Ttc shit boat - long term ttcers

[mylullaby]

I meant to say actually millie - I wouldn't put the career on hold either. Plenty of people will be starting their careers now and accidentally falling pregnant at the exact time you do. They haven't put anything on hold, so why should you? Maybe having that as a distraction will help to relieve some of the ttc anxiety for you? xx

 

[snowbee]

Millie they should still refer you as you have known issues, don't get worked up wait until the letter comes and then go from there. I say to my husband all the time as he is a total worrier and a what if-er, no point in fretting about what if, if it isn't currently an issue that you can solve then don't worry as there is nothing more you can do. I know it is easier said than done and I used to do it myself until I saw how much it was affecting my oh and saw it must be doing the same to me. You will get there, I know it isn't what you want to hear but you do have time on your side for investigations and treatment and successful pregnancies.

Still in limbo land here, no spotting so far today. I don't usually spot at all but I do have light periods so if this had been coming at AF due time I would have counted it as a period. I've ordered another 50 opks anyway and will just hope they aren't needed for a while. My oh is quite upset, he is 38 this week and still isn't any closer to being a dad. I feel such a failure and a let down for him.

 

[lisey]

I don't know the day after my af's are due :/ I get positives then I get negatives a couple days later and that same day have a heavy bleed. I was on cd30 yesterday when it happened but unfortunately I do think I ovulated late for once and it was on AF due date anyway . Mad that a day makes such a difference but I guess there has to be a cut off somewhere.

Thank you lisey. I think a massive part of it is how it affects my anxiety. I find it harder to cope with because of that because every situation in life I worry about and expect the worst etc and it plays on my mind. Marissa's book has been helping loads with that though.
I think you're right about acupuncture. I am going to sit with OH tonight and see what he thinks. We have some money lined up for spending on the house and it may be that we save a big chunk of it for acupuncture.
Thank you for your advice about the results etc. I had cd 21 bloods done last cycle but my cd 3 and OHs sperm analyses was done quite a few months ago. Could I get them redone on the NHS? How much do the consultations generally cost? Just wondering whether its cheaper to go to consultant with the money we have aside or do the acupuncture. I don't think we could afford both at once.

Think the time is coming to confess all to our family as they are involved with seeing the house getting done up etc and my parents are helping me work out budget plan for the house etc so will probably tell them where all my money is going to be going haha. Xxx

I am the same with anxiety, I always imagine the worst and can't imagine things working out. I was better when having acupuncture and I hope when I read the book, it will help too. Fertility issues definitely make it harder because its such an unknown and we have no control over it at all.
If you have a good doctor then they should let you re-do them on the NHS, my GP was fab and did anything I asked for as she knew my history.
Our consultations were £225 a time but we are in London and everything costs more in London!! xx

Lisey that is an amazing idea actually. I was thinking that even if I wasn't making a baby I would be pretty worried about my cycles and the spotting etc. So I would of gone to docs anyway.
I think I will ask the doctor if I can't be referred then to at least send me there. Thanks so much. I think I am going to make a big list of things to discuss with GP lol xxx

You're welcome, we have got to pass on our experiences to help each-other out. I hope you get referral and the help you need and deserve xx

 

[millielaura]

I read about them and it was women 23 + for IVF but didn't have anything about guidelines for Clomid. I know my friend got Clomid through NHS at 22 but she does live in a different area.
What I might do is if they refuse to refer me then go through gynae as lisey said. Make sure my tests are up to date. Then book a private consultation.

If it's a case of waiting another year till I'm 23 then I'l probably go through gynae just to try rule out as much as I can for the sake of my health anxiety and then go from there.

OH is quite angry about it as the docs have messed up around so much
.We fall into two different areas so he suggested being asked to be referred to the other one. I know the other hosp is also a private unit. So we coukd try being referred there through nhs and if they sayno we could book a private consultation with them. Honestly Ive found the doctors so useless in all of this. This never tell me these things about what to do next they just say "keep trying" or the worst one of all time "dont worry go and have fun".

Feeling a million times better now though girls so thank you all so much i felt helpless at first but now I feel a lot more hope and like we have a plan again. I think its an anxiety thing.. if I don't have a plan I panic.

I am glad we started making a baby young- we had an idea it could be a while because we where originally going to start in October 2014 but we went with December 2013 after I was getting pain and they told me I had scar tissue. Naively thought it may happen very fast though.

I'm going to start looking at jobs etc. Feel like my heart isn't in anything apart from making a baby and (this sounds crazy cat ladyish) cats. Lol the only place I think I'd enjoy working atm is with cats. I was thinking of even volunteering with cats protection just to get me out the house and do something. But then I thought of the cat litter issue if I got preg lol. Before I came off the pill I worked in a lovely hairdressing salon whilst at uni and I really enjoyed it but sometimes the chemicals made me dizzy and I felt it wouldn't be good if i fell preg. Feel like I've given up such a lot as I also quit karate and cheerleading as you have to be commited to comps on certain dates. I need to find some more hobbies as a big thing is that a lot of my things I previously did aren't entirely suitable for making a baby like the cheerleading etc. Now uni is basically over I do feel very down in the house on my own all day and it isn't helping. The only things that keep me sane are my kittens lol!! Xxx

 

[snowbee]

Oh we are also going to go private for clomid if we can't get it at our nhs appointment in July. I think the lady said you had to have the initial consultation again (even though it is with the same consultant - ridiculous I've already seen him, he has already analysed all our results so why can't we just take the next step privately rather than starting again!) and then pay for the prescription. The consultations are between £200-£300 here then as Dee said the actual clomid is quite cheap.

 

[Dee28]

Acupuncture is £50 a session where I go, pricey so not something I can afford for long but looking back I had had monthly appointments for several months before my first iui that did work although sadly ended in mc but I wonder if it helped at the time x

 

[millielaura]

They helped me make a spreadsheet for my finances so they know how much we save monthly etc. My mums doing so much for our wedding so I tell her how much we have each month and how much we have for certain areas of the wedding and house and she plans it and then I can send her the money. She's making my wedding dress and all invites etc.The problem is that me amd my parents are so open with each other, about finance etc and my mum loves taking part in planning my wedding and helping with the house..that its getting harder to hide stuff from them lol! I like that I'm so close with them and they help me so much and so wouldn't change it for the world but it is hard to hide.
I did mention acupuncture once for my anxiety and my mum said I should see if I could get it on the NHS but I don't think you can unless its needed sort of thing. Its not a pain condition I need it for so id feel a bit bad doing that and couldnt get it anyway. I think they may be okay about acupuncture as they know how bad my anxiety and panic attacks are so if I base it on it helping that then they may be okay with it and not think I'm wasting money haha.

The acupunctirist I looked into her first session was 45 pounds and then every other session after that was 40 pounds. I dont know how that compares though xxxx

 

[mylullaby]

Still in limbo land here, no spotting so far today. I don't usually spot at all but I do have light periods so if this had been coming at AF due time I would have counted it as a period. I've ordered another 50 opks anyway and will just hope they aren't needed for a while. My oh is quite upset, he is 38 this week and still isn't any closer to being a dad. I feel such a failure and a let down for him.

Don't give up yet snowbee. How many dpo are you? If I were you I'd give it week or so and start testing. I know what you mean about feeling like a failure - I'm the same every time I have to tell DH the witch has arrived. Telling him is the worst part. You're not a failure though and you just have to keep telling yourself that till you start believing it.

 

[millielaura]

Oh snow bee i so hope it was IB for you xxx

 

[lisey]

I read about them and it was women 23 + for IVF but didn't have anything about guidelines for Clomid. I know my friend got Clomid through NHS at 22 but she does live in a different area.
What I might do is if they refuse to refer me then go through gynae as lisey said. Make sure my tests are up to date. Then book a private consultation.

If it's a case of waiting another year till I'm 23 then I'l probably go through gynae just to try rule out as much as I can for the sake of my health anxiety and then go from there.

OH is quite angry about it as the docs have messed up around so much
.We fall into two different areas so he suggested being asked to be referred to the other one. I know the other hosp is also a private unit. So we coukd try being referred there through nhs and if they sayno we could book a private consultation with them. Honestly Ive found the doctors so useless in all of this. This never tell me these things about what to do next they just say "keep trying" or the worst one of all time "dont worry go and have fun".

Feeling a million times better now though girls so thank you all so much i felt helpless at first but now I feel a lot more hope and like we have a plan again. I think its an anxiety thing.. if I don't have a plan I panic.

I am glad we started making a baby young- we had an idea it could be a while because we where originally going to start in October 2014 but we went with December 2013 after I was getting pain and they told me I had scar tissue. Naively thought it may happen very fast though.

I'm going to start looking at jobs etc. Feel like my heart isn't in anything apart from making a baby and (this sounds crazy cat ladyish) cats. Lol the only place I think I'd enjoy working atm is with cats. I was thinking of even volunteering with cats protection just to get me out the house and do something. But then I thought of the cat litter issue if I got preg lol. Before I came off the pill I worked in a lovely hairdressing salon whilst at uni and I really enjoyed it but sometimes the chemicals made me dizzy and I felt it wouldn't be good if i fell preg. Feel like I've given up such a lot as I also quit karate and cheerleading as you have to be commited to comps on certain dates. I need to find some more hobbies as a big thing is that a lot of my things I previously did aren't entirely suitable for making a baby like the cheerleading etc. Now uni is basically over I do feel very down in the house on my own all day and it isn't helping. The only things that keep me sane are my kittens lol!! Xxx

I relate to this so much, I need to have plans too or anxiety is worse. I am a bit of a control freak actually and I am also the same in regards to career, I am just not bothered or have any motivation and instead of being a crazy cat lady I am a crazy dog lady lol, would love to work with dogs but would be a bit scared of the huge ones, my dogs are dinky.
It does sound like you have a good plan in place and having all the investiagtions via gynae before paying privately is probably a good idea but it may all get resolved before even going down that route xx

 

[millielaura]

Lisey yes I think its the control. I hate hate not having control on things and a plan and am a total what ifer and imagine so many scenarios in my head. I wish it would shut up at times haha I overthink way too much!
That's great that they can redo tests etc and I wouldn't mind paying around the 200 mark for a consultation if I could get Clomid prescribed from it .
Would probably try that then move onto acupuncture if no luck either at the appt or with clomid etc Xxx

 

[millielaura]

Yes I'm the same lisey I feel like I'm a bit of a control freak. If everythings not in place I stress so much.
I def lack motivation career wise I just want to look after my future children and cats haha.
Cute about the dogs I would love a puppy but I'm in general scared of dogs so I'd have problems meeting other dogs on walks! Xxx

 

[lisey]

Oh gosh me too, if only my brain had a mute or pause button. I drive myself crazy, I always focus on the worst case scenario. I need to stop that.
I think it sound like you have a really good plan in place and will probably help you to feel that control is back a bit and to feel more positive xx

 

[Emily0505]

Millie, I work in a rescue centre with dogs and cats and as long as you wear gloves and wash your hands then litter trays shouldn't be an issue. Nit sure what CPL volunteer policies are but if a volunteer at our centre asked not to do litter trays then it would be fine. Perhaps you could just sit with the cats? If spending time with cats is something you enjoy, interests you and relaxes you then why not look into it?

XX

 

[millielaura]

Yes I do that a lot as well! I do find Marissa's book helps a lot with my negative thinking though! Sometimes my head hurts from imagining scenarios and outcomes about things. Sometimes when I cant distract myself I write the situation down and make a spider diagrams of all the worries and all the possible outcomes and by the time I'm done I usually see that there is a way forward and that either the worst scenarios are very unlikely or they aren't as big a deal as I make out. So that helps a lot!
Feel a lot more in control now all of you ladies have given me such great advice so thanks so much again .
Got a notebook just for fertility stuff so once OH and I write down all our points to say to the doctor then i will feel tons better xxx

 

[millielaura]

Aww do you Emily, I'd love to work in a rescue centre. Not with dogs as I'm scared of them (wish I wasn't as they are so cute) but defo with cats.
I will look into it a bit more Its not far from OHs work so I thought he could drive me in when he goes to work and I could volunteer there some days xxx

 

[snowbee]

Don't give up yet snowbee. How many dpo are you? If I were you I'd give it week or so and start testing. I know what you mean about feeling like a failure - I'm the same every time I have to tell DH the witch has arrived. Telling him is the worst part. You're not a failure though and you just have to keep telling yourself that till you start believing it.

I think I ovd between the 28th and the 3rd so between 13-10 dpo now. Didn't have a clear positive opk this cycle but did have a run of very close positives just before those dates.

 

[millielaura]

I'd start testing in a week or so snowbee it does sound like it could of been IB and i really hope so! xx

 

[Emily0505]

Yep, been there 10 years now. Currently the dog behaviour advisor but changing roles again soon as I'm doing this role as maternity cover.

Volunteering with the cats might just help you to focus on something else for a few hours, as this baby making business does tend to take over!

There's proven research that stroking animals is very therapeutic and can lower blood pressure and reduce stress too.

XX

 

[millielaura]

Yes I think it would defo help. So I don't sit in the house and feel depressed about it all as it defo isn't helping.

Yeah I defo think thats true about animals. I have two kittens and I got them because of struggling with this making a baby stuff and they do really help. Problem is I want more haha if OH let me I'd have a total cat den. I do love my kittens. They're very clingy to me. Last week I was crying on the phone to OH and they both came over purring and sitting on me lol. Xxx