PLEASE HELP: Does this sound likely?

[titch]

Well, I guess if she has made it up, that's really sad. She lacks love and support in her life and I do feel for her. I like her but just don't see that there is any mileage in a relationship, especially now. A baby is a strain on solid couples and I can't be with someone just because 'it's the right thing to do'.

I hope she hasn't lied about anything. I don't think I could forget that she lied, although I would understand that she did and forgive. I can't see that we can really even be friends now, unless she doesn't keep it.

yeah noone should be together just because of a baby, theres got to be some love there too. Its not the 1920s, Im sure you wont be frogmarched down the ailse

I know Ive said it before but please dont try to pressurise her into having an abortion, youve said your piece, youve got to leave the ball in her court.

 

[titch]

I know that I can't push her into it. I wouldn't want to. She must make a choice. I just think that as a bloke, we should also have the choice, in these situations, to say that I won't put my life on hold for a child. That's selfish maybe, but that's exactly why I don't want children yet. You need to live and do the things you want to do before commiting yourself to raising a family. I would end up resenting the child for stopping my plans.

I know, its really difficult for the bloke cos youre really powerless once youre in this situation.

Just wanted to point out that we're not really supposed to discuss abortion in the forum rules, and Im a goody 2 shoes so Im backing out of this part of the conversation

 

[R2D2]

yeah noone should be together just because of a baby, theres got to be some love there too. Its not the 1920s, Im sure you wont be frogmarched down the ailse

I know Ive said it before but please dont try to pressurise her into having an abortion, youve said your piece, youve got to leave the ball in her court.

I totally agree. I wouldn't want to make that decision for someone. I suppose it just feels unfair that I don't really get any say in it. That's because physically, it's not my body - I know that. But it is my life too that will, even if only financially, be affected.

 

[R2D2]

I know, its really difficult for the bloke cos youre really powerless once youre in this situation.

Just wanted to point out that we're not really supposed to discuss abortion in the forum rules, and Im a goody 2 shoes so Im backing out of this part of the conversation

Sorry - to be honest, like you always do, I didn't read the rules properly. Should I move this post elsewhere?

Really don't wish to cause offense. Just needed to get this all off my chest.

 

[Jaxx01]

I just think that as a bloke, we should also have the choice, in these situations, to say that I won't put my life on hold for a child. That's selfish maybe, but that's exactly why I don't want children yet. You need to live and do the things you want to do before commiting yourself to raising a family. I would end up resenting the child for stopping my plans.

I really dont mean to this to sound harsh but I have my ex say this to me...and we were trying for a baby!! This may come out completely wrong, BUT, you didnt use contraception so therefore you knew the implications??? If you didnt want children why didnt you use something

 

[titch]

^^ see this is why we're not allowed to discuss abortion.

No I dont think you can move the post. We'll just talk about the dating pregnancy part and ignore that part!

 

[Jaxx01]

OOPS Sprry..Im gonna back out now too

 

[Piglet10]

ooooooh i think the girls have given u all the insight u really need BUT ive had to take the MAP twice (once in liverpool and once in northern ireland) and BOTH times had to take it infront of pharmacy :/ but i know this isn't always the case and varies depending on which doc u see i assume??

as for her dates i think its possible she conceived that time u didnt use contraception, if her cycles were long or she ovulated late, they would date her 3/4 weeks further than she is but u will find this out at the 12 week scan as said before. i always thot everyone had 28 day cycles lmao! until i came here and have seen some womens cycles last in excess of 60 days plus and have since found out my cycles which i would have sworn were 28 days and regular all the time are not regular and never 28 days lol

in my opinion you shouldnt have had unprotected sex if you didnt want to take this risk (SORRY as i am sure you dont want to hear this)

i really hope u find out the answers pretty quickly and everyone is more than welcome here! xxx

 

[R2D2]

I really dont mean to this to sound harsh but I have my ex say this to me...and we were trying for a baby!! This may come out completely wrong, BUT, you didnt use contraception so therefore you knew the implications??? If you didnt want children why didnt you use something

I hear what you're saying. I did think she was on the pill - which she may or may not have been. I know it was stupid; we all make mistakes and I should have known better. I had hoped that the MAP would have been effective (indeed, questionable as to whether even taken).

You're absolutely right and I can see why this action could anger some people. There is no excuse for that foolishness. I should have been careful and wasn't and now there are consequences. Fair point.

 

[R2D2]

ooooooh i think the girls have given u all the insight u really need BUT ive had to take the MAP twice (once in liverpool and once in northern ireland) and BOTH times had to take it infront of pharmacy :/ but i know this isn't always the case and varies depending on which doc u see i assume??

as for her dates i think its possible she conceived that time u didnt use contraception, if her cycles were long or she ovulated late, they would date her 3/4 weeks further than she is but u will find this out at the 12 week scan as said before. i always thot everyone had 28 day cycles lmao! until i came here and have seen some womens cycles last in excess of 60 days plus and have since found out my cycles which i would have sworn were 28 days and regular all the time are not regular and never 28 days lol

in my opinion you shouldnt have had unprotected sex if you didnt want to take this risk (SORRY as i am sure you dont want to hear this)

i really hope u find out the answers pretty quickly and everyone is more than welcome here! xxx

I know that what you say is correct. I suppose it's not what I want to hear but I have to take responsibilty for my actions.

Also, I probably should have been more sensitive than to discuss this here as I realise that this is more of general place for people to discuss things. I am sorry if I have caused any offence to anyone by this post and really wish you all every good wish with your own pregnancies.

 

[piglets]

I think really and truthfully you knew the risk and you took it (im not just talking about pregnancy risks here either btw) i know you havent come here to have people tell you how irresponsible youve been but you have!! Again i know you arent going to like this but i have to say it.....i think its really bad actually that you felt happy enough to sleep with this girl not once but twice yet apparently now you think shes some kind of obsessive loony who has tried to "trap" you and im sorry but i have to say that i do think its quite insesitive to come on here where so many people are desperate to be pregnant and try and come over all woe is me ive been tricked!!! Im sorry but your man enough to do the job and didnt take precautions, maybe she did want to be pregnant but you couldve tried to prevent it and didnt so man up and take responsibility.

 

[Piglet10]

dont be silly! we are all HUMAN! we all make mistakes!

I do think though that we can tell you facts, but generally on a forum where most women are already mums or are pregnant or finding it difficult to conceive or have lost a baby/babies u will prob not always hear what u want but we all will help advise or support where we can!! but will still kick ur bum too! x

 

[Young Mum 21 x]

well, i understand where ur coming from and i totally agree with u
its a shame that you have no say in it what so ever and your life may be turned upside down
i really feel for you!!! x

 

[Sarah13]

It kind of sounds like she wanted a baby, ok she didn't really go about things the right way and you the unlucky guy who chose not to use protection..... All you can really do now is see what the outcome is from her scan and I would say have a DNA test done after baby is born to def put your mind at rest. I knew someone who thought a baby was his for a year before questions were raised and turns out baby wasn't his. He had contributed finically and him and his family emotionally so can be heart breaking for all concerned.

I know you might not want a child now and feel it's totally wrong but you may totally change your mind later on, men find it harder to connect with the little life growing even late in pregnancy and don't really connect until baby is born whereas women tend to have a connection very quickly as it's growing inside them.

 

[Georgie0]

Not alot of helpful advice but didn't want to read and run. Like someone said, this isn't the 20's and shotgun weddings aren't really done anymore. It isn't an ideal situation, but i have to say i'm in the same position myself, a stupid drunken night (note; NOT mistake!) and i ended up pregnant. The Father in question has no desire to have anything to do with this baby but after a heartbreaking couple of weeks i decided i really couldn't bear to go through with an abortion. All is fine now, surprisingly, he is having nothing to do with her and i have no problem with being a single Mum. I respect his decision and that is fine, but i have made mine.

Good luck, I'm sure it'll all work out. Don't pressure her into anything though, that is most ungentlemanly conduct and at the end of the day, it is HER decision! You sound like a sensible guy though.

 

[R2D2]

I think really and truthfully you knew the risk and you took it (im not just talking about pregnancy risks here either btw) i know you havent come here to have people tell you how irresponsible youve been but you have!! Again i know you arent going to like this but i have to say it.....i think its really bad actually that you felt happy enough to sleep with this girl not once but twice yet apparently now you think shes some kind of obsessive loony who has tried to "trap" you and im sorry but i have to say that i do think its quite insesitive to come on here where so many people are desperate to be pregnant and try and come over all woe is me ive been tricked!!! Im sorry but your man enough to do the job and didnt take precautions, maybe she did want to be pregnant but you couldve tried to prevent it and didnt so man up and take responsibility.

I totally get what you are saying. I can't say that I disagree with you, but we do all make mistakes. The reason I question her mindset is that she has told me something completely different to the same pharmacy. I guess I am looking for a way out. Don't we all when want to make a problem change? But I realise that my actions have led me to be here. I am in no way trying to be duplicitous, just honest.

As I said, I didn't really read the nature of this forum (another mistake on my part) and I really don't mean any offence. I was just looking for advice and maybe have come to the wrong place - sorry.

Thanks for sharing your opinions though, and even though I know I've probably made you really cross, I appreciate your time in sharing these with me.

 

[piglets]

Just re-read what i wrote and i didnt mean to be quite so harsh but meant what i said if you know what i mean?! I just meant its a bit unfair that you are looking for any excuse to let you off the hook it seems i.e she meant to get preg and trapped you, she didnt take the map, she was preg even before you had sex with her......end of the day you did have unprotected sex and you MAY have made a baby. Sorry but once youve made a baby i believe its no longer your choice if the pregnancy continues or not- its her body and her decision. Sorry for being a bit harsh in last post- im not really a bitch!! Lets hope its some new hormones making me like it eh?!!

 

[Piglet10]

i need a like button for ur last comment piglets xxx

 

[piglets]

Think we posted at the same time, i am sorry for being harsh i hope it all works out for you whatever the outcome.

 

[R2D2]

Not alot of helpful advice but didn't want to read and run. Like someone said, this isn't the 20's and shotgun weddings aren't really done anymore. It isn't an ideal situation, but i have to say i'm in the same position myself, a stupid drunken night (note; NOT mistake!) and i ended up pregnant. The Father in question has no desire to have anything to do with this baby but after a heartbreaking couple of weeks i decided i really couldn't bear to go through with an abortion. All is fine now, surprisingly, he is having nothing to do with her and i have no problem with being a single Mum. I respect his decision and that is fine, but i have made mine.

Good luck, I'm sure it'll all work out. Don't pressure her into anything though, that is most ungentlemanly conduct and at the end of the day, it is HER decision! You sound like a sensible guy though.

Thanks, Georgie.

That's kind of interesting to hear that from your perspective as you're in a similar situation.

I do know that it must be a hard decision to decide what to do. I didn't really intend to question that so much. I was thinking of the likelihood of dates.

Weird as it is, when I read it from your point of view, I actually felt sorry that you're in this on your own. I also thought that the dad is going to miss out on something that's part of him etc, but I guess your own situations taint your usual thought process.

I hope that all goes well for you. I am sure that it must have been a hard time. Good luck and I suppose maybe things change once the baby is born, from a guy's perspective.