when to allow visitors

Discussion in 'Third Trimester' started by k8_005, Jul 20, 2013.

  1. k8_005

    k8_005 Well-Known Member

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    So iv said its to only be me n hubby in deelivery room and I kinda expected to have the hospital (unless extended stay) and the first day at home just the three of us. Mil has said she is rushing down dropping everything as soon as she hears the news I'm in labour... Its a 2-3hr drive for our familys so she wud potentially be in hospital or at ours when we got home she has a key.... My parents have said they will come when we tell them we are up to visitors which I'm guessing will be day 2/3ish for immediate family? It's less far for his aunt n uncle who are half hr away but think they would prob give us a few days first. I just don't want tovbe mean but I didn't expect family at hospital or at home in first 24hrs as I think il want to rest and spend time just us three?! Am I unreasonable iv asked friends and many of them say their family's came to hospital. I imagine my brother's would wait a few days tho I dunno my older brother is impulsive and may just come straight away ?! It's the first grand child for both sets of parents too I think as its such a long journey for them the problem for me is saying you can only pop by for x amount of time if they lived closer I'd worry less as could say its fine to come but just for an hr Iykwim?
     
  2. knopk@

    [email protected] Well-Known Member

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    We only had family visiting after a week with our first. We also didnt tell when.i was in labour. I didnt want people in my home.
    I was tired and sitting down hurt because of the labour/episiotomy and baby fed all the time. Getting the latch right can be difficult in the beginning

    Tapatalking so cant see signatures
     
  3. Clairabelle

    Clairabelle Well-Known Member

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    Don't tell them when you go into labour K8. I'm not planning on telling anyone until baby is actually here. If you don't want visitors in the first 24/48 hours that is entirely your choice and people should respect that. I know with grandparents it's hard cos they obviously want to see baby asap but if your parents are prepared to respect your wishes then so should your mil xx
     
  4. Kelly450

    Kelly450 Well-Known Member

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    As its my first. I am unsure. My mum will be bringing us all home and taking us there but isnt staying in the delivery room. So she will know when labour starts.
    But im thinking ill wait until late labour to let anybody else know. Nobody will jisy turn up as we don't have families like that. But I think it will be atleast 1 night at home before we let ppl come round. Xx

    Sent from my GT-I9300
     
  5. .Ruth.

    .Ruth. Well-Known Member

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    I am really worried about this... I'm having my mum a the birth and shes having to travel 2-3 hours to get here.

    She's then planning to stay at our house the first night and maybe a hotel for a couple of days. I was really up for this at first but now I'm kind of wishing she wasn't.

    Because, well.. I don't want my OHs mum rushing up here and expecting the same. We need a day or two without all the 'ooooo ahhhhh'

    I kind of want to say no one for 2 days but because my mum is here I know others will get jealous etc, especially my OHs mum. She seems to think that she will drop everything and rush to the hospital.. but I've told her not to bother...

    Might just do what you ladies say and not tell them I'm in labour!


    Why is there so much family politics involved with having a baby!!
     
  6. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

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    We don't plan to tell anyone until baby is here. My family are local but they wouldn't just turn up at the hospital without asking first (at least I don't think they would!!). In-laws live a 3-4 hour drive away and will have to pre-plan a bit before they can come up as they look after other grandkids during the week so I'm hoping we'll have a few days before they come up to stay. We're lucky though as MIL very kindly offered to stay in a hotel the first visit so they're not getting under our feet - OH tried saying it wasn't necessary but I accepted straight away!! Silly man - he's got no idea!!
     
  7. k8_005

    k8_005 Well-Known Member

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    Iv already told them no one is staying over at ours they are all quite clear on that for a while. It's just I feel mean as mil is so excited my husband is her only child and she is retired too so has plenty of oppertunity she is so generous. Hubby thinks nothing wrong with her coming to hospital after baby is born and to house. I on other hand wudv preferred to have space I suppose its just one of those things and will have to put up with it really. It's a bit like Xmas I always thought when we had kids it would just be us Xmas morning then go and visit family. But because mil on own (unusual set up with his dad too complex to explain) we have to be with her Xmas morning so she doesn't wake on her own this can be at ours or hers no matter to him or to his mum but I would love to just have our first Xmas us in morn then have family over or we go to them its difficult as I often get made out to be selfish then.
     
  8. nicky1987

    nicky1987 Well-Known Member

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    We didnt tell anyone I was in labour. We just phoned them 3 days later when I'd had her! Be strict if you don't want people round. We told everyone apart from our parents and my sister that we didnt want anyone round until we said we were ready. My grandparents ignored us but got turned away! The first few days are so precious and such a blur that you don't need the added pressure of people turning up. Don't worry about offending people - set the boundaries right from the start

    Good luck! X
     
  9. Kelly450

    Kelly450 Well-Known Member

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    To be fair ruth.. your the one who has to go through the labour. Not your OH. And your the one who will need the most rest and time. Therefore your mum would be most perfect for that and OH's mum should understand. Having your mum there for you rather than just to see baby. Xx

    Sent from my GT-I9300
     
  10. charlotte89

    charlotte89 Well-Known Member

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    mines really simple.. me and OH at the birth , OH will be drivin me there cuz hes off now on holiday until paternity kicks in. no one else is allowed up the hospital unless i have to stay in for 2 days or more (bloody hope not!) and no one apart from immediate family is comin down our house for the first week. not happenin! lol its yours and your OH's day and time , everyone else is gonna have loooaaddss of bondin time after that with the baby so i say do whats right by you and your partner sod everyone else lol xx
     
  11. Tigger87

    Tigger87 Well-Known Member

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    I have to be very careful about this. My mum will be at the birth, she's also a midwife so it makes sense to me (and thankfully everyone else) that she's there! My inlaws live about 3-4 hours away and only have Fridays and weekends off work. If we called to say I was in labour on the Thursday night, for example, I kind of expect they'd want to come up then. OH sees nothing wrong with that, because my parents are so close and will meet the baby immediately - why shouldn't his?

    But my parents won't be staying with us, his will. We have a 5 bed house and its only the 2 of us so would feel really mean not allowing them to stay here. It's also a bit touchy to mention - my BIL mentioned they'd like a few days and they weren't going to go down to them for 4 weeks!!! She went into premature labour at 26 weeks, and MIL was at the hospital for the birth though. There's no "happy medium" and being blunt about a few days visitor free could end up with my husband being very upset if they don't show up for a month!!!
     
  12. Sam2013

    Sam2013 Well-Known Member

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    My mum really wants to be there for baby being delivered I'm not too comfortable with this but I don't have the heart to say no and I'm adopted so she has never been able to have children any one any ideas?
     
  13. BevG

    BevG Well-Known Member

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    my oh will be there for labour and delivery, thats all. if i have to stay in then immediate family can visit, once im home its open season lol, just like last time.
     
  14. .Ruth.

    .Ruth. Well-Known Member

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    I've just brought it up with him... he thinks she should be allowed to visit at hopsital. Not exactly what I want but it is his son aswell. We have agreed that it's upto me on how I'm feeling etc, but they should not just make their way up here without our (my) say so!

    A few comments have been made recently and I'm wondering who I'm having this baby for... me or them :x
     
  15. BevG

    BevG Well-Known Member

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    why dont you say your not comfortable with having more than dh there for the birth but if its ok with her you would like to have her come in when baby is born and be the first person apart from you and hubby to hold baby, that way she feels included and special but you dont have to have her there when your pushing etc, thats what id do
     
  16. knopk@

    [email protected] Well-Known Member

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    Many hospitals allow only one birthing partner, maybe say your OH is who you want to be there?

    Tapatalking so cant see signatures
     
  17. glowing

    glowing Well-Known Member

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    With visiting the hospital it all depends on the time of day it is and what kind of labour and delivery I have. OH and my sister will be there. I would like a bit of bonding time and a chance to do a first feed (as the baby will be having blood sugars monitored so I wanna get a good amount in). I don't know whether to say I am in labour as I know my mother would be constantly ringing for updates. I am happy for them to then come to the hospital and meet the lo. I have had some comments from my mum that she wants to be the first of the grandparents to hold the baby and I said I am not getting involved in that as it is her second grandchild and my OH's parents first grandchild. Whoever picks up baby first has a cuddle no point scoring. Families are so complicated.
     
  18. Sam2013

    Sam2013 Well-Known Member

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    I sort of said I'd wasn't sure n she said but u can't deny me it as she's never done it before and says she'll stay at my head lol x my worry is the skin to skin contact straight after I want that but not comfortable getting my chest out for all to see including mws and my mum x
     
  19. .Ruth.

    .Ruth. Well-Known Member

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    you just need to be honest Sam.... she could maybe stay with you until pushing and then come back on when you have regained your modesty!

    But from what I have heard you wont care who sees what after pushing them out haha..

    Best thing is to be honest though. it's your birth... not hers. Might be hard to hear but she will respect what you want xxx
     
  20. buggy1

    buggy1 Well-Known Member

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    This is really difficult! I've been worrying about it quite a lot. We want our space but yet I feel guilty about telling people they can't come round right away.

    We're both agreed on not telling anyone when I am in labour, just once the baby is born. I think our parents will be rushing straight over and I don't mind too much if they only stop for an hour but I don't want them hanging around for hours on end!

    Problem is I have a sibling and oh has two and they'll all come with their partners so that is another 6 people. I'm hoping we can keep people away for the first day at least but I suppose it depends on the situation and also the time of day. If we don't go home from the hospital until the evening then people shouldn't really come until the next day. Hopefully it will be a day when people are busy/at work and can't just come rushing over!
     

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