I am a mess

[pinkymum]

if you want to tell your family I don't think anyone should tell you otherwise. I do see her point but I also think it's good to have your family's support if you can too

Night night x


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[Momma`Kat]

Hate to be the bringer of bad news, but it is likely that social work will be heavily involved in the later staged of your pregnancy, and when baby is born, so prepare yourself for them. Make sure you have evidence to support behaviours that show an ability to aptly care for a newborn, and have in place facilities of support that should something become difficult, you can fall back on and still ensure the well being of baby.

As for pinkys note of social services identifying points that would need extra support.. with an extensive history with social services id like to rephrase and say the will come and point out every tiny little weakness you might hold, and throw it at you, magnifying it beyond proportions. The idea of social services actually putting support into place.. is laughable. They will highlight issues, and use them against you. It is purely up to you to go out and find something they approve of, to solve the issue.

Hopefully you wont have as hard of a time with them as I am having now, and have had in the past, but dont be naive in thinking that social work are all rainbows and helper elves. They will have hidden agendas, and they will play you for a fool. Make sure you know your legal rights at all time, if you qualify for legal aid, have a solicitor on hand for everything, make sure paperwork is done when it is supposed to be, and to a satisfactory standard, and that everything they say and do, has been explained in full to you, untill you understand AND AGREE with it happening. You do not automatically have to agree with them, You have a right to disagree and make your own case. Legally social services have very little to stand on without SIGNIFICANT evidence of inability, and can prove the detrimental effect to the child. If you are not happy with whats going on, do something about it.

 

[rachaellouise]

I could not have said that I do not want them involved could I?

 

[Applecider]

OK now ive caught up! I wana make sure ur ok, cause u sound exactly like me and I know what im going to be like when im preggers. Firstly dont worry about the cats how people get pregnant and dont even know their pregnant and everything fine e.g. my mate who went bungee jumping at 11 weeks??? Please read that book you can get it on ebay and he has a blog where other people help each other, there is a girl on there at the moment going out of her mind and she is preggers.

If you wana go on the meds and u think they help you then do it but I would personally go without, and get some relaxation in. Your nerves are highly senstized at the moment and this will not go away until you get your body to relax. Youve got adrenalin running around ur body and it needs an outlet and ur worry is what it is using. Your going to be fine those odds are brill 85%!!! You dont take drugs (I hope ) smoke or drink or lift breeze blocks all day. Im sure u eat healthy and have a great lifestyle so just relax hun, remember ur last post of ur dream has come true, it has now enjoy it chic!!! Im really rooting for you cause Iknow how much u want this baby and the best thing you can do as a mummy is listen to advice and then do what u know is best.

That bloody doc should really look at what he/she is doin for a living.... grrrrrr not fair at all. dont let her get u down! please read that book, you might be able to get it second hand but it changed my life, I didnt even know what it was until he explained that to me, no magic pills nothing. MIND OVER MATTER hun sending big hugs xxx

 

[Momma`Kat]

Technically.. yes you can.

Really? No. It will just mean they note that you are uncooperative, and un willing to engage. If they have that, plus what they percieve as legitimate concerns, they can take the case to a child protection case conference. And that makes things a whole lot more difficult.

 

[K&A]

BIG HUGS..

that's terrible.. We all obviously have that worry.. I did, you never know what straw we're going to draw in life but that's life.. She's supposed to be congratulating you and asking you how you feel. I found out i was pregnant at 5 weeks and told anyone who would listen. You can't live life scared like that. She won't help getting you this stressed out.

good luck lovely x

 

[pinkymum]

Momma Kat, I think they way people are treated depends on the social worker. I'm shitting myself more now though. My friend had a social worker when she was pregnant and she was really good and did help her with support etc. Know what your saying though.


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[midnight]

i was going to sugges tspeaking to momma kat its true all depends on the social worker really but like she said you will need to make sure there is nothing that they can throw back in your face and say you wont cope ect

i think as far as the meds go can you ask for study reports done on mothers that do take the meds?? as if it will do no harm id say its best to take them
i understand if they say there is not evidence to say your child could/could not be harmed by them as to if you take them or not

what about trying something along the lines of birth/pregnancy relaxation i dont know if this will help ocd or any other issues but would benefit you anyway

i really hope you mums who are having to be monitered ect by the sw pass there standard with flying colours i should imagine having them involved would cause alot of stress xx momma kat whats your situation now are they allowing you to stay in your home or are they not going to decide this till after the baby is born xx

 

[Momma`Kat]

Still no decision, was supposed to have a meeting last friday, but everyone in the core group called it off because of the weather, no one could get anywhere. So looks like its going to wait till the discharge meeting at the hospital. Just what i need after labour eh!

 

[pinkymum]

i was going to sugges tspeaking to momma kat its true all depends on the social worker really but like she said you will need to make sure there is nothing that they can throw back in your face and say you wont cope ect

i think as far as the meds go can you ask for study reports done on mothers that do take the meds?? as if it will do no harm id say its best to take them
i understand if they say there is not evidence to say your child could/could not be harmed by them as to if you take them or not

what about trying something along the lines of birth/pregnancy relaxation i dont know if this will help ocd or any other issues but would benefit you anyway

i really hope you mums who are having to be monitered ect by the sw pass there standard with flying colours i should imagine having them involved would cause alot of stress xx momma kat whats your situation now are they allowing you to stay in your home or are they not going to decide this till after the baby is born xx

It does cause alot of stress I've just been on the phone to my midwife worried lol. I do agree with Momma Kat as well regarding making sure they don't have things to throw in your face. I'm glad that I have good doctors and therapists to give me glowing reports lol.
Sorry for taking over your thread Rachel!


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[pinkymum]

Still no decision, was supposed to have a meeting last friday, but everyone in the core group called it off because of the weather, no one could get anywhere. So looks like its going to wait till the discharge meeting at the hospital. Just what i need after labour eh!

Do they not understand that this is making things more stressful for you!!! So crap Hun! X




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[midnight]

its silly that they will only make a decision then as if having a newborn to look after isnt scary enough on its own hope everything goes ok for you xx

 

[rachaellouise]

Momma Kat I am sorry to hear all that you are going through! You must be out of your mind with stress

She did show me the data she has on the drugs in pregnancy and she said it is hard to get much data as obvioulsy pregnant women are not going to offer to be a guinee pig when pregnant in case it did harm the baby.
She said that the data she has which was based on around 20 people stated that there are no further risks to the baby but that is not what I read on something my previous psychiatrist gave me.

Now I am leaving to go to the gp and have to try and get him to understand I need more time to think about the medication because she has told him I need to go back on it now!

 

[pinkymum]

Good luck with the gp!
X


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[rachaellouise]

Just got back- he was lovely! I will be going to see him again!
He said congratulations which is much more than I got from the OBGYN yesterday.
He actually said that if I myself feel I can cope without the medication then I should see how I go and not rush in to it which is exactly what I was thinking.
I have been given all my forms and a booklet about my pregnancy which I shall enjoy reading!

 

[midnight]

so happy he seems like a good en

 

[nadine]

Technically.. yes you can.

Really? No. It will just mean they note that you are uncooperative, and un willing to engage. If they have that, plus what they percieve as legitimate concerns, they can take the case to a child protection case conference. And that makes things a whole lot more difficult.

hahah i no your only telling it how it is and from your dealings which is good advise, but u have terrified me let alone this poor girl who had the day from hell haha lol

i dont no to much iabout social from personal situation but i work in a family solicitors and we do deal with it day in day out and i dont think rach has to worrie to much into it due to the fact she is in a stable relationship with what sounds like a good family support network around her,

my only advise i can give is your not alone ..............EVERY woman who is pregnant weather it be your 1st 2nd or 578 baby worries like mad from the day she finds out to the day the baby is born, you just need to take each day as it come and realise alot of the feelings you are feeling are due to your little bubble playing with your hormones -

i hope you n bubs are fine as i no you will be and one work RELAX

also just remember the doctors you see can some times be arses as they deal with this thing day in day out and dont realise that a little people skills gose along way to worries first time mum, they just think they have to tell you the info and it some times come out cold and blunt, take it with pinch of nothing

mwah x big hugs

 

[rachaellouise]

I am writitng a letter to the OBGYN from yesterday because I am growing angrier and angrier at her as the hours pass, she has made me a nervous wreck and more or less convinced me that I am not going to get to hold my baby!

What do you think:

'Firstly thankyou for seeing me yesterday.
I do feel I was extremely emotional yesterday so did not come across at my best, but I do not feel this should be interpreted as me not coping, I am a sensitive person by nature and only having recently come off three different mood adjusting medications and the contraceptive implant my body has had a lot to deal with the past couple of months and now being pregnant, which I am ecstatic about I have all these hormones all over the place so I think it is completly understandable that I am going to be emotional.,

I do feel that you, maybe not intentionally put the dampers on my being pregnant, going into the negatives straight away which was bound to make me even more emotional.
I have to be honest, before I came to see you I was feeling extremely happy about being pregnant, I already had the concerns about misscarriage but was able to get past it enough to enjoy being pregnant but since coming to see you I feel unable to be happy about the pregnancy and keep dwelling on the negatives, which is not going to do me any favours for the next 10 weeks.
My Husband and I feel that in telling close family and friends we will have a good support network and if God forbid the worse did happen we would need that support.
I am extremely close to my Mum so will find her support a great help which is why we do not feel it is too early to tell the people we are closest to.

I saw the doctor today and he agrees with me that if I feel I can cope without the medication then I should see how I go and not rush in to starting on anything.
Even when on the medication I was emotional and tearful so I certainly do not feel that the tears can be used as an indication as to how I am coping.
Not only did they not help with keeping the tears at bay they made me act like what has been described by family and friends as a 'zombie', I was not myself whilst on them and have been told how much of a transformation they can see in me since coming off them, that I am back to the 'old Rachael'
I do not want to go back to being who I was on medication if I do not need to, however saying that if I, my husband or family memebers feel I am not coping then I will not be too proud to admit I need help and will start taking something if I feel it will help me and not harm my baby.'

 

[rachaellouise]

Technically.. yes you can.

Really? No. It will just mean they note that you are uncooperative, and un willing to engage. If they have that, plus what they percieve as legitimate concerns, they can take the case to a child protection case conference. And that makes things a whole lot more difficult.

hahah i no your only telling it how it is and from your dealings which is good advise, but u have terrified me let alone this poor girl who had the day from hell haha lol

i dont no to much iabout social from personal situation but i work in a family solicitors and we do deal with it day in day out and i dont think rach has to worrie to much into it due to the fact she is in a stable relationship with what sounds like a good family support network around her,

my only advise i can give is your not alone ..............EVERY woman who is pregnant weather it be your 1st 2nd or 578 baby worries like mad from the day she finds out to the day the baby is born, you just need to take each day as it come and realise alot of the feelings you are feeling are due to your little bubble playing with your hormones -

i hope you n bubs are fine as i no you will be and one work RELAX

also just remember the doctors you see can some times be arses as they deal with this thing day in day out and dont realise that a little people skills gose along way to worries first time mum, they just think they have to tell you the info and it some times come out cold and blunt, take it with pinch of nothing

mwah x big hugs

Hi Nadine thankyou so much for your message, I would be lying if I said that what Momma Kat said had not frighten the living poo out of me, I did have some more tears about it, but I understand it is from her experience I just hope that we do not have just a bad time with them.
But like you say I am in a good relationship and hubby has said he will make sure he is here when ever they are to give me the support I need.

I feel really let down by the OBGYN yesterday, she has really made me feel like there is no point getting excited about this baby because I probably wont even have it.

 

[nadine]

its a very good letter x