I am a mess

[rachaellouise]

I just had my appointment with the OBGYN and one of the first things she said to me was please bare in mind that 15 in every 100 pregnancies end in misscarriage!! That set my right off, I was a mess and could not stop crying!
I think I would like to have the early scan, do you know how much it costs?
Also when I said we are getting my mum, dad, sister and oh's mum over this weekend to break the news to them, she said 'Hmm I would say that is a bit early, but obviously it is up to you, just bare in mind that the more people you tell the more you would have to tell if you did loose the baby'
I am a nervous wreck! I want this baby so much.
She also said that she feels Im am not coping without my medication and would advise me to go back on to it now, that she does not feel there is a huge risk to the baby.
She made me literally burst in to tears with something she did say, that if after I have the baby and I am not coping sometimes it would be nessersary for them to take the baby away!! And that because of my mental health history I would be supervised very closley!
I am supposed to be going to my parents tonight to have dinner as it is my Nans birthday and I really dont know how I am going to stop crying long enough.
She did say that I would not be getting any symptoms to indicate an ectopic at this stage so i do not need to worry about that and all my symptoms are pregnancy related.
She has also worked me out to be 4 weeks 1 day.

 

[flexilexi394]

Blooming hell you'd think they'd make you feel a bit more secure than that?! I'm sorry to hear that she didn't put much faith in your pregnancy. You've got to remember that plenty of us have long and healthy pregnancies that end well with a baby and all being fine. Jus remember it doesn't mean it will end badly, she just explained the bad rather than the good. Don't panic and try not to stress because baby likes a happy mummy environment x

 

[Miss]

Christ....I would be making a complaint and refusing to rest until that woman has no contact with humans again!

Sending hugs hunny x

 

[midnight]

aww hun xxx whats making you worry so much???
it kinda helped me in the early stage to take a cb didgi every week to see it go up in weeks i could only do this till i was 5 weeks gone as it only calculates up to 3+ weeks
as for mental health problems i cant help as i dont have a clue
early scans can be done at the epu for free if you have a bleed or on the odd occasion they will do it if mum has major concerns and needs reasurance but it varies from hospital to hospital i dont know how much to go private as ive never had 1 but if you just do a search of early scans for you area you will find 1
best advice i would give is to try and relax and not stress so much i know its easier said than done xx
i also dont tell many people before the 12 week scan even though nothing bad has ever happened i did have 3 major bleeds on my ds but he is a happy 2 year old now and if anything bad would happen i couldnt bare people asking how the pregnancy was if id lost hth xxx

 

[Piglet's Mama]

So sorry you've had a horrible day hun, I'm a worrier too but am trying very hard to stay positive as much as poss. U just need to get through each day, one at a time, however you find the strength to do so, chin up petal x

 

[LouiseB]

Sounds like she was trying to push your buttons to me Rachel...

I know you have your issues and no medication, but you need to get a grip in front of the doctors or else they'll just use it against you. Your GP was already at it with her horrible threats.

They just interpret any irrationality as an indication of parenting ability and it's so narrowminded, but it's what they do. They are petrified of something happening to the child and them being blamed so they over react.

Do you see a counselor or anything like that? Maybe read up on methods of relaxation and emotional stability too

 

[amandapanda]

15 in 100 still gives an 85% chance of a successful pregnancy which I think are pretty good odds!! xx

 

[tipper]

What a horrible woman! I swear, some people should never be allowed in this line of business.

Now is the time to focus on the positive! As Amanda said above, 85% is a pretty high! Did the woman say anything negative about your actual pregnancy, as far as how the little bean is progressing?

About telling your family about your big news, just ignore the old cow! If you and your OH are wanting to tell your family, that is entirely up to you. It can be a huge blessing to have the support of your family. God forbid that something does happen, they would be there to help you through the tough times (but think positively!).

I know I personally went back on forth on telling our families. At first I wanted to hold out until 12 weeks, but we ended up telling almost everyone by 8 weeks. It is SO nice not having to try and keep that huge of a secret from family. I'm really glad we were able to share the news with everyone early on, and while I did worry about a m/c every so often, the excitement I felt and received from others made it all worth it.

 

[rachaellouise]

Thankyou so much for all of your support!
I think i am finding it extra hard at the moment as I have been suffering quite badly with the OCD since coming off the medication and have been quite emotional anyway and now with my little poppy seed sending these hormones through my body I am crying all the time at the moment and just can not turn it off as most of the time I dont know it is coming until I am bubbling up!
I think I am going to try and wait until the 12 week mark till I go on to the meds as then the risk is lower for little one.
I am now worried sick as I have ticked my family cats (who lives with imy parents) chin and lips and then I chewed my nails, I didnt even think about it as I have always done it and now I am worried for my little poppy seedling bless Shauna, she has tried to reasure me that little one will be fine but I am such a worrier!

 

[tipper]

I wouldn't worry about the cats. All they really warn against is cleaning out the litter box due to toxoplasmosis, but they also say that a good portion of adults have already contracted it and are now immune. Unless you were playing around near their bums, or digging through their litter box, I wouldn't even bat an eyelash about it.

 

[rachaellouise]

Tipper that did make me laugh!!
I dont think was playing with his bum, just his little chops! He had a big smile on his face bless him and I couldnt resist giving him a little chinny chop tickle and then rubbed his lips!

 

[Cantstop]

Would it not be worth considering going back on your meds now? I know it would be more ideal not to take stuff, but there will presumably be tablets available that are deemed safe to take, and your constant worrying and being upset and stressing will surely be worse for the babba. Also it would look good to the midwife/for your record with regards to being able to be sensible enough about your mental health to make sure you can provide a stable environment for babba when it comes.

If your doctor has been unsupportive in the past, change to a new one - no need to see someone who doesn't fill you with confidence.

The cost of private scans varies depending on where you go, but there will be very little to see before 12 weeks - you may need an internal one to be able to see something.

I know it must be a really hard confusing and emotional time for you at the moment and you have a lot to cope with, but you're doing yourself no favours at the minute and need to find a way to calm yourself down for the baby if not for yourself so please take care! If you have a good relationship with your mam why not tell her and get support from your parents too? xx

 

[Cantstop]

Oh n my cat sneaks up and licks my face when I'm drifting off to sleep hehe - def don't worry about cats!

 

[rachaellouise]

I dont know, I mean hubby and I think it may be worth trying to wait until the 2nd trimester as then the major organ development will be done and is not such a risky time and I think that being on the medication in such a risky time will only cause me more worry.
So is a bit of a catch 22.
I have a doctors appointment tomorrow and hubby and I have talked about it and think the best thing to say is...

'Going back on to the medication is not a decision to be made lightly and we need some more time to think about it, we both feel that if I can cope as I have done for the past 2 months without medication then I will do so as for as long as possible in the 1st trimester. I feel that I will only worry more going on to medication in the 1st trimester, I am already worrying so much about something going wrong and I know I would never forgive myself if I took medication and something did go wrong, I would continualy be thinking 'What f I had not taken medication' and that is something I couldnt cope with so I think I am better off trying to cope for the next 10 weeks without then going on to a semi low dose of something that is safe.'

 

[Cantstop]

Fair enough then, maybe doctor will be able to provide other support such as counselling or have some suggestions to help you through the first few months. You can always come on here for reassurance etc too in the meantime - it is really shitrifying and panicky at first when you're getting to used to it and your hormones are all over, you'll probably relax a bit as the days tick by

 

[rachaellouise]

I really hope so!

Thankyou to all of you for your support!!

 

[pinkymum]

I'm sorry you've had such a bad day. TBH you need to weigh up the pro's and cons of going back on medication. I know plenty of people who've stayed on meds for mental illness and baby has been fine. Its not ideal but if you're on meds that may reduce the worry and OCD traits a bit. I would also suggest counselling or therapy. If you will be closely monitored by social services you need to be seen to be being pro active if that makes sense. I know its horrible. A social worker will be coming to visit me soon, I was really worried about it first but it doesn't mean your baby will be taken away, in fact thats the last thing they want. Its better for baby to be with its family. Plus they will identify any areas they think you need support in and this can only be a good thing hun. No one should be discriminated against because theyhave mental health problems. I think the doc was quite harsh though.

Do you have any relaxation techniques that help? Or ways to distract yourself at all?
You could cometo Scotland and clean my new house
Big hugs!

x

 

[rachaellouise]

I have basically been told that the only help avaliable to me on the NHS well... nothing they will prescribe me medication but they do not seem to be offering me anything else.

 

[pinkymum]

I have basically been told that the only help avaliable to me on the NHS well... nothing they will prescribe me medication but they do not seem to be offering me anything else.

That's shit!!!! Bloody funding is being cut all the time! I used to be in therapy 3 full days a week but we lost our funding.
Are there any voluntary counseling places? We have a place up here where you can get free counseling. The waiting list is about 3 months though. Maybe there is something like that beside you? If not they'll have to understand that there is no help available. I know how hard it is not to worry Hun, believe me. But even of you could distract yourself a bit! Being a mummy will be awesome! And all this stuff can only make you stronger. (bloody cliche lol) but I think it's true. Try and break stuff down into smaller chunks, cos everything looks so big and scary of you take it all on. I know it's hard when you feel you're not in control.
*hugs*


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[rachaellouise]

Pinky you are being so kind
I am going to have a good hunt around and see what help I can get as I know the NHS is not going to offer me any more, I think they see me as a lost cause
We are telling my family and oh mum on saturday and will tell our close friends, we want people to know, this is a huge thing for us and we want to enjoy it so we are not going to listen to the evil woman!!