined up 100 people, I'd never know who was fed by breast/bottle - and I bet a majority of them wouldn't know themselves!

I just accept that breastfeeding - for me & Evie - hasn't worked out. Tough! I've accepted it and moved on. It's about teamwork, and this time it hasn't worked out. It's unfortunate, but there's nothing I can do! It doesn't mean it won't work out for the next LO! The next LO might get it straight away and we have no problems what so ever!

I just hope none of the breastfeeders on the forum feel guilty about their achievements, and none of the bottlefeeders feel bad about their decision.

Hugs to all. We all have one thing in common, we're Mums. Bottle or breast, our babies are fed, satisfied & love us for it x

 

[*Star*]

The thing I find hard about the whole feeding issue is that everyone, bottle and breastfeeding mums all say how hard it is to breast feed, we all agree about that, yet when a breastfeeding mum is proud of her achievement despite the difficulties she's made to feel guilty because she's made a bottle-feeding mum feel bad.

hmm i agree with that too. but i dont think its intentional really.

being honest ive fed all three of mine, the boys till 6-7 months, and we've all taken to it really well. yes ive had slight issues but only physically to me, ie engorgement and sore nipples. with my boys it was like they had been booby feeding in the womb! millie had few issues in the first few days, but only cause i think her labour was SO quick she was shocked and very sleepy for a while. she just didnt wake up for feeds and when she did she only fed for a few mins at a time before falling asleep. she was also pretty mucousy too and sicked up a bit. but now, shes like the boys, feeding is great!

and again being honest, i dont think i would have posted anything like this before, outside of a thread like this because i would be worried about offending people because bf has gone so well for us. im still slightly unsure about it too.

 

[dannii87]

and again being honest, i dont think i would have posted anything like this before, outside of a thread like this because i would be worried about offending people because bf has gone so well for us. im still slightly unsure about it too.

Don't you dare feel bad!!
You have every right to feel proud of your children and yourself for doing so well with it! You're very lucky to have it come so naturally to you all, but always feel proud because it's still an achievement! x

 

[nori]

This post has turned out very civil in the end which is great! I think its nice for everyone to discuss things like this. I'm surprised at how many people feel guilty or bad about giving up the breastfeeding though when they have given it a good go. I was under the impression (i may be wrong) that even if you do it for a couple of days or even a couple of weeks you are getting the antibodies into the baby which is great? I think you should all still be very proud of yourselves for trying!

Oh and i'm hoping to nominate sherlock and squiglet as my breastfeeding 24 hour help advice when i need it?? lol.. hope you dont mind!!

Claire x

 

[Jen & Her Men]

and again being honest, i dont think i would have posted anything like this before, outside of a thread like this because i would be worried about offending people because bf has gone so well for us. im still slightly unsure about it too.

Don't you dare feel bad!!
You have every right to feel proud of your children and yourself for doing so well with it! You're very lucky to have it come so naturally to you all, but always feel proud because it's still an achievement! x

I agree completely Dannii, I know that i have been outspoken about the fact that I dont always think breast is necessarily best if its detrimental to the mental health of the mother which in turn affects the child, HOWEVER, this does not in anyway impact on how I think of those mums who breast feed. I think they should be so proud of themselves. My bestest mate on the forum is Happy Chick and she has BF Ellie and continues to do so unti Ellie self weans and i have the upmost respect and admiration for her and Im also very lucky cos she has offered to be my BF councillor when I have Pumpkin. (Although she may live to regret that decision!!! )
I dont think that BFers should ever feel like they have to apologise or dampen down their achievements, in the same way that i dont think we bottle feeders should apologise or feel guilt for giving up / not breast feeding. We all have the right to feel proud of our achievements and to tell other mums about them. If anything it should give others inspiration to do the same. I know the example Jo has set with Ellie has certainly inspired me to try to BF again with Pumpkin...I think if I didnt know her and did not know about this forum and the success a lot of mums have had BF then I may have just gone straight for bottle this time round. BUT also because of this forum, I wont be beating myself up about it if it doesnt work. So to me that shows that this place and its members of doing its job of being informative and helpful BUT non-judgemental. Yey for PF!

 

[SarahH]

Why do these posts always come down to people feeling guilty????

I used to feel guilty on here because Arianna wore disposable nappies, I used a buggy rather than a sling, she slept in her own cot in her own room rather that co-sleeping. I only managed to get her breast milk until 17wk (and all that time was expressed as she wouldnt latch on) and then moved on to formula....

but to be perfectly honest now.... I don't give a crap!

I have an extreamly happy, friendly, healthy, clever 2yr old and that is the main thing!

Who cares how you feed your little one, if it comes from a breast or a bottle, as long as that baby is healthy and growning and happy, that is all that matters!

So "Big up" to all Mummies of gorgeous, happy, well fed babies!! You all do fantastic jobs whichever way you choose to feed

 

[Morganuk]

I remember being in the hospital and after 3 days of practially nothing he kept screaming with hunger so my mum went to ask for a bottle which they were really funny about givng so I felt awful and was glad to get out of there.
Now I could understand them being funny had they tried to help me but they did not.

I am always aware that alot poeple think breast is best but I made my choice and am happy with it.

No one should ever feel guilty for the way they feed there child.

 

[kelsey]

Well i'm extremely proud of myself. Ive battled my way through and l/o is 10 months and i'm still bf. She has tongue tie and when she was born would keep falling off the breast while feeding. She didn't gain weight well because of it (not that anyone would do anything) and I would cry when latching her on. But i did it. I had no support with the others and only a bit more this time so I congratulate myself on being so stubborn

It's why i'm training to become a bf counsellor, so that i can give others the help and support they may need.

 

[moss]

I am happily breastfeeding and won't be giving it up and up until recently I have also struggled to understand why those mothers who have no complications would choose not to breastfeed, but having done it for almost two months now, I can definitely see why. I live in Dundee and if I am in the city centre, there is only one place I can privately breastfeed. There are a LOT of babies in the city. I can't go out without seeing at least a couple of pregnant women and prams are everywhere. One place doesn't cut it! Some people could feed in public, but our feeding sessions tend to be very messy because of my fast letdown and Jacob's tendancy to stop and yell every few seconds after a while of feeding. Also, the one feeding place is horrible. It's cramped and smelly and there is always a screaming baby outside of the room to put pressure on you to rush. If I wanted a nice facility, I would have to go to Mothercare (they have VERY nice areas) and that is out of the way for everything.

Also, midwives, antenatal classes, etc say it will only be painful if you don't have the correct latch. They never warn you about the engorgement pain, the fevers and night sweats, the constant sogginess and the pain felt when the bras you have gotten fitted squeeze you if your baby hasn't fed in a while (I feel constantly bruised once in a while because of this)... Breastfeeding is NOT easy, it is not always a pleasure and if the NHS and government are serious about promoting it, they need to provide the correct information and force public places like shopping centres and airports to do better than just leave baby changing and feeding spaces as an afterthought!

Kelsey, I am also planning on training as a breast feeding counsellor as soon as I have a little more time.

 

[Morganuk]

Well i'm extremely proud of myself. Ive battled my way through and l/o is 10 months and i'm still bf. She has tongue tie and when she was born would keep falling off the breast while feeding. She didn't gain weight well because of it (not that anyone would do anything) and I would cry when latching her on. But i did it. I had no support with the others and only a bit more this time so I congratulate myself on being so stubborn

It's why i'm training to become a bf counsellor, so that i can give others the help and support they may need.

If only there was more people like you hun .
Gld it worked out well for ou hun .

Everyone should be proud of themselves reguardless of how they choose to feed ther babies .